We had to put our beloved Molly to sleep yesterday. She was 11+ years old and was diagnosed with CRF a little over a month ago. We had hoped that through diet and medicine to keep the disease at bay for at least a few more months, but unfortunately the rate progression was very fast. After watching here lose 7 pounds, getting weaker everyday and being unable to stay hydrated we knew that soon the end stage was near. It broke our hearts to see her this way and after two days of agonizing over the decision to put her to sleep, we watched as the vet put our beloved Molly to rest.

It has been much harder to deal with than I ever imagined. I didn't want her last moments to be that of fear, but unfortunately Molly's experiences at the vet were not all that positive, so she was very scared to be there. I feel so guilty right now for how she died, but watching her deteriorate each day was taking a toll on the whole family. I thought that knowing that she was no longer suffering would comfort me, but unfortunately the pain of losing her is overwhelming.

I am home today and Molly's brother Ted is searching the house for her and meowing. They have been togther since birth and I just watching Ted look for Molly hurts even more. We are blessed to have Ted and will enjoy his love and affection as long as we can, but I am not sure I will ever be able to look at Ted and not think of Molly (nor would I want to). I look forward to the day when I can think of Molly and not cry.

Dave

DAVE I'M VERY SORRY AND I KNOW ~EXACTLY~ WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. I LOST A FEMALE BEAGLE TO CANCER JUNE 29TH. SHE WAS 12 1/2 AND I FEEL AS THOUGH I LOST A CHILD. I TOO HAVE "FREDDIE", HER BEAGLE MATE SINCE THEY WERE PUPS, AND JUST SEEING HIM IS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL FOR ME ALSO. SO IS THE YARD , THE FLOOR , THE "COOKIE JAR", EVERYTHING !

I CAN'T OFFER MUCH HELP CAUSE I TOO AM HAVING A VERY ROUGH TIME WITH THIS. I TRIED TO RATIONALIZE "SHE LIVED A FULL LIFE " ETC. WHICH SHE DID BUT ALL THAT STILL DOES'NT EASE THE PAIN AND GRIEF OF THIS LOSS. IT'S ACTUALLY HARDER THAN LOOSING THE HUMANS; WITH NO INDEFERENCE TO THEM. AND LIKE YOU, THIS CAME AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE TO ME.

I SWEAR IF THERE WAS A PILL THAT WOULD MAKE IT BETTER I'LD TAKE IT. BUT OF COURSE THERE IS'NT. THIS WEBSITE AND KNOWING YOU'RE NOT ALONE DOES HELP. YOU MAY COME TO REALIZE THAT NON PET PEOPLE ARE VERY AMBIVALENT TO OUR PAIN AND DON'T SEEM TO CARE MUCH. THIS SEEMS TO BE UNIVERSAL.

I HOPE WE BOTH START REALIZING SOME RELIEF SOON. BUT IT WILL TAKE TIME SO HANG IN THERE AND KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE. AGAIN I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOU'RE LOSS . THE END OF OUR PETS SUFFERING WAS THE BEGINNING OF OURS.

PHIL.

I am extremely sorry for your loss. Having to make the decision to end our beloved fur babies suffering is never easy, but is the greatest gift that you can give them. We all go through the guilt that you are feeling, but be sure that your Molly knew that you loved her and did what was best for her. My old cat, Smokey also ended up with renal kidney failure and I was forced to make the same decision and though I know that the right choice was made, it doesn't make it any easier. Hold close to your heart the memories of your beloved Molly and things will get easier and try to give your Ted extra lovins & attention and he and you will heal together. I know for me I have other furbabies at home and when I give them hugs and kisses, I give them "extra's" and then tell them to share them with their brothers, that have gone before them. For me it helps, as I feel they, the ones gone, know that they are being given the love, from me, that they have always gotten and will continue to get until I see them again at the bridge.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Ted and the rest of the family
LouAnn
Mother to: Jacob - doggy angel, Smokey - kitty angel, Ziggy - dog, Quinton - dog, Tyler - cat, BobCat - cat & Phoenix - cat

Phil,

Thank you for you kind words. I know what you mean about seeing things that bring back memories. When I fed Ted this morning and there were two feeding dishes...very painful. Thanks again and I hope you relief continues to improve as well.

LouAnn,

Thank you also for you kind words and your thoughts and prayers. I will definitely give Ted "extras" from this point on.

Dave

Hi,
I am so sorry for you losing your sweet Molly. I know it hurts so very much. We watched Tico deteriorate too and it was so painful knowing he probably was hurting. And if he wasn't hurting yet, we didn't want him to. He lost about 10 pounds and had stopped eating. The vet said we could do a bunch of tests and probably not make any progress. So we put him to sleep yesterday just as you did.

I am finding the house so incredibly empty, I don't even want to be here. Let's hope you find some peace and the pain goes away sooner than you expect and me too. Give a hug to Ted for me. I'm sure he is grieving too....

hugs to you
Cathi

So sorry to hear about Molly, I know what it's like to watch a CRF cat fade. My Cinnamon was the toughest little cat you ever saw but it got even her in the end...I could tell she was about to give up in June and I didn't want her to decline to the point where she didn't even feel like a kitty any more.

You gave her a great gift by saving her so much pain and discomfort, and as others have reminded me in my Oscar thread, those few minutes of fear near the end were unfortunate but much better than the alternative. I think the best thing I have read on this forum is that by ending their lives humanely, we take on their pain for them.

I wish I could have taken Mr. Oscar's and Miss Cinnamon's pain and have them still live, but alas no matter how hard I wished for it it did not happen. I bet everyone else on this forum would say the same thing too. At least we can understand what is hurting us and why sometimes we must suffer before we can feel better.

My condolences to you and your family...the first few days are the hardest. Spoil Ted rotten with brushing, petting, and playing, and take care of yourselves too.

Dave,

I am so sorry. I was also unpleasantly surprised at how hard it is to lose a pet; it completely knocked me on my butt and turned my world upside down. I am so sorry about your Molly.
My first week was by far the hardest week I have ever had in my entire life, so hang in there.
And I'm also looking forward to the day I will think of my cat and not cry.

I've been trying to rationalize similar to the way Phil is talking about, and it hasn't helped me a bit either. But it's only been 3 weeks for me and I know it'll take a long time to get there. But I will get there!

This board is filled with people who completely understand and feel the same pain you do. Try to believe them when they say things will get better eventually, because they've all come from the same place you are in right now.

and keep posting and telling us how you are feeling!

-Tammy

Cathi, Aepva, and Tammy,

Thank you all for your support. While we still cry frequently and have constant level of general sadness, the awful memories of putting Molly to sleep are becoming less sharp. The house still feels empty, especially at night when Molly would sleep on the bed with us. Ted still wanders the house looking for her and we continue to spoil him. We do have a sense that our pain will subside and look forward to it happening. I will try to attach my favorite image of Molly basking in the sun (hopefully I will do it right).

I hope that you all are doing well in coping with your loss. Aepva, I am so sorry to hear the you lost both Osar and Cinnamon so close together. I don't want to imagine losing Ted anytime soon.

You are all in my thoughts and take care of yourselves,
Dave

Hi Dave,
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wondered how you and your family are doing having passed the one week mark. One week isn't a long time and while it still feels SO painful, in some ways it feels like forever since I felt Bogie's little tongue give his mommy a kiss on the cheek. We miss him teribbly and have cried every day, some days more than others. All of the things we are missing for the first time. Like filling the bird feeders last night, was something he always went out and "helped" daddy with. SO many things we will find over the course of this grieving process that we don't have our beloved friend with us. Please know my thoughts are with you Dave. I know it's difficult and am so sorry you are having to go through this too. Hang in there and keep us posted. This truly IS a caring place to be.
Sincerely, Bogie's Mom, Beth

Hi Beth,

Thanks for checking in. Each day gets a little better but we are still sad and cry some each day. I work from home and Molly's brother, Ted has been more "needy" since her death...of course we have been spoiling him and giving him a lot of love. I still have some guilt about not taking longer to say goodbye to her before handing her over to the vet. We picked up Molly's ashes on Wednesday which stirred up a lot of emotions. Overall we are beggining to spend more time thinking about the good times we had with her instead of the awful last days.

When we got Molly and Ted from the pound I knew that someday we would have to experience their deaths, but naturally one doesn't want to be reminded of that very often. I believe we have given Ted and Molly great lives during their time with us (plenty of love and playtime, the highest quality foods, we even let them go outside for short periods of time-supervised of course). I wish we would have gotten to keep Molly at least a few more years, and God willing we will have Ted for at least another decade, but I am sure that when Ted and Molly are together again that we will have a sense that they lived great lives and that they enriched our lives too. One thing I admired about Molly (and all animals for that matter) was her lack of self-pity. On her last day with us, she still wanted to go outside even though she probably felt terrible with the blood values she had, and once outside she still tried to catch a grasshopper even though she didn't have the strength to steady herself because most of her muscles had wasted away from the disease. She enjoyed life to the fullest until the very end.

I do check this site often and write when I can. You are right, It truly is a caring place. I don't think I would be doing so well without it.

How are you doing?

Dave