The past few days I have become overwhelmed with grief. Tomorrow will be 21 days since TJ passed away and almost 7 months since Sadie passed away. I find myself thinking about how much I have lost. How many dear pets I have had to bury over the years. I have always been one to rescue any animal that needed a home...including Sadie. She was a pregnant stray who found me. No shelter would take her and I didn't know what to do since I already had 2 dogs and 4 cats. Before I could figure it out she kicked the neighbors dog out of its doghouse and had her pups there. She had 11 puppies...the neighbor wanted to drown them...creepy man...so I took them in...raised all 11...found them all homes and kept Sadie. That was in 1991 and she just passed away January 31st. I can't stop thinking of how much I have lost...how many I have had to bury...the unending sadness and grief. Now I worry because Muffin...my 19 year old cat has cancer and is fine for now but I know I will have to go through this all over again and my dog Snoopy (14 1/2) is getting up there too. So his time is also coming. Sometimes I ask myself why I do it? Why do I keep taking more pets in because eventually they will also pass on and once again I will be devastated. The only answer I can come up with is...I do it because I know they need me and I can give them a good life...but why can't I just stop? I've already lost so many...so why do I continue?
Following is a list of all my dear pets that I have lost:
Scuffy 23 Childhood Poodle
Misty 22 Childhood Cat
Shana 15 Siberian Husky
Charlie 14 ##er Spaniel
Cleo 14 cat
Angel 18 cat
Kitty 5 cat
Sadie 17 Shep/Lab
Briar 13 English Setter
TJ 22

For them I grieve endlessly...I will always love and miss them and FOREVER KEEP THEM IN MY HEART.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Lisa,
Why? Because all totalled, you've given 163 years of love and laughter to creatures less fortunate than yourself! You are truly a special person to move past your own personal pain and selfishness to give your heart to creature after creature despite the knowledge that you will say goodbye to them one day. We are all selfish and want them to stay with us forever, but we eventually are all strong enough to say goodbye and let them move on to the land of fence free frolicking and endless treats. I don't know if I can let myself love another creature. Right now, my finances and lifestyle would make it not the best situation for an animal. But a home without a doggie doesn't feel natural. Bless you for facing that pain again and again and opening your heart to new loves even when it's been broken by your losses. You are truly a blessing to the animals fortunate enough to cross your path.

Rushie's Mom

Lisa,
I wholeheartedly agree with Rushie's Mom. You are a precious soul who has given/continues to give SO MUCH love.

I understand your fears of heartbreak, etc. I still haven't finished grieving some losses, and yet I'm already terrified of ever having to go through the heart-wrenching grief over losing any of my babies (I have 3 kitties). Sometimes my fears just about paralyze me. I'm terrified and think that I just won't be able to survive such grief, ever again.

This site helps a lot---just knowing I'm among true family.

Your kidz are so blessed to have you as their Mom!! I pray that they have many more happy, healthy years. Keep us posted on how they're doing.

Love,

Kathy

Rushie's Mom and Kathy,
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. I wish it were easier to remember the good times and forget the bad times. Over the years, I know my life has been filled with many happy moments...but why is it so much easier to remember the bad ones right now. Losing TJ just made me think of how much I have lost. I'm trying so hard to make myself realize how many wonderful, fun filled days, I have had with each and every one of my pets. For some reason I am living in the past right now. My mind keeps thinking of those last moments with each pet that I have lost over the years. Why? I can't get it out of my head.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Lisa,

Here's 1 person's opinion: maybe it's just too soon for you to try to replace the bad with the good; you're just not done mourning.
Don't try to make yourself replace the bad with the good yet, what if it backfires and you wind up suppressing some feelings and pain you still have that will only resurface later?
You will know when you're ready to start remembering more of the good.

Life for us is really hard right now; I'd say just allow yourself to feel and think about what you need to and don't force anything.

-Tammy