Well...It's been 18 days without my best friensd "TJ" and I feel like I am in a bottomless pit that I can't get out of. I thought I was doing better but I guess I've been so pre-occupied with my sons surgery...that I just thought I was going to be ok. Boy, was I wrong. The grief hit me like a ton of bricks today! I wish I could just sleep all day so I didn't have to go through it. Everywhere I look I can still see his little face. He had such a sweet personality...we knew each others wants and thoughts just by looking at each other. My husband never could understand how I exactly knew what TJ wanted without saying a word. Every night when I lie on the couch to watch TV...I swear I can still feel him walking from the bottom of my feet to my stomach to cuddle with me...but there's no one to hold anymore. I know I was so lucky to have him for 22 years...that was half of my life...how can I go the next half of my life without him. I just want to give up. I can't go through the rest of my life feeling so miserable.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Dear Lisa,

I didn't find this website until about 1 1/2 months after Shiloh died. At that point I thought I should be feeling better, but many days I was finding that I felt worse than when Shiloh first died...that's what prompted me to find some support. This website was a life saver for me in the early days. I felt comfort in knowing that what I was feeling was normal.

All of that to say, 18 days in the scope of 22 years is less than a drop in the bucket...you're still so very young in your grieving of TJ. I'm almost at Shiloh's one year mark, and although I still miss Shiloh to the depths of my being, I've found that the deep searing pain is gone. The memories of Shiloh that once brought tears now bring comfort. It's taken a long time for me to get this point though...a long time, lots of tears, some anger, and more tears. The best advice I can give you is to be patient with yourself...cry, sob, do whatever you need to do to help yourself heal.

Hugs,
Kathleen

Hi Kathleen,
Thanks for your support and kind words. I know in time I will start to heal but right now I am just miserable. When my dog Sadie passed away in January~I grieved her loss but I think I chose to put it out of my mind and kept busy with my children and their school activities. Now, after losing TJ, I think everything came crashing down and I'm experiencing the pain of losing both of them.
How have you been? I realize that I am not alone in grieving and hope that you have found some comfort.

Stay Well,
Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Dear Lisa,

It's interesting that you mentioned dealing with the loss of both TJ and Sadie now. I kind of felt the same thing happened to me when Shiloh died. I lost my cat of 16 years to mammary cancer 10 years ago. When Dolly died I really didn't grieve...I had some many things going on in my life at that time that I just put Dolly on the back burner. I think Dolly stayed on the back burner for 10 years because when Shiloh died I found myself mourning for Dolly too.

I know it's hard, and I know you're hurting. I'm so sorry.
Hugs,
Kathleen