Two weeks ago today I lost my precious kitty Devon. I had her for 4 years and I miss her so much, I honestly don't know what to do. I go to work, and function pretty well, but the minute I get in the car to go home, all I think about is that I am going home to an empty apartment. She used to be waiting. I would say "Where's my baby Devy? And she'd come running, roll over on her back, legs in the air and wait patiently for me to scratch her neck and tummy. She would stay in the living room with me all evening while I was watching TV, etc. and she was laying on the back of the loveseat on her favorite throw. When I turned off the TV she would jump down and run to bed. As soon as I would lie down she would get on top of me and go to sleep. I would lay there half the night without moving just to not disturb her.
God, I miss her so much! She was so good! She never got into things, and she was not terribly sociable, but she and I were very close. The funny thing is, I really wasn't crazy about the idea of having a cat. She actually belonged to my daughter and they were going to stay with me for the summer after she graduated from college. Well, Devon wasn't very crazy over the move either. Gradually, we started liking each other. When Brooke was ready to move, the person she was moving in with was allergic to cats, so I kept her. By then I was crazy over her. My family was shocked at how I felt about her. I couldn't wait to get home from work to see her. She was everything to me. My children are grown and Devon was my baby. I honestly feel that I have lost my child. I do not know how to get through this. I cannot speak about her without crying. I constantly think of those last minutes ( I had to have her put down). I still haven't been able to empty her food bowl or throw out her litter box. I haven't washed the shirt I had on that last day. The one with her hair all over it. I haven't even washed my sheets because I don't want her totally gone from my life. If I had not found this site I really don't know what I would have done. I can say things here that I don't say to anyone else. I have a good day once in a while but most of the time I feel like I am just going to scream! In some ways, I don't feel that I have really let myself go yet. I bet you are wondering what more I could do!.
When I am feeling really terrible, coming here is the only thing that keeps me sane. I know that all of you are having or have had the same feelings, but I really, really appreciate being able to vent to someone who understands.
Thank you for being here.

Dear Julie,

Devon sounds like such a love. I know you must miss her terribly.

I think you'll find that as time passes you'll have more good days than bad days...but it does take time. In the first few weeks after Shiloh died I thought I'd never be able to make it through a day without crying, but as the weeks turned into months, I started finding that my tears were being replaced by the happy memories I have of Shiloh.

I found this wonderful poem a couple of days ago...it reminded me of my kitty Hobbie, who died in May. Perhaps it will make you think of Devon, too.

Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight.

I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.

There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your memory I live on.

Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my Life!


Hugs,
Kathleen