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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
BabyHenry
Friday I took my cat Daisy to the emergency room only to find out she was in kidney failure. She died on Saturday evening. She was only 5. I really did not think she was that sick or would die so I am in total shock. I can't even believe it was real. It was so awful and sudden even my husband was crying. My vet said she had an intensive infection of her kidneys and bladder, but I still can't stop worrying that I some how poisoned her. I mean, how does an indoor cat suddenly get a raging infection? A toxin seems more likely. (We have no plants and are careful with people pills). I have been cleaning a lot this week (for the holiday) and I am afraid maybe I left some cleaning product out that she got into, or I petted her with cleaning product hands and she ingested it. Also I feel TERRIBLE, since on Thursday night before bed she was blocking my exit from the bathroom and "talking" to me, which she has never ever done. I think now she was trying to tell me she did not feel well and was asking for help --- but truly, she seemed fine, eating and no vomiting, none of the symptoms you read about. But I KNEW the behavior was weird. Why didn't I do something? I just petted her and told her to go to bed. I can't bear the thought that she asked me for help and she thinks I did nothing or didn't care. Also, she died alone in the vet hospital with an IV needle in her arm, which she didn't like. We couldn't get there soon enough. From her perspective, I did nothing when she asked for help, then sent her away to strangers who stuck needles in her arm and left her to die with no one from home. So you see, plenty to regret and feel awful about.

She was a beautiful calico cat, small in stature but big in personality, super smart and with a sense of humor. She loved pipe cleaners, and if you accidentally left a packet out she would open them and pass out pipe cleaners to her sisters and herself to play with. She slept by my feet at night and when I get up she slinks up to the area next to my pillow, both to take advantage of the warm spot I left and to see if I left any ear buds for her to play with (she lived the rubber bits at the end). I love her very much.

The worst part is we have her litter mates (2 sisters) and her mom, and they were all very attached to one another. They walk around the house in a little 4 cat crowd, "talking" to each other. Now the remaining three are all upset - where is Daisy?

I miss her so much and my heart feels broken. I am seriously considering giving out other 3 cats away now, since I feel like I can't do this 3 more times. It would be less painful to send them to new homes. This is the 3rd pet we have lost in less that 9 months, so it is extra hard. I hope so much I did not contribute to her death.
moon_beam
Hi, BabyHenry, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Daisy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances. Losing a companion so suddenly can intensify the grief.

I can very well relate to how shocked you were to learn of your beloved Daisy's advanced kidney disease. Our companions are so adept at disguising how they're feeling until they can't do it anymore. By that time the illness / injury is so advanced it can be difficult for veterinary medicine to restore our companions to a good quality of life. If you have read my topic on My Beloved Noah you will see that I, too, recently learned of my Noah's advanced cancer which required him to be assisted in his transition journey home to the angels. The shock is overwhelming.

I can also understand your and your husband's wondering if it would be better to re-home your remaining precious companions. This grief journey is one of the most emotionally and physically painful experience you will ever know on this side of eternity. My beloved Noah was my sole survivor in a home that used to have four fur kids, including Noah. Because of my age and now debilitating medical challenges I cannot embrace a new companion into my heart and home, and this saddens me. But in another sense it is a relief to know that when my time comes to transition from this earthly realm I will be able to do so without fear of leaving a precious soul behind who may not be loved and taken care of in the way he / she had become accustomed - - even with specific instructions provided in my Will. But only you and your husband can decide if it is the right thing for you to re-home your remaining precious companions.

BabyHenry, each grief adjustment journey is uniquely painful because each relationship we have with each of our companions is uniquely different. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief journey except one day at a time, one moment at a time - - with the assurance you are not alone - - we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when are our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will somehow offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you, and your husband, travel this grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Daisy with us. Perhaps sometime you will want to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, BabyHenry, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LittleGirl'sMommy
Oh BabyHenry!! sad.gif

I can't tell you how sorry I am about your sweet Daisy's passing. I felt the physical pangs as I read what you wrote. sad.gif

In 2012 my cat Dolly, who was almost 9 (and an indoor cat), died of acute kidney failure too, and I've lived with the guilt of... "what did I do? How could this have happened?"

But whatever happened---in both Daisy's and Dolly's cases---I've come to the absolute belief that we are NOT to blame. Even if Daisy did get into something, it was a tragic accident, and accidents DO happen. An instance that comes to mind is a case where I helped to console a woman whose cat had somehow climbed into her top-loading washing machine... sad.gif ... The woman was understandably distraught beyond belief and beating herself up. In all our cases, we'd give almost anything to turn back the clock in case there was something we could change that could have prevented the tragedies.

Please know that your precious Daisy is right there with you and is in a total state of bliss. She does not want you blaming yourself. And if you inadvertently caused this accident,..we are human and we all make mistakes each and every day. Most don't have tragic consequences, but unfortunately, some do. (And a possibility is that she may have been telling you Thurs. that it was her time. Either way, Daisy doesn't want you looking back and beating yourself up over why you didn't take her to the vet that night. You did no wrong. Had the signs been really really obvious, you would have acted on them. It is human nature not to question every sign or symptom.)

A close friend of mine had a near-death experience and after it he knew, with no doubts, that both our human and animal loved ones are right with us after they pass from their earthly bodies. And in the realm they're in, there is no time/space separation. To Daisy and Dolly and all the others we've all lost, it will seem like a split second before we join them in that realm. In the meantime---imagine that it was Daisy who accidentally did something that caused your death. You would not want her blaming herself and being destroyed. You would want only the best for her. That's what she wants for you. Love is forever and you are truly connected--in this instance and always. wub.gif

Please continue to let us know how you are doing !!!

Kathy


QUOTE (BabyHenry @ Nov 19 2017, 04:32 PM) *
Friday I took my cat Daisy to the emergency room only to find out she was in kidney failure. She died on Saturday evening. She was only 5. I really did not think she was that sick or would die so I am in total shock. I can't even believe it was real. It was so awful and sudden even my husband was crying. My vet said she had an intensive infection of her kidneys and bladder, but I still can't stop worrying that I some how poisoned her. I mean, how does an indoor cat suddenly get a raging infection? A toxin seems more likely. (We have no plants and are careful with people pills). I have been cleaning a lot this week (for the holiday) and I am afraid maybe I left some cleaning product out that she got into, or I petted her with cleaning product hands and she ingested it. Also I feel TERRIBLE, since on Thursday night before bed she was blocking my exit from the bathroom and "talking" to me, which she has never ever done. I think now she was trying to tell me she did not feel well and was asking for help --- but truly, she seemed fine, eating and no vomiting, none of the symptoms you read about. But I KNEW the behavior was weird. Why didn't I do something? I just petted her and told her to go to bed. I can't bear the thought that she asked me for help and she thinks I did nothing or didn't care. Also, she died alone in the vet hospital with an IV needle in her arm, which she didn't like. We couldn't get there soon enough. From her perspective, I did nothing when she asked for help, then sent her away to strangers who stuck needles in her arm and left her to die with no one from home. So you see, plenty to regret and feel awful about.

She was a beautiful calico cat, small in stature but big in personality, super smart and with a sense of humor. She loved pipe cleaners, and if you accidentally left a packet out she would open them and pass out pipe cleaners to her sisters and herself to play with. She slept by my feet at night and when I get up she slinks up to the area next to my pillow, both to take advantage of the warm spot I left and to see if I left any ear buds for her to play with (she lived the rubber bits at the end). I love her very much.

The worst part is we have her litter mates (2 sisters) and her mom, and they were all very attached to one another. They walk around the house in a little 4 cat crowd, "talking" to each other. Now the remaining three are all upset - where is Daisy?

I miss her so much and my heart feels broken. I am seriously considering giving out other 3 cats away now, since I feel like I can't do this 3 more times. It would be less painful to send them to new homes. This is the 3rd pet we have lost in less that 9 months, so it is extra hard. I hope so much I did not contribute to her death.
BabyHenry
Thank you Kathy for your note. It's been almost a month and I still feel a mixture of complete disbelief she is gone some days and other days deep sadness/grief and worry that I caused her illness. I miss her so.

I am trying to uploadClick to view attachment her picture.
moon_beam
Hi, BabyHenry, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing these wonderful pictures of your beautiful Daisy. Please believe me when I share with you how much I truly understand how you're feeling and what you're going through. This grief adjustment journey is a very painful one both physically and emotionally. I truly wish there were an easier to way to endure through it, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, BabyHenry.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Daisy's, and all of your beloved companions, sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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