At 1:52 a.m. I received a call from Noah's overnight physician from the ER hospital. A "quick" ultrasound was done on Noah at some point after I left visiting him, and fluid was found in his abdomen. A sample of the fluid was taken which showed definite bacteria - - which means something in my precious Noah's abdomen was perforated or leaking. This is always considered a surgical emergency, which I approved.

At 2:20 a.m. the surgeon called me to let me know that there was nothing she could do for my precious Noah. His stomach had ruptured from multiple tumors and there was nothing but dead tissue in place of his stomach. The only thing that could be done for him was to mercifully transition him from this earthly realm. She agreed that she could keep Noah comfortable under anesthesia until I arrived to be with him when the drugs were administered. I arrived at the hospital around 3:20 a.m., and around 3:30 a.m. Noah joined his beautiful sibling baby sister Abbygayle and adopted big kitty brother Eli in heaven's perfect garden.

Needless to say my heart is aching right now and the tears are flowing, but there are so many things I am thankful for - - one of them having had the honor and privilege of being his human caregiver all the 14 years of his sweet physical life. I will get a pawprint and his ashes back sometime within the next week.

I want to thank each of you for your comforting support during this time of great sorrow,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh moon_beam

My heart is so heavy and aching for the loss of your precious Noah. Tang, Anne and I send our most heartfelt condolences. I wish I could think of more to say, but know that we are here for you. Noah is now with his siblings, Thomas, Theresa, Mickey and all the other waifs. Please let us know how you are doing.

Moon_beam,

I am sending you my heartfelt sympathies. During sweet Noah's earthly life he had the BEST of caretakers, and he will always have you! It's true what we tell the other grieving pet parents who come to this page: Noah is in the most blissful state right now--more than we can imagine. He's pain-free for good. There's no time/space separation. He's with Abbygayle and Eli, and the 3 of them will be greeting you when one day your earthly time is over. What bliss you will all share. In the meantime, they all want to comfort you.

My Sunny got some bad lab results. He is now at end-stage kidney disease and has, at most, a few months left. I was terrified when I saw the look on the vet's face when she came into the room with the lab results. Terrified that this (today) might be it. We settled back in at home and he gobbled up some food ! And he's napping contentedly in the sun right now. I am so thankful. It'll be one day at a time...

We'll be in touch. I will check for other notes from you.

Sending huge prayers of peace your way.

Kathy

Thank you, Tracy for your and Anne's most kind and comforting support. The tears come in waves and right now it's hard to focus on much of anything, so I have to force myself to concentrate on what I'm doing. I know this is all a part of the grieving process, but it doesn't make the process any easier.

I hope you, your precious Tang, and Anne are doing well. I'm sorry for not being able to keep up our daily correspondence right now on your topic but I will get back to you when I can, so please don't think I'm neglecting you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your kind and comforting support. Right now tears are flowing so it's hard to see what I'm typing. I'm so glad he's no longer in pain. As his surgeon said last night this situation didn't happen overnight -- it was developing over a significant amount of time. When I think over these past 10 months I realize now how much he was hiding from me so that I wouldn't worry about him while I was in agonizing pain. I am so thankful that his last memory of me was one of decent health being on the RA medication which significantly reduced the intense pain so that I could once again hold him in my arms. What a joy it was to be able to do that again!!! I do have so many things to be thankful for and I"m trying to hold onto them and focus on them as I travel this horrible grief adjustment journey.

I"m so sorry about your precious Sunny's lab results. I know you're on a roller coaster ride now of embracing the good days and wondering when THE bad day will come when you may have to make that heartbreaking decision for your precious boy. Please know your precious Sunny and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you once again, Kathy, for your comforting support. It is greatly appreciated.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam,

Thank you for your prayers our way, even as you navigate this excruciating grief-adjustment journey.

Aww -- Noah hid the extent of his issues from you because he was so concerned about you -- and vs. vs. It is amazing what love makes us do.

Do you also have in-person support? I just hate to think of you alone (well, your fur angels are all with you, but as far as having an understanding, compassionate human nearby to talk with--even by phone, to reach out to).

Do you think you might be up to (sometime--when you're ready) sharing a picture of Noah? I'd love to see him, as well as Eli and Abbygayle.

Continued prayers,

Kathy

Oh moon_beam.

Do NOT worry about our daily correspondence. That should be the least of your concerns right now. From what the admin has stated, it's going to be a moot point soon enough.

You just concentrate on taking care of yourself. I think it's what Noah would want. As you said, he hid much from you so that you could get better and be able to hold him in your arms again. But, for what it's worth, I'm glad the site is still here for you at this most difficult of times. Thoughts and Prayers.

Tracy, Anne, Tang and of course angels Theresa and Tom.

Hi, Kathy, thank you for your comforting support. You can see a picture of my beloved Abbygayle in her topic "Abbygale's Journey" in the Death and Dying forum, page 7 of the topic titles. You may need to scroll through some of the pages until you see her. I was crying so hard when I opened her topic that I misspelled her name - - the correct spelling of her name is Abbygayle.

You can see a picture of my beloved Noah in his topic "My Precious Noah", on page 4.

You can see a picture of my beloved Eli on page 10 in my topic "Oslo" which is on page 11 of the topic titles. The picture of Eli is when he was a baby kitty cuddled next to his big doggy brother Oslo.

I am the only one in my family who feels strongly about the bond we have with our companions, so talking to family members about it is very limited. The only people I KNOW I can share what is in my heart are here on this wonderful forum - - and that's okay. I will miss this place when Marc sunsets the forum in 2019. I'm not a fan of social media, so participating in facebook, etc., is not much of an option for me. So for now I am blessed to have you, LoveMyMickey, and Tracy to share this adjustment journey with me.

I hope you and your precious Sunny will have a very peaceful evning, and will be back online tomorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Tracy, I thank you and Anne for your comforting support. Thank you for understanding about my limited ability to communicate right now. I hope you, your precious prince Tang, and Anne will have a very peaceful evening. I will be back online tomorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh my dear moon_beam......I am crying again. I was so afraid of coming to the forum tonight, thinking of what news I would find. I'm not very good with putting my thoughts into words, but know I am deeply saddened.

I know my little angel Mickey will join the other little angels here to comfort you and watch over little angel Noah in God's Perfect Garden......Please know my prayers will always be with you.....God Bless..

(((HUGS)))

LoveMyMickey

Dear Moon_beam
I am so heart broken to hear that your beloved , precious Noah has had to move onto the next stage of his journey 😢. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending great big hugs for you at this very sad time. You have so many wonderful memories to treasure and they will bring you so much comfort in the time to come . Noah has joined our Angels , he’ll be watching over you , in your heart and soul forever 💞
Much love Jan , Kobi and Rocco, and all of my Angels 💞🌈💞xx

Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for your comforting support. I also thank your beloved angel Mickey's comforting support and his greeting my beloved Noah when he joined the angels. I know my beloved Noah's time to transition from this earthly realm was coming simply because of his age, but I wish he was spared the agony of of his last hours. I know so many here have wished the same thing for their beloved companions as well.

Thank you again so much for your being here, LoveMyMickey.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam.... My Sunny has taken a turn for the worse ! It may be today ! Will keep you posted. And I'm thinking about you.
Kathy

Hi, Jan, thank you so much for your comforting support. I am so grateful for all the years I had with my beloved Noah. It's a hard reality to adjust to when our companion's earthly journey ends. Yesterday I took the cushion and blanket out of his stroller and sobbed holding it tightly to me remembering how he always sought the comfort of his stroller when he was in the vet's office. He would even climb into it here at home when he wanted some "private" time. When he was so ill I was so worried that maybe somehow he got into something toxic here at home despite my preventive precautions - - or ate a bug or got bitten by a spider that was poisonous to him. But it was cancer that took his life from me, as it has taken each of my companions, and strange as this may sound this is some comfort to me -- that it was something I had no control over, it was something I couldn't prevent. But this still doesn't stop my heart from breaking, it doesn't stop the deep pain of grieving for the selfish wish that I still want him here with me so that I can hold HIM in my arms instead of his stroller cushion and blanket.

Thank you again, Jan, for sharing my grief journey, and I know your beloved angels are with my beloved Noah acquainting him with everything to do and see in heaven's perfect garden.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It is Monday, 11/13/2017 and I cannot believe it's been 3 days now since I last held my beloved Noah in my arms to comfort him as his sweet Living Spirit transitioned from this earthly realm. I am now waiting for a telephone call telling me my beloved Noah's ashes and pawprints are ready for pick up.

With the critical medical challenges I have had over the past 2 years I knew my beloved Noah would be my last companion. Up until this time I had always thought that I would be able to have a companion in my life, but these past 2 years with extreme medical crises to deal with have taught me that this no longer is the case. It will be a HUGE major adjustment not having another living precious soul to care for. Another "reality check" in this grief adjustment journey. The holidays are quickly approaching and for me from this time forward they will be the "most horrible time of the year". I will have to put on my "public face" to endure the family gatherings with my brother and his wife in Bedford, knowing all the while my beloved Noah is no longer physically here to greet me when I get home making coming home almost unbearable. This house that used to hold so much joy over these 21 years is now empty, silent, and lifeless. I bought this home to be a safe haven for my companions, and it has been. Now there doesn't seem much purpose to stay here anymore. This place is too big for just me. I have begun the process of trying to get it ready to put up for sale next spring so that I can move to Bedford to be geographically closer to my brother and his wife making the travel distance shorter for my brother to help me with MD appointments, getting prescriptions from the pharmacy for me, etc.. Both of us are only getting older, and my brother is older than I am in age.

So this is how life is - - at least for now. I know it's all a part of the grieving process, but knowing this doesn't make the process any easier.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I was able to pick up my beloved Noah's ashes and clay pawprint late this afternoon and stopped by a place to order a plaque for his and Abbygayle's urn - - they will be together in one urn.

I also received a call from the infusion center where I will begin infusions of a new drug for my rheumatoid arthritis. The appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, 11/28, at 12:45 p.m.. This will be the beginning of routine infusions each of them taking at least 3 hours. I'm glad my beloved Noah is no longer subjected to my numerous MD and treatment appointments. He is in a much better place now with his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle, his big adopted kitty brother Eli, and all the beloved companions and angels in heaven's perfect garden.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's lonely here. Everything I did revolved around my beloved Noah. Errands I would run would be planned so that I wouldn't be gone long from him. I cringed when my medical appointments were hours long worrying about my precious boy and wanting to get home to him as fast as I could. I got a lap top computer so that I could work on things and be physically close to him instead of restricted to the desk top computer. Now I can hardly stand to look at it. Just his sweet physical presence filled the house. Now the house is so empty and cold - - my life is so empty and cold. I know this sounds so selfish. I wouldn't want him back here with me in agonizing pain. Knowing he is free of pain and restored to former youthfulness in the company of the angels is comforting to me - - still my heart and arms ache to hold him, to smell his fur - - to have his sweet body cuddled close to me - -to have him come join me here at the desk and stretch out to keep me company. Nothing seems important now, nothing seems to have much purpose for me now. I know in time this will change as the deep grief eases, but for now - - life hurts.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh moon_beam

My heart aches for what you are going through. I wish I had the beautiful words to express that, but I do not. But know that we are all here for you in this most difficult time of adjustment. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Moon_beam,

It is not at all selfish of you to share your feelings. I got stabbing pangs in my chest reading your post just now. You gave the biggest, best gift to release sweet Noah from his physical body at the exact time that you did. And yet---in doing so, you took on so much pain it's almost unfathomable. My heart aches for and with you. I am SO FORTUNATE to have my precious Cubby here physically with me ! I'll write more soon.

I am sorry you have to endure such medical agony---on top of everything else!!!

Kathy

Yesterday afternoon, coming home after the "appointment" I

Hi, Tracy, thank you for your most thoughtful comforting support. Your words are just fine, my friend. Friendships know how to listen to the words of the heart. Hopefully in time this agonizing deep grief will be less intense, but for now it's a consuming black hole.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comforting support. I feel broken and wonder if the "pieces" will ever fit together again. I know how my beloved Noah's heart felt when his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle transitioned home to the angels - - heartbroken almost beyond repair. I tried introducing him to a little buddy who he could mentor - - like his big adopted kitty brother Eli mentored him - - but he wouldn't have anything to do with that. So it was just my Noah and me for 7 years together - - and I am sooo thankful for that dedicated time we had together. I knew my Noah would be my last fur child due my age and health challenges. But even in my most worst case scenario I NEVER anticipated that his transition journey would be due to such a horribly cruel health crisis. I don't know if I will ever be able to get past that, or if it will forever haunt me the rest of my days.

I don't feel guilty - - at least I don't have THAT to contend with - - because I realize how much was literally taken out of my control. But this still doesn't stop the piercing heartache realizing how cruel this life can be to sweet innocent souls whose sole, and soul, purpose is to bring joy and happiness to the humans who embrace them into heart and home. Hopefully in time my heart will feel whole again with the many treasured memories I have of my beloved Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It has been a busy Thursday here. The sunbeams are shining and hope my beloved Noah is enjoying them in heaven's perfect garden. He always enjoyed laying in the sunbeams.

A crew was here this morning to do a routine service on the security system. I'm so glad my beloved Noah didn't have to contend with the noise and having his home "invaded." This afternoon my regular volunteer will be here to help me with the weekly chores. Have been working on financials - - getting the final payments made for his emergency medical treatments and his cremation. So everything is up to date now in my checkbook. Am waiting to get notified that the plaques are ready for my beloved companions' urns so that I can go pick them up. But staying "busy" doesn't mask the incredible emptiness in my heart and home. How does one "adjust" to such emptiness?

Numbness is setting in now - - the tears are more manageable now - - I can talk better now without always sobbing - - the tears are more inward now. But there is no "spark" to my days and nights anymore because the LIFE that brought meaning to me is now transitioned to a place I can't go yet. This grief adjustment journey is a real test of endurance for sure.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam,

I've been thinking of you a lot.

When you make the move to be closer to Bedford, is there any possible way you might foster a sweet needy soul? NO one could ever be like Noah, Abbygayle, or Eli, but some precious little guy/girl could sure use a moon_beam to cuddle up to. I do realize Noah was to be your last fur companion in this lifetime, but I couldn't resist at least asking you about fostering. No pressure intended. I just envision the benefit to you and to a kitty somewhere out there.

My Cubby Girl is the biggest blessing in my life right now. She is seeing me through this nightmare.

I wanted to share with you what a close friend of mine told me. He'd had a "near-death" type of experience and came away absolutely knowing that our loved ones---human and non-human---are truly in bliss and are right here with us and want more than anything for us to be okay, at all costs. He said what you and I always tell people, about it being as seemingly quick as the blink of an eye, when we will fully join them in that blissful realm. It really is true. This assurance (second to Cubby's presence ) has helped me more than anything.

Sending you prayers of comfort.

Kathy

Hi, Kathy, thank you so very much for your most comforting support. From time to time I have thought about fostering. I will have to wait to see how things go with the relocation to Bedford as well as my own health. I am so very thankful that for the last few weeks of my beloved Noah's life we were able to share a better quality of life with me no longer crying and screaming in excruciating pain thanks to the medication the rheumatologist prescribed. I finally regained enough strength in my arms so that I could him close to me. And I am very thankful I had the strength and ability to drive him to the emergency hospital where he could receive the medical care he desperately needed.

I'm in the "numbness" phase of this grief journey, and I'm thankful for that. My body is no longer shaking from the extreme shock and stress of this event. I can't believe it's been a week already since my beloved Noah finally relinquished his body to the ugly cancer that was ravaging his body. I thank you so much for sharing your friend's near death experience with me. It truly is my sincerest hope to be reunited with my beloved Noah and all of my beloved companions in eternal joy when it is my appointed time to transition from this earthly realm.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Cubby kindly, Kathy. Please know you also are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I found a gray stuffed toy cat online today and purchased it so that I could hold something that reasonably resembles my handsome beloved Noah. Of course NOTHING can ever replace the blessing of holding my beloved Noah in my arms, but this will help ease both the physical and emotional pain of adjusting to my beloved Noah's physical absence. I have his stroller cushion and blanket on my bed along with his collar and leash. These help not make my bed feel so lonely. I have survived the first week of "first withouts" but I know the upcoming weeks will be a challenge as many more "first withouts" are coming. I hope I can stay in this "numbness" phase as I struggle to endure re-inventing my life that no longer includes the physical presence of my beloved Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam, I'm so pleased to hear that you ordered the stuffed kitty! What a great idea!! When will he arrive? Remember--Noah wants any and every kind of comfort for you this second and always !

I'm scared of the "firsts." Cubby is helping me to face things. She is just beyond words. I hate to think of you "alone" (though your babies are right there.. but you know what I mean ) and I'm sending some intense prayers your way right now. I also hate to think of the physical pain you have been enduring!

Kathy

Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your kind comforting support. It will be a HUGE adjustment for not having a companion now in my senior years, but I know that it is the best for the precious souls who need a Forever Home - - which I know I can no longer provide both because of my age and my medical challenges. I need to focus on enduring the grief journey of adjusting to the physical absence of my beloved Noah. Every moment of every day is a reminder of how much my life revolved around him and how the hours, days, weeks, and years just zipped by. Even while my beloved Noah was still with me over these past few months I wondered how the 14 years had gone by so quickly - - never anticipating that our journey together was quickly coming to a close. Right now, the hours, days, just drag by hurting my heart each and every moment. I am so thankful I am blessed to cherish our many happy memories together, and this helps to soothe the tears of sorrow.

I'm so glad you have your precious Cubby to hold and enjoy as you both adjust to the physical absence of your beloved Sunny. Thank you again, Kathy, for your always most comforting support, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I picked up my beloved Noah's and other fur kids' urns this morning. The house was so sllent when I got home. Even though my Noah was not always upstairs to greet me, I still knew he was in the house waiting for the appropriate time to welcome me home.

The urns are wonderful, and I'm looking forward to putting each of my beloved companions' remains in their respective urns when I have them ready. I am working on pictures to put on the front of the urns. I got some magnet picture frames with some heavy duty magnets to attach to the front of the urns to support the picture frames. I am looking forward to working on this project. I looked at some of their pictures this morning and all I could do is smile - - no tears, just smiling. I'm so thankful for that.

Being able to smile doesn't mean my heart stops grieving for the physical absence of my beloved companions, but I do believe being able to smile is their gift to me for all the treasured memories we share. And I'm so thankful and honored to be their sole, and soul, heir to each of their many cherished memories.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon-beam, I just want you to know I never stop thinking of you and Noah. Sounds like you have a nice creative project going with your precious angels' urns and pictures.

Yes, it is good to smile with the memories. I can look at each picture of my little angels and think of something to smile about. My hubby says, 'you have a good memory" and I say, "mamas are like that."

moon-beam, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. And I know all our little angels are watching over us.

(((HUGS)))

LoveMyMickey

Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for your most thoughtful and welcome comforting support. Our treasured memories are what holds our beloved companions close to us in our hearts - - while their sweet Living Spirits are always a heartbeat close to us. Holding onto this has helped me as I travel this grief adjustment journey.

LoveMyMickey, may you always feel your beloved Mickey, and all of your beloved companions, close to you, and may each memory bring joy to your heart.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I have just finished working on the pictures for my beloved Noah's and Abbygayle's urn, as well as my beloved Eli's and Oslo's urns. I scanned separate pictures of Noah and Abbygayle together and managed to blend them together using my photo picture editing program. It turned out nice, as well as Eli's and Oslo's pictures. I want the glossy photos to dry a couple of days before I cut them to size and place them in the photo holders.

I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do for a tribute memorial for my beloved Noah. The one I did for Abbygayle also tells Noah's life journey, except for the last 7 years of his earthly journey as Abbygayle's surviving sibling. I hope I can think of something to do for him - - just for him.

I miss my sweet little boy, but I'm so thankful he is no longer suffering - - trying to disguise a horrible illness ravaging his sweet precious physical body so that I wouldn't worry about him. This still saddens me a great deal, and I believe it always will, but I want to focus on the many happy treasured memories my beloved Noah and I share.

I thank each of you for all your support and comfort as I travel my grief adjustment journey. I couldn't do this alone, and it's comforting to have you here - - to be able to share with you what is in my heart knowing that each of you are kindred hearts as you have cared for and grieve for your beloved companions.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam,

The urns sound wonderful. I love the idea of the magnets and picture frames... And your smiles are a gift to Noah, who is right there with you to see.

When the urn projects are done, would you want to share pictures of these treasures with us? I would love to see.

Kathy

Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your most thoughtful and comforting support. I'm not sure I can get a good enough picture of the finished plaques to share, but I'll try. I recently tried to get a picture of something my sister asked for but that turned into a royal disaster. I'm not very good with "technology" things, and that includes using digital - - or any other form - - cameras. But again, I will try and will let you know how I do.

The days and nights are now so quiet without the physical presence of my beloved Noah with me, but at least I'm able to function now without being overwhelmed with the consuming grief. This doesn't stop the deep sorrow in my heart - - it only helps me do the things that need to be done and stay focused on doing them a bit better. For this I am thankful, particularly when it comes to keeping track of my medication schedule.

Thank you again, Kathy, for all your support and encouragement. This truly means a lot to me. I hope today is treating you and your precious Cubby kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam,

I am thankful that you are able to function now without being overwhelmed. That is how it is for me too now---but I'd have to say easier than what you are going through, thanks to Cubby.

Do you have Thanksgiving plans?

Will check back here often for any updates from you!

Kathy

It's a big "first without" today as this is the first Thanksgiving Day without my beloved Noah to share it with me in his physical presence. It's so quiet here without his "energy" filling up the house. Even when he was sleeping his "energy" was felt everywhere. Now I must rely on my memories for his "energy" to fill my heart. If anyone had told me a month ago that I would be spending Thanksgiving, and all the rest of my days, without my beloved Noah I would have thought it strange to be told that. I would have preferred my sweet baby boy telling me he was not feeling well and needed to see his doctor. I miss my sweet precious beloved baby boy, and all of my beloved companions. It's a day of blinking back the tears while remembering my sweet beloved brave baby boy Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello moon_beam.

We are thinking of you on this first Thanksgiving Day without your precious Noah Unfortunately, I know all to well how you must be feeling about it. We are sending all our thoughts and prayers your way today.

Tracy, Anne and Tang.

Hi, Tracy, thank you so very much for your most kind and thoughtful support. Today is a little better day, perhaps because it's just a continuation of the adjustment journey - - rather than a major landmark angel-versary such as a holiday. I have been working on a couple of memorial projects for my beloved Noah and am happy with the way they are setting up. I will most certainly share them with you and Anne when I get them finalized, if you would like to receive them.

Thank you again, Tracy, and Anne and Tang, for your most thoughtful and most appreciated support.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello moon_beam.

Glad to hear you are doing a little better. I'm sure the video tribute to you precious boy will do him justice if you want to send it. Thoughts and prayers.

Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for your much appreciated thoughtful and comforting support. I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already since my beloved brave little boy went home to the angels. It feels like a deep dark eternity here without his sweet physical presence. When I think about how much he hid from me not feeling well all during the many months I was in agonizing pain, it breaks my heart again. I do remember all the wonderful memories and smile, but there is no denying in my heart how bad he must have felt with that horrible cancer invading his precious body, and this, too, is a part of my memories.

I'm not dong a video of him as much of his life has already been shared with the video I made of his beloved baby sister Abbygayle. I'm doing a picture collage with a brief summary of his life focusing on the last 7 years of his earthly journey as he would tell the story. The pictures are already shown in Abbygayle's video, with the exception of one picture which is what I chose for Noah's and Abbygayle's urn. I scanned the two pictures together and then cropped it so that it would fit into the 4 x 6 frame attached to their urn. And I'm doing a memorial bookmark for him as well. So I'll send you a finished copy of them when I get them done. I want the collage laminated, and there's a place close by that does that. Just need to check to see how much that would cost.

My baby boy has such a sweet Spirit - - he truly was a joy to my life during his earthly journey, and I truly treasure the many wonderful memories we share. No matter how long we traveled this earthly realm together it would never be long enough.

I thank you again, Tracy, for your comforting support. I hope today is treating you, your precious prince Tang, and Anne kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I couldn't get back to sleep early this morning thinking about my beloved Noah's memorial collage, so I was up around 4 a.m. to start working on it again. I am pleased with the way it has turned out. It's more of a memorial booklet now with a picture of him on the front cover accompanied by two pictures of him with his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle, and a picture each of his big adopted kitty brother Eli and doggy brother Oslo. There is a dedication page which summarizes his life with his fur family members and how he and I were together for the remainder of his 7 years written from his perspective as he would tell the story. The rest of the booklet has poems. the Blessing of The Animals prayer by St. Francis of Assisi, and my favorite song by The Beatles, "In My Life" which has a "family photo" at the end of the lyrics.

Working on this project has helped me to feel close to him - - inspired by him as to what to include in his memorial booklet. Now all i need to do is print it out. The items I had to purchase to do his memorial bookmark are scheduled to be delivered on Saturday, so I can resume working on that project. And I can now put the pictures I printed off a few days ago into the picture holders for the urns. So projects are progressing.

As I proceed with sorting through all the things I have acquired for my beloved feline companions over the years it still brings a heavy sadness to my heart that I am no longer able to have a companion in my life, - - it's just one of those "bitter" adjustments that are a part of this grief adjustment journey for senior guardians.

Yesterday evening when I got home from my infusion treatment I had to swallow hard not to break into sobbing because my beloved Noah is not physically here to greet me anymore. The tears are welling up in my eyes now as I"m writing with the eerie silence that is now a part of this home that once had great joy. These memorials I'm doing are the last things I can do for my beloved Noah - - the last - - how sad and lonely that feels. I now have to try to find joy in other ways for the rest of my earthly journey - - this will be a very difficult task indeed. Still I'm thankful that my beloved Noah is no longer having to wait for me to be able to get him his meals because of my medical appointments that now very seldom cooperate with his meal schedule.

I want to thank each of you for all your comforting support and encouragement as I travel my grief journ

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam, the memorial booklet sounds so wonderful !!! I love the idea of the writing from Noah's perspective. I'm sure he has a lot of very nice things to say.

I'm sorry about the quiet and stillness that greeted you after your medical procedure. I can just imagine.

Please keep sharing with us here.

Kathy

Today a gentleman who helps me with projects around the house came to move the carpeted kitty latrine boxes up to the garage for me. Now the space in the house seems more empty, another reminder that they are no longer needed because all of my beloved feline companions are now with the angels. As I was straightening up the blankets on the bed today I saw the fleece throw that I would warm on the heating pad and then Noah would snuggle under it. It breaks my heart now knowing that he no longer needs it. He also removed the carpets that had been on the floor for 20 years which had a lot of fur child "living" on them through the years. It was time for them to be removed, but they will not be replaced. This, too, adds to the list of reminders of how empty my home is now. This grief adjustment journey is a challenge to endure through when you're an older person. When I was younger I had things to look forward to, - - but now as age is taking it's toll it's a "reality check" that things to look forward to are now very limited in this earthly journey. I know the deep sorrow will ease in time, but for now my heart is aching.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already since my beloved Noah joined the angels. Today I had several errands to run. Normally I would get them done as quickly as I could to get back home to my beloved Noah. Now there's no need to rush through the errands - - and sadly, no need to rush to get home. This time next week it will be one month since my beloved Noah transitioned from this earthly realm. This reminds me so much of how it was when I got home after being in the hospital for 3 months after the automobile collision. It was the first time of coming home knowing that my mom would never be home again due to her fatal injuries. As then, as it is now, I had several medical challenges to deal with and physical adjustments to make as a result of my injuries in addition to grieving the physical loss of my mom. Now - - 32 years later - - I am faced with the ardurous task of adjusting my life to the limitations of my current health challenges in addition to grieving the physical loss of my beloved Noah. It feels like history - - and bad history at that - - is repeating itself. Time marches forward uncaring of the sorrow in anyone's heart for whatever reason. This is yet another one of those "new normals" to adjust to in this grief journey.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam.

Time may march on without caring, be we do. All your friends here on LS. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

TT and TT

Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for your most welcome support and encouragement with my grief journey. It is the wonderful people like you, Kathy, LoveMyMicky, and others on this forum who offer me consistent comfort as I am expected to put on the "public face" with family and friends - - the standard "it's time to get over it" with the mentality that my beloved Noah is "only a cat." Everything I do now - - wash his blankets before putting them away in storage, etc., is for the "last time" - - he will never need them again for his travel crate and stroller - - he will never need his soft fleece throw to warm him during these cold winter months snuggled next to me. This is a very sad turn of events at this stage in my life - - when by "chronological" years I'm still a "young person" for my senior years yet with my now medical challenges I have the physical body of a very aged person who can become seriously crippled quickly at any point in time barely able to take care of herself - - and completely unable to take care of a companion. And it still breaks my heart as I recall this past summer with my precious Noah having to listen to me screaming and crying in excruciating pain - - now knowing that all during this time his sweet body was becoming invaded by an ugly disease that would eventually cause him suffering the last hours of his physical life. I am thankful that the last weeks of his life I was finally on medication that significantly reduced the pain in my body so that my beloved Noah no longer had to listen to me screaming and crying in pain, and that I was physically strong enough to get him to the medical care he needed to try to keep him comfortable until he transitioned from this earthly journey. But - - he should be here with me NOW as I continue with my treatments to try to enable me to function consistently with lower pain levels so that we could enjoy this time together. I know in time this deep grief will ease - - but for now it's a burden sometimes more than I can bear alone - - and I'm sooo thankful I"m not alone having the strength of you and the other wonderful people on this forum to share my sorrow with. This is a blessing to me, and I thank you, Tracy, for your friendship.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My Dear moon_beam,

Tears came to my eyes as I read your post. Tracy is right you will never be alone and we will always care. I have health problems similar to yours and I always prayed that I would be able to take care of Mickey until his time came to be with the angels. Well, I barely made it and I am so grateful. My husband and I both will never be able to take care of another companion, but I am grateful for the memories of the pets we did have. All we can do is donate to help other animals when we can. And feed the little waifs.

Moon_beam I just wanted you to know I donated here in loving memory of Noah. I wanted to do something for you in his memory. I don't write much, but you are in my daily thoughts and prayers. May God bless you and give you peace and comfort.

((((HUGS))))

LoveMyMickey

Moon_beam, thank you for sharing with us how you are doing. We sure do care about you and are here for you. I am so sorry to hear that your family and friends viewed your precious Noah as "only a cat." I will never understand the people who feel this way !

Regarding your medical issues that have had you screaming in pain---remember that cats were designed by nature to hide their medical issues, whereas we humans were not. There is nothing you overlooked or did wrong on sweet Noah's behalf!! He's right there with you thanking you and wanting only the best for the Best Mommy in the World.

-Kathy

Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for you most welcome comforting support and encouragement during my grief adjustment journey. And thank you ever so much for your thoughtful and caring donation to this website in loving memory of my beloved Noah. This truly means a lot to me - - more than you will ever know.

I can so relate to your journey with your beloved Mickey when you share with me " I have health problems similar to yours and I always prayed that I would be able to take care of Mickey until his time came to be with the angels. Well, I barely made it and I am so grateful." I also prayed that my beloved Noah's last memory of me would not be of me screaming and crying in pain, and although I didn't know it at the time, I am grateful that the last few weeks of his sweet physical life we were able to enjoy together without me being in excruciating pain. And secondly, and equally important, I am grateful that I was strong and able enough to get him to the emergency hospital where the doctors could provide him some comforting medical intervention during the last few hours of his life. If he had required emergency medical care prior to this I would not have been physically able to get him anywhere for emergency medical care. So I know there are blessings to be thankful for - - it's hard to stay focused on them though when the heart is in deep sorrow. Sharing your experiences, as well as those of our other forum friends, helps me to know I am not alone in this journey - - that I am surrounded by comforting hearts who truly know and understand how I'm feeling.

LoveMyMickey, I thank you again so much for your comforting support and encouragement, and your loving tribute to my beloved Noah through your donation. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mickey's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your most comforting support and encouragement as I travel my grief adjustment journey. I have always been the only one in my family who believes our companions are equal members of the family. Through the years I have often been ridiculed by my siblings for this, often accused of loving the companions who shared our household more than them. I have never understood jealousy of loving a companion in addition to loving a human family member. Although they don't now say to me "it's only a cat" - - the feeling is still there in the obvious aversion to not wanting to share the deep sorrow.

This is why I am so very thankful for you and our other wonderful forum friends who are here to help me through this deep grief journey. The numbness that for awhile kept the deep sorrow from overwhelming me has now lifted and I am once again immersed in the deep grief of the reality that my beloved Noah is no longer physically with me - - and the blatant reality that no stuffed toy can replace the joy of holding my beloved Noah's sweet physical body close to me, and my heart breaks again. I know I must sound like a broken record now - - and I know it gets tiresome hearing / reading the same thing over and over again. I hope someday I will be able to share something more positive.

Once again, Kathy, I do so much appreciate your comforting support and encouragement. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you travel your own grief journey in the physical loss of your beloved Sunny. I hope today is treating you and your precious Cubby kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sunny's, and all of your beloved companions', sweet Living Spirits to comfort you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It amazes me every day how much of my day revolved around my beloved Noah's needs. It never seemed like much while he was physically with me - - but now my days, and nights, are so empty - - barren. This is a very difficult adjustment - - everything I do is a constant reminder of my beloved Noah's physical absence - - constantly filled with the reminders of the "first withouts." I didn't know last Christmas was our last one together - - every day is a reminder of the "last times" with my beloved Noah's physical presence with me. How do I look forward to a "new year" when my beloved Noah is not physically here to share it with me? I see the squirrels outside the big door windows and tears come to my eyes as my beloved Noah isn't physically here to excitedly watch them as they search for their food. What used to be so enjoyable to watch is now painful - - literally feeling like a knife piercing my heart with deepest sorrow. Living here used to be fun, but that has now forever changed. I keep remembering the BeeGee's song that had a refrain "Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again." The happiness that once thrived in this home is no longer here. RIght now I'm not so sure my heart can be mended this time - - I can't help wondering if the rest of my life will just be going through the motions of "living" again. Perhaps by spring the misery of this deep grief will have lifted and I will begin to have something to look forward to. Faith is the thing hoped for -- the evidence of things not seen. And so I must hold onto hope and "keep the faith" that this deep grief will eventually pass - - and that I will be able to live again with a happy heart once again.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam