HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF THOSE SENSITIVE PEOPLE, AS A LITTLE GIRL i CRIED EVERY TIME LASSEY GOT LOST, OLD YELLER JUST TORE ME UP, ONLY WATCHED IT ONCE AS A CHILD. WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED WITH OUR ANIMALS MY DAD ALWAYS PROTECTED ME FROM THE PAIN OF EXPERIENCING THE SIGHT OF A DEATH OF OUR ANIMALS. I WENT OVER TO A GIRLFRIEND OF MINE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT, SHE HAD NOT SEEN ME FOR 3WKS, SHE CALLED ME WHEN I GOT HOME AND TOLD ME SHE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS AND MY DEMEENER. IT SUNK IN THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, I CAN ONLY SAY THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE WORST MONTHS OF MY LIFE, I THINK I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE .......THAT WHEN MOOSE DIED IT BROGHT BACK MY LOSES OF THE LAST 10YRS..........MOM IN 94, DAD IN 96, DAD'S LAB OF 5YRS IN 99, MY BUEATIFUL CAT SUMMER OF 16YRS IN 2000 AND MY MOM AND DAD'S POODLE SPIKE OF 8YRS IN THE YR 2000 (spike was given to me in the will to care for and see through till death) THAT WAS FOR MY PARENTS.......SPIKE WAS THEIR BABY.....ANYWAY THEN MY MOOSE THIS LAST OCT. AS YOU KNOW THIS HAS BEEN A DREADFUL MONTH FOR ME AND THE GRIEF UNBARABLE AT TIMES....I DONT FEEL STRONGER BECAUSE OF THIS BUT WEAKER. I HAVE APPLIED AT A FEW PLACES AND DO HAVE SOME PROSPECTS FOR WORK BUT IT'S THE HOLIDAYS...NOT ALOT OF WORK IN THE LIGHT INDUSTRIAL AREA'S, I KNOW IT'S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO GET BACK INTO A DAILY SCHEDULE. YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST DAY I DID'NT CRY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I WOKE UP CRYING THIS MORNING. THE GREY SKIES HAVE COME HERE TO THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST AND AS BUEATIFUL AS IT IS UP HERE BY THE CANADIAN BORDER IT IS A LONG STRECH OF GREY WITH HARDLY ANY SUN. THIS TIME OF YEAR WAS KIND OF DEPRESSING EVEN WITH MY MOOSE....BUT NOW........
MY SON MOVED BACK TO YAKIMA ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CASCADES, IT IS A DIFFERENT WEATHER PATTERN THERE.....DESERT BUT THEY HAVE SUN 300 DAYS OF THE YEAR, I HAVE A GRANDSON THERE NOW HE IS 2YRS OLD, I BELEIVE THE DOOR THAT WAS OPENED FOR ME WAS BEING ABLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GRANDSON, SO I AM GOING TO TRY AND FOCUS ON GETTING TO WORK SO I CAN MAKE A MOVE BACK OVER TO YAKIMA,,,,,I CAME THERE WITH MY PARENTS IN THE EARLY 80'S FROM NEBR. I SPENT 20 YRS THERE UNTIL MY FOLKS PASSED AND PACKED THE HOUSE UP RIGHT AWAY SOLD IT AND LEFT FOR BELLINGHAM...ANYWAYS I HAVENT BEEN EATING LIKE I SHOULD, I'M PRETTY SURE I HAVE SLIPPED FROM DISPAIR INTO DEPRESSION, I CALLED MY DOC THIS MORNING AND HE SAID HE WANTS ME BACK ON ANTI DEPRESANTS, I WAS THINKING THIS MORNING.......IF I HAD THE MONEY I WOULD START A PET AMBULANCE, ONE OF THE MOST AWFUL THINGS THAT HAPPENED THROUGH THIS WAS GETTING MY 70LB BOY OFF THE ROAD AND ONTO THE SIDEWALK THEN WRAPPED AND A BLANKET AND HOISTED IN THE CAR, HIS DEEP MOANS OF PAIN WILL FOREVER BE IN MY MIND, HE WASNT MOVED PROPERLY FOR HAVING A BROKEN BACK. ANYWAY, I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD A PET AMBULANCE TO HELP ME AND ANYONE WHOM WOULD HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THAT. ALL THIS SAID I AM THINKING THAT I HAVE TURNED MY GRIEF INTERNAL, I AM CONCIDERING SOME GRIEF COUNCELING TO HELP ME DEAL WITH THIS, I DO HAVE SOME HAUNTING MEMORIES ABOUT MOOSE LIKE THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I CALLED AT 6AM TO SEE HOW HE WAS DOING AND THE GIRL TOLD ME HE WAS THRASHING ABOUT IN PAIN AND HAD URNIATED ON HIMSELF WHEN SHE HAD GOTTON THERE THAT MORNING....I STILL THINK THAT WAS AN AWFUL THING TO SAY TO ME....I DID'NT NEED TO KNOW THAT. ANYWAY, DONT WANT TO RAMBLE ON...... I WANT TO SAY AGAIN I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS GROUP OF CARING HURTING PEOPLE....THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE LINE ...... PAMELA

I've gone through similar stuff Pam. When Ava died, I basically had no appetite or even thought about food and as a consequence I didn't eat much (if anything) for the first week or so. I too am emotional (and I'm a guy) about sad movies like when Bambi's mother gets shot by the hunter, Old Yeller, Ghost etc. In the first few weeks, I cried at the slightest thought Ava (usually associated with a trigger like anniversary dates, pictures, the empty food dish etc).

It's an anniversary date again today...

I have thoughts of Ava everyday and I still miss her terribly. Altho it's still painful and I still have tears come to my eyes, it's not near as frequent as it was and I now seldom 'break down' into a sobbing mess. It still happens occasionally. I was beginning to think I was ready to be committed to an asylum. I am getting over it but there is still a long ways to go. I know of others that have lost their beloved pets years and years ago but when they start to talk about it, their eyes still well up with tears. It's not something that we recover from quickly because our animals played such important roles in our lives, that we took for granted for so many years.

Indeed, take care of yourself. Getting the right nutrition and staying active (going for a walk etc) is important in the recovery process. Unfortunately we get so wrapped up by the emotions of grief that it over takes everything else. Trust me, it does get easier to cope with as the time passes.

Pamela,

Please take care of yourself. Do you think that Moose would have wanted you to feel so badly. I know my Stymy always wanted me to be happy.

Try to think about all the good times you had with Moose. The times when he took care of you and the times he made you laugh. I am sure that is what he would want you to remember. I know its hard. But when I am down I try to remember all the fun times I had with Stymy. His memories still can make me smile.

And also remember he is still with you. You can't see him but he is there along with your parents, and all the other furbabies. Moose will walk with you always.

Love and Belief,
Vicki

Hey Pamela, I'm sorry to hear your loss is affecting your health so drastically. I've been trying to cope with the fact that I'm not going to see Bronte again in this world at least. But here's a beautiful thought I hope that helps. I believe that everyone we lose, whether human or animal, has a spirit, energy, soul, whatever you may call it. These life forces never end, they continue on in another form. Whether it be a new life, a spirit, or an angel. Moose is here somewhere. He's either running and playing with all the other friends we've lost, quietly guarding you unknown by you, or he's been reborn into another beautiful life form getting that extra chance to live and love again. It's the miracle of life. The weather my seem gray, but it's nature preparing for the coming of spring and the re-birth of all beautiful things. Butterflies, flowers, babies, and puppies. This may be a great opportunity for you to think about what you really would like to do. Your a strong and a beautiful person with never-ending potential to be who you want, and go where you want, and do what you want. Your Mom and Dad, Summer and Spike, and especially Moose are watching over you. When you feel overwhelmed or lonely, do what I do...close your eyes, and imagine those you've lost embracing you in a big hug, or rubbing against you ankles, or nuzzling you. I'll bet you'll be able to feel them. I save a spot on my bed for Bronte, and imagine her soul is still there. You will heal, just try to take care of yourself. There are other people and animals that need you in their lives. Big hugs, April

PS. I work as a paramedic, and I think an animal ambulance would be a great idea.

Dear Pamela,
I feel your pain and all I can do is tell you how much I care what happened to your Moose and I agree with the others that are babies are still with us. We just can't touch them or hold them yet. All I have to is look into the eyes of a fur baby and see that they have a soul. Looking in there eyes you can see into their hearts.

Where else can you find unconditional love, adoration and loyalty like theirs. They don't care if their mamas and daddys are thin, fat, bald, cute or ugly. I know God is taking care of them because he loves us and he loves whatever we love. Yet because we are human we long for their touch and to pet them, cuddle with them and have them with us every second. One day we will know the joy of doing just that I know it will be a long wait and it is hard to do..

Until then let God keep you in His arms until the day we will see them again. My favorite verse in the Bible is Revelation chapter 21 verse 4 And God shall wipe aways all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things are passed away.
Love, Ann

Pamela,

Do take care of yourself! I know it's hard. I don't feel like eating or going to work or doing much of anything. I hope you will get to move close to your family. Ever since I've been married, for 22 years, we've moved around and I've only had the opportunity to live close to family for 1 of those years. I guess that's why I've always had furbabies in my life. My husband has always had to travel and my pets have been here as my family.

And I agree - there should be some kind of animal ambulance! There are special "animal cops" in Miami who get called out to rescue animals, pets and wild critters. It's too bad that other counties throughout the country don't have special services like that. Maybe you could even get some action in your town! That would be a really wonderful way to remember Moose!

I had some friends in NC who had no children. They did have a cat, Truman, for many years. I believe they got him about the time they got married. Truman ended up with heartworms - not often seen in cats. Because he was up in years, he did not survive the treatment. They were so sad and were afraid to show their grief around other people because they thought people would just not understand. Well, soon after Truman's passing, Dennis and Jody began putting food on their porch for the many stray cats in their neighborhood. The cats began coming in through Truman's kitty door and making themselves at home. So, Dennis and Jody began taking them off to the vet's office, one at a time, to be spayed or neutered and to get their shots. At last count, they had taken care of 16 cats from off the streets! When I found out what they had been doing, I gave them both huge hugs for their remarkable acts of love toward the strays. Then I used to joke about how they were running the "Truman Memorial House for Wayward Kitties".

I think I should call them and find out how they're doing.

May the Lord bring peace to your hearts - LaNett <><

Dear Pamela -

I read your post and just wept. I can so relate to your pain. My Shiloh has been gone for 9 weeks now and it seems like I miss her more each day. I find comfort in what April (Bronte's Mom) said about the life force. When I get really lonely for Shiloh, I think of her spirit and can almost see her sitting next to me. I'm sure Moose's spirit is here, there, and everywhere (maybe even playing tug-o-war with Shiloh right now)...think of him, and know that he is with you. If you get a chance, read "Shiloh's final wish" in the Memorial's Tributes and Eulogies forum. I'm sure it would be Moose's final wish too.

Something that I've found comfort in is carrying one of Shiloh's dog tags with me. It's battered and worn, but somehow having it with me makes me feel a little closer to her.

Take care,
Kathleen

PS - I play the lottery every now and then and I've decided that if I win, I'm going to donate enough money to the local veterinary specialty hospital to open up the "Shiloh Memorial Cancer Center." After reading your story about Moose, I'll also invest in a veterinary ambulance service.