My husband and I left for vacation this past Wednesday. Yesterday morning I got a frantic call from our pet sitter that something was wrong with our 13 year old pug, and it looked like a seizure. She rushed her to the emergency vet but she was already gone. While she was old and we knew this was coming in the next few years, we are stunned and heartbroken. She never had a seizure in the 8 years since we adopted her, and had no known health issues aside from arthritis. The vet was less than helpful and couldn't tell me what he thought might have happened.

We have a week of vacation ahead of us and I don't know how we're going to enjoy ourselves. I feel nothing but sorrow and grief and I feel horrible that I didn't get to say goodbye. Going home and her not being there is going to be horrible. We still have our three kitties who I can't wait to get home to, but we won't have Yoshi's wiggles to greet us with excitement like she always does.

This is the first pet that I've lost. I've lost family pets but she's the first one who was mine. How do you heal from this?

Does anyone have any idea what might have happened to her? The pet sitter said that she wasn't acting quite herself that morning. They were sitting on the couch together and she rolled over, yelped and seized for about a minute, making little yelps as she did so. She stopped moving and her tongue was sticking out. It sounds like at that point she was gone. I'll never get over not being able to say goodbye to my sweet girl. One of my biggest fears has always been that something would happen to our pets while traveling. It's going to be very hard to leave them again.

Hi, Yoshi's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Yoshi. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so unexpectedly and while you're away from home can intensify the grief.

Yoshi's Mom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us "I feel nothing but sorrow and grief and I feel horrible that I didn't get to say goodbye. Going home and her not being there is going to be horrible." Even when we have precious surviving companions in the home the physical loss of a beloved companion changes the dynamics in the household. It doesn't mean that you love your precious feline companions less - - it simply means that your home has experienced a tragic loss of a beloved companion which now must be adjusted to. This grief journey is both emotional and physical, which is one of the many reasons why it is so very painful.

I am not a veterinarian or a vet tech, but from my personal experience with my own beloved companions seizures can happen at any age for various reasons. It is hard to speculate as to what caused your beloved Yoshi's seizure - - it could have been a stroke, a brain tumor, or any number of other causes. The only way to try to get a definitive answer would be to have a necropsy done (the same as autopsy in humans) but even then sometimes this leads to more questions than answers. I'm sorry the emergency veterinary care provider could not offer you some reliable explanation -- or even offer you comfort in your sorrow. You are entitled to get a copy of the emergency treatment your beloved Yoshi received and perhaps your regular veterinary care provider can offer you some insight as to what happened.

Yoshi's Mom, you ask a universal question "How do you heal from this?" Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and trying to reconcile all the "whys, what ifs and if onlys" that haunt and torture our hearts and minds at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable. One of the most important things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here understands what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The "good news" in the midst of all this deep sorrow is the fact that love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Yoshi's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Yoshi with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only if / when you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Yoshi's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yoshi's Mom
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My heart is breaking for you because I understand how devastating this is. I lost my Buck in January and I couldn't function. I went into a deep depression and couldn't barley function. I just lost my Bobbie girl right before Thanksgiving. I was at the vet on Monday because she was having seizures. I had to put her down Tuesday. It happened that fast.
It was a heart problem. I just want you to know the things that helped me was to cry when I needed to. I joined this group and was told that one day I would be able to remember Buck with a smile. I thought that was crazy. I now smile thinking of him. I am morning Bobbie now and I feel comfort sleeping with the little coat she wore. Please don't blame yourself for going on vacation because it was meant to be. I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this. My prayers are with you.

Dear Yoshi's Mom,

I am so very sorry about the physical loss of your sweet girl !

There is nothing like this kind of pain.

I so agree with everything moon_beam and Jud shared. Your girl is fine and is a free spirit---able to be with you at the same time she's romping anywhere she feels like being. She is in a blissful realm where the time/space laws don't apply.

But that doesn't change the fact that you are experiencing such grief.

Yoshi knows how much you love her, and moon_beam is so right when she says that "love is eternal."

Please check in when you get a chance. Sending you prayers of peace,

Kathy

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. We returned from vacation last Friday, and it was pretty rough. Yoshi's reaction to us coming home was always the best. She was wiggly and crazed with excitement and would practically pee herself because she was just so over the moon. So walking into the house without her there to greet us was tough. The last time we saw her she was perfectly fine (or at least we thought). And we come home and all that was left of her was a collar and some fur trimmings. I haven't been notified that her cremains are ready yet, so that will be tough too I'm sure.

We did OK throughout the weekend. I work from home and today was my first day back at work. It's been hard because Yoshi should be here, in my office in her heated bed, keeping me company. The house feels so empty without her. It's going to be a long adjustment, getting used to her not being around. We have so much of her stuff (from food, to supplements, to toys and sweaters) that I don't know what we're going to do with. I imagine we will keep the clothes and other sentimental items, and donate her food and other stuff once we're ready.

Our pet sitter left us the most amazing gift. She left us a "Yoshi box" with a satchel of lavender, a mini Buddha, some charms, candles and a holder, and best of all she gave us a handmade prayer flag with alternating pictures of Yoshi and various sayings. It is a huge comfort to know that Yoshi passed while in the arms of someone who loved her. Out pet sitter has been taking this pretty hard as well. She kept apologizing at first for feeling so bad and I kept telling her that it was OK, that it was such a comfort to know that Yoshi was with someone who truly loved her, who cared about her, in her final moments. I don't think it's an accident that it happened this way. I think Yoshi waited until we were gone, to spare us the trauma of seeing her pass. And she waited until our pet sitter was with her, so she wouldn't die alone. If our pet sitter had come a little earlier, or a little later, Yoshi probably would have died alone and we wouldn't have known what had happened to her. I like to think that she passed under her own terms.

Thank you again for your kind words. And I'm so sorry to the others here who have lost their sweet fur babies. Yoshi is the first pet I have lost who was "mine", so this is going to be a difficult transition. I'm thankful I have my husband to share in the grief with me.

Here's a picture of Yoshi doing one of her favorite activities - sunbathing in the backyard:

Hi, Yoshi’s Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you’re doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Yoshi. From the expression on her face and in her eyes she knows she is loved - - and you and your husband are forever blessed to be her sole, and soul, heir to her eternal love.

I can sooooo understand how you’re feeling when you share with us “The house feels so empty without her.” Indeed, - - scientific studies prove that every living being has an “energy”, and when this “energy” is no longer present it changes the dynamics of the family “unit.” It can even feel as though the house structure itself is grieving the absence of your beloved Yoshi. So please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very real - - and a very normal part of this grief adjustment journey.

I can also understand how difficult it will be to get your beloved Yoshi's remains. This is a two sided coin for sure - - on the one side it can be very comforting to have her back home with you where she belongs, yet the other side is yet another grief stricken reminder that she is no longer with you in the physical form your heart and arms long for her to be.

How so very special that your pet sitter made you a “Yoshi box” of different scents and items to help comfort you in your deepest sorrow. I know you will treasure this forever. As for making decisions about what to do with your beloved Yoshi’s belongings - - just take your time. Some people immediately remove items that belonged to their beloved companion only to come to wish they had waited. As for me, I have a tendency to save just about everything for awhile until I’m able to make a decision as to what I want to donate, what I want to keep, and what can be recycled. Just recently I gave several items to my precious Noah’s veterinary care provider to use in her practice that belonged to my beloved companions who are now with the angels and that I know I will no longer use. I have a memory box that holds items that belong to each of my beloved companions that I will hold onto for as long as I live.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Yoshi’s Mom, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Yoshi’s sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you’re doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Yoshi's Mom,

I loved seeing the gorgeous picture of your girl.

And I love knowing that she passed with the pet sitter---a compassionate soul who knew and cared about her. I bet you are right that it was meant to be this way. Yoshi wanted to spare you the worst. And she is completely at peace and in bliss in the realm she is in. And you will be fully reunited when it is your time.

Sending healing thoughts your way,
Kathy