I think about you everyday more than 100x. Words can't describe how empty I still feel almost 6 months later. This has been the hardest year of my life yet.. Without you, the one who always made me smile no matter what. The one who would howl and love me unconditionally. The best dog in the world. The funniest most handsome dog.. Life without you will always be incomplete. I have tried to move on and be happy without you. But i just cant. I love you way too much to ever let go.. I cant feel happiness like I use to.. Any time im up and happy, I think of you and immediately feel guilt. I should have just locked that door so you couldnt have pushed through. I shouldnt even have brought you to my shop. Im supposed to keep you safe .. Because you were a child to me. And now there is nothing I can do to bring you back & all I ever feel is pain that Im the one that caused you to get hit by that car.. You and Luna ran 3 blocks & that was all it took for you to be gone in an instant. Only 2 years old & so full of life. You were about to have a huge yard and pool .. I was about to give you everything you could of wanted but you left us here alone.. me & Luna.. I know you probably saved her by you getting hit .. But I really wished this was a nightmare. Bc the past 6 months have felt like one. & I will always feel the blame.. Its tough when you have two options, thinking of the good times that were so good it hurts that we cant have more or the images of the way I last seen you. In the vet on a stretcher cold & dead .. Or in the back of my suv, lifeless while i brought you to the vet. I knew you werent even there the moment i found u in the road surrounded by 3 strangers. No matter how hard I try to forgive myself, I cant because I didnt keep you safe. It was such a beautiful morning and you just wanted to run free... It wasnt your fault, it was mine. Im so sorry.. I just wish you could come back to me... I always see you in my dreams .. & I miss you even more as the days move on.

Aww Audrey I'm so very to hear how excruciating this is. The journey through grief is one of the most painful, indescribable things.

The guilt is something Capone does NOT want you to feel---not one bit of it. See if you can imagine the roles having been reversed---with Capone having been the one who did something that accidentally caused YOU to be hit by a car. You would not want him feeling a shred of guilt. You would be in a blissful place (as sweet Capone is now) and you wouldn't wish anything negative or painful on Capone. THAT is how HE feels about YOU right now.

Sending prayers of peace and healing your and Luna's way,

Kathy
P.S. You will be fully reunited eventually.

Hi, Audrey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I truly wish there is an easier way to travel this grief adjustment journey but unfortunatetly it can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time with support and encouragement from others who have traveled a similar road and are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I do understand how different your earthly journey is now, and how your definition of "happiness" has changed. This is perfectly normal, for your life is no longer as it "used to be." As our forum friend Kathy has already shared with you, guilt is one of the more difficult emotions to reconcile during our grief journey. I totally agree with her that your beloved Capone does not want your heart entrenched in guilt and deep grief. Hopefully one day you will come through this grief journey and find peace in your. I promise you nothing in heaven or on earth will ever make you forget your beloved Capone for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Audrey, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Capone's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I just wanted to thank you for responding to my post. I haven't been able to get on for quite a while because of my phone. I just wanted to see how you are doing. I hope you are doing well. The pic of Capone is absolutely stunning. What a handsome boy. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

So sorry for your loss. You will feel him all around you. X thinking of you so much x