I got back after dark last night from having my sons little dog Chili Bean put to sleep. Cancer hit a nerve and contorted her nose and was about to suffocate her. So we had to wait until morning light to dig a grave for her. Here in Michigan we had a wind chill factor of 39 and it was so cold.

The whole family was there and we read poems and sang to her and said a prayer. Friends I have never seen my 29 year old son cry as hard as he did with the exception of when I lost my precious mother. I did not know who I was crying the hardest for, him, dear sweet Chili Bean or the fear of how I will feel when I no longer have my Snookie with me.

Chili Bean used to spend every couple of weeks with me until Snookie got to sick to play with her. Snookie is 9 months older than Chili Bean. My Snookie did not even want to get out of bed this morning since I took her to the vet and she knew Chili Bean was gone. I have cried off and on all day and my heart is broken and now I hate it but I do know how horrible it is to send a baby that is so dearly loved to the Rainbow Bridge.
Ann
Chili Bean 11-5-94 to 11-11-04

Dear Ann,

Chili is dear. What a cutie. I guess God only gives us what we can take ... I guess.
The road your walking is a hard one right now, but your are doing the right thing by Snookie. I was there with Stymy and the stress and strain can take a tool on your health ... so please take extra care of your self. If not for you for Snookie because he needs you. My mother-in-laws dog Sheena had to be put down on Wednesday and I am not sure if I was crying for Sheena or I was remembering what I want through with Stymy. So I can truly understand how you are feeling right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Vicki

I HAD A FEELING THIS WAS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR YOU AFTER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I WAS THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH THIS HARD TIME IN YOUR LIFE. PAMELA

Dear Vicki and Pamela,
Thank you both so much for your kind words. I am ok one minute and crying the next minute. I had no idea when I took Chili Bean to the vet that it would be her last trip. I told my son I would take her and the doctor would fix her up. I told Chili Bean that the Dr. would fix her in no time. I thought maybe she had an infection or something simple.

It feels like I let both my son and Chili Bean down, and if love could have saved her she would not have died. I feel so helpless and so lost I feel like I am in a fog. I came to this board to get help in dealing with my Snookie girl since she is on the verge of death. Little did I know I would need friends sooner that I thought.
Ann

Ann,

You did not let anyone down. You were trying to be reassuring to everyone. This was a way of showing your love and your support.

I'm so sorry about what happened. How heart-breaking!!! Please give my condolences to your son.

I am glad you had a memorial service and the family participated. Shared grief and tears and be cleansing and healing for all involved.

It may be too soon to share this thought with you---it's not to make you feel sad, but to bring a hint of peace for the future: When it IS time for Snooky's body to pass on, she will be with Chili Bean. And they will both be with you and your son, because I believe there is no sense of time or space when one passes on.

Please keep in touch. Sending prayers and love,

Kathy