i am so grateful for all of you. I realize I am not so alone with what I am feeling., in 2 days it'll be one month since Moose has died. my mornings are the hardest we used to have a ritual where he would snuggle his head in my neck and we would sing goodmorning have a treat and go for a little walk on the pathway, then we would start the day. He followed me contantly, waited outside the door of the bathroom for me, I have never had a dog love me like Moose did, he had a way of telling me exactly what was on his mind, we were so connected. this has devastated me, i go to sleep at night with an uneasy feeling I am going to wake up and know it will be so......again. My days are long now, they fired me from my job for missing 3 days of work when this happened. I have been sitting here day after day trying to deal with this, moment to moment, every step i take now he is not at my side. We spent alot of our time in Birch Bay,Wa. he loved that place, it was shallow and warm, he would just run and run with a big smile on his face........god i miss that face. i miss him so much i cant stand it my grief is overflowing. It was only 3 yrs ago i had to have my cat summer put to sleep, she was 16yrs old, she was my comforter, only one eye and no teeth she was precious.
But i feel guilty about Moose, it was my responsibility to keep him safe, and I feel guilty that I could'nt go say goodbye when I had the chance........I just could'nt and I feel like I let him down cause I know he needed me.......that is what is tearing me up. The sounds of his screams ring in my head, it rips my soul from my being. I am finding some things to be thankful for like he was hit at 6pm and it was over by 10am the next day, the suffering was short. I find things so hard, everywhere i go it has been with my bueatiful blk lab and he is no more. Lord please help all of us hurting people who look after your precious animals, the loss is so great,the tears are so many. Even with all the pain and tears I am feeling now I would not have given back one day of the last 10 yrs with him. I should have had more......

Pamela,

There are so many people here that understand the pain you are going through. We never have enough time with our beloved animal friends. It doens't matter if we have been blessed to have them in our lives for 2 months or 20 years...the pain of losing them is terrible.

I am so sorry that you lost Moose. I know you feel guilty for not watching him but please don't...he wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Don't feel bad about the way he went....be happy in knowing that one of the last things he did was play with you. You gave him a wonderful memory to take with him, playing ball with his mom.

It's so very sad that he went the way he did, but I'm glad that he knew you were there for him....It sounds like you gave that pup a wonderful life, you made him as happy as he made you.

Hang in there and keep posting your feelings...there are some wonderful people here who really do understand what you are feeling.

Take care,
Kristie

Awww, Pamela,

Please try not to blame yourself, you know the accident is not what you would have chosen to have happen. My dog got loose a couple of times even though I was as careful with him as gold; I was just lucky he never got hurt.

My dog Jake was almost 12 and he died after a seizure, he had some kind of brain problem that caused the seizure, but it's been 2 1/2 months now. I am not crying every minute like I was at first but I still have a few days where I feel ok and then a few days of just missing him so bad I can't stand it, realizing I will never see his sweet face again or rub his forehead and kiss him between the eyes. The past few days I have been feeling really sad.

I feel just like you said, I have never had a dog love me like Jake did, and I want him back.
well, just hang in there... time will heal us all.

Quote: "God I miss that face." I KNOW.

I just replied to your first post about Moose. I meant to post everything in this thread, but -- oh well.

Please don't feel guilty. You did not let Moose down. Like Little Girl's Mommy said before, Moose was doing what he loved so much -- he was with you and he was outside and he was playing. I know sometimes you just can't find any comfort in anything -- only that face, only those little ones who we can't have anymore and it's just the worst pain -- to want them back so. No way any of us would trade the love and the time we had with them.

It is so totally unfortunate that society just doesn't acknowledge the need to grieve. Things are already so bad, and then you lose your job. That is just so pitiful. I got laid off from my job awhile back, and altho they laid off a lot of people, even ones who had been there from day one (12 years), I think I was included because my concentration had really been off. The post that was made by Miss Mew on Nov. 8 here really says it -- about society and the way grief is not acknowledged.

Again, my heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and my prayers, along with all our other friends here.
Love,
Marcia

The guilt experience is something that it seems that EVERY loving pet owner goes through.

I can't even begin to describe the crazed things I did during my "accute guilt phase". Examples: I literally combed every square inch of the area around my house looking for some kind of suspicious thing like poison (even though the vet told me that she had congestive heart failure), I spent AT LEAST FIVE HOURS at a time researching dog-illnesses online to see if what she had could have been prevented. I spent hours, no, days, going over Luba's last few weeks in my head, beating myself up for everything that might have hinted at the fact that her heart was week, and that her other organs were shutting down.

Around the same time Luba died, one of her dog friends died too. Her owners were guilt ridden because they put her to sleep. She had advanced cancer and was suffering profusely. Yet, they too, were feeling guilty.

My point is that it's a normal part of grieving, but you have to try your best not to get into "obsessive thought patterns" with it. That's what my grief councellor called it. You knowy, when you go round and round in circles going over what you "should" have done.

Once again: I'm so very sorry about you beloved Moose. I know so well the feeling of 10 years was not enough. My Luba only got a few weeks past her 9th birthday. By rights, a dog of her size should have hit at least 13. It's simply not fair.

Pamela,

You are going through so much pain! I was angry to hear about your being let go from your job. How dare they?!!! As Marcia said, it's SO unfortunate that society doesn't recognize this type of grief.

I feel for your pain, so much.

I read a saying once that went something like, "Through the greatest of losses, God will fill those voids with treasures beyond what you can believe..." It IS hard to believe. But I have faith that a better job situation is around the corner for you. You may look back at your job and be thankful that you were let go so you could come upon the new situation.

I know it doesn't work the same for the grief. Yet I DO have faith that you will heal, day by day, even though it just seems impossible right now. Moose's spirit is blissfully all around you, and he will help you through this journey. Really!

Love and prayers,

Kathy