It's been three weeks for me, and I swear, I feel like am never going to feel better. I can't believe how bad I feel even after three weeks. I've had good things happen to me in the past week that I just don't care about.

Can anyone talk about when it stops hurting? At least so I start to feel like myself again?

Thank you.

Hi, Suzanne, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to your question: "Can anyone talk about when it stops hurting? At least so I start to feel like myself again?"

Suzanne, to at least try to partly answer your question, three weeks is hardly enough time for you to begin to feel like yourself again. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your time. Clinical professionals recognize that the first year of a loss is the hardest because a person has all the "first withouts" to endure which are reminders of what "used to be." It is very normal for you to not find enjoyment even in the GOOD things right now because your heart is still grieving for your beloved Poe. The physical and emotional adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Poe takes time, Suzanne, and even "going through the motions" is painful.

It is vitally important for YOUR health - - both physically and emotionally - - that you allow yourself the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Poe - - even if you must do so privately. Some people think that if they suppress their grief feelings that this will help to lessen the grief pain. Clinical studies prove that suppressing the grief is actually very harmful, for supressed grief will eventually need to be dealt with, and sometimes it is accompanied by serious health situations.

Some people find it helpful to keep a journal of their thoughts and feelings and memories, so this is another avenue you may find helpful in your grief journey. Crying is a natural grief process as well, for the tears you cry are literally healing tears as they wash out the toxins that form in the body from the stress of grief. I remember so well thinking that I would never be able to stop crying for my beloved companions as each of them joined the angels, but I promise you, Suzanne, that one day - - probably when you least expect it - - you will find yourself being able to smile again - - and I mean truly smiling - - and then you will know that your heart can once again feel the joy of your many treasured memories of your beloved Poe, and enjoy life once again as well.

But it just takes time for you to come to this point in your grief adjustment journey. Please know we are here for you, Suzanne, for as long and as often as you need us. By ourselves we can feel very isolated and alone and broken without hope - - together we can find the strength, courage, comfort, and hope to endure through the worst pain we can know on this side of eternity. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Suzanne, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Suzanne

Three weeks is only an instant in this grief. I don't mean that to sound pessimistic - just to let you know that you are, as MoonBeam says, perfectly normal. In March, my beloved 10-year-old Half black lab-half Newfie Rufus had to be sent to the promised Land when I was halfway across the continent caring for an ill sister. I'm still crying at the thought of his name, or looking at the beautiful picture book his foster mother made, or writing to him on LS.

For the first several weeks, you're just doing the "robot-walk" - walking through your life doing the minimum that has to be done and feeling, well, like a robot. Because to open even a tiny crack brings on the rush of tears and pain. You know life is worth it but it sure doesn't feel like it.

Animals like your Poe are spirit-animals, like the white buffalo in the Native American tradition. From the beginning of time Poe and you have been soul-mates - you each carry a piece of each other's soul. These spirit animals search the universe over, through billions and billoins of people until they find the one and only who is carrying the missing piece of their souls. Then, even more amazing, they put themselves in our paths so we will find them. And the instant recognition and bond tell the whole story. Our life together is like a dream, and then whoever made the universe decided to make their lifespans shorter than ours, and we get put to the ultimate test of love - to put ourselves through the searing pain of letting them go to live an pain- and sickness-free life where they came from: the Perfect World.

But in reality, the only things that happens is that we can no longer sense them with our human senses. And that HURTS!!!! But their spirits are still with us just as they ever were. Lovely Poe is still right there by your side and on his job - guiding your steps, protecting you, and most important, loving you. Sometimes you will get a strong feeling that they are in their usual spots and then look and they won't be there. That is their way of giving us a sign that they ARE there and they are OK and they love us the same as before. Some people actually catch glimpses of their spirit-animals. I've only dreamt about my first dog and even then she was of a different breed.

Suzanne, I think we grieve in proportion as we love. So, in answer to your question, not for a LONG time. And I believe we are never quite the same, because our spirit animals (and there can be more than one) have carried back the piece of our souls with them. But they have left us a wonderful gift - a piece of their soul AND the promise that we WILL be together someday in the Perfecct World.

We're with you, Poe's mom. We care and we understand. Please keep writing about beautiful Poe.

Rufus and Gretta's mom