13 years ago he was a little furry ball, hidden in my father's pocket. He came to our house with a cry, he left it, unfortunately, in the same manner.
Three weeks ago we found out he had valvular heart disease. Lucky was a pekingese and his heart was five times bigger than normal. Three weeks ago I realized that my precious boy had always had this big heart and it had always been full of love.
The last night of his life, the night between his birthday and death, my parents told me Lucky had been crying of pain.
I study in a different town and go home just for the weekends. Being on the way home, my mom told me about the Lucky's suffering. It took me three hours to arrive.
He was lying half-dead. His eyes were so purulent, that he was blind. He was only breathing. I laid my palm on his chest. I started praying to God to end his pain. I begged. I cried. In the end of my prayers, his heart slowed down. It is so hard to recall all of these last moments. His head turned upwards and his mouth opened. In that last second I felt like his soul was trying to get out of his body. I just fondled his back. I couldn't look at him. If only I had have hugged him. If only...
He was waiting for me. I know it. So he could die.
In Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle", I remember a quote : "Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'It might have been."... Now I'm nothing- just emptiness, pain and guilt...It might have been...
I feel like we never were able to show him how much we love him. We were so ignorant of him, we were bad most of the time, because he had so much of a character. He was peeing all over the house. He bit to blood sometimes. And we were angry. Now I realize that we've been only blind.
I just want a forgiveness for everything I've done and for everything I didn't.
The best friend I have ever had...The love of my life... My life...My everything.
I can't cope with the pain. Most of the people around me keep saying: "He was old"; "You'll buy another one" etc. But they don't understand. Lucky was part of our family, the most essential one. When you love someone, your heart forgets that he is mortal. At some time you forget it too. And then comes this striking minute you have to say goodbye.
I want to believe in afterlife. I hope...But there's this part of not knowing, of wondering.
I would die thousand times, I would tear my heart with bare hands again and again, just to have Lucky back, to undo everything I did.
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Full Version: The Best Friend I Have Ever Had...
QUOTE (larine @ Oct 22 2012, 05:12 PM) 
13 years ago he was a little furry ball, hidden in my father's pocket. He came to our house with a cry, he left it, unfortunately, in the same manner.
Three weeks ago we found out he had valvular heart disease. Lucky was a pekingese and his heart was five times bigger than normal. Three weeks ago I realized that my precious boy had always had this big heart and it had always been full of love.
The last night of his life, the night between his birthday and death, my parents told me Lucky had been crying of pain.
I study in a different town and go home just for the weekends. Being on the way home, my mom told me about the Lucky's suffering. It took me three hours to arrive.
He was lying half-dead. His eyes were so purulent, that he was blind. He was only breathing. I laid my palm on his chest. I started praying to God to end his pain. I begged. I cried. In the end of my prayers, his heart slowed down. It is so hard to recall all of these last moments. His head turned upwards and his mouth opened. In that last second I felt like his soul was trying to get out of his body. I just fondled his back. I couldn't look at him. If only I had have hugged him. If only...
He was waiting for me. I know it. So he could die.
In Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle", I remember a quote : "Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'It might have been."... Now I'm nothing- just emptiness, pain and guilt...It might have been...
I feel like we never were able to show him how much we love him. We were so ignorant of him, we were bad most of the time, because he had so much of a character. He was peeing all over the house. He bit to blood sometimes. And we were angry. Now I realize that we've been only blind.
I just want a forgiveness for everything I've done and for everything I didn't.
The best friend I have ever had...The love of my life... My life...My everything.
I can't cope with the pain. Most of the people around me keep saying: "He was old"; "You'll buy another one" etc. But they don't understand. Lucky was part of our family, the most essential one. When you love someone, your heart forgets that he is mortal. At some time you forget it too. And then comes this striking minute you have to say goodbye.
I want to believe in afterlife. I hope...But there's this part of not knowing, of wondering.
I would die thousand times, I would tear my heart with bare hands again and again, just to have Lucky back, to undo everything I did.
Click to view attachment
Three weeks ago we found out he had valvular heart disease. Lucky was a pekingese and his heart was five times bigger than normal. Three weeks ago I realized that my precious boy had always had this big heart and it had always been full of love.
The last night of his life, the night between his birthday and death, my parents told me Lucky had been crying of pain.
I study in a different town and go home just for the weekends. Being on the way home, my mom told me about the Lucky's suffering. It took me three hours to arrive.
He was lying half-dead. His eyes were so purulent, that he was blind. He was only breathing. I laid my palm on his chest. I started praying to God to end his pain. I begged. I cried. In the end of my prayers, his heart slowed down. It is so hard to recall all of these last moments. His head turned upwards and his mouth opened. In that last second I felt like his soul was trying to get out of his body. I just fondled his back. I couldn't look at him. If only I had have hugged him. If only...
He was waiting for me. I know it. So he could die.
In Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle", I remember a quote : "Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'It might have been."... Now I'm nothing- just emptiness, pain and guilt...It might have been...
I feel like we never were able to show him how much we love him. We were so ignorant of him, we were bad most of the time, because he had so much of a character. He was peeing all over the house. He bit to blood sometimes. And we were angry. Now I realize that we've been only blind.
I just want a forgiveness for everything I've done and for everything I didn't.
The best friend I have ever had...The love of my life... My life...My everything.
I can't cope with the pain. Most of the people around me keep saying: "He was old"; "You'll buy another one" etc. But they don't understand. Lucky was part of our family, the most essential one. When you love someone, your heart forgets that he is mortal. At some time you forget it too. And then comes this striking minute you have to say goodbye.
I want to believe in afterlife. I hope...But there's this part of not knowing, of wondering.
I would die thousand times, I would tear my heart with bare hands again and again, just to have Lucky back, to undo everything I did.
Click to view attachment
I am so sorry for your loss. I just recently lost my sweet kitty and I know the pain you must be feeling.
Same here. I think it says a lot about us as being caring, compassionate human beings to have that much love for an animal. I have regrets too. Like last Saturday morning, when my dog started to show signs of increasing pain beginning the night before, I called a few numbers for mobile vets because at that point, she couldn’t walk. Go figure, mobile vets don’t like to work on Saturdays. When the one person who would come out quoted his price, which was twice the amount of another place I had found online, I told him I would call back. I was hoping that the other place would get back to me anyway either that day or on Sunday morning. But by Saturday night, my dog was wailing in pain, and I was desperate to get someone out here to put her out of her misery. I called the same guy back, and he came out at 10pm to take care of it. It was worth every penny. What I regret is not having him come out the first time I had called, or not waiting until 9pm to try again, because then she wouldn’t have been in so much pain for so long. I have to continually forgive myself because I devoted tons and tons of love and care on her, and in the back of my head, I think that she knew that. It was hard letting her go, but I also think of it as the last gift I could give her, the release from pain. I believe in doggy heaven, and I’m sure that at the end of it all, she knows how much I loved her and did my best. Instead of thinking of what if’s and what else we could have done differently, concentrate on what we did do to show our love. We may not be fully aware of it, but each and every day, in the most miniscule of actions, we did show our love, and I’m sure they picked up on it. I remember all of the licks of affection she gave me, so I must have done something right. 
Hi, Larine, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Lucky. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Your beloved Lucky transitioned home to the angels in the place he loves the most - - his home surrounded by the sights, sounds, smells - - and touch - - of the people he loves the most - - and who love him.
Larine, this grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that normally overwhelm us all at one time. It is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is an adjustment that is both emotionally and physically painful. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. This is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for it is a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" - - and your heart will break anew.
Unfortunately one of the emotions that we all go through is guilt, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will come to know that your beloved Lucky knows that you love him with all your heart. The love bond you and your beloved Lucky share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Lucky is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Larine - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.
I am very sorry that you have been subjected to insensitive comments. While clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful, if not more so, as the loss of a human family member or friend, unfortunately our society in general, and sadly sometimes some of the people who are the closest to us do not. Please know that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. Here in this forum there is no such thing as "it is only a . . . " Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Larine.
I know there are no adequate words in any language that soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Lucky with us, Larine, and the wonderful picture of him. What a precious sweet boy he is. I hope you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Larine, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Larine, this grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that normally overwhelm us all at one time. It is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is an adjustment that is both emotionally and physically painful. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. This is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for it is a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" - - and your heart will break anew.
Unfortunately one of the emotions that we all go through is guilt, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will come to know that your beloved Lucky knows that you love him with all your heart. The love bond you and your beloved Lucky share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Lucky is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Larine - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.
I am very sorry that you have been subjected to insensitive comments. While clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful, if not more so, as the loss of a human family member or friend, unfortunately our society in general, and sadly sometimes some of the people who are the closest to us do not. Please know that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. Here in this forum there is no such thing as "it is only a . . . " Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Larine.
I know there are no adequate words in any language that soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Lucky with us, Larine, and the wonderful picture of him. What a precious sweet boy he is. I hope you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Larine, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you both for the words of support- they mean so much to me. Knowing I'm not alone is one of those small warm things, which gives me strength through the dark days of mine.
5 days have already passed- just like a bad dream. I go to work, attend lectures, do some daily routines, but my mind roams. The contact with people dispels my tears, but nothing calms the suffering of my heart. Emptiness is consuming me. As soon as the night falls, I lose myself in boundless sorrow.
I haven't cried since yesterday and I'm afraid that piece of my soul (as I spend almost the whole week away from home) believes Lucky is still alive. I'm terryfied of going home on Friday and not seeing him there. I know I will break emotionally.
I listen to requiems during the day. I don't know if it's sign (because the interpretation is often subjective, and in my case- it's an insignificant occurence), but just before turning on my music player today and playing Dies Irae, it fell down. I picked it up and after few seconds, it fell again. The first thought that came to my mind was that I should stop listening to music, devoted to the dead. Since then my whole body is filled with warmth, which just like a blanket of snow has covered the sharp pain in my heart. I hope that it won't fade away.
5 days have already passed- just like a bad dream. I go to work, attend lectures, do some daily routines, but my mind roams. The contact with people dispels my tears, but nothing calms the suffering of my heart. Emptiness is consuming me. As soon as the night falls, I lose myself in boundless sorrow.
I haven't cried since yesterday and I'm afraid that piece of my soul (as I spend almost the whole week away from home) believes Lucky is still alive. I'm terryfied of going home on Friday and not seeing him there. I know I will break emotionally.
I listen to requiems during the day. I don't know if it's sign (because the interpretation is often subjective, and in my case- it's an insignificant occurence), but just before turning on my music player today and playing Dies Irae, it fell down. I picked it up and after few seconds, it fell again. The first thought that came to my mind was that I should stop listening to music, devoted to the dead. Since then my whole body is filled with warmth, which just like a blanket of snow has covered the sharp pain in my heart. I hope that it won't fade away.
Hi, larine, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us "I'm terryfied of going home on Friday and not seeing him there." It will take awhile for your heart, and mind, to make the transition of your beloved Lucky not greeting you at the door, sleeping with you - - all of the things you shared with him during his earthly journey.
If you should find yourself still hearing him, feeling him - - please know you are NOT losing your mind. This is your beloved Lucky's way of reassuring you that he is still with you -- always and forever. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, kiss / lick us they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical, and emotional, withdrawal from their precious physical presence with us.
The good news in the midst of all this pain is that your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. And he will continue to find ways to let you know he is close to you. His sweet Living Spirit is not confined to the physical house in which he lived - - he is with you wherever you go and whatever you do, larine.
It is important that you only take one day at a time, larine - - one moment at a time - - in your grief journey in your own way and in your own time.
I hope today is treating you kindly, larine, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
If you should find yourself still hearing him, feeling him - - please know you are NOT losing your mind. This is your beloved Lucky's way of reassuring you that he is still with you -- always and forever. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, kiss / lick us they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical, and emotional, withdrawal from their precious physical presence with us.
The good news in the midst of all this pain is that your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. And he will continue to find ways to let you know he is close to you. His sweet Living Spirit is not confined to the physical house in which he lived - - he is with you wherever you go and whatever you do, larine.
It is important that you only take one day at a time, larine - - one moment at a time - - in your grief journey in your own way and in your own time.
I hope today is treating you kindly, larine, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lucky's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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