Its been 6 months since losing our little girl. I now can remember good times with her but am still haunted by the seizures she had in her last 2 weeks and wishing there was something else I could have done for her. When friends talk about their pets I jump in by sayin niki did that or niki would have never done that. Will people start thinking that I'm crazy? My husband still carries a picture of her in his wallet and will show it at any opportunity. We are looking for another puppy to fill "part" of the void. It will have some big shoes to fill.

Hi!
I can relate. I talk about my Little Girl very often as well, and I always will. It's been 7 months since she passed.
It's a crazy world we live in when WE are the ones seen as unusual for the love we have for our fur- and feather-children.
Love,
Kathy

p.s. Remember that we can't be perfect. There's always more we could have done, but you are a loving Mom and that's what counts!

I know how you feel. I talk about Stymy all the time. Right now I don't care if they think I'm crazy, my memories are all I have of him. Hang in there and getting a puppy sounds like a good idea.

Vic

I too talk about Hannah and still tell everyone about my little girl. The other day I was talking with a woman who lives in the retirement home where my aunt lives. My aunt was there, and I was telling the woman about taking Hannah to the vet, etc., when she got really sick. My aunt basically said, you don't need to be talking about it. It makes you too sad, etc. My aunt has the best of intentions, I know, but when you get someone who does want to hear what you have to say, then someone else won't let you. It's frustrating because I'm at the point where I really would like to talk about it, and I don't fall apart. I miss her so much too still, my little girl.

I have been meeting a lot of animal lovers lately thru the group "Friends of Animals" that I'm working with, so that's good. I just haven't gotten to know any of them well, but when I mention that I lost my 16-year old little Yorkie-Poo, I get sympathetic understanding responses.

I also experience some haunting images too -- I can still see her "screaming" as she got the shot of valium, and I can still see and feel her little limp body as I carried her to the car and held her on the way to bury her. I don't do it often anymore, but sometimes those images just come up and/or you hear something and it reminds you. I guess they'll never go away. I can still see my mom and my dad in the hospital, and especially my dad after he died.

I know you did everything in the world you could for Niki. I don't even care if people think I'm nuts or obsessed about Hannah. One of my very best friends actually said just a couple of weeks ago that I was obsessed about her because I talk still talk about her and miss her!

We are in the same timeframe since it will be six months and two weeks next Monday for me. It's unbelievable that it's been so long. I know we all have each other here, and for that I am so glad. I just wish and hope that we find more people in our everyday lives that will understand.
Love,
Marcia
By the way, here's a poem that expresses, I think, perfectly, how we feel about this.

Please See Me Through My Tears
by Kelly Osmont

You asked, "How am I doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...
and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me drained away.

"How am I doing?"...I do better when people listen,
though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable.
If you've never known it you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away,
When I'm ignored,
I am again alone with it
Your attention means more than you can ever know.

Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're nature's way of helping me to heal...
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.

I know you fear that asking how I'm doing brings me sadness
...but you're wrong.
The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not
give me the pain...it was already there.

When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing
what to do?
You are not helpless,
And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
you've helped me
You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient...do not fear.

Listening with your heart to "how I am doing"
relieves the pain,
for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.

Talking to you releases what I've been wanting to say aloud,
clearing space
for a touch of joy in my life.

I'll cry for a minute or two...
and then I'll wipe my eyes,
and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.

When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots...
because I'm trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt...me, because my pain is held inside,
a shield against our closeness...and you,
because suddenly we're distant.

So please, take my hand and see me through my tears...
then we can be close again.

Thank you all. My husband and I went puppy shopping and they all were just adorable but none jumped into my heart. Is my heart still closed? I just love animals though I just don't understand. I try and think there is one out there that really needs us and the wait will be worth it.