On the 13th of this month makes 1yr since my roots life ended. One the most devastating painful days of my life. I hear people talk about the love and affection they have with their dogs and all I can think of is the emptiness anger I feel because I don't have that anymore. But yet I still smile and pretend I understand. I don't and I still feel like I was robbed of 1 of lifes most precious gifts. I have rescued a pregnant cat. Witness the birth of her kittens found homes for her and all but the kitten I choose to keep. I thought this would help me heal from my lost and it did for a while but now I feel the same as before (like it just happened). As I write this I am crying so much its unbearable the pain still radiates like a knife cutting thru my soul. I thouhgt and hoped this part of it would be over by now. I would like to get another puppy from the same person I got Rudy from some how I believe it will give me some type of connection to him again (weird I kmow). I have been okay for the most part but when hits me hits me like a 10 ton truck. The memories that flash are the last ones like he was all alone in a cage when he passed. The smell of death when I kissed him last. The bloody mocus running from his nose. Thinking what I did or did'nt do. I pray god will just heal this hole in my heart so I can remember just him and all the good times how I was never alone with him and him with me. As usual I can't really talk about this like this with those who are close to me because they just don't understand. This forum is a little light in my tunnel. I'm not sure if what I say is always read or notbut atleast I can let these feelings out without that strangeness lurking. To who if anyone took the time to read my thouhgts you are much appreciated. To all new and old members just know you are not alone and mt heart goes out to you in all you trials and tribulations. Thanks for your time.

P.S. I will post Rudy's picture before the 13th.

Dear Rudy's Mom, I am so sorry you are still haunted by those memories - I just read your story and my heart aches for you, Westies are the loveliest little dogs, it doesn't sound weird at all considering getting another puppy from the same breeder - i think it would give you the sense of connection you need. I am only 3 months into this grief journey and am still amazed how i can cruise along fine and then something hits me from nowhere and there's all that pain again, that twisting in your gut. Please try to think of the beautiful seven months you guys shared, all the love you gave each other, it's still there, deep inside you, i pray it will bring you some comfort. Please be gentle with yourself Leejaye

Hi, Kim, the "angel-versaries" are very hard - - extremely hard - - for they are reminders that our beloved companions - - your precious Rudy -- is no longer physically with you. Although clinical professionals recognize that the first year of physical loss is the hardest, - - as it is filled with all the "first's without" - - neither the clinical professionals nor the calendar dictate to our hearts about how long the painful adjustment journey - - both emotional and physical - -continues in our hearts and lives.

You endured a very tragic loss with your beloved Rudy, Kim - - and unfortunately this memory will never be erased - - but I add my deepest and sincerest prayer to yours: I pray with all my heart that God will heal this hole in your heart so that you can remember your beloved Rudy - - just him and all the good times how you were never alone with him and him with you.

Kim, please know you are ALWAYS among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. There are no "time limits" - - no "expiration dates" here. We are here for you, with you, and beside you - - ALWAYS.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Rudy with us, Kim. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kim, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Rudy's mom,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on both your original loss of your Rudy, but also love and support on thise recent anniversary of his loss.

I, too, loved a Rudy. He was a C-o-c-k-e-r Spaniel that lived with us for 11 years. He was a lover and such a good boy. He passed away in 2008 and I knew my world had ended. But he was smarter than I ever was. Because 5 months to-the-day of his death, he sent me Trevor, a special needs C spaniel that I had for just over two years.

Rudys are special boys. There is no reason to feel so badly that you still miss him and grieve as deeply as you do. That truly shows the love both of you had for each other!

I promise I'll write again soon. Rudy moms are a special group - you bet!

Blessings.....................
Bobbie

Dear Rudy's mom

My heart is with you as you embark on this journey of grief. My Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) left this world on April 10, so I'm a little farther along the way ... but I've concluded that this roller coaster of horrors last until we are reunited with our loved animals in the Perfect World.

You're just beginning the journey, maybe still in the "shock and awe" place, maybe in the huge, sobbing ANGER that this had to happen. Doggone it (no blasphemy intended) - why did the maker of this universe create such special beings that capture our hearts so completely and then give them lifespans that are so much shorter than ours!

Rudy's mom - anything you do, think, cry, pound things .... is OK. It's what you need to do with all the grief in your heart. One day now you will get to the 'robot walk' place - where the world around you thinks you should be "over it" - when you walk through the tasks you have to do in life just like a zombie - a robot. The searing, heart-shredding pain will lessen, but the huge concrete block you'll carry on your heart will bow you down - sometimes when you least expect it.

But Rudy's mom, we hurt in proportion as we loved. Your little Rudy looked all over the universe to find you, his one-and-only true mom, put himself in your path so you would find each other, and then shared with you the most powerful lover there is - unconditional. Pretty amazing for a being that well-meaing friends willcall "just a pet." NO, he's NOT "just a pet" - he's your soul-mate, your special spirit animal who has loved you since the beginning of time and will love you until time ends.

Walk slowly, breathe deeply, cry silently ..... Rudy is still on his job - watching out for you, guiding your steps, and most of all, loving and being loved by you exactly as ever. Love like your is infinite and eternal - in both directions.

Here's some hugs for you today.

Gretta's mom