Hello everyone,

I am new to the site. I am glad I found this forum. I am Brutus's mom. He was a Rottweiler and my love. I do, also have 5 Siberian Huskies whom I love dearly as well. Brutus died this past Thursday Feb. 3rd, of Histiocytic Sarcoma. Before I new it, he was so ill. For the past 3 weeks I had seen him losing weight but his appetite was still intact. I brought him to a local vet, who said it was just heartworms making him lose weight and look down. The vet didn't even bother giving him a thorough physical (idiot). He did a blood panel and the results came back that his hematocrit was low, AGAIN the wonderful vet told me it was due to his heartworms (which obviously doesn't work b/c I would give him his meds every single month. Never skipped one ever). Anyway, I did not believe the vet. In my gut I knew there was something else. So I called one of the other vets to get a second opinion (one who actually knows something but lives farther away). He said to bring him in that there was no way heartworms in the beginning stages could cause this. I brought him in on Wednesday of last week. Thursday I found out the cancer had spread to his lymph nodes, spleen, and bone marrow. There was nothing I could do. I had to let Brutus go! I never thought that when he left home Wednesday that he would NEVER return. I have cried continuously since Wednesday. I can't believe my boy is gone.

Dear Rallytally7

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Brutus. You will be heartbroken. I do understand your heartache only too well. I wish I could take away your pain in some way. You have found the right place here as there are so many wonderful people who understand how devastating it is to lose a beloved companion here, who will be able to offer comfort and support.
It would be lovely to hear more about Brutus if and when you feel able to talk about him some more. Maybe even post his photo. I found that it helped me so much to share happy memories of my Fur Angels with the people on this great forum.

How are your Huskies? I hope that they will be able to bring you much needed comfort at this time.
Please know that I am thinking of you and your precious Brutus and your Huskies.

Hugs

jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hi Rallytally7,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Brutus. I'm also sorry about the experiences you had with his vet.

I remember all too well the feelings that come soon after the loss. How it can range from numbness and not quite believing it ... to the heart-wrenching sobs where it hurts to even breathe. Sometimes you feel like the tears will never stop. It's important that you allow yourself to cry these tears, for they are healing tears. And in time, the pain will ease and you will be able to think of your wonderful Brutus and smile at all the precious memories he gave you. In time, you will come to realize that we never really lose them, for they are with us always with us, etched in our hearts. And I truly believe that they are waiting somewhere wonderful for us, until it is our time to be reuinted with them.

Take care of yourself, and please come back to let us know how you're getting on.

Big hugs, Cheryl xx

Thank you Jan and Cheryl for the wonderful condolences. He was a wonderful dog. I cry all of the time and sometimes smile at the wonderful things that he has done for me. He helped me through a divorce and had pneumonia at the age of 4 mths old then OCD surgery on his two back legs at 1yr old. He had a rough life, but filled with love. I had him trained just how I wanted him. If I would say "bye Brutus" he would come running not wanting me to leave him. I would say "watch'em" and he would bow up and be prepared to get anything that would come around me.

I decided to cremate him, so I am awaiting his arrival back home. This is hard too. I just want him home. I am not sure if cremation was the right way to go. I am panicked on "what if it isn' t my dog that is coming back to me" then I wonder if I should have buried him instead. I dread to think of him burning. But I couldn't stand the thought of him in the ground, for he hated the cold and rain.

Does anyone recommend creatation to ground burial?

P.S. Brutus does have a pregnant girlfriend. I've thought about keeping one of his babies. Any suggestions?

Hi, RallyTally, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Brutus. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former yourthfulness in the company of the angels.

I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience with the previous vet, and am so glad you sought a second opinion. I hope the second vet was a source of comfort to you as you made the most painful decision you will know on this side of eternity - - to release your beloved Brutus from his failing physical body.

I presume you opted for a private cremation arranged with the second vet. I have opted for private cremations all of my adult life, and I have never had any reason to doubt that the ashes returned to me are anyone other than my precious furchild. While I was growing up when one of the family "pets" died, they were buried in the yard - - quite unceremoniously by my father which always broke my heart. The prevailing attitude in my family is that "it's just a . .. " and I never ever shared that attitude. It's a matter of personal preference, RallyTally - - whatever is a source of comfort to you and in honor of your precious Brutus. At some point in time you can bury his ashes if you'd like, or you can disperse them in favorite places, or you can keep them and get a special urn for them and make arrangements for the disposition of his ashes in your Will. I have done the latter, and enjoy having my precious furkids' ashes here with me.

How sweet that Brutus is going to be a dad - - how exciting!! If you would like one of his progeny I believe it would be a wonderful connection to your precious Brutus. This, too, is a very personal decision, RallyTally, and whatever you decide will be the right one for you.

There are so many different aspects to this grief adjustment journey, and it can seem at times like it will never end, and then other times you think you're through the worst of it only to think of something or hear a special song and find yourself dropping to your knees in deep sorrow as though it's the first moment of physical loss. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you, with you, and beside you every step of your journey.

RallyTally, I hope what I have shared with you will be a source of comfort and encouragement to you in addition to the wonderful comfort already received from Jan and Cheryl, and all the other folks who will share your grief journey with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blesings,
moon_beam

Dear Rally Tally,
Glad that you found this forum. So sorry about Brutus. What a lovely boy. I know it must have been such a shock to find out that he had cancer that had spread but animals can be good at hiding their illnesses. I can totally understand how sad you are and about the crying that will never end. I have been in the same place for the last month. You will have good days and bad days so be very patient with yourself.
So exciting that Brutus is going to be a dad. Give yourself time to think about taking one of his puppies. When are they due?
Please let us know how you are doing.

Dear RallyTally,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious Brutus. The pain of loosing our special companion is so great.

On Sunday I picked up the ashes belonging to by beautiful Victoria. I have done this before, and for me, it is the most sacred path. This though is a very personal decision.

Choosing to have one of the pups with you sounds heartwarming. It could help you feel more connected to your beloved Brutus.

Hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing on this grief journey.
With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Hi RallyTally,

I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss! Brutus sounds like a wonderful and loving friend.

With regard to cremation, I can tell you that I had my boy, Leonine, cremated after he was poisoned. In the past, I've always buried my little ones. This time, I felt that he needed to be close by me. He loved me so much and was always by my side. There are all sorts of safeguards with cremation and I'm sure that the company will be able to reassure you on that front. Perhaps give them a call and express your concern, see what they have to say. I didn't see it as "burning" his body, but as cleansing it with a white hot heat. Maybe thinking about it differently like that might help?

I do hope that you'll be okay.

CJ

Thank you corinnajane, juturna, and moonbeam for the sympathies. Corrinajane, I didn't think of cremation as you put it, a white cleansing flame, but I do like that a lot. Maybe that is how I need to look at it. The crematorium called and said that my precious Brutus is ready to be picked up. This was so hard to hear, for his death seems so final.

I knew in my logical mind that he had gone, but hearing it was devastating. I'm not sure if you all felt the same way.
I am however, glad that he is coming home.

Moonbeam, I wasn't able to have a private cremation where I was there with him, however the cremators did assure me that they would take extra special care of my Brutus, for they knew and understood my concern. The creamation seemed like the right thing to do for him. That way I can keep him with me.

Juturna, yes one of his pups would be so nice. I hope I can get one that looks similar to him.

Thank you all...my deepest condolences to you all as well.

Ralltally7,

My heart cries for your loss. I know it is hard to lose your beloved pet so suddenly and unexpectedly. I know the feeling, it's like someone pulled the rug from under you. I have my share of horror stories with incompetent vets but I'm glad you were able to get some answers in the end with the second vet. I never really found out what really happened to my sweet boy because he had so many problems and I had to end his suffering on 1/20/11.

Brutus sounds like he was a very special member of your household. I believe you made the right decision in cremating him. About having one of Brutus' baby, I think that would be a wonderful idea. Brutus will live on through his pup and I'm sure the pup will become just as special as his dad.

Stay in touch with us here and let us know how you are doing.

Well I picked up my boy, Brutus's ashes, and it was devastating. I picked him up and it was so final. And the vet clinic I had him at did a clay mold of his paw print. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. It even has some of his loose hairs on the mold of his paw. My boy.

I have him set on the head board of my bed, since he was always my protector. He is there to continue to protect me. I is so hard to look at his him.

Hi, RallyTally, bringing home our beloved companion's ashes can be both comforting and a difficult reminder that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us in the presence we so long for them. How very special to have your Brutus' pawprint - - including some his fur in the cast. This I know you will treasure.

All the emotions you are feeling, although quite painful, are also very normal. Let the tears flow, RallyTally, for they truly are healing tears. Eventually, one day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your precious Brutus and you will find yourself smiling. When this happens, RallyTally, you will once again feel the joy of your precious Brutus filling your heart and embracing you with the warmth of his eternal love.

I do so understand how difficult today has been for you. I hope this evening will be a peaceful one. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, RallyTally, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam