A couple weeks go I learned that my kitty Cayenne has cancer. She had surgery to remove a tumor and is now getting chemotherapy. The chemo probably will not save her but the vet said she could live six to 18 months with chemo and would probably only live six to eight weeks without it. At least with the chemo, I will have more time to say goodbye and try to get used to the idea of life without her.

Four and a half years ago, I lost my other kitty, Eileen. I was heartbroken. Eileen was my best friend. But I love Cayenne too. In a way she seems like my last link to Eileen. And my last link to a whole other life I had before. See, about eight years ago I become disabled. I lost my job, my apartment, almost everything. But I was able to keep my two cats. My life is not bad now but I lost a lot and now Cayenne is like my only link to that, to the old me.

It comforts me to know she will be with Eileen when she goes. She really grieved when Eileen died, I could tell. So that comforts me. But I still feel like I am losing more than just a cat that I love. And I am not ready to lose her or all that other stuff.

Magdalene

I lost my cat yesterday. All I can say is what my Mum said to me- whatever you do it's the right thing, because it's done out of love.

Magdaline and Amber,

I am so sorry for both of your situations.

Losing a friend is dreadful and an a experience I would not wish on my worst enemy, the sadness you feel is the most extrme and raw sadness. Magdelne if you have any time with your prcious freind take every moment you have and make them count.

Amber I am so sorry you lost your friend and while I don't know your situation, I am sure what your mum says is true, because ALL of our decisions are driven by love for our friends and never by another emotion.

both take care and take it slow.

Hi, Magdalene, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the illness of your precious Cayenne. The Anticipatory Grief journey is very difficult because we know we are in our "twilight" earthly journey with our beloved companions - - we know they are in their journey to the angels, and this is very painful. Even though our minds are trying to prepare us for this physical inevitability, our hearts are still clinging to the hope that a miracle will happen that will keep them physically with us.

I can so understand how you are feeling, Magdalene, for I have been where you are. I have walked the road you are traveling now, and I hope in some way I can offer you support, encouragement, comfort, and hope in what I share with you.

Twenty-five years ago my life changed dramatically - - physically and emotionally - - through tragic events that resulted in my mother's death. In our household we had two beloved companions: A cat named Holly and a dog named Samson. Samson was a gift to me from my mom, and we bonded very closely. Through a very long and dark journey of physical and emotional rehabilitation Samson literally became my therapy partner. Several years later Holly and Samson joined the angels within a year of each other, and it felt as though I was losing my mom all over again. Clinical professionals now recognize that this is quite normal, for in these circumstances our grief is compounded by previous life experiences that included traumatic loss.

So, Magdalene, what you are feeling is normal - - painful, very painful - - but normal. I can assure you, Magdalene, that even though there will come a time when Cayenne will no longer be physically with you, both she and Eileen will always be with you in your heart and your memories. The love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal, Magdalene. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Both Cayenne's and Eileen's sweet Living Spirits will always be with you wherever you go and whatever you do. However, this does not diminish the deep sorrow that is in your heart now in your Anticipatory Grief journey, but hopefully my sharing this with you will bring hope and comfort to your heart.

If there are any words of "wisdom" I can offer you they are for you and your precious Cayenne to take one day at a time and cherish every moment you have together, as I know you already are doing. And for you to know you are not alone in this journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here, Magdalene, and hopefully through our individual and collective letters to you, you will find the comfort, strength, encouragement, and hope you need through your and your precious Cayenne's remaining earthly journey. And we will continue to be here for you when Cayenne has joined the angels.

Magdalene, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you and Cayenne are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam