Normally, I can find the words for anything. I could write novels instead of a simple paragraph. But now, I find myself at a loss for words. To speak or to type.

On Monday, I put my 16+ year old puppy, Rags, to sleep. He had quite a few ailments... hypothyroidism, heart murmur, deafness and worst of them all, arthritis that originated in his spine.

It hurts so much that I cannot even describe. He was not my first pet, nor the first that died or that I had to put to sleep... but this hurts like no other loss, except possibly the loss of my two human best friends (2003 & 2010) comes close to this pain.

He was hurting and I know somewhere in my heart and head that it was the right thing to do... but I keep questioning my decision and the timing.

I'm not sure why I'm here... or why I'm posting. But I guess that's why I am. I don't know much of anything now that my best friend is gone.

Dear I Miss My Raggers

I want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your precious Raggers. As you say, it's hard to find 'words' to express what our hearts feel at the sad time of losing our beloved soul mates and best fur friends. I know that my words also will be inadequate, and will not make your pain go away, but please know that the words expressed on here do come from our hearts as we understand that pain only too well.
You have done the kindest , most caring thing that you could do for your Raggers, but I know it is one of the hardest things for us to do, even when we know that it is their time to be freed from pain and suffering. We still question ourselves. You have shared 16+ years, so you must be a great fur baby mum. Remember that your Raggers will always be with you, in your heart and soul.
Please let us know how you are, and maybe tell us some more about your dear Angel Raggers, maybe you could post a photo, when you feel able.

Thinking of you and sending hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hi, I Miss My Raggers, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Raggers. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's our first or our fiftieth loss, the deep grief pain is still unbearable.

Euthanasia is the last gift of love that we can give to our beloved companions on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be healed to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. This grief journey is one of "adjustment" to the physical loss of our beloved companions, and it is a very challenging adjustment for us - - both physically and emotionally. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey - - and is filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that it is often referred to as a nightmare roller coaster ride and very unpredictable.

I am so glad you have found this forum, I Miss My Raggers, for you are among friends here who do understand how you're feeling, and the challenges that are with you now as you begin the task of "re-defining" your life without the physical presence of your precious Raggers. And I want to emphasize the word "physical" because his sweet Living Spirit is forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do. You see, - - the love bond that we share with our beloved companions is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. It is eternal, and will always burn warmly in our hearts and memories. Not even the dimming of our minds with age can diminish the warm glow in our hearts that our beloved companions shared with us during their earthly journey with us - - and continue to share with us through their sweet Living Spirits.

But right now this is very hard to understand, because I know your heart is broken with sadness and grief. As Jan so eloquently said, there are no adequate words that can take away the deep seering grief that is in your heart and life right now. But I do hope and pray that somehow what I have shared with you will bring you some comfort and encouragement and hope as you travel your grief journey. And one of the many important things to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. By sharing your precious memories of your beloved Raggers with us is a means of keeping your earthly journey with him alive in your heart and memories, and brings a smile to our hearts to share your precious Raggers with you.

I Miss My Raggers, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you both so much for your beautiful posts and words. I've come back here a few times to read them... but again, couldn't find the words to type.

I figured I might as well try "talking" about my boy now, in the middle of the night, as I'm crying already and all are asleep in my house. The late nights had become 'our time', especially in the past year when I needed so much comfort from him.

I have uploaded a picture of him that I have printed for my two daughters and two for myself, one for my desk and one for under my pillow. This was taken on his last day with me and he looks surprisingly quite well in the picture. I can't take good pictures... so I'm kinda shocked on that front too.

So... I've now spent 20 minutes staring at this screen and have not been able to type anything else, just sit and cry and hug myself. What I would give to be able to bury my teary face into his fur, even just one more time. I keep hoping that I'll wake up and this was just an awful dream and he'll be right here with me.

His name is Sir Rags to Riches, most of his life he was Rags until recently my youngest started calling him Raggers... so I did. I can't do this... I just can't stop crying long enough to even think straight.

Thank you again. I'll be back again... tho I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write (again).

We all understand how hard it is for you to write. It took me a few weeks before I could post my own thread, even though I had been visiting the forum a few days after my Noushka left me for the Rainbow Bridge. I replied to a few posts and then I started my Tasha and Noushka thread. That was just over a year ago now. I can honestly say that in time your memories of your dear Rags, will make you feel 'happy' instead of the dreadful sadness and emptyness that you are feeling right now. It does take time though. Just take things slowly. It's good that you can cry, it will help to wash away some of the sadness. Write whenever and whatever you can. I found that it helped to share my stories with the wonderful new friends on this forum. The photo of your Rags on your profile is beautiful. What a darling he is. I have a photo of my 'Angels' Tasha and Noushka on my bedside table, which I look at and still kiss before going to sleep every night. My 'ritual' but it certainly does help, and I often have dreams which bring them even closer. It's lovely that your daughters have his photo too. My grandchildren have my Angels photos in their bedrooms. My oldest one (6years) talks about them still, even Tasha and he was only two when she left us aged 14. How old are your daughters, and how are they taking the loss of dear Rags ? If they are old enough maybe it would be good for you all to make a little book or folder about him. Tears will be shed I know, but when you feel able it could help you all and be a wonderful tribute to your precious soul mate and companion.

I am thinking of you and sending HUGS

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

I'm so sorry for your loss of Raggers. I cried when I read your post...I know how hard it is to even think straight right now. In time you will after the initial shock starts to wear off. We understand if you cannot "talk" about it. I know for me it has been easier to type out my feelings than to talk about them with anyone. Sure they know what happened but I have yet to this day physically stand in front of someone and tell them how I really feel....It's just much too hard. Honestly I'm not sure I ever will.

When you are ready, we would love to hear your story of your precious Raggers. We are here for you even if all you can type out is "I hurt". Everyone here knows the meaning behind those two little words. Be kind to yourself during this very emotional journey. Like Janika said...It's good to cry (I haven't stopped).

You're in my thoughts and prayers

Lots of Hugs

Annette

So very sorry about your baby Raggers. There are a lot of us here who are very fresh to losing our precious pets and understand completely the awful pain. I lost my Sadie kitty just a week and a half ago. It already seems like eons since I last touched her! Sometimes the pain is so terrible, you swear it would hurt LESS if someone stabbed you in the heart with a knife.

I haven't been here very long, obviously, but this board is a great source of comfort during a very difficult time. I have done a lot of reading and not much posting, so it's okay. I feel for everyone going through this....all the stories are so heart-rending.

Take care,

Kim

Hi, I Miss My Raggers, o h h h how well I know the deepest grief no heart should have to bear - - - but does - - for it is the deepest grief born of the deepest love we are blessed to know on this side of eternity. I hope that you can feel our collective comfort surrounding you and embracing you, I Miss My Raggers. I know all too well how impossible it is to type and cry - - heartbreaken sobbing - - at the same time.

The deep gut wrenching sobbing is actually very healthy for your heart and spirit - - physically and emotionally - - for it cleanses the body of the chemical toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grieving. We are here for you, I Miss My Raggers - - we're not going anywhere - - so we will be here whenever you are able to put two consecutive throughts together at the same time and type them to us. Concentration is at an all time low during the early stages of grief, particularly deep grief, so just focus on what you can, I Miss My Raggers.

Perhaps, if you'd like, sometime you could share a picture of your precious Raggers with us - - we'd love to see him, too, if you'd like to post a picture of him here. And, if you find you're having "technical challenges" just let us know and someone who is "technology proficient" will help you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, I Miss My Raggers, and please do let us know how you're doing - -whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam