Hi there! I am new to this website but it looks like a healthy way to cope with the unbelievable grief felt when such a beloved companion passes on. Oscar was a beautiful Golden Retriever who we only had for 2 1/2 years but in that time he gave us the world. So much love and companionship, laughs and tears. We spent a lot of Oscar's life at the cabin, swimming, fetching sticks, chasing squirrels and going for long walks. He was nothing but wonderful and he was definitely my strength and best friend.

This summer, I decided that I would work at a fishing camp to make money for school. I had Oscar up to the camp for a week in July and we had a blast! Those are my last memories of him. I looked forward all summer to reuniting with him on October 2nd. Unfortunately, last week, Oscar was showing signs of being sick. He frothed at the mouth and was limping. The vet gave him antibiotics, thinking it was a bacteria. It looked like he was getting better! Unfortunately, on Saturday while my parents were on their way from our cabin to the camp to pick me up, Oscar suddenly started vomiting blood and there was a huge puncture like wound in his chest where blood was pouring. My parents panicked so they stopped in the nearest city by our cabin and had to make the sudden and courageous decision to end his short life. He had contracted blastomycosis from the soil which is a fungus that is often very fatal but relatively rarely contracted. He had a fever of 106 and was dyeing. The vet said that that we should definitely put him down. There is treatment for blastomycosis but in Oscar's situation it would have been a miracle to work as his thyroid burst out of his chest (that's why he had that puncture like wound). My parents bravely told him over and over how much they loved him and both hold him so tightly as he passed away. See, Oscar has been through a lot. This last winter, in our backyard field, there was a snowmobieler who thought it would be funny to veer into our beautiful light, Oscar. He suffered major damage to his right hind leg, breaking every bone in his leg. We went through many surgeries and lots of love love and more love. He recovered to be very healthy and happy but never fully regained use of his leg. Anyways, when Oscar was in the vets this last weekend, he peacefully died and right afterwards, the vet said "Okay Sweetie, now you are running on four legs".
I was so sad when I found out. I felt like I had lost the most important thing to me in the world. I hate that he had to suffer so much. But he KNEW how much we loved him. He was the central focus and love of our family. It is so hard. I feel like I can not do anything but cry or just sit there and feel completely empty. My parents loved this dog also like he was their own child and that's how they describe the pain they are going through - the loss of a child. My dad always says that Oscar is the nicest person he's ever known.
I am so desperate for advice on how to move on and cope with the fact that I have lost my best friend. I am haunted by the fact that I never got to see him after camp was over. He and I both were really looking forward to that. I find that most people do not understand why I feel such acute sadness and grief. Many people other than my family are not being sensitive to my loss. How do I find comfort when my comfort used to be Oscar? Thank-you for listening.
Angela

I am so sorry about your beloved Oscar.

It is so difficult to lose them. In my opinion, sudden and unexpected death makes the whole grieving process even more complex. You have no time to prepare yourself. Suddenly your best buddy is gone.

I went through sudden death with my beloved border collie on June 5th. It was the most devastating loss of my life (and I've lost many people, and several furbabies in the past).

What I can say to you and your family is to allow yourselves the time to grieve. It does get easier as time moves on.

Come here and post often. If you don't feel like posting, just read other people's stories. I find it helps. Your friend is with mine now. And with all the others that have gone.

Steph

Hi Angela,
I am so sorry to hear about Oscar. I know how much it hurts. It IS like losing a child. That snowmobile story is horrible too. I just don't understand how anyone could be so cruel. That sort of thing makes me angrier than anything!

Thank Goodness Oscar had you and your family to love him so and take such good care of him. Oscar had a wonderful, happy fun-filled life with you. That's for sure! We have to thank God that we and our little babies were so fortunate and so blessed to have had each other!

It is difficult to find comfort when, as you said, the one who provided your comfort is gone, but Oscar will always live in your heart. It will help you to keep talking about Oscar. Lots of people in our everyday lives don't seem to "get it," but the people here certainly do, so keep coming here. There are several articles posted on this site that will probably help you if you read them. Also, there are some good books on dealing with the grief of losing companion animals.

It just hurts and hurts and hurts, and it feels unbearable. I know it, and it will take time for that pain to subside. Take good care of yourself. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
Marcia

Angela,
I'm so very sorry you are having to feel this pain. First, what you are feeling is very normal and if you can, give youself some time away from any obligations, so you can just sit with your feelings and cry as much as you want. You need this time, and others who have never had a special bond with an animal may not understand. Only someone who has loved a pet, like you and your parents loved Oscar, can know what a void there is when they move on from this life to the next.

It has to be hard to have not been able to see Oscar after camp, but try to take solace in knowing that he was with your Parents, people who loved and cared for him as much as you when he became ill. He didn't have to be alone or afraid. I understand your Dad saying that "Oscar is the nicest person he has ever known." Oscar gave all of you unconditional love and devotion, something we don't always get from humans. Try to think about how lucky you are to have ever had Oscar in your life at all. Try to find comfort in how much better your life is because Oscar was a part of it. There are so many questions in life, and one is why do our furbabies have such a shorter lifespan than us? One day when I meet God, I will be asking him this! In the meantime, we just MUST have faith that it is all part of God's plan. Oscar is free of pain now, and running and playing with all our furry friends at Rainbow Bridge, and you will see him again.

It's been almost 4 weeks now since we lost Dieter and I didn't think I would ever be able to do anything but sit on the sofa and cry because I miss him sooooo much. Because of the support from people here, I'm much better. I still shed tears, but not all day, and I'm starting to remember all the wonderful things, instead of the emptiness. I found that reading everything I could find regarding losing a pet, helped me realize that what I felt was normal. Also coming here and writing as much as you want about Oscar really will help, too. There are so many amazing and WISE people here that will open their hearts to you and help you through this.

{{{Angela}}} you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Libby

Hi Angela,

I'm very sorry you had to lose Oscar after only 2 and half years together. Even though his time here on earth was very short, it sounds as though he accomplished very much by winning the love of you and your parents. What a wonderful life he had--it's clear he was very much loved and wanted; there are so many animals who never find that.

As some of the other posters have said, what you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. You've had a huge loss in your life and it's going to take some time for your heart to begin to heal. But things do get better, Angela. You won't always feel as badly as you do right now. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve and try not to hold anything back.

I like what the vet said: "Okay sweetie, now you're running on all four legs." It's true Angela, he is running on all four legs now and when he left this world, he took all the love you and your parents had for him with him and oh my, what a beautiful sight that must be---to see him running around at the rainbow bridge with all that love in his heart. He left all the love he had for you here Angela. You don't have to look far to find it----it's right there in your heart and it will remain there forever.

Come here and talk with us as much as you need to. We'll always be here to listen.

You're in my thoughts,
_Jim

I am sorry for your loss. Even though you had such a short time together, Oscar was loved!

dee dee

You asked how you find comfort when your comfort used to be Oscar? That has a very simple answer. Because Oscar has not truly left you.

Oscar is in your heart and your memories, he is in every warm ray of sunshine that shines to light your way, he's in every whisper of wind that caresses your cheek, in the water you splash on your face and in the pillow you hug at night.

How can you lose something that is so much a part of you? You can't. The most important part of Oscar wasn't his body - it was his spirit. And that never leaves you. It stays in your heart until you pass on yourself - and you get to meet again.

Your comfort is in the fact that he loves you. No matter now long you live, no matter now difficult things may seem, no matter how lonely you may feel - Oscar truly loves you and still is your friend. All he wanted from you was that you love him back while he was with you - that stays the same.

That gift of love can never be taken away. You have been a true friend - and he'll wait very patiently until you can play again.

DJ's comments reminded me of that beautiful letter that Sullivan Ballou wrote to his wife Sarah before he was killed at the Battle of Bull Run - made famous by Ken Burns' do%%entary The Civil War. I have taken the parts of it that I think apply. (The full letter always brings tears to my eyes.)



Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield...

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours -- always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
whatever we were to each other
that we still are
call me by my old familiar name
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used
put no difference in your tone
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together
pray smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
without the trace of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
it is the same as it ever was
there is unbroken continuity
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner
All is well
Henry Scott Holland
(1847-1918) Canon of St Paul's Cathedral