Tomorrow will be a week since we lost our beloved Lexa. I am so lost without her. I just can't beleive she is gone, I keep thinking this isn't real.


We only had Lexa for 6 years it was to soon to lose her, my life will never be the same.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you are feeling. When we lose our companion animals there is a hole left in our hearts. There are some great people here on the forums. Feel free to pour your heart out we are here for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

MishasMom-Karen

There is nothing more painful than the loss you are going thru. 6 or 16 years...sometimes you can connect with your pet (Lexa) for just one day and feel the pure and complete love that there is. I know how much you miss her. I'm sorry she had to leave you so soon. Everything you have to do now, without her, is a new first time...coming home, cooking without her there, waking up...it's so rough. Everyone here on this site is aware of, is going thru, or has gone thru the intense grief and pain of missing those they've lost. It's like someone just keeps slamming the breath out of you. I'm hoping Lexa wasn't suffering near the end. Please write more and tell us about her. Peace

Dennis

Hi,

Firstly, welcome to the forum. I hope you find some comfort here. I sure have.

Secondly, so sorry about your loss. Your pain is still so very fresh and raw right now. I can imagine you're still at the stage where you find it difficult to breathe, to eat, to function normally. At this stage, all you can do is just breathe...take each moment as it comes. Take each emotion as it comes. And embrace it, don't try to ignore it, or push it aside. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. The other piece of advice I give at this stage is to drink plently of water. It is important to stay hydrated... I remember too well the headaches, the dry mouth, the zombie like state, drinking lots of water will help with this.

You're still at the denial stage right now. This will slowly start to fade, although you still might find it returning in waves (as I still do just over 3 weeks on). Grief is a long process, you just have to ride with it. Take time to read this topics on these forums. There is a lot of great advice and support on here. Post more when you are feeling up to it.

Sorry again. It is so hard isn't it. We are all here for you.

Cheryl X

Hi, Axel&Lexa Mommy, please permit me to add my sympathies in the loss of your beloved Lexa. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with their company. I do so know what you mean - - 6 years isn't long enough. Tomorrow will be 3 months to the date that my beautiful 6 year old Abbygayle (see Abbygayle's Journey) joined the angels.

But it doesn't really matter if we have had their company for 6 hours, 6 days, 6 months, or 15, 20, years - - it's never long enough. We always want, hunger for, plead for just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more lifetime.

This grief journey is a one day at a time journey filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turn arounds - - sometimes all in one day, particularly in the beginning with the deep grief. It can make your head spin sometimes, and maybe even make you think you're losing your mind. One of the many things for you to remember is that what you are feeling is normal, even if you think this grief will never stop.

And another important thing for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here understands how you're feeling, and we are here for you every step of the way for as long and as often as you need us.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Axel&Lexa Mommy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Axel&Lexa Mommy,

I lost my little boy at 5 years old. He will be gone one month tomorrow. Cooper and I were so close. But it really does get it easier. The first week, I felt like I wanted to curl up in my bed and die. I couldn't stand the thought of life without him. But the second week, it got easier. I could make it through the work day without major breakdowns. I go through different phases of the process and they seem to cycle back through. But it is slowly getting better. Everyone says time helps and you can't imagine how, but it has helped me. I'm still sad and miss my boy every day but we keep moving forward. Just let yourself feel what you feel. Cry when you need to. Talk to someone close. It really does help.

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I know you all know the pain my husband and I are going through right now. Today at 1:03 pm will be a week since our Lexa had to leave us. It is so hard not having her here. I have always been a housewife so I spent nearly 24 hours a day with Lexa. The house seems so big and empty without her.
The story of Lexa and how she became our daughter.....Some friends of ours had a lake house and they found her there. She was about 4 months old we guess someone dropped her in the area. She had tried different homes around the lake and people feed her but no one wanted a kitty. My friends noticed that she was jumping in the lake and catching little fish to eat so they took her back home with them. They took her to the vets and had her sprayed and got her shots. At the same time I had just had a radical hysterotomy and was going through the healing process and they asked if we might want a kitty. At first I said no because we had lost our beloved kitty son Axel 3 years before and I thought I could never have another pet because after having Axel for 13 years and losing him I was devastated. But my husband helped changed my mind(so glad he did). So we said yes we will take her....they brought her to our home and when I saw her I was in love(I'm sure you all know the feeling). She was very shy and seemed guarded this went on for about 2 months. Then one day I said to her you are here to stay we love you and you aren't going anywhere. I really think she thought we were only temporary and she didn't want to become attached to us. After that she opened up and become very loving....she was our whole world.
Lexa was very spoiled she had her own bedroom with toys everywhere(alot seemed to make it to other parts of the house...ok with us). She was so smart we would tell her to go get a toy by name and she would bring us that toy!!!! She always slept curled up as close to me as she could(I loved that and miss it so much). Lexa loved to play and run around the house(inside kitty never went outside). There are so many wonderful things about her!!!! I never thought I would lose her so soon. We weren't able to have children so Axel and Lexa are our children. Some people thought we were strange because we call them our son and daughter but I never cared I know how important my babies are to us and how much they love us. I know Axel is now taking care of his little sister...probably comparing notes on how over protective Mommy was.
Losing Lexa is so hard somtimes I just scream out loud it hurts so much. One of the hardest things is Lexa passed away 35 days after my Daddy's death.
I was trying to cope with losing my father and then to lose my precious little Lexa. We Love you Lexa...miss you so much...and of course love and miss you to Axel. Thanks everyone for listening.

Michelle

Thank you for sharing your story, Michelle. It is clear how much you loved your baby. You would be surprised just how many people DO NOT find it strange that you called her your baby, and thought of her as your child. My boyfriend and I used to call Daisy our baby. In fact, I think she became convinced that it was her proper name, because we called her that more than her real name. And when we were talking about her, we would also refer to her as "baby" e.g. "We need to buy baby a new bed etc..." Another common name you will come across on this forum is "furbaby" I like that, it's cute.

Anyway, Lexa was lucky to have a mommy as loving as you, just as you were lucky to have her. Keep her memory alive, and she will always be with you.

I hope you are feeling "okay" today.

Take care, Cheryl X

Michelle thank you for sharing about your sweet baby. I'm sorry that it was such a short time you had with her. You gave her such a wonderful life! She was so loved. When you are ready I would love to see some pictures of her.

Karen -MishasMom

Our LexaClick to view attachment

Our LexaClick to view attachment

Our LexaClick to view attachmentClick to view attachmentClick to view attachment

Added some photos of Lexa. Keep her photos with my all the time...sometimes they make me cry and other times they make me realize how. lucky I was to have her in my life. Thanks everyone for the kindness you have showed me during this hard time.

Michelle

Hi, Michelle, thank you so much for the wonderful pictures of your precious Lexa, and for sharing with us Lexa's story. Our precious fur kids give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender oursleves to them completely. This is one of the many reasons why losing them is so very painful - - both physically and emotionally.

Clinical studies indicate that the grief process for the loss of a beloved companion is identical to what we experience with the loss of a human family member or friend. The "anniversaries" can be very hard to deal with sometimes - - the first hour, first week, first month, first vacation, first anniversary, first whatever - - they each are reminders that someone very important is missing in our lives on this side of eternity. But hopefully as the deep grief passes you will be able to feel Lexa's sweet Living Spirit with you wherever you go and whatever do.

Michelle, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Michelle,

What a beautiful kitty! She had such a pretty little face and look at that nose! Oh, my! They just have a way of wrapping our hearts around their little paws forever. Thank you for sharing the pictures.

Karen -Mishasmom

Beautiful. So pretty --- and long!

Hugs, Cheryl x

Michelle, what beautiful pictures! Lexa was a queen! She looks so happy and content and very spoiled (just how she should be!) I'm so sorry she's not with you physically anymore. My heart goes out to you as you go through this. We're all here pulling for you.
-Donna

I keep thinking about 2 days before Lexa passed away we were sitting on the bed and she reached her paw up and touched my heart necklace and then gave me a little kiss. My husband and I both looked at each other thinking how sweet. I wonder if Lexa was trying to tell me something...I guess it will always be a very special memory...have alot she was so precious.

Missing my Lexa would do anything to have her back. Why did this have to happen. I Love You my little Sweetie.

The mornings after my husband leaves for work is one of the hardest times. Lexa and I would always sneak back and get a few more hours of sleep together(you know how kittys love to sleep). Then we would get up and start the day. It is so hard trying to do the normal things in life because everything reminds me of Lexa.

Michelle, the photos of Lexa are beautiful, what a gorgeous kitty. I am thinking of you and sending hugs.

Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Tried some of my normal weekend actitives and all I could think about was Lexa. It hurt so much knowing she wasn't going to be there when I got home. Lexa made our house a home and its so big and empty without her.

Very pretty coloring and markings on Lexa...and really expressive eyes. I figure that it's almost two weeks for you now. I know that as time goes by it takes us farther away from the time when they were alive. The cycle of life, which includes death, can be cruel. After 6 weeks for me, I just took down Kota's pics and ashes and put them in another room. It got too hard to have her face staring at me all the time when out in the living room. I know there'll be a time when I can put them up again. It's too fresh and near for you. Like you said, the routine you had of your husband going to work and then you and Lexa napping some more...the routine has been taken away. Hopefully the memories will get you thru. Too Lexa!


dennis

Thank you everyone for the comments on Lexa. I am so glad I found this site and have somewhere to discuss my feelings. I only wish none of us had to go through the pain of losing our babies.

Michelle

Hi, Michelle, it is hard going through the routines only to know that there's a HUGE part of those routines physically missing. It does seem like even the structure of our home - - be it an apartment, a single dwelling home, a hut, a tent, - - or whatever - - mourns the loss of the physical presence of our furkids. Scientific studies have shown that all living creatures have an "energy" that becomes a part of the "whole" of the home or group. When any of that "energy" is lost - - for whatever reason - - the remaining home or group members go through a re-structuring of the group. And when the energy is missing because of a death, that makes the re-structuring very painful - - both physically and emotionally.

Michelle, this adjustment time is a one day at a time journey, and this journey is sometimes so unpredictable. Each day seems to have its own agenda for awhile which leaves us feeling like we have little or no control over what happens or how we're feeling from one minute to the next. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Michelle, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Two weeks today my precious Lexa left this world. I wish I could be with her. Miss you so much baby. Daddy and Mommy are always thinking about you. We love you so much.

Two weeks is just a drop in the bucket. Thanks for writing your simple words of love to Lexa. It's refreshing, honest, sweet and very human to express so much with just the right amount of needed words. I know you both miss Lexa.

Dennis

Going through the motions of life. The only thing I feel is the pain of losing Lexa. I love you baby.

Hi Michelle--

I just wanted to post to say hi and to tell you how very sorry I am about the loss of your beautiful Lexa. What a gorgeous, sweet face she had!

It's been just over three weeks since I lost my Ladywolf, and I am having a very hard day. I'm not conscious of it having to do with grieving over Lady, but on some deeper level, I think it does, as I've been feeling really lonely all day. Two weeks, three weeks, a month...is not very much time, not compared to the time we had them with us. And I know that in your case, the time got cut short, which doesn't seem fair!

Well, I just wanted to check in and offer my condolences too. (I haven't been posting much recently, so have missed some threads.) Take care of yourself, and be gentle on yourself--

Big Hugs from Margi and Spiritwolf

Missing Lexa so much. This pain is unbearable...Just wanna be with my baby again. Life no longer has meaning. It is so strange to feel so numb and have such soul-wrenching pain at the same time. I just wanna scream.

Hi-
I know! I am right there with you...just trying to hang on for dear life. Its such a 'weird' state to be in-I am sad, angry, irritable and want to scream also. I screamed into a pillow once and it made me feel a bit better. I wonder if it would help. It is so hard to lose these babies that are so close to our hearts. Your kitty is beautiful! I cry multiple times a day. I think Lexa is looking down and admiring your beauty, strength and courage. Her love remains with you to eternity.

Amy

This lady has been helping me-she connects to pets on the other side. I wanted to share the info. I will post it on my other blog too.

http://www.keen.com/details/LuckySpoons/Li...estions/5329392

Three weeks today. I miss the sweet little meow, the beautiful face and eyes and most of all the love you gave me. Thinking of and Loving you always sweet Lexa.

I can't beleive tomorrow will be 4 weeks since we lost our beautiful Lexa. Everyday it seems to get harder not better. I'm really mad that Lexa was taken away from us. I keep asking myself why her.... why now??? I know you all feel the same way about your wonderful babies. All I know is 2010 is a terrible year for me and I really hate cancer...lost my Daddy to cancer in May 2010 and my sweet baby Lexa to cancer in June 2010. Sorry for being so negative today but just really upset and depressed and missing my baby so much....no words can really describe the pain I am in.

Michelle

Michelle, it's ok to be negative sometimes. Tomorrow is 4 weeks since we lost our Buck. I understand where you are. 2009 and 2010 have been the hardest years of my life so far. I'm sorry about your father and Lexa. I know you're hurting. That's alot to take at once. I think it's normal that you're down in the dumps, although I'm sorry that you are.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.
-Donna

Michelle, I just want you to know that I read this whole thread, and I can identify with everything you've written here. I feel like I'm just beginning now to take my first little baby steps out of my pain from losing my old cat Flo. I'm not sure if it was cancer or an immune system disorder or a combination of those things that took her away, but her death just felt so cruel to me, so horribly cruel and sad, I felt like I couldn't face another day of life in a world where such cruel things happen.

This forum has been a huge help to me. I hope it can help you too. You're not alone in your pain that's for sure. I think everyone here can sympathize with what you're going through. I know I can.

Hi, Michelle
I am very sorry for the pain you are going through, I am relatively new to this site. I lost my buddy about one and a half week ago. I understand the pain you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda

Thanks everyone for the wonderful support I have recieved on this forum. I know everyone understands what I'm going through. I was so lucky to have Lexa in my life...I try to remember that when I get really depressed sometimes it helps. I just wish she was still here I miss her so much. Life just isn't complete without her.
Daddy and Mommy love you so much Lexa. Hope we will be together again someday...until that day we will keep you in our heart and thoughts always.

Yesterday was 5 weeks I just feel so lost without my baby. There are so many different feelings I have right now...sadness...gulit...anger. So depressed I know my life will never be the same. It is pure torture living everyday with Lexa not being here with me.
Lexa Mommy and Daddy love you sooooooooo much.

Michelle

6 weeks today. The pain is so strong still from the death of my precious baby. Mommy and Daddy miss and love you so much.

Michelle,

6 weeks is nothing compared to the lifetime you spent with Lexa. It's so hard, that as the time goes by, we get farther away from the time when our loved one was alive and with us. After over two months, I still feel lost, like I'm a ghost just wandering among living humans. You said it quite succinctly, sincerely and affectionately, "Mommy and Daddy miss and love you so much". I know you do. Here's to Lexa, and the love she shared with you.

Dennis

Dear Axel and Lexa's Mommy,

I read your story of Lexa and wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you and to say thank you for sharing her with us. Lexa was beautiful and very lucky to have found her family. I just lost my boy Rex 26 hours ago. I keep looking for him to be at the foot of my bed with some part of him touching me. I just wanted to let you know that you and Lexa,Axel and your husband are all in my prayers this evening. I am very sorry for your loss.

Kristina

Today was a very bad day I miss Lexa so much. Everywhere I look I have so many great memories of her but then I start crying because I know I don't get to be with her and create new memories. I haven't moved any of her things yet. Her food dishes, water fountains, litter boxes, and all her toys are where she last played with them. I can't bring myself to put anything away it seems so final.

Michelle

Hi Michelle--

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard day. It's kind of like rolling with the waves in the ocean, this grieving process, isn't it? Up on minute and down the next. Do know that eventually you will be washed in to "shore," where there won't be so much pain anymore, and the memories will be mostly good ones.

It's totally fine not to move any of Lexa's things, unless or until you are ready. For you, they probably feel like having a part of her still with you, and if they bring you some comfort, then that's a good thing. I have the collars of both of my dogs past hanging right from the lamp by my bed, so I see them all the time. They are very important to me. It IS very final to move or discard a pet's "belongings;" that's why we each need to do it in our own time.

I hope the sea sets you down more gently. Remember to breathe!

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Strange

My sweetheart we miss you so much. You gave us 6 years wonderful years how we wish it could have been more. Daddy and Mommy love you Lexa.

Yet another week has came since you were with us. Miss you so much Lexa. Living without you is so hard...we love you so much.

Thinking of you always...all the cute little nicknames Daddy and I have for you. Miss having you laying next to me, petting you, giving you kisses. There is so much we miss. Mommy & Daddy cherish all the time we had with you only wish it would have been longer. We love you so much Lexa...wish I could be with you.

Hi Michelle,

Your notes to your precious Lexa are so sweet and touching. I can identify with the feeling all too well -- the raw ache and emptiness of missing them. The incompleteness.

"There's a hole where whole used to be"

I hope the ache starts to subside a little, and that you feel Lexa's spirit still with you, always.

Until then, hang in there. Cheryl x

Today is 12 weeks. For me sometimes it feels longer because Lexa is not here with us. I miss her so much, my life is so lonely.
Lexa....Daddy and Mommy LOVE and MISS you so very much our little sweetheart.

Hi, Michelle, the anniversaries are so very hard to endure. For me three months seemed like time had disappeared somewhere - - life functioning on automatic pilot. I wish there were some magic words I could say that would help to take away the pain I know is in your heart - - the deep ache that permeates your very soul. The only thing I can offer you is encouragement, Michelle - - encouragement to take one day at a time - - reassurance that you are not alone in your sorrow -- reassurance that each of us are with you every step of the grief journey you travel.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Michelle, that you will feel your Lexa's sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories - - always with you as she always has been - - and always will be. And please let us know how you're doing, Michelle.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The 8th of every month will always make me sad it reminds me you were taken away from us. Daddy and Momma love and miss you Lexa. I hate all my lonely days and nights without you. I'm so lost and confused you should still be alive this hurts so much but I know if you could you would be here with us.
Thinking of you always sweet Lexa.

Love, Mommy