It helps to write about my wonderful Dobie Rafer. This morning I was remembering his bath time. He was always so patient about this never a fight. I would say tubby time and all 108 lbs of him would calmly walk into the bathroom and jump into the tub. Other times I would take him in the shower with me. That was a site to see. Afterwards I would wrap him in 3 large bath towels and tell him to lay down. He would stay there until I was finshed bathing and cleaning the shower. His last bath was 3 weeks ago. Little did I know it would be his last. I will miss him the rest of my life. Lonely and empty is how I feel. I hope this passes.

Idagean, I was reading your notes and I like to express my condolences for yor loss and I understand exactly your pain and suffering, I'm so sorry, God bless you and your Beloved Fur-Baby, Jorge Click to view attachment

Idajean, I read your question for Sharon on her post and where you mentioned the loneliness in the house when you come home. I hate this for you and for all of us going through this. It does ease off a little at a time. Some days are better than others. And for me, when Frasier died, I would go along doing o.k. and functioning o.k. and then BAM! out of nowhere I was on the floor again just weeping for him. I guess that's just how it all goes and it's normal. Even this morning I instinctively turned to say goodbye to the "boys" as I left for work. I have to keep catching myself with that kind of thing.
I know what you mean about the warm fuzzy body. I miss my two boys so much and I long for those little bodies against me at night. I know you miss Rafer that way.
Anyway, I just felt the despair in your post to Sharon so I wanted to let you know that someone is sending hugs your way. Not the warm fuzzy you want right now, but a hug nonetheless. I'm so sorry you are hurting.
-Donna

Thanks Donna, it means so much to me that other people feel the same way I do. I find that I am better out of the house. Its when I am home and look for him that it hurts so much. He had a favorite chair that I kept his special blanket on. I wrapped that blanket up in a ball and hold it close and cry. I can still smell him. I guess I will never wash it. I was cleaning up his doggy bowls but I could not put them away yet. I keep second guessing myself, did I do the right thing. It is so dam lousy. My only salvation is that I did spend every day of his life with him except for an occassional long week end away. I could never leave him for any lenght of time.

Jorge, thank you for your kind words. I was with Rafer at the very end, I was lying on the floor next to him when the Vet administered the medication. I just kept telling him what a wonderful boy he was and how much I loved him. My good Rafer. I hoped my soft voice and soothing words made is passing easier. I loved him so an always will. I just want to be alone to wail and cry for him. I know this will pass, but for now its all I can do. Ida Jean, Rafers Mom.

Hi Idajean
I think that most everyone at some point second guesses themselves -- I know I did with Sammy too -- but at the advice of alot of wonderful people here I tried to put that behind me knowing and believing in my heart that I did everything I could for her and made decisions with the best information I had at the time and acting out of complete love for my dog. Just reading about your Rafer makes me believe that you did everything you could for him as well. This pain of losing our furbabies is hard enough as it is -- please don't burden yourself with any more blame. He was lucky to have your for his mom -- and he wouldn't want you to be unhappy.
Take care
Sharon