Today was really really hard.
My mom misses Steve the way I miss Puck... and I sympathize. I loved steve too. But yesterday she told me how glad she was that Steve died of cancer instead of something like what Puck had, because if that happened to her, she would feel responsible.
Now I'm right back with guilt eating at me.

Yesterday batman was cuddling in my lap and he suddenly went really stiff and got this pained look on his face. Right away I started to panic, until several LONG seconds later, he let loose of this monsoon sneeze. I'm just trapped in this hypervigilant mode. Scooping the litter box, I find myself wondering if that pee spot is normal sized or if it's suspiciously small. If Batman has lost too much weight... if his coat is looking not as healthy....
I know Batman lost his buddy, but sometimes he seems so depressed that I wonder if there isn't something else going on with him... But then I can't put my finger on a single symptom....
I just feel like I can't trust my own instincts anymore and I'm terrified that I'll let somethign happen to another of my kitties....

Pucksmom, I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I hope today was better for you. I understand what you mean about obsessing over every little thing with Batman. My cat, Frasier, died from complications resulting from megacolon. Every day for 8 months we would anxiously check the litterbox just hoping that he was able to go that day. His brother, Niles, never had a problem pooping but I would still be nervous about the litterbox each day. Unfortunately for Niles, while I was watching for symptoms of Frasier's problem happening to Niles, something else slipped up on me. Like you, I just kept thinking that Niles was missing his brother and that his weight loss was due to that and the fact that he no longer had competition at the food bowl. I was wrong and it looks like I've waited too long.
The last thing in the world I'd want to do is scare you in the least. But if your gut is telling you something might be wrong, it can't hurt to have Batman checked out. You won't regret it. He probably is just missing his companion just as you are and I'm sure he feels your grief as well. Again, I don't want to alarm you because it probably is nothing and your feeling super sensitive because of what happened to Puck. I just read your post & heard my own thoughts in what you wrote. I wish I had listened to my gut. I hope tomorrow will be better for you.
-Donna

Hi Pucksmom-

I too am sorry that you're struggling so much. Guilt is awful--and I have to say, I think that your mother was very insensitive to say what she said to you. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you, but she did, and that's very unfortunate...

I think I agree with Donna, though--if you are so worried about Batman, then you should take him in to get him checked out. I know that vet trips are horribly expensive, but if it might set your mind at ease, then it would be worth it. Maybe you've already taken him in? As she said, he is probably grieving too and acting strangely because of it, but it MIGHT be something else too.

Oh, the pain that losing them causes us! And when we feel that we are somehow responsible, the pain is so much worse. I too hope you are having a better day today. You did everything you could have for Puck, knowing what you knew at the time, and have nothing to feel guilty for, but I know it doesn't FEEL that way. I'm sorry you're having to go through this ordeal of loss and mourning.

Big hugs to you from Margi and Ladywolf