A.J., my 14+-year-old Springer Spaniel, has been gone almost five months. I am still so depressed. I miss her and cry every day still. It has gotten worse again over the holidays. I think about her all of the time. Is this normal? I feel completely depressed. I do nothing. I have gained about 20 pounds. I used to walk on of our other dogs every day. I haven't walked her in over a month. I feel guilty but I can barely look at her because I miss A.J. so much.

I love you A.J. I miss you so much. You were my best friend.

Daer AJ'S Mom--

Yes, unfortunately, all of what you describe is normal grieving, and it's a drag, isn't it? I feel so sorry for you--I feel sorry for most of us who post here, but at least we have each other, and that makes the pain a little bit less, cause there's so much support available here. All you can do, really, is tough it out until you don't hurt so much over AJ.

But you could try turning some of that agonizing sense of loss into appreciation of your remaining dog. She is lonely too, no doubt, and would really appreciate your attention. I know, though, we often have one dog we feel more deeply about that the others, and that's hard to admit because we feel guilty for it. It just IS the truth, but we can rectify that by loving our "other" dog to pieces. Both you and she will feel a lot better.

I just lost my Poppers dog about a month ago, and now Ladywolf has major cancer. I didn't grieve over Poppers as much as I expected to because I still had Ladywolf, and she has always been my "main man." But now she's been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I am torn to pieces with "anticipatory grief."

Be gentle on yourself, visit this Forum often, it can really really help. My heart goes out to you!

Margi and Ladywolf

Hi A.J's mom,

It has been 4 months for me and I still miss my dog so much. I have been getting better, I have been making myself do things so I don't obsess about the things that make me sad. I think that one thing that has helped me is taking an antidepressant. I have been depressed on and off for years and when Callaway died I went off of the deep end. The antidepressant has helped me with not only depression but my obsessive thoughts too. I have two other dogs too and although they aren't Callaway I have made it a point to give them all of the love and attention that they deserve. At first it was very difficult and seemed fake but now I'm beginning to form a new bond with them.

I will pray that you find peace soon.

Rhapsedy

A.J., my 14+-year-old Springer Spaniel, has been gone almost five months. I am still so depressed. I miss her and cry every day still. It has gotten worse again over the holidays. I think about her all of the time. Is this normal? I feel completely depressed. I do nothing. I have gained about 20 pounds. I used to walk on of our other dogs every day. I haven't walked her in over a month. I feel guilty but I can barely look at her because I miss A.J. so much.

I love you A.J. I miss you so much. You were my best friend.

Dear AJ's Mom

I'm at the 4 months stage since I lost my Noushka, my 13 year old Samoyed. I can so relate to what you're going through, although now I'm completely lost as I have no fur babies at all now.
This forum has helped me so much, there are many on here who understand the pain we go through, as they too are suffering. It's a wonderful, community, and I have made some very good friends.
It helped me to post photos of my Angels and also to write about them. It's 4 years in February since My Tasha left me and I still miss her so much. Having Noushka did help me through the grieving though. She also was missing her mate , and she was such good company for me. Now they're both gone. Please give your darling fur baby a hug for me. She will feel strange too, but I know it's hard for you when you miss your AJ so much. You mustn't feel guilty if you give her a hug, or take her out and give her all that love thats inside you. I felt like that at first with Noushka, but she even seemed to take on lots of Tasha's characteristics, and became the most loving girl. She certainly got me through the depression I suffered after losing Tasha.
If you feel able I would love to see any photos that you can post of your AJ and your other fur baby, sorry I don't know her name.
Thinking of you.
Jan and my Angels, Tasha and Noushka

I have two dogs. Bella is 6+ old shepherd mix but has never been my dog. Ginger is my 1 1/2-year-old yellow lab. Right now she is in her completely obnoxious, bull-headed stage and barks constantly. AJ loved me and loved only being with me. The two dogs we have now would be happy with anyone. Went on vacation after Christmas, and it was sad coming home for the first time in 14 years with no one missing me. I had to take care of AJ around the clock for the last year of her life with feeding her every 3-4 hours so her blood sugar wouldn't drop, which caused seizures, and watching for the beginning of a seizure so we could get her karo syrup. We also had to carry her up and down the stairs and off the deck to go to the bathroom. I went from constantly caring for someone to nothing so feel a little lost. I REALLY miss having a Springer Spaniel.

AJ's Mom--

I went through a similar experience as Rhapsedy.

It is normal to grieve, and that amount of time is different for everyone. I was grieving for 5 months straight and noticed things were not improving, only getting worse.

Initially I found out about Pet Loss Support Group meetings being held in a neighboring county and went to them within a week or two of my dog's death. It was helpful but I could not get rid of a tremendous guilt about my dog's death, and it just kept getting worse. I wrote in this Forum and met lots of caring people who went through similar experiences. I still realized I needed more help though.

Finally went the antidepressant/anti-anxiety route, which helped tremendously. Wished I would have tried dietary changes (though during the depression I could barely eat) and supplementation first (St. John's Wort, etc.). (I did have a couple of undesirable side effects from the med; weight gain was one of them. BUT, that doesn't happen to everyone.)

About the time I began an antidepressant I also began seeing a therapist one on one. Then the new church I joined had/has a Depression Peer Support group, where we talk about anything and everything. It is modeled after the 12 step program. We pray for each other and have a list of everyone's phone numbers and e-mails so we are never alone when and if we are having a tough time.

I don't know where I would be without all these things. Perhaps you could look into going to a support group and take it from there-?

I hope things improve for you soon; I know how tough it is (I have old posts you can look through if you want, to see how terrible a time I was having). God bless you.

hope2heal

[quote name='hope2heal' date='Jan 8 2010, 03:58 PM' post='55042']
AJ's Mom--

P.S. After Patsy died I swore I would never get a dog or any animal again, that I had failed her tremendously and didn't deserve any others.

However, within a month of starting the anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med and going to one-on-one counseling and the church counseling, I became able to open up my heart again and began searching on Petfinder for a dog to adopt. We now have 2 rescue/shelter dogs that have brought us so much love.

I knew in my heart that I loved/love Patsy (and all my animals), and to not do my part in this world to "rescue" what I could of God's suffering and unwanted creatures in this world would be such a waste in life. I had to accept that I am only human, I am not perfect and never will be, and all I can do is the best that I can and leave the rest up to God.

I still miss Patsy but having these two other dogs really helps. At first, even though it had been 6 months, I did feel as if I was betraying Patsy in a sense. But I just kept focusing on how I was doing a good thing....

Wishing you the best....

hope2heal