I gave you such a wonderful life for 14 years. I told you I loved you several times a day for your entire life, I walked you everyday, we went to Waterloo and ran thru the woods, I took you for rides all the time, we went out on the boat and hung out at the lake, I took extra special care of you for the last 6 months of your life but I let you down when I let you be scared the last few moments of your life. I gave you a sedative the last hour before the vet put you to sleep but it didn't calm you down. If I would have known I would have asked the vet to give you an injection so you could be more relaxed. I am so sorry, please forgive me. I love you Callaway.

You were such a great Mom to Callaway..don't you forget that. My Brutus was also afraid when he left..he didn't care for the vet..afterall everytime he went there it was for something unpleasant...a shot, a surgery, etc. It would not of mattered if I would of had the vet come to the house..he still would of been afraid of the vet. Brutus and Callaway were not afraid of death as I said in another post..they were afraid of pain. And you, his savior, his Mom took that fear away..you took his pain away..there is no pain with euthanasia so he may of appeared frightened by the sight of the vet but there was no pain.. so no fear. Callaway was ready to go play at the bridge and you will see him again.

Believe me as I type these words to you I tell myself the same thing or I wouldn't be able to go on...I wouldn't be able to cope. I understand your guilt..I truely do..as do others here. One thing I keep telling myself is...would Brutus want me to feel this way..absolutely not. Callaway wants to see you smile, laugh, and be at peace...just like you did for him...you gave him peace..you have nothing to be sorry for...absolutely nothing..you were a great Mom and he is thankful that you were there for him.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

That's a beautiful eulogy, Rhapsody, and a good step towards beginning to heal.

Now why don't you see if you can write one that DOESN'T have the "I'm sorry" part in it, and the things that you didn't do. Try to write a eulogy that is just filled with love, not guilt--even if it feels like it's just an exercise for you at first. You need to start retraining your mind about this. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

I know, easy for me to say, having had my dog Poppers die relatively peacefully at home, on her own, a week ago. But I've told you my horror story about my dog with cancer--so I KNOW how corrosive the guilt can be,

As I said, and Sonya says above, Callaway wouldn't want you to be suffering on his behalf. Not at all. Especially if you have other four-leggeds in your house who need love too. You need to find a way to forgive yourself for your "imagined" wrongdoings. I would use some prayer too, and I'm not at all religious. And keep posting here--you need all the help you can get, and these marvelous people can help a lot!

Margi and Ladywolf

Rhapsedy..if you are up to it I'd love to hear about Callaway, that's if you are ready. I don't remember reading what kind of dog he was. I'd love to hear about him when you feel up to it, but only when you feel comfortable talking about it.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Hi Rhapsedy

I sure wish I could say words to ease your pain, I know how you are feeling that is about I can really say to you. I would be kidding myself or misleading you if I said otherwise. We can only hope that time will heal our heart and the site of our visit to the vet will deminish from our mind.

Take care
Anna