My name is Felicia:
I want to tell everyone about my "Best Friend" Brittany. June 24, I had to put her down. She was diagnosed with Cushing's Disease. She had all the signs. She was going to be 13 yrs. old in Nov. She had been having problems with her back legs, so that day I knew she was telling me it's time to let go. But how do I cope with it? Coming back into the empty apt. is so hard.....I'm so lost. Can't concentrate on anything.....
I feel that she's right there with me. Work is not helping. All I do is sit & think about her & find myslf crying.....How do you go on when half of your heart is missing? She's helped me through many hard times in my life..... And now she isn't around to help me with the worst possible thing that I'm going thru.

I'm so sorry for your loss Felicia, it's such a hard time, let the tears come, there are no words I can offer you, no magic to take away the pain. I was right were u r now 17days ago, so I truly understand your pain & confusion. The first few days are soooo hard, u will get thru them as unbelievable as that seems right now. Please come here & post as often as you need, it helps....breathe out, then in....seriously.....I had to remind myself to do this....wierd....but the pain in my chest and the difficulty I had breathing were cos I was so tensed up & holding my breath.....please now that your Brittany knows this is hard for you...but she says "thankyou for taking my pain away, I love you".......
{{{HUGS}}} all the way from me to you.
elaine

Felicia, you have no idea how sorry I am, God Bless BRITTANY, you and all your FAMILY, Jorge Click to view attachment

Felicia,

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for you loss. I know how much it hurts. I am so glad that Brittany was with you for 13 years, what a gift. My Sammie girl died 23 days ago at age 3 1/2 from a disease called Addison's Disease and we didn't know she had it. My family and I went on a cruise and left her with my best friend, who happens to own Sammie's mom and dad, and as soon as I got off the cruise that Sunday I called my friend and heard the news. I sobbed uncontrollably in the car for 14 hours. My husband was trying to keep it together to drive and my 3 kids were all crying. It was and is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I've lost a parent who was very close to me, a great friend in a car accident and friends to cancer. I've buried numerous pets, ethanized a few and watched one get hit by a car. All of those things hurt but now like losing Sammie. She was my girl. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything and she felt the same way just like I'm sure you and Brittany felt about each other. I sobbed, threw up, screamed at the top of my lungs on the back deck, broke a glass, took ambien to sleep and tried to drink my pain away a few nights. I couldn't eat, sleep or really even think. I layed on her grave crying one night until my husband carried me into the house. I sleep with her collar under my pillow still and I sniff her pillow all the time. The grief is so raw and so real. We have to go through this in order to start healing. It is awful to say the least, but you get through and you will smile again. I still cry everyday but in shorter spurts and I can regain composure easier. I've done things to help me feel better and things are different for every person but I'll share with you what I've done in the hopes that maybe even one thing will bring you some peace. I started journaling. I call it letters to Sammie. I write her letters or just tell her what's on my mind. No one reads it but me but it helps me. I printed out every picture I've ever taken of her and there are a lot and put them in a photo album. I had each one of the kids write down all their most favorite memories of her and we put that in the scrapbook. I ordered her a headstone and made her a really special resting place behind my house that I can visit. I put framed pictures of her in almost every room in my house so it's like she's still there somehow. I am having a shadow box made with her picture, her paw print, a piece of her fur, the rainbow bridge poem and her name that I will hang in my office above my desk so I can look at her everyday. I kennel-trained her in my office and she spent a lot of time with me laying by my feet and playing with me in the yard outside. My friends came over and we had a memorial service for her. My husband built her a casket and picked her up from the vet and we buried her in the backyard. I've sobbed through it all but somehow it helps. I also read the book "All Pets Go to Heaven" and that really did give me a sense of peace that nothing else could. And I prayed. I wish I had a magic answer but I don't. It is a healing process and whatever you need to do please do not think you are losing your mind and you are behaving abnormally. There is no normal when you are grieving. You do what you need to do. Visiting with folks on here and writing and been a Godsend to me. I hope it will help you too. We are here for you. God bless.
Melanie

Petmum
Thank-you for your words of sympathy. The past few days have been the worse. Getting out of bed seems like such a chore......I look to see where she's lying.....But then reality hits, she's gone....I go to grab for her leash, but it's not there...I go to change her water, but the bowl's not there...I had to go back to the vet & return her unused meds....Opening the door & going by the room where she was euthanized was so hard. I just ran out bawling......

I feel like doing nothing at all. Just staying in my apt. & not associating with anybody.....My friends are sad & feel for me, but coming on this web site is the best medicine....Here I know that I can vent about my true feelings without anyone thinking that I'm crazy....

Thank-you for your prayers.
Felicia

Thank-you Buster & Jorge:
I can't believe how many friends I now have.......What a great support group......

God Bless you
Felicia

Sammie Girl's mom:
I'm so sorry that you only had Sammie for such a short time....I can only now know what you're going thru. What I'm trying to get an ans. to is why do pets have to get diseases......Why can't they just lead a normal life to be by our side for all eternity..... So we can love them unconditionally. I know that she's in a better place where she's pain free......But now i have all the pain.....I can't function......I feel like i just exist......Doing things I know I have to do just to get by......But everything i do, I think to go & tell her. But she's not there....I cook food because I know she'll be there when I'm eating to see if she can get a piece (Which of course she did) i go to grab her leash, but she's not there to put it on. I get up in the middle of the nite to see where's she's sleeping, but she's not in the room......I still do leave the radio on when I leave for work....Even though she's not there to hear it.....Coming home is the hardest part......Every time I would turn the key, I knew that she was on the other side.....And then I just stand there & cry. There aren't too many people that I can talk to about her, because they can't understand why I feel so bad over "just a dog" I feel like getting a tee shift & having her picture on it with the inscription "she was more than a dog" Then let people read it & really wonder.....I get so angrry when people tell me that I'll get over it.......Well, I'm not.

That's why the best thing I did was join this web site...Here are where the people I need.

Thank-you for your thoughts & prayers.

My prayers are with you & Sammie Girl.

May God Bless
Felicia

Thinking of you Felicia, how r u travelling today? The confusion will ease a tiny bit, but it is such a traumatic time. I love the idea for your t-shirt....this time is just the pits, you don't get over this you go tru it all, process it & intergrate it in to your life as it is now, not an easy thing to do. We still have our realtionship with our fur friends it's just a very different one & one that at the moment I sometimes think I could do with out....ahh...to turn back time.....now that would be a miracle that wld take away the pain..... you will make it thru the next few hours, how do I know? cos I did....
May God's Love bring you some relief
elaine

Hi Sammie Girl's Mom:
What a support group........Still can't go grocery shopping, still can't go into a Wal-Mart. Always bought her treats by the doz. there. Just functioning with things that I have to do......But still talk to her. Say good-nite every nite & good morning every day......Light a candle every day.....

Read the poem that Gemini's mom write, titled "May I Go Now" Cried the whole time. Put it in a frame with her picture...... 12 yrs. flew by with her.......But now the days are dragging......I only wish that she would come to me in a dream...
Thanks for your comforting words.:
oooo
Felicia

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Lily on June 24th, last year though. It's still tough. Mind you I also lost Hunny April 4th this year too. And I know how it feels to wait for them to visit in a dream. I've only seen my babies once. I miss them so very much.

Lily died unexpectedly last year. It was such an awful time. She was only eight, a spaniel mix. She was a rescue and was supposed to have been with us till she was a ripe old age. We are still not really sure what happened. It looked like she was choking, but whatever it was we couldn't save her. When people say don't forget to breathe, I know now what that means. It was truly devastating to lose Lily. Then just days after that we found out that Hunny, a golden, had cancer. She lost her battle this past April. We had to make that awful decision to save her from the suffering. I wonder everyday if she would still be here if we hadn't given her angel wings. I don't think she would have any quality of life if she was. The only thing comforting about that decision is that she is now with her sister Lily. They were both eight. Not young, but definitely not old enough to leave us. We had an extra nine months with Hunny. And trust me, we lived each day like there might be no tomorrow. Although we told Lily everyday that we loved her, when they go suddenly you just feel like you didn't get to say goodbye. Not that we said goodbye to Hunny, we said "see you later". But at least we had time to really appreciate every moment we had with Hunny. Even though I cried almost everyday, because we didn't know just how long we had with her. I cried so many tears for Hunny before she left, but I have to admit that it came to a point where it was extremely hard on all of us. I hate to say this, but I honestly don't know how much longer I could have handled the stress of losing her. I would play over and over in my mind what the final moments would be like. I hated that, but I just couldn't stop myself. I was dreading the last moments with her. I like to think that they are both in a better place and that we will be together again.

I know I'm rambling, but I too still need too talk once in a while. I miss them both with all of my heart. I know the emptiness and the aching that you're feeling. I don't know that that ever goes away. I don't think I want it too. I've been kind of depressed since we lost Lily. Life just doesn't have the same purpose anymore. Even though I have other dogs now and I love them to pieces, it's not the same. Hunny, Lily and I always went for walks together. The pups are just too young yet to fully appreciate that - I know we'll get there in time.

Anyway, I just wanted to stay how sorry I am to hear that you're going through this. It is so hard. I wish I had found this website back last year when I lost Lily. I really could have used it. I found it a few days before losing Hunny. There are some very wonderful people here. They helped me through those last few days with Hunny. Especially when it came to dealing with making the decision to let her go. That was by far the hardest part - deciding when her life should end here on earth.

It is getting better, but I still have waves of emotions for them both. I miss them both so much, my heart aches so much for them. I wish they would visit me in a dream now and then. I just hope that they are having so much fun wherever they are and that they are not mad at me. I hope that they forgive me one day. But I truly hope that they are happy and together.

Anyway, better go. Take care. You'll make it through this. It will take time, but somehow we all make it through.

Thinking of you and sending a hug your way.

Lynette.

Dear Lynette:
Thank you for your kind words.....It's only been 2 weeks, and I still feel so raw. I can't imagine what I'll feel in a yr. My emotions are everywhere. Sometimes I have a good day, but then there are days when I don't want to get out of bed. I never had feelings like that all over.. But I belong to a Pet support group, because I'm having such a hard time dealing with this.......And they tell me that what I'm feeling is part of the grieving process. I understand what their saying, but my heart doesn't.......Brittany & I were the only ones for the past 12 yrs. I have no other animals......That's why I needed help with the grieving process......This web site along with the suppport group is helping. I found a wonderful person on this web site that I e-mail every day......
I have the hardest time in the mornings when I come home from work.....She would always be there on the other side wagging her tail waiting for breakfast & her walk.......Then we would sit & talk about how her night was & how my night at work was......
I only wish I could see her again to know that she's ok & not angry at me........The morning that I went with her to put her down, she was so lethargic. I knew that it was the right time......But before it happened she licked my face wike a little puppy.......And till the day I die, I'll always treasure that moment......She was licking away all my tears......
There are dys that I go to sleep just in hopes that I dream about her. But nothing so far......
Don't apologize for rambling on, because I too do the same thing....I find comfort in doing that.....I'm going to start a journal, with pictures & poems & letters to her.......That'll help keep her close to my heart.
Hugs to you & feel free to write to me anytime. My e-mail address is: fvillen@netzero.com. I can send pics when you e-mail.

Felicia

quote name='lynette' date='Jul 6 2009, 10:46 AM' post='51490']
I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Lily on June 24th, last year though. It's still tough. Mind you I also lost Hunny April 4th this year too. And I know how it feels to wait for them to visit in a dream. I've only seen my babies once. I miss them so very much.

Lily died unexpectedly last year. It was such an awful time. She was only eight, a spaniel mix. She was a rescue and was supposed to have been with us till she was a ripe old age. We are still not really sure what happened. It looked like she was choking, but whatever it was we couldn't save her. When people say don't forget to breathe, I know now what that means. It was truly devastating to lose Lily. Then just days after that we found out that Hunny, a golden, had cancer. She lost her battle this past April. We had to make that awful decision to save her from the suffering. I wonder everyday if she would still be here if we hadn't given her angel wings. I don't think she would have any quality of life if she was. The only thing comforting about that decision is that she is now with her sister Lily. They were both eight. Not young, but definitely not old enough to leave us. We had an extra nine months with Hunny. And trust me, we lived each day like there might be no tomorrow. Although we told Lily everyday that we loved her, when they go suddenly you just feel like you didn't get to say goodbye. Not that we said goodbye to Hunny, we said "see you later". But at least we had time to really appreciate every moment we had with Hunny. Even though I cried almost everyday, because we didn't know just how long we had with her. I cried so many tears for Hunny before she left, but I have to admit that it came to a point where it was extremely hard on all of us. I hate to say this, but I honestly don't know how much longer I could have handled the stress of losing her. I would play over and over in my mind what the final moments would be like. I hated that, but I just couldn't stop myself. I was dreading the last moments with her. I like to think that they are both in a better place and that we will be together again.

I know I'm rambling, but I too still need too talk once in a while. I miss them both with all of my heart. I know the emptiness and the aching that you're feeling. I don't know that that ever goes away. I don't think I want it too. I've been kind of depressed since we lost Lily. Life just doesn't have the same purpose anymore. Even though I have other dogs now and I love them to pieces, it's not the same. Hunny, Lily and I always went for walks together. The pups are just too young yet to fully appreciate that - I know we'll get there in time.

Anyway, I just wanted to stay how sorry I am to hear that you're going through this. It is so hard. I wish I had found this website back last year when I lost Lily. I really could have used it. I found it a few days before losing Hunny. There are some very wonderful people here. They helped me through those last few days with Hunny. Especially when it came to dealing with making the decision to let her go. That was by far the hardest part - deciding when her life should end here on earth.

It is getting better, but I still have waves of emotions for them both. I miss them both so much, my heart aches so much for them. I wish they would visit me in a dream now and then. I just hope that they are having so much fun wherever they are and that they are not mad at me. I hope that they forgive me one day. But I truly hope that they are happy and together.

Anyway, better go. Take care. You'll make it through this. It will take time, but somehow we all make it through.

Thinking of you and sending a hug your way.

Lynette.
[/quote]

Felicia,

I was thinking about you today and wanted to check in on you. I think it's been 15 days now since Brittany went to Heaven. I remember that point well (it's been 33 days for me). It was at that point I started on my "I'm going to do a lot of things to memorialize Sammie's Life". I think I've told you but if not, read some of my posts about what all I did. Some say it's a little obsessive and crazy but it really really helped me. It had been two weeks for me and I wasn't getting any better and I started thinking I may never recover from this, I have to do something. So, that's what I did. I still cried everyday for the next 2 weeks but each day was a tiny bit better. Making her scrapbook and writing letters to Sammie helped me so much. It was therapy for me. And now, I have 2 new puppies, Sadie and Sofie. I love them already but I still miss Sammie every single day. That will never change. Just know that every day will shine a little brighter than the day before in some way. And just know you will have not so good days for a long time to come but you are strong and they will be manageable. I have faith in you and we are all here to help. Keep posting and we'll keep listening.
Be good to yourself, Felicia. You were a wonderful mommie to Brittany.
Melanie

I am so sorry , I know how you feel. Before you know it, he will visit you!!! I never thought I would get a visit
and it took forever I almost gave up! but then it happened, you will feel much better after that....
They are still THERE!!

Hugs

Dear Melanie:
Thank-you for reading my daily diary......I know it will get better......Some how my mind knows that, but my heart is saying another thing.....I do fine for a little while, but then I see a commercial of a Springer & i loose it.......I'll be doing things around the apt. to keep busy & find something of hers & go to call her..But she's not there. I'm going away this week-end to Vermont......She would ride in her crate in the back of a p/u truck......Absolutely loving it. Like she was the queen of the road. And everybody would drive by & smile......
It's going to be so hard not having her there. So that's another "1st" without her. I know it's gping to get better. I just have to take it one day at a time.
Hugs:)
Felicia

I'm so waiting for that day....................Maybe then I can start smiling........
Thanks for being there for support......Helps more than you know.
Hugs to you also
Felicia