As many of you know, my Little Girl passed away on March 24 of this year. After the initial grief, I found myself doing surprisingly ok. But at certain times---like right now---an intense feeling of grief threatens to suffocate me.

Today the feelings are hitting me all over again---the disbelief, the anger, the intense sadness, the feeling that I can't get through this. I feel so alone in this world without my Little Girl!!! I feel afraid to face the rest of my life.

And why am I so afraid of feeling this gut-wrenching grief? I know we each need to go through these emotions, to work through them... but they scare me. When I'm actually "feeling" the intense pain, I believe that I'll never be ok again, and my future looms ahead of me like a nightmare.

I miss her voice, the feel of her purring and cuddled up in my arms, the look of the love in her eyes... She was the center of my life.

Thank you, everyone, for being here. Please send a prayer my way. Oh, and I could really use a hug.

-Kathy

Kathy,
I get those days to and they are overwhelming at times but I get through them somehow.


Here's your hug
{{{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}}


Love
Wanda

Hi Kathy,

I know exactly how you feel. We think we're doing better, then it seems to come back and we feel as though we're right back where we started. It's something we'll probably have to deal with from now on, but let's just hope the amount of time between the "relapses" grows further and further apart. You little girl was the light of your life and you'll always long for her to some degree. I'm truly sorry for your loss and I fully understand the heartache you continue to have.

My hug follows Wanda's. Here you go...
{{{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}}

You're in my thoughts,
__JIM

Kathy,

I get those moments too - I will think I am doing pretty well, as in "i only cried once today.." or I will feel really sad but still it feels like I have accepted it and the sadness is manageable -- then suddenly, maybe while walking through the grocery store (I never realized before how many cues there are in the grocery store, I was always thinking I needed to get Jake this or that) or maybe while in the backyard I will look at a bush he used to go dig under or like yesterday, just realizing it was the bees that kept him out of the backyard this summer and he *wasn't* just being bratty on me...

something like that will hit me and I'm back to day one and feeling overwhelmed and bawling again.

I hate that feeling, like I am just going to die without him.

My Jake used to purr too, I'd scratch his cheeks or rub his ears while he was laying down, and he'd make this little snoring/purring noise. He was so sweet....

Dear Kathy,

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

I'm at three months and a few days, and I've had a bit of a relapse myself. I was actually doing ok there for a while.

Luba's vet said that it could take over a year to be completely better. And even then, I'd still feel sad sometimes. I think we just have to try our best to ride out the hard times.

I know that you have been a great comfort to me on this site. Many thanks for reaching out to me and to others during your period of grief.

Steph

Kathy,
I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I wish I had something to tell you that could help you. My feelings scare me, too. My husband feels like we should mourn and grieve the way we are because our little guy deserves it. His life was meaningful and not something to be tossed away and forgotten. Your little girl's life was so special and she was your friend and you miss her greatly.

For me, it's like waves that keep coming, the first being a tidal wave, and what I can only imagine will be smaller waves over time, but they will still come. Just yesterday, someone told me "that this is just life, and life isn't easy and you need to handle this like an adult." If I could have reached through the phone and strangled him, I would have!!

I've been talking with my little guy and have found that to be comforting to me. I just share how much we are missing him and how much we loved having him touch our lives. I've asked God to please hold me and carry me through this.

Just let yourself cry if you need to, try to get it out, tears can be very therapeutic. It has been helping me, and I'm not a really emotional person, so it has been strange to let my tears flow so freely. Kathy, I'm saying a prayer for you and giving you a BIG ((((((hug))))))

Hi Kathy,
I am so glad that you posted your thoughts because I too have been missing my Ginger "more" these days. Recently I have felt quite immobilized and I wonder how much of it is the loss of Ginger and how much is a general depression that I have had for many years. A combination of both, no doubt.

Yesterday I got ahold of a readable book on depression that is geared toward therapists. It is easy enough for me to absorb, however, and I have been finding it helpful to accept that I really AM depressed! One of the major things the author points out is that people who have depression have trouble coming to terms with loss. I read that and thought uh huh!!...I inventoried my losses over my lifetime in my mind's eye & I had to agree---I had more trouble with some losses than others and I could "stay" saddened over a loss for a very very long time! (more than usual, I think). The book is about an "active" approach to depression and I am only 1/2 way through and I certainly have yet to take any "action"! But, I bring all this up because I sense almost everyone on this board has a certain degree of difficulty in "moving ahead". Just today I thought I never want another cat because no other cat can be like Ginger! pretty global thinking and probably not handy to me in my healing.

I hope you don't mind my tangent. I guess I want to say I am in the same boat as you and I am looking for ways to help myself feel appropriately saddened by loss and not take it further into full flung depression.
Thinking of you--& thanks for letting me bend your ear on your thread!
Love,
Patti