I decided to write this as a new post rather than a continuation of the old one in the hope that it would be more accessible.

For starters I still miss my little kitty. Every day I think about her. I also want you all to know that, even though I haven't replied to others' posts, I am reading them, just so you know someone else is listening. I wanted to share a few of the things that have helped me these past few weeks in hopes that maybe it will help some of you.

First of all, I talk to my little kitty. It was hard at first, because I was always upset and crying. It has gotten easier though. I've found two places where I can talk to her: One is her little grave. I piled a bunch of rocks up, with one 'kitty sized' rock on top. For some reason it helps to put my hand on this rock while I talk, and give it a little rub. The other place I've found I can say 'hi' is on mountains and high hills. I spend a lot of time hiking in the Montana wilderness, and have found for some reason that the lonliness, naturalness, and being high up make it easier to talk to her. Wherever you choose to do it, I find that when I talk, I feel she's listening, so it helps me to feel better, especially with the guilt emotions. Also her little rock pile is kind of an ongiong monument, because every time I hike somewhere new, I bring a new rock back for her pile. This way she's with me whenever I'm out hiking, which is what I do most of the time.

This next thing I did, I wouldn't have been able to do with out first talking to my little kitty about it first. When you spend a lot of time in nature, you tend to see lots of examples of the cycle of life. I was hiking through an area that had been burned down the year before and it was amazing to see the life already returning to the area. When I got to the top of the mountain and picked out her rock, I was thinking a lot about renewal while I talked to kitty. We talked about how nature didn't waste that valley after the fire, so it didn't seem right to let all the space left in my heart and home now that she was gone go to waste. Death isn't the end of the cycle, there is constant renewal. That's what a cycle is.

So anyway, if you haven't guessed, I have a new kitty. Actually, I have a momma and four 2 week olds. They were abandoned that morning at the shelter, and there was much concern, because apparently little ones have a hard time in a shelter where they are exposed to sickness and disease, so I volunteered to take them home and raise them. I've only had them three days and the health of the momma and the kittens has improved noticeably. I know my little kitty is not upset and doesn't feel betrayed. I still miss her, but now I wonder if she wasn't a little angel sent to make sure someone would rescue these guys.

Getting a new pet so soon might not be right for everyone, but it has helped me tremendously. Just remember, even after the longest hardest, saddest winters, spring always comes and starts things anew.

Thanks for sharing.

I, too, talk to my kitty daily. It's almost 6 weeks since she passed away, and not one day since have I missed going to her grave and just sitting 5 - 10 minutes, talking with her about the things going on in my mind about the incident. It really does help. Sometimes I just sit and cry a bit and get the pain out. I feel as if she's there. And like you, there's a certain spot on the dirt where I place my hand while I talk. That's wonderful you've taken in some shelter kitties and given them a home. A month before my kitty passed my husband brought home to me a stray, flea-infested little kitty. I have another cat inside with me as well, and it's been a huge help to me to have other kitties to care and nurture and keep me company. It's been really hard without Friday here - I had her 2 months from being 15 years with me - but the other cats really do help. My thoughts are with you as you grieve and go through this hard time.

Hi Jason--thanks for sharing your thoughts on the "cycles" of life! I did enjoy reading them and I completely agree. It is a wonderful thing to see new life come to a burnt out forest and nature does always provide that new life!
It is wonderful that you have your new kitties to be stewards over and I am glad they are helping you heal! each one of us is different in how and when we get another animal--sounds like you have done just the perfect thing for you!
Thanks for contributing such positive words!
thinking of you!
Love
Patti

Of course your little kitty isn't upset - she is happy that you have five other furballs to love. I still talk to Oswald. I still think he hangs around the house once in a while. There is an inexplicable warm spot by the sink in the bathroom where he had taken up residence (he liked to drink out of the tap, so I used to leave it running a bit for him). The other side of the sink isn't warm and there are no pipes under the warm spot. If it was warmth from the lights, the other side of the sink would be warm, too, but it isn't.

Great post, Jason, hey, I'm in Idaho!! I really like your rock pile ritual, I may start one too for my Jake, we took lots of hikes around here and there are loads of pretty rocks, mica and pink quartz and basalts. You have a wonderful way of looking at all this.. even though it can be hard to do, it helps so much to try to remain positive, doesn't it?