A week and a half ago my husband and I made the hardest decision of our lives, to euthanize our baby girl, Peppy, a beautiful Siberian Husky with the most loving big eyes. She was 11 1/2, and we had adopted her at 5 1/2. The six years we had with her was not enough, but I do cherish every day we had.

She had started having siezures about a week before hand, and our vet immediately put her on medication to stop them. But over the course of the next few days her condition only worsened, she was stumbling around the housen (I believe she may have lost some of her eye sight), cried all night every night, was dragging her back feet when she walked, and eventually got to the point where it became very difficult for her to get up to walk around, and by the last day, had to be carried outside. It was at that time we decided the best thing for her was to put her down, so that she was not scared and suffering any longer.

Everyday I feel more and more guilty about that decision. I wonder if we had waited a few more days if she would have gotten better, I wonder if we should have explored more options for treatment first, and worst off, I wonder if we let her down? I just wish I could get over this guilt, I feel like I could then move onto mourning her and remembering all the good things about her. At this point in time, whenever I think of her, all I can think of is the last week of her life, and the condition she was in, but I don't want to remember her that way because she lived 11 1/2 beautiful years on this earth as a happy, healthy, inquisitive dog. And I just miss her tremendously.
I don't know how long this feeling will last in me before I can accept that we did the right thing for her. We do have another dog, and it has helped that there is still another animal in the house, but I also feel like I let him down by taking away his best friend, it just kills me to see how lonely he is sometimes, like when he just sits at the window and stares outside.

If I could just feel in my heart, that she has moved onto a better place (as everyone says to me when they hear what happened), I know I could start to heal. And I do believe in heavan and that that is where she is, no doubt, but I can't help by wonder how the best place for her is not here in our home and in my arms? I just don't know how I am ever going to get over loosing my baby, my sweet pea, how is this hole in my heart every going to heal? Am I going to reach a day when I don't cry for her?

Shelly80,

Oh, how I relate to all you say and how you feel. My Poodle lived to 17-1/2 and had a back problem for 14-1/2 years of that time. And in the end it is the main reason I had to make the same decision you did. She did OK after surgery with a few minor glitches along the way with her back.

She began having seizures about once a month last July and those are so disturbing so again I know what you went through with those.

It is such a hard thing to do when we love them so much but that is the very reason we do it. I questioned myself also. I knew for at least a month I needed to let her go as she began to have great difficulty walking but kept trying her hardest. I questioned if I waited a few more days if she would regain the normal (as normal as she had been able to walk for 14+ years at least) use of the back legs. She would do fine one day & then not able for 3 days. Two days before we put her down she even "ran" and played in the yard.

I felt like you and still do sometimes BUT I truthfully know in my heart that I did the right thing. My guess is that you also really do know that you did the right thing for her. Because we want to keep them with us so badly I think we second guess ourselves afterward.

You will reach a day when you don't cry. When? Different for each of us. I still have some weepy days and it has been almost 5 months.

Your words: It was at that time we decided the best thing for her was to put her down, so that she was not scared and suffering any longer.
Remind yourself of that as often as necessary. None of us want to remember the last difficult days/weeks/moments but it is sure hard to forget isni't it? Happy times and memories are the best reinforcement as to how our beloved pet was for the majority of their life and may help to reassure you when those last memories creep up on you. I don't know that we ever "get over" the loss.... we learn to accept it and move forward. Baby steps at first and sometimes for a long time.

It's good you have another one and sad that he also has lost his best friend. Our daughter lost her female cat 3 days before we lost our Poodle and her best friend kitty has really missed her. They were together for over 12 years and he seems to have aged a lot since she's gone. He's just now coming out around people more.

This is a very good place to come and tell us how you feel, how you are doing, talk about your sweet pea, post pictures of her and read of other's losses and healing processes. There are many ideas here of what others have done on this journey forward after such a heart wrenching loss.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Peppy.

I had to put a beautiful golden boxer/shepherd down at age 3 due to seizures...and no, she would not have gotten better...only worse. That's why it is the right decision at the time because it really is the only decision. My vet let me know what would happen if I didn't give her a peaceful way to go. I always ask because my decision then sounds more right to me.

I think from some of what you said, one "mom" here, named Mistletoe found a quote from an unknown author that I have kept as one I don't ever want to forget and I pass it on in the hope that you find some comfort in it.

It is: I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay.

I hope this helps you.

I wish you peace and healing. It will take time for your pain to ease, but I am sure you made the right decision for your sweetheart. Keep that thought in mind.

Judy

Dear Shelly,

I'm so sorry to learn of the recent loss of your baby girl, Peppy. Each time I come here it pains me to see that yet another is suffering such heartache and pain. If there comes a time to "get over" such a loss, I certainly have not found it. BUT, the time did come for me that I could learn to live with it. We find ourselves thrown into a different kind of life.....one we are not familiar with at all. Our world as we know it has been turned upside down. It's feels like we are stuck in some kind of horrible nightmare and can't wake up. Our hearts have shattered into a million pieces and the deep guttural agonizing pain takes it's toll.

You've found a wonderful place here at LS to begin your journey of healing. The road is long and hard. But as you walk along you will find people who will walk right along with you. Each member here has lost a furry kid and been where you are now. We truly understand each other's pain and sorrow. Healing from such a deep wound of the heart is anything but easy.

I didn't find LS until about two months afer my Goliath passed away. Here I found strength, hope, and inspiration toward finding a new will to live and be happy again. Those first two months after Goliath passed away were shear agony. The depression about killed me too because I couldn't conceive living my life without him and quite frankly I didn't want to. Shortly after joining LS there came a time of acceptance of his death for me which allowed me to begin taking baby steps toward recovering. One by one, I began picking up the pieces of my broken heart and realized that though Goliath's body had persihed, his loving spirit was still with me and would never leave.

Though worlds may separate you and Peppy for now, know that your hearts are bound through the continuing love you share. Nothing can break a bond such as yours for you and she are a permanent part of each other.

When you're ready, please tell us more about her. For me, the more I shared the better I began feeling. Posting pictures personalizes a story even more. I love seeing the furry kids that go along with the wonderful stories. Writing letters to your special Peppy may also help you. Whatever you feel comfortable with goes here.

May you be blessed in the comfort of knowing you and Peppy lived a wonderful life together. Her memories are the gift she left you when she left this world for the next. One day you and she will be reunited in a place that is everlasting......never to be separated again. Life is short......eternity isn't.

Much love with many hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

I'm so sorry for your loss of Peppy. For those who have to go thru the big E, many of us wouldn't if felt the guilt of it all right then and there. We feel what they feel, we don't want to see them suffer. We don't want to feel their pain. You did the right thing.
Guilt always comes afterwards. Keep her always in your heart and cherish the wonderful memories she gave you, and feel blessed to have had her in you life..Hugs..Ann