Hi folks. I live in Melbourne, Australia and am shattered at the loss of a 'pet'. I put the word 'pet' in quotation marks because actually she wasn't my pet. But she felt like mine. I lived with a mate for 1½ years recently and during that time we both looked after his dogs. I'm now married and live in a suburb about a 15 minute drive away from my mate's place.

Recently we had 3 consecutive days of 40+ degrees celsius. On the third day of that 40+ degree weather i really wanted to go check on my mate's dogs as i guessed my mate would be at work, and likewise his new housemate.

I was worried how the dogs would cope in the heat as it reached 45 degrees - its the first time we've ever had 3 consecutive days of such extreme heat - even though i knew they had plenty of shade and my mate would have given them water before he left for work.

But instead of going there i stayed home, as i was struggling with the heat myself partly because it was just so hot, and partly due to some heart problems.

Now i feel devastated as on that third day of the heatwave one of my mate's dogs died. I can't get it out of my head how she must have struggled in the heat, and if only i'd gone i may have been able to cool her down by putting some water on her and kept her alive.

She wasn't very old, probably 10 years or so i guess, all i can think of now is that she could have had many more fruitful years ahead of her if only i'd gone to check on her. I've always said that whatever is wrong with a human (in my case the struggle with the heat), animals rely on us for water & food, they can't open the tap themselves or open a can of dog food.

I can't get the guilt out of my mind. I feel so responsible for the suffering that she must have gone thru in her final moments, and for her ultimate and untimely death.

If anyone can help my grieving i'd appreciate it immensely as i'm not coping at all, i can't sleep properly at night and I know i need to move on but i don't know how to do it.

God bless.

I'm sorry about the loss of one who obviously meant a lot to you. There is no reason for you to feel any guilt..as you said...she belonged to another and was that person's responsibility. Fate changed your lives so you lived in different places. If fate meant for you to do something, it would have happened. But do not feel guilt. I know it isn't easy to see sometimes how others treat their pets but we can find enough guilt over the years as we lose our own. It is harder to bear that and also someone else's guilt.

You obviously took very good care of her when you lived where she was. That's all you can do.
We just always hope others who are entrusted with such sweethearts..always try to do their best for them. Sometimes their minds may be engaged elsewhere.

Whatever happened, know that that girl is not suffering now and is at peace. It is good to hear that she lived a good life for at least 10 years. We don't know why things happen to take them away but I do believe when it is their time, we will have no control over helping them. We can't defeat that power that takes them away.

I have a neighbor who had 2 cats for 10 years so I knew them. When she first got them she had them declawed and then she allowed them outside..the last few years..after her husband passed away. Well, one is missing (and I assume is dead). The other sweetheart was still around but the lady had a girl move in as a roommate to help out with her home and that girl told me that whenever the woman died, she intended to take that cat to a kill shelter and have it put down.
I talked the lady into giving the cat to our local no kill SPCA. And someone adopted her immediately. But I always wonder about the other one. What were his last moments? I couldn't interfere with how these pets were allowed outside which for them was dangerous. She didn't care anymore after her husband passed away. It pained me to see that cat outside all day and all night when he was in the beginning always inside. Even the local SPCA puts declawed cats in their own room as they know without claws there is no defense against predators..whether it is other cats or dogs or whatever.

Just know she is now in a peaceful place and you don't have to worry about her anymore. For some reason it was meant to be. You can grieve and vent and cry for her because it is obvious you loved her but do not allow guilt to be part of your grieving. Her safety was not in your control because you were not the owner. The law only recognizes the owner.

If things were meant to be any other way, I think she would have been with you. I can only find relief from accepting ideas such as these. I know I cannot save all the best friends out there who have or have no home. I only hope the ones with a home are cared for because I know their unconditional love is always there for their companion. The ones without a home....there are too many and the responsibility would be too overwhelming.

I'm sorry you lost one dear to you but it was a hard situation to begin with...with you living elsewhere. Anything could happen at anytime and you could not be there 24/7. Accept the memories of the good times with her and know she had good years. Whether it is an accident or disease that takes them at the end....it is something inevitable. I had my boy over 16 years and yet when cancer invaded his body....I could not save him. Hard to accept...yes. But part of life...yes.

Sleep better remembering the good memories and thinking of her now in a peaceful, no pain, no suffering place. I know that's not a lot of solace but it is over and berating yourself does you no good.

I know you are thinking about the fact that you thought about going to see how she was doing in the heat and that that may have made a difference. Maybe yes, maybe no.....THIS TIME. What about the other 24 hours each day...it is impossible for you to be with her 24/7. Who can guarantee she would have had more "fruitful years if only you had gone to check on her"?
Without these dogs living with you, you cannot create such a tremendous burden of feeling responsible for their care. I am glad you had the time with them you did but please do not dwell on cir%%stances that you are not responsible for.

Hopefully, her passing may have awaken your former mate to avoid such situations for the other 2 dogs in the future if there is something different that can be done.

Take care.......time will help you cope better and also keeping in mind the realization that being sad is okay....but shouldering the guilt, in part or entirely, should not be part of this very very sad and unfortunate situation.