In our world of loss...so many times...so many of us have the same thoughts when dealing with a decision that is so final for our loved ones.
I think most of us have seen on TV the miracle of the plane that landed in the Hudson River recently with the ending of the survival of all 155 souls aboard. I just read part of an interview with the Captain who made that landing, Captain Sullenberger, and I was surprised to read this part:
"Sullenberger took control of the plane from his first officer and glided it to safety. He said that in the aftermath of the emergency landing, he lay awake at night SECOND GUESSING his performance, even though all 155 people on board survived. He said he initially had trouble forgiving himself because he thought he could have done something different in that "critical situation". "The first few nights were the worse," Sullenberger said, "when the WHAT IFS started."
"He said he no longer regrets his actions that day, calling his decision to land in the river "the only viable alternative" to trying to return to LaGuardia Airport or landing at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey."
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I never would have thought this man would have had all of this torturing his mind ..after what he did saved 155 lives. We deal with a decision that affects our loved ones lives and it is our loss that makes us think of the "what ifs", etc. (I capitalized the above words in his article because those were the ones I see and we all think so often here.)
Reading this article made me realize how these questions come up no matter if the result of the decision is happy or sad. It kinds of reinforces it when we say and accept.....we made the right decision at the time and we really have to fight the what ifs..that we see comes more naturally than we could ever imagine. We use them when we suffer a loss and yet this man went through the same mind torturing process AFTER knowing the result of his decision was...no losses at all.
Hope this helps us all realize the what ifs do nothing for our grief and can make it worse and that's why we must fight those thoughts every time they come into our mind.
Peace and healing to all of us,
Judy