Chica, my precious little girl went to rainbow bridge yesterday morning. She was only 1 1/2, still just a baby. Chica was a pretty little Chihuahua who was always so happy and ready to give kisses. I loved her with all my heart. Why was she taken from me so soon?

Chica was in great health until she went to the vet for her annual visit 10/31/08. She received her first set of adult vaccinations and that is where the nightmare began. Immediately after receiving the shots, she began to very violently vomit. That was quickly followed by diarrhea. The vet explained that this was probably the only reaction she would have so they would just clean her up and once we got her home if there were anymore problems, we could just give her some Benadryl. They gave her back to me and while they started the exam on my other Chihuahua, Chica began to have trouble breathing. They took her and gave her an injection. Her breathing came back to normal and she seems fine as soon as the shot was given. We took them home and Chica had diarrhea again that evening, but seemed fine the next day.

Over the next two weeks Chica had a few problems. She vomited a couple of times. Had diarrhea once, but since it was just a day here and a day there, we didn't think anything of it.

On Saturday 11/15/08 she vomited a couple of times. Sunday a few more times. By Monday she was refusing food and water and still vomiting. I took her to the vet where they treated her for gastritis and sent us home. The next day she was still really bad so I called the vet again. I took her back. They gave her different meds and sent us home again. This time she got better. She would not eat the food the vet gave us, so we were feeding her boiled chicken and rice or potatoes. She was back to her old self for a week and then the nightmare started again. We went back to the vet. They ran another test to make sure it was pancreatitis. Test came back positive. They gave us more med's and sent us home. Two days later Chica was no better and had lost a couple of pounds (a lot for a dog that only weighted 8 1/2 lbs to begin with) so back to the vet. By now you know the routine, this was Friday 12/05/08.

Saturday morning Chica was crying and seemed to be having trouble breathing, we rushed her to the vet. They took xrays and said that it seem that maybe she was constipated, so they cleaned her out, which seemed to help for a while. At this point my vet seemed worried. She told us that if Chica wasn't better and eating by the following day, we needed to take her to Medvet (Doggie ER) The following morning 12/7/08 we got up very early and took her to Medvet.

The doctor there told us that in addition to pancreatitis she had Intussussception (a problem with her intestines) and she would need surgery to fix the problem. As I cried, my husband began to question the doctor in regards to the procedure and the risks involved. During the questioning the doctor finally agreed that Chica was so small (only 6lbs now, her healthy weight was 8 1/2, she was a larger than normal Chi, both parents were almost 9 lbs but not fat) that odds were low that she would make it through the surgery and if she did the 2 weeks following would be very rough for her. Also they thought that her pancreas needed to be biopsied while they had her open, because they feared it was damaged more than just from pancreatitis. Why did this information have to be dragged out of her?

We decided that putting her through all this with the odds of her surviving being so low was cruel, so we made the terrible decision to have her euthanized.

I have cried for 2 days straight now, I just can't seem to stop. I didn't want her to suffer anymore. She had that look in her eyes, you know what I mean? That terrible pained look. This is the second time in a year and a half that I've had to make this decision. In May 2007 while my husband and I were on vacation. My Abby ruptured a disc in her back. It happened the night before we came home. When we got home she was paralyzed and in such pain. I agreed to the surgery to repair her back. The doctor made it sound like it was the thing to do. That she had a good chance of recovering, but she did not. She lived another week in severe pain, never really even alert enough to know I was there I don't think. Her spinal cord started dying and her body started shutting down, so we had to put her to sleep. I still can't tell that story without crying and now this.

I didn't want to prolong Chica's pain and have her suffer unnecessary like Abby did. I hope we made the right decision. I am so heartbroken and devastated. Why does this keep happening to my family?

I know that I've been rambling on for a while now, thank you for listening.

Helen

Helen,

We share your pain. Wish Chica's life didn't have to be cut short. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
At least you were a strong enough person to help her pass to the Rainbow Bridge with ease. No more pain, no more, suffering. I bet she is looking down at you Thanking you!! Some people prolong the suffering just to satisfy themselves and save them from the pain of loss. Very Brave!!!!

You just come here ramble, rant, rave, whatever you wanna say. I believe posting here will help you to heal. I know if is early for you to believe this, but it does help. Come back as often as you like.

Many Hugs to you and your angel Chica!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry to hear about both your babies. Your sentence about vaccinations made me wonder. Lately they seemed to be linked to pets developing problems so severe they have to be put to sleep. You might want to research about vaccinations and see if anything there clicks with what you went through. I usually use Google and fill in the words like vaccines...cat..dog and see what comes up. Some pets are allergic to the vaccines, I believe.

Why does this happen? That is something we just don't know. It is a very cruel part of life. Our salvation seems to be that at least these babies were loved and taken care of as best we can when it counted...we can't do more than that.

you said: I didn't want her to suffer anymore. She had that look in her eyes, you know what I mean? That terrible pained look.

That says it all. We just can't ever let them suffer and if we or the doctor cannot cure that...we have to give them peace. That is the biggest way we can return that unconditional love they give us..no matter is the time is short or long...they are there for us everyday. We have to be there for them when they need us the most and..you did all of that.

It is normal to cry and cry alot. I am sorry for your loss and just know that you are not alone in your grief....that is what we really do have in common here....we share the intense pain we all know.

Do what makes you feel better to do, whether to cry, to come here and write more about your thoughts and feelings, post pictures of your babies....whatever helps. It takes time to heal and although the pain came quickly.....peace takes much more time.

Take care,
Judy

Hi, Helen, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Chica, and Abby. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Multiple losses in such a short period of time are especially traumatic. I know right now there are no words that can soothe your broken heart. All the rational explanations will mean nothing right now - - if ever. You and your husband did everything you could for both Chica and Abby. Taking our companions to the vet is like taking a human to a doctor or a hospital - - the doctors and technicians are trained to treat and cure, and with all the latest technology and gadgetry that goes along with it - - prolong life even when quality of life is marginal. That is why you had to question the ER vet further. Their experience when people bring their beloved companions in is to "fix" whatever is wrong. Very seldom do they have human caregivers such as you and your husband who actually ask questions, and sometimes the vets are very leary about what the people actually want to hear since their emotions are high with fear and concern about what is happening to their beloved companion. You and your husband are very wise and loving caregivers, and you gave Chica the release she needed from her frail, physically failing mortal body. Were the vaccinations the culprit to set the scenario in motion that led to the death of your precious Chica, or could it have been coincidence or a genetic problem - - or combination of events? Only a necropsy - - similar to a human autopsy - - could help shed light on that answer, and many people don't go that route. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, one filled with many highs and lows, twists and turns, jumble of emotions that are extremely unpredictable at any given moment - - particularly in the beginning of the journey. The most important thing for you and your husband to know is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here understands the deep sorrow that is in your hearts, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, Helen, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yes, My husband and I have thought from the beginning of this that the vaccinations were what caused all of this. I believe that her terrible allergic reaction wasn't treated quickly enough and it just put so much stress on her body and that is what started all this in motion. We have been doing research on vaccinations for weeks now and have decided that we are not going to give our baby's any more of them (except for puppy shots). My other Chi, Tequila is 7 now and only weighs 4 1/2 lbs, did you know that her vaccination have the same amount of med's in them as an 80 lb dog? That's just crazy to me that a tiny animal needs that much medicine. Our dogs are never boarded, never go to the groomers (short haired Chihuahua's) so I think their risk is very low. I have also read that many studies are showing that dogs only need vaccination AT THE MOST every 3 years.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and respond. It's nice to have contact with people who truly understand.

moon_beam,

Thank you so much for you kind words. I'm doing OK I think. I break into tears about 10 times a day, but I'm learning to get myself back under control a little quicker. I just miss her so much. I still shed tears over Abby and now with losing Chica....It's just a lot

Just a note to let you know I remembered reading about vaccines here not that long ago and sure enough in New Beginnings, one of our members, ForDuffy, had just adopted a baby Chihuahua, and this happened:

Last night Sasha was admitted to the hospital. sad.gif She had a severe reaction to a rabies vaccination. The rabies vaccination is a slow release type of vaccine so the doc advised Stephanie to leave Sasha overnight. It was a good decision to leave her there because around midnight she began to swell again and there was somebody there to take care of her immediately. The swelling has reduced and Stephanie and her hubby are visiting with her tonight at the hospital. The doc wants to keep a close eye on her, so she will be staying there again tonight.

The good news is Sasha recovered but again these babies are so very tiny and I read what you said above about 80 lb dogs....these babies are nowhere near that weight.

Again, I am so sorry about your loss. I guess in a way even though we all share the same pain of loss...when one reads someone may have an almost identical problem...we see we all learn from each other. I also read a bit back here about a cat that had a problem after a vaccine and also had to be put down. A lot of people have said no more vaccines for their babies..and if they are kept inside..even some vets will agree that with reduced exposure like that....maybe the vaccine can be skipped.

Hugs and healing...and peace..are my wishes for you.

Judy

Hello Helen,

I am so sorry to hear your little Chica has passed away. Losing a loved one is never easy no matter how or when they leave. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to make the decision to have Chica PTS. Each of us here knows how painful it is when we are forced to endure the dreadful pain and grief that accompanies the loss of one who is loved so much. Chica knows just how much you loved her and I know she trusted you to make decisions for her because she loved you too. I can fully understand why you made the decision you did because of the experience you had with Abby. Just never forget that each decision you made was made out of the love you shared with each of these precious angels.

When my Goliath passed away very suddenly just over a year ago, life as I knew it had ended. Earlier in the evening of the night Goliath passed away, I had taken him to the ER because he was vomitting. He'd always had a sensitive tummy from the time he was just a little puppy. After examination, the ER vet said he had severe indigestion and his intestines were quite irritated. They also said not to worry and that he would recover nicely over the course of the next 24 hours. We were sent home with special instructions for diet and given something for acid indigestion. After we got home, Goliath layed by the fireplace and I sat near him in my chair feeling total relief. Suddenly Goliath began to vomit again and went into a seizure. I picked him up and he looked straight into my eyes and I could feel the angels very near us. He died within a few minutes after I picked him up. As I held his limp lifeless body I felt myself get very weak in my knees, so I knelt to the floor. As hard as I tried to breathe life back into his body, it was to no avail. I got up and rocked him in my chair for some time and was in total shock and disbelief. I couldn't understand how this happened at all. It had only been two hours since we had returned from the ER. An autopsy was done and the results showed that Goliath was in perfect health! The vet believes he died of a very rare fatal vagal episode which is the equivalent of fainting after a sudden rise of blood pressure immediately followed by a sudden drop of blood pressure. I will never know for sure what happened.

Your sweet little Chica and Abby will always stay with you Helen. Though bodies may perish, loving spirits never die. Their pure loving spirits will stay with you now just as they did when they were alive on this Earth. Even though worlds separate you from them for now, you can be sure that one day you will be reunited with all you have loved so much who have passed away before you. Knowing that one day Goliath and I will reunite is what allows me to keep my heart at peace.

I didn't find LS until two months after Golliath passed away. Those two months were the most horrible time of my life. My life changed after I found LS. Here I found hope, inspiration, and a will to live life fully again. People here understand how devastating it is when a furry kid passes away. The journey of healing is long, rough, and very painful. The good news is that there are those who will help you get through this oh so sad time of your life. Here at LS we cry together as we share each others pain, gather hope for a brighter and happier future, and find happiness again through the inspiration of others who have found their way through the deep grief and despair that was left when their dear ones left this world. The support given in this forum is phenominal. You are in the company of those who understand all too well exactly how you are feeling. You are not alone and never have to be because we all walk this long journey together, picking each other up when one falls down.

May you always feel blessed in having known such love in your life as Chica and Abby brought. Their happy memories are the gift they left you when they said "goodbye for now." Trust that one day you will say "hello again" and never be separated again. Life is far too short while eternity is not. Chica and Abby will wait patiently until it is your time to join them in eternal bliss.

Hugs of love and comfort from my heart to yours Helen,
Beth

Helen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your precious Chica. I read your post, and felt so bad for you and your husband. I do not know much about vaccines and smaller animals, but I am glad that you are learning more through your research.

I know you are going through a very painful time right now. But I hope you will be comforted soon, as you recall the happy memories you shared with Chica. And I hope you will find some comfort here on this board as well. I wish you and your husband peace and hope during this difficult time.

Beth,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I does help to know that there are people that understand and are willing to listen. After working so hard to make it through work all day without breaking down to much, it does help to be able to come home and log on here and feel as if I'm among friends.

Hugs,
Helen

If there is any place to ramble on and on about your precious pups...it's here (and crazy kitties too of course). If you ever look at my post about losing my beautiful min pin, Penny, you'll see that I practically rambled every hour after her passing. I had just moved, my husband just deployed, and sometimes talking to family made it worse...so the people on here were my "rock" so to speak. They still are...Ann and Beth have given me a great deal of wisdom about the life and death of a pet.

Of course I cried when I read your post. It's been a little over two months since Penny passed, and for the most part that crazy, intense pain has passed, but there are days that I just miss her so much. But reading everyone elses stories helps me feel understood, and also puts my loss into perspective as well. My dogs are also small, and so many times I just look at them and think "it's a miracle that such a small, perfect, cute little being is alive...thinking, loving, playing, and enjoying life". But then again, with such small little bodies, those things that impact animals, impact our little pooches tri-fold. My Penny got a mushroom in the yard. I called the vet and he said it wouldn't do anything to her...45 minutes later her body was in total shock. Once I got her to the vet, they pulled her out of the shock, thought she'd be alright, but kept her on an IV overnight, and the next morning I got a call that she didn't make it. Her organs had just shut down. She was very healthy, and only 4.

I think of vaccines too...it was actually when she was 2 years old, we took her and her brother (1.5 yrs) and they got their annual vaccines. We got Penny home, noticed she wasn't around and found her completely swollen in hives everywhere under the bed vomiting and shaking. We rushed her to the vet...they had just closed, but we pounded on the doors. They luckily had not left yet, and gave her a benedryl shot, and told us to give her children's benedryl if it happened again. She flared up 2 more times, but then was fine. It never happened again, but it's so unpredictable. It's really quite scary.

I would give anything to have her back, but then again I thank the Lord that if it was her time she did not suffer long -- of course I also thank the Lord I didn't have to make the decision myself to let her pass on, but I know had I known the extent of her internal damage right after it happened, I may have. I had to leave her overnight...and they thought she was ok. There was nobody there throughout the night, and I have no clue what her last hours were like. I want to believe she fell asleep peacefully, but I don't know if she was in terrible pain and fighting for her life. We all love our pets...they are our everything. It took courage and selfless love to let your Chica move on without you. Sometimes if we continue to fight it, it's just to comfort ourselves, and not what is best for them. She told you it was time -- One of the things my husband told me for comfort when i just didn't understand why she was only 4 was that he always thought she was so much more than just a dog. There was something special in her eyes...There were bigger and better things for her...she was meant for something so much greater then just her physical existence. I know she still remains in my home walking me through this, as I'm sure Chica is by your side as well. She still cuddles up with you on the couch...she's still there. Now that the heartwrenching pain is subsiding, I'm able to joke with my husband that since Penny has wings now (or perhaps she didn't need any, because her ears are so big) she can fly to see her daddy and cuddle with him some nights too while he's away. I happen to think it's true:)

My heart is with you. I found that at first I focused on going minute-by-minute. Eventually it was hour-by-hour and then day-by-day.

Until then, I'm sure Chica is walking alongside you to show you the way. Just call her name and she'll come running as always! (I do think is true. When I thought I was going crazy -- I cried practically 2 days straight....and not like just tears...like I had broken all the bones in my body screaming and crying. Suddenly I just got the urge to say "I love you Penny...I need you to come be with me right now" suddenly I felt this incredible sense of calm and I took this deep breath and it seriously felt like a hundred pounds just lifted off me -- I actually felt it...I knew she was there. Maybe not physically, but she was there.)

Peace
~Shannon (see, I'm a rambler too!)

Shannon,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my story. Everyone here has made me feel so much better. You guys are all great. I wish we were all meeting under better conditions but I am glad to have meet you.

Thanks for all your support,

Hugs
Helen

Hi Helen, I'm so sorry for your loss of Chica. Regarding your question, yes, you did the right thing. It's so hard to let go off something/someone we truely love and charish. And it's so hard to hold on to them and see/share thier pain. I lost my furbaby young too. It kind of makes us feel we got robbed of so many happy years ahead..Even though your time together was short, Chica will remain in your heart forever.Hugs.. Ann

You are definately amongst friends around here Helen. If you stick around LS long enough you will build some very close friendships. Since I found LS in January of this year, I've made half a dozen or so very close friends. Each of them stay in contact with me on a regular basis. These special friends are those I cherish and have come to love.

The first time I read you post, your avatar picture of Chica was the first thing I saw. I felt my heart sink with that familiar thud in the chest. The reason I had such a reaction was that your Chica looks much like my little Browser. We adopted Browser just this last April and he surely was sent from Heaven. In Heaven is where your little Chica is happy and healthy again and I can just picture my boy, Goliath, right by her side. Goliath could never pass up a pretty girl!

Your sweet little Chica and Abby will always remember your tender love and care. The love each of you share with the other is what makes it so binding. This kind of bond can never be broken...........not here nor in Heaven. Your precious angels live within you and will always surround you with their pure and loving spirits. With the kind of loving life you made together, you were surely left with a treasure chest full of wonderful memories. This was Chica and Abby's gift to you that I know will always stay within your heart.

Keep coming and continue sharing Helen. The more you come and share with others, the more they will also share with you. We lick our wounds together here and pick each other up when one falls down. Our journeys are long and bumps are hit on the way; but you may also find yourself growing spiritually in ways you never thought were possible. Along the way you will find the pieces of your broken heart and pick them up. Slowly but surely the wonderful memories surface as the deep and agonizing grief begins to subside. My journey hasn't been easy, but it has been very rewarding.

Be well and be blessed in everything you choose to do with this day and each day hereafter.

Hugs of love,
Beth