Only six weeks on, feels like six years.!!!!!


The pain is even more strong, maybe reality has crept in, who knows? I just feel bereft!! I don't look for my bestest friend in the whole world anymore, because I know he has gone, because I felt him leave me, as he was in my arms, but I never imagined the feeling of perhaps insecurity, does that make sense???? You know, when the whole universe is against you, and your best buddy (who thinks you are just perfect, and totally trust and believes in you, and agrees), then in reality, he isn't there anymore, and you just don't know what to do, I am fed up with people telling me that my boy had a good life, no my boy and I had the best life ever, together...... Life without him is just bearable.

I have gone through some tough times and that little man saw me through it, and the person who gave me that precious little soul also was called away too soon!!!! I always said that Scooby was the inspiration that kept me going. I have a son who has a very severe illness, a mother who is nearly 90 years old and I miss my best pal so much, I used to say that whe he went I would lose my sanity, and sometimes I am scared I will. I am finding it hard to see tomorrow without my boy, but I know in my heart that he wantws me to go on, why is it so hard???????

I have to thank everyone who took the time to reply to me, thank you so much

Dearest Westiemum, there's so much I wish to tell you but the honest to God truth is that I do not know whether to give you comfort and assurance or speak from experience. What I will say is that I do know what you mean when you're describing your feelings of devastation about your loss. I am feeling pretty much the exact same as yourself regarding my loss however the reasons do differ. Still both of us share the same intensity due to those reasons and what we're experiencing must be a taste of what it feels like to be at the lowest level of Dante's Inferno and I kid you not. It's torture for crying out loud. I do express myself far better using photographs, images, songs and the like rather than my own spoken words.

Westiemum, I cannot even begin to put into words how dreadfully sorry I am that you're experiencing these feelings, thoughts, emotions and so much more regarding your loss of Scooby. Please know you are not alone. Know that we hear you and a whole bunch either have been where you're at or we're experiencing it at this very moment ... Each and every moment. It doesn't matter what you do, where you go, your enormous pain and anguish is there. And all because "of an animal that can be replaced for crying out loud. It's just a dumb animal and there are millions out there just like him so get a grip and stop being so dramatic and ..." Does any of that sound familiar? Well, you won't hear anything like that here! No way, no how. Never.

I know I'm not the only one who is crying my eyes out for you right now because of this torture you're feeling as you've described it .... Sorry ... Very difficult to talk ... Terribly sorry ... I'll come back and say more later but I do want to remind you that the more you come and express yourself in any manner you choose just as you did right now, the better it will get. It helps to vent, shout it out to the world that your pain is so palpable from losing Scooby that you're also physically ill at times, cannot eat, drink, sleep, that even when you think about any of the wonderful times together it only serves as hurtful reminders at this point in time.

Now just a small glimmer of hope for you. Yes. It can and does get better. The bad news it that I have no idea how long it will take for you to feel any significant change for the better. Next, some great advice: Cry, scream, throw yourself on the floor and pound out how you're feeling ... Hopefully while not upsetting anyone else who may be around so I do those things when I'm alone. There are other ways to let out the agony you're feeling so that it doesn't stay bottled up inside you making you physically ill and even more of an emotional basket case.

I can most certainly understand if you don't feel up to it right now but I did post articles and links in the area of this board called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" and I titled that thread: "Your Fur Child Loss Devastation. You are Not Going Insane." It made me feel so much better after I read how others were feeling and behaving, that my feelings were validated, justified, real and "normal" so to speak because I honestly did believe I was losing it.

Dear One, I must say again that there is no word in the dictionary that can describe how gawd awful I feel for you. Honest and for true. I pray that sharing what I have will help in some small way. Not to be redundant but yes. Others have felt this way and eventually after much time got better and better. Does one ever get over it completely? I don't think so. But, at least those feelings of tremendous guilt, like the universe is pulling a really "Not Funny" practical joke on you, devastation, deep sorrow, even rage and ... I so wish I had the words but simply put ... It does get better. How long it takes depends upon each individual, their cir%%stances, what voids and needs and more that Scooby served to fill in your life ....

Have I helped any at all or made things a lot worse? Please do be honest and let me know. Please, I do need to know. Also, if you wish to ask me any personal questions as to how my loss compares to yours regarding the feelings you've described, please let me know.

My God, I want so very, very desperately to help you get through this indescribable Hades, Dear One. So please, let me know how I can. What else I can say or do ... My gosh. Tears! Please forgive me. I feel so horrible for you in your great time of pain and those very good questions you asked that I cannot even see the PC monitor at this point due to my empathetic tears and weeping for you, WestiemumWestiemum.

Please do know I send many, many comforting HUGS, that you are in my thoughts and most urgent prayers as is Scooby.

I do so desperately Wish you Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Please excuse all typos cuz I am touch typing and simply cannot see the screen. More BIG HEALING HUGS!!!

PS. I'm doing an edit because, like I said, I do so much better when expressing myself using images rather than words and such so went looking, did have to enhance and resize a couple of these then I framed them with what I felt was most meaningful. Do you relate to one or more of these images regarding what you're experiencing, Westiemum?







More Huge Comforting Hugs!!!

Hi Westiemum--------I am going through thr same thing with my loss of Willy on sept-3-08.I thought I was sort of adjusting then BAM!!! the past couple of days.......well you know.No way to describe it.I used to wonder that I may go crazy when Willy died while he was still alive as just like you and Scooby,the bond is a once in a lifetime bond.Yes we have a little girl named Lily and I love her to bits.No doubt about it.But...............

Dottie above has done a better description of this than me.The pictures really are worth a thousand words...........Bubba

Hi, Bubba. You too, huh?! Gawd how dreadful! I am so, so, so very, very, very sorry!

Westiemum, Bubba knows how I am better able to describe feelings using images.

To both of you, it's been one year to this very day since I last saw my baby. He was "taken" from me on October 11, 2007. Then on October 13th, 2007 was the last I heard his sweet voice as he talked with me on the phone. Finally, it was October 16, 2007 that ... Well, I found out a whole bunch about what was done to my Buddy dog, Styx kitty (thank God I got to them just in time) and I was informed that Alex is gone. Gone. I do not recall right off hand who I am quoting: "These are the times that try man's souls!"

That's all for now. More Big Hugs!!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

I feel like I could have written that myself. For me too it has been 6 weeks since i lost the love of my life and it's not any easier. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I know how horrible it is and I wish I could take all of our pain away. I still cry 4 or 5 times and day and even a few hours ago I was bawling I'm sorry to my baby. It hurts so bad. I don't know when it will get better. I find myself wishing the days away. My mother lost her favorite dog in an accident 30 YEARS ago and still tears up when she talks about it.

I too feel the frustration when people tell me my baby is in a better place. No, the best place is with me in my bed, going for walks. He didn't have a good life. his was cut short and he too died in my arms. Now i think about how i won't be able to dress him for halloween like I did every year. Today I looked in the closet and stumbled upon his costume from last year. He was a lobster. And I held it in my hands and broke down.

I'm so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.

P.S. I can relate to those images for sure.

Why does it have to hurt so much??.. Hugs to all. . Ann

Thank you Ann for your thoughts it is so hard isn't it?

Hi Bubba, I am so sorry about Willy, like yourself I thought I was doing really well, then it comes back with a vengeance. I have a little kitten called Ollie who is just adorable and I love him to bits and I know what you mean by but...... I can relate exactly to how you feel. Take care I will be thinking of you.

Hi 4Bentley,
Thank you for your support. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, I know exactly what you mean about the halloween clothes, I bet he was so cute as a lobster. I found Scoobys little hooded top the other day, he used to love dressing up, like yourself I just fell apart. I don't know either when it will get better but I do find I feel better after having a good cry.
I guess it's a case of taking it a day at a time. Take care.

Hi AngelCareOne

Thanks again for the comfort you so unselfishly give, and as for not being able to express yourself as well with words, I beg to differ, you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. the images are pretty amazing too. You have helped tremendously, I did go and read the articles you suggested and found them very helpful, just to realise that I am not going mad is a relief, also having this place to come and speak to others who understand is wonderful. I am sorry for you loss and the obvious devastation you too feel, I was being very selfish and wrapping myself up in my own grief, everyone here is suffering, perhaps at different stages, but we all have the same thing in common.
I was lucky to have had such a long and beautiful life with Scooby and I so thankful for that, he wouldn't want me to be so miserable. You are right I will never stop missing him, in time I am sure the pain will be less acute. I do feel so much more at peace today, thanks to the kindness I have received here.

You have been very helpful to me, and many comforting hugs to you. Take care.