and on the 17th of April this year my husband joined him. I got Cosmo and Nala by my bedside and I thank god for them. They know when I grieve and surround me.

I had to reregister because I forgot my username, it has been awhile. I know the last time Al was on here was when he posted pictures in new beginnings of Cosmo.



My daughter, Al & Leo

i am so very sorry
what a beautiful family
Eva

Leo's death a year ago compounded with your recent loss of your husband must be overwhelming for you. I am glad you still have Cosmo and Nala to keep you company. When someone passes away that we love so much, I know it's heartbreaking. There seems to be so little to help us feel any comfort at all. My wish for you is that you find some peace and comfort in the beautiful memories you built so carefully with Leo & your husband. I can't even imagine how devasted you must feel having to cope with your spouse's death.

Their lives on earth filled your life with happiness and joy. One day you will be reunited in a place of love that is forever eternal.

Bless you and your family during these difficult times of mourning. May you find happiness and joy again in your life as you remember all your best times in the past and what is still yet to be.

I'm so, so very sorry that you've now also lost your dear husband, Al! Yes, you must be absolutely devastated with having to suffer 2 major losses in such short order, one following on the heels of the other!! I can barely imagine how shattered your heart must be, but I'm sure it is and you have all my sympathy.

While of course you're more than welcome to talk about Al here as well, I'd also like to gently suggest the additional option of finding a grief site or local support group where spousal loss is part of the offerings, as we all usually need support and understanding that's particular to the loss experienced. I'm not suggesting that you won't find some of that here, too, but only that you might also need something more targeted to lend you more focussed support in that area as you deal with these new, sorrowful changes in your world.

I remember that dear, sweet picture from awhile ago....even more poignant now. Let us all hope that you 'hear' from Al and Leo at some point, letting you know that they're together and keeping close watch over you, Cosmo and Nala, even as you grieve. Again, I'm so terribly sorry for you and your family. Many (((((hugs))))))!!

I have started with counseling and I found a good message board and I am hoping for that dream of seeing them. He had the dreams with Leo, I never had that (or I might not remember it when I wake up) I just have dreams where I am lost all the time. I am hoping for a closure dream.

I forgot to add Sugar to the list of our felines.. she does the comforting when I am on the couch or the recliner. No matter where in the house I got my support group following me, I did worry about Katie our border collie, she did get sick a couple days after Al died. She has a wet nose now and is eating normally now, I think she was picking up on my grief and she is a sensitive girl to begin with. Al did baby her... actually all the animals and they sense that he is missing. I wonder sometimes if the know more than us or are puzzled by the missing pack member?

This board was healing for Al, I have many pictures of him with Leo. It is painful but healing to look at knowing that he is with him again. I mourn for Cosmo because he was not full grown and Al talked about much bigger and magnificent he was going to get, plus they were really bonding as he was growing. He was our 'valentines' day present, it hurts but it heals to read about getting him after the loss of Leo.

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=3720

It has only been a few years but it seems as if my world has changed completely- first my grandmother, Leo and now Al. I am still in shock most of the time.

Good for you, re: the counseling and support board! At times like this, every little bit of help we can find is invaluable.

Yes, the dream visitations.....they're such a comfort when they come, but waiting for them is sheer torture! Maybe you need to ask for Al's and Leo's help with this? However, it's also not uncommon for many people to have those 'lost', or disturbing, dreams for the first while, too. Loss is so huge a thing to process and we can't do it all in our conscious, waking moments, so even the disturbing dreams help us assimilate some of the hardest feelings to deal with. It's a tough, inner battle, no question.

You wondered.... I believe most animals know as well as we do that there's been a 'loss', and many ARE more cognizant of the other (invisible to most of us) realms and of the fact that physical death is only a continuation of our life journeys, which is why most of them don't need to grieve for as long as most of us do. However, that doesn't mean they don't grieve their loss at all. There is no difference there - if they love someone, no matter who it is, they feel sorrow (and other related emotions) as they adjust to the physical loss, same as us. Some even carry it with them in unhelpful ways, unless they can be helped through it emotionally (like through a communicator), same as us. However, many are also usually luckier in the sense that they can often still see the departed one(s) more readily than we can, in spirit form, at least for a time. I know Nissa saw her brother at times, even though I couldn't. She also allowed him to use her body to come through for me quite often, for the first year or two, as she's done herself through other cats who are not 'mine'. You might wish to read a great general article on animals that I'd just posted here.

Yes, so much of bereavement is all about ambiguity and dichotomy in the sheer multitude of our deepest feelings. For every 'good' one, there's a 'bad' one, and visa versa. Even though it could understandably cause you pain, I still think, as I always did, that the fact that you and Al were both posting here is so very precious. One hardly EVER sees that on boards. It's an additional way that most of us wouldn't have in which the memories of him can now be kept alive.

Our worlds can change so dramatically overnight, it makes our heads spin, and often takes many years to regain any usable sense of balance.....as always, no matter the type of loss. Some of us here, including me, have had several major losses over not too long a span of time. The chances of this, of course, usually increase the older we and our loved ones are. We are changed and never the same to a much higher degree and much more abruptly than everyday life does to/for us. So it's perfectly natural, normal and understandable to be very 'shocky' for long periods of time after so many awful blows to our world. So feel free to intertwine the impacts of your losses here because how could they NOT be impactful upon each other?! We deal with them both one by one AND all at once. It's so, so hard, I know.

I'm actually fairly convinced that our loved ones' coming through to us isn't as much about them as it is about us being able to pick up on their presence. I think we often trip ourselves up by dictating just HOW we want them to come through, which is imposing too many unfair limits on the whole possibility. My girl has graciously begun using a number of the same methods that her brother did/does - through her numbers, name, pictures, other cats, smell, sound, etc. I'd begged for more of the other types I'd wanted, too, but so far she's stuck with what she's obviously more comfortable with, or able to effect. But I thank her for each and every one, so that she doesn't get discouraged and give up on her Mom's denseness entirely! So give yourself plenty of time for this to unfold. It happens with more people than not, and in the next few years, with the "quickening" of our energetic evolution on this planet, it's bound to happen even more frequently for more people than ever before....and probably in many more ways than before, too. And I also believe very strongly that most times this whole thing is driven, in Divine Purpose, by our soul's plan for our growth, however that is to ripen. So in some ways, I think it also can push us beyond our self-imposed limits, so that we can ultimately experience more, not less, joy. But it's often a very long process and we need to be MOST patient with ourselves and the whole picture.

Thank you for the insight, that has helped immensely the past few days, I have found this unexplainable calm and escape from the constant grief... today was a beautiful day and I sat outside with my grandaughter and Katie... she was laughing at Katie running around.. I sat for a bit with just the quiet and the cats basking and I put myself to their level of calm..almost a meditative mode and I realized that I dont allow his healing presence to happen, I have tunnel vision sometimes and I dont open myself to that calm so I can be open for that to happen. I also had a dream I cant remember from thursday night, but I woke up able to cope better than usual.

Al was more gifted with that ability and he dreamt and caught glimpses of Leo more than once. My thought processes have always been more cluttered and I was probably not as tuned in as he was. The strange thing thinking back is that Al did most of his grieving by posting on here more than we talked about it to each other and vice versa. It was very painful, it was like we lost our child of 15 years and we grieved together the first week or so, talked about it and then could not talk about it. Only after we had Cosmo awhile we started talking about Leo again. Leo was a kitten when the kids were small so it was rough on them too, that was his human 'littermates' and when our oldest came home to visit he was always right there, happy to see her again. He did not forget.

I have returned to work, it seems soon but financially I have to. I made it through the past two days and what you posted and also the help of another person I talked to who lost her husband a few years ago helped shine a light through the darkness and despair. I needed focus. Thank you very much.