With dogs, I understand their behaviour inside out. I always know what they're trying to tell me, and how they feel. But then dogs are easy to read, because in my experience they are always keen to communicate with humans. So I've always had a tight bond with my 2 affectionate little dogs. And with Bono, well he was more like a son to me than a pet.

But with my cat Sasha I struggle ... Sasha isn't friendly at all ... She just comes to me when she wants food or a warm bed to sleep on. She doesn't show me affection, or come running when she sees me. She might dander along eventually, but only because she wants me to feed her or allow her into the family room. I could be anybody. As long as she gets what she wants, she doesn't appear to care who provides it.

Sasha was my first cat, rescued at 8-months-old, and subsequently she was my only cat for 4 years. But even as a kitten she was like this, even though I adored her. I tried playing with her, bought her lots of different toys, cosy beds, her favourite foods; I tried showing her affection most of the time, putting her on my lap etc and stroking her, scratching her, cuddling her, but she didn't respond, and I soon learned that she'd rather be in her bed than anywhere near me, and that she'd only come to me when she wanted food.

So after a few months of having Sasha, I thought all cats were like her - unaffectionate, disinterested, didn't play with you, no connection.

And so I thought 'well that's just the way cats are.' And I swore I'd never keep another cat ... Because I felt that they were not a pleasure to own.

But then, after having had Sasha for 4 years, my lovely Darcey came along (I rescued her from drowning at 7-weeks-old), and oh she is such a joy. Darcey sees me and comes running, winding round my legs, rubbing up against me, she licks my hands, she jumps up on my back if I bend over. She's all about play fighting and having fun. She's all about affection. And now that I've had Darcey for over a year, I love her as much as I love my 2 dogs ... It's because of Darcey that I now understand that cats can be a pleasure to own, and that you can have a connection with them.

But with Sasha, after over 5 years of showing me little to no affection regardless of everything I have tried to do to show her love, I now struggle to understand her at all. I do my best every day to show her love but she's not interested in me. And that saddens me because I do care about her, and I'm worried about her, always sitting on her own, angry at the other animals if they come near her ... It's not just me she virtually ignores. She tolerates the other animals, but she doesn't like them to touch her, hissing and growling if they come near, including Darcey, even when she was just a 7-week-old kitten. She also has no time for my fiancé, or any visitors who come.

I don't force her to live with me. As an outdoor cat, she has a catflap into the house, and she can come and go as she pleases. So she stays with me out of choice, so she must think I'm of some use, probably just a base for food and heat ...

She seems happy in the sense that she is free to do her own thing, come and go as she pleases, she always has food, cat milk and water 24/7, and a warm bed to go to, she's 100% healthy, and my fiancé actually thinks her bad tempered hissy fits and dislike of others is actually part of her charm.

But I'm not so sure. What's wrong with Sasha?

By rescuing her at 8 months you missed the critical patterning and imprinting time. Maybe someday you can wear her down, but my experience is that if they are going to bond, you have to pretend to be a parent when they are at an age that they may believe it. I have had a few like that, which I took as personal faiures, but that was not fair, either.
Essentially, rather than adopt a baby, you adopted a TEENAGER.(Ask any parent what that means.)

Older shelter or other rescues usually have been someone's pet, and have been hand-reared, so once they figure out who you are (Food bowl, warm lap) then they know what to do to win you over. I call them "Used Cats", but affectionately.

See my Little Girl in Tributes...in Little Guy had a Sister. She reminds me of what you are talking about with Sasha. I called mine a diva when she was like that. She and her brothers were born in my backyard to a feral mother and even though we discovered them the day they were born and allowed the mother to take care of them until one boy, LIttle Guy got sick and I took over when they were all about 8 weeks old, the Little Girl was a strange one.

As a kitten she insisted on crawling into my lap when I visited them in my outside screened in patio and when my twin boys who were friendly wanted to chase a string I was moving around, she did too. But she never bonded with either of her brothers and always hissed and growled at them her whole life.

I used to be able to pick her up once in a while as I wanted them to get used to being picked up but then when she was about 3 years old, one day I picked her up and she went ballistic, hissing and spitting and wiggling around so I put her down and never picked her up again. From then on, she established the rules of...if I sat down she would come and get into my lap and I could pet her head but if I touched her like I would pick her up out of my lap, she would give a loud warning growl so we compromised and when I wanted to get up, I would move a leg slightly and she would jump down..that way there was no touching.

I always said if I had only known her, I would have felt as you described, very disappointed (I had dogs up until her so I also know that friendliness). She never changed toward us or toward her siblings and was with us 15 years.

You have a beautiful cat in Sasha (of course I am prejudiced for big black long haired cats) and I am sorry to hear she has a hands off type of personality.
There is just something inside some cats I think that stops them from letting go and allowing themselves to really be loved by humans and even getting along with other cats in their own household. I don't understand it either and I think it is so sad that we and they miss so much from each other when this happens.

All I could do with mine is talk to her and she would talk back but nothing else and I never found a way to change that. So we lived by her terms and when she came into my lap I could feel her purring but again...on her terms. I loved her as much as she would allow and that the best I could do for her.

Maybe you will be surprised and something someday will change her and she will come to you more.....every baby is different and one never knows the love they may be capable of if they would let themselves. In mine, I believe the feral mother's fear of humans transmitted to the kittens and although my 2 boys ignored their mom and would walk toward me in spite of her chirping at them...the Little Girl didn't at that time but later followed her brothers and when they accepted me, she did at first as a kitten. I had to pick her up a lot as a kitten as she was always climbing our drapes to the ceiling and I had to get a ladder to get her down or she would jump up our bookshelves to the ceiling and I would have to climb up to the top and get her cause she couldn't figure out how to get back down to the floor....but 3 years later..she changed the most and did not want to be picked up at all. She was a tiny one too and so light and easy to hold before she went ballistic.

Don't give up on Sasha but don't be terribly disappointed if she stays as she is...she just may have something in her nature so that she would be that way with everyone but as long as you have her, I know that you love her and will just keep trying. Maybe you could Google this type of personality and read if something worked for others. I wish you the best and hope Sasha becomes more like you are hoping for.

Jon, interesting thoughts about adopting a teenager rather than a baby. Is this always the case with cats? I adopted my Jack Russell Terrier when he was 8 months old, and he bonded with me almost immediately ... so I'm guessing this is a cat thing?

LoveThem, Good to read your own experience of having a cat with this hands off personality. Interesting about how she would hop on your lap on her terms. Now Sasha does sometimes (rarely but sometimes) hop off her bed and jump onto my lap and just settle there in a little ball. I'm always afraid to touch her incase she thinks that's too close for comfort and jumps off my lap again. So I just sit there, and eventually, after she's well settled I'll stroke her. But this only happens rarely, and only on Sasha's terms. If I lifted her onto my lap then she'd immediately leave. It's just Darcey is so different. She doesn't want to be on a cat bed. She wants to be not just on my lap but as close to my face as possible. She literally hugs me with her paws, rubbing her face against mine. And she cuddles in and purrs like crazy. Aw she's a lovely little cat. And I'm so pleased to have her otherwise I'd still feel that all cats were like Sasha. I won't give up on Sasha in the sense that she'll stay with me, always provided for and loved for the rest of her life. But she's almost 6 years old now, so I doubt she'll ever change. Thank you for your reply.

But dogs are pack animals..A dog misses his pack. They socializes in groups, and establish hierarchies. A dog without his "Boss" has been "Made Redundant" and is unemployed, and feels badly about it. I know plenty of people who have resued older dogs, and they generally have suoerb relatonships with their people, because they are so grateful.
A cat...
Well.
After a certain age, they are self-sufficient, and need no one's approval for anything. One can befriend them, but probably not tame them.

I had a rescue who was born in the wild..Miles's daughter. She liked me a lot, but was a "Ghost Cat" when visitors appeared. She only rarely ever got in my lap, but once in a while would lay against me. But she would flee if I put my hand on her. No one could touch her, but she would sleep with Miles, exactly 8 inches away, never touching. She would come when called, but trying to pick her up was out of the question, and taking her for a Vet checkup involved wearing leather work gloves. She was a beautiful tabby, and playful, but she did not play well with others. Her goal in life was to kill Sam, the Siamese, and she meant it with deadly intent. So we had to adopt her out to a one-cat household, to people who wanted a mouser.

She loved to kill. Once, I heard a loud scrambling..Molly was tring to take a heating register apart. Suddenly, Molly ran down to hallway in pursuit of a mouse that she had wounded.
The I saw something I did not ever see an animal do...She chased to mouse directly into Murphy..who was sitting in the other room minding her own business.
Suddenly the mouse just STOPPED, sat down, and said, "That's it. I'm screwed".
The poor mouse was badly wounded and bleeding so was humanely dispatched and "Sacrificed to Neptune".
*flush*

Jon, I see! You this this is where I don't understand cats as well as I understand dogs. I do know that in the wild, cats are solitary animals, so it's probably a wonder that any show affection at all.

Molly's story sounds somewhat like Sasha's. Only Sasha has little to no interest in killing anything. I think a mouse could do the riverdance within her grasp and she would just watch it and do nothing. Not once have I seen her catch anything. Darcey on the other hand loves to kill, and yet she is the affectionate one.

This is where I find that contrary to their behaviour, Sasha is extremely dependant on people, and Darcey would do just fine on her own, with her ability to catch prey. And yet Sasha behaves as though she is independant, and Darcey shows extreme affection toward me, as though I am her lifeline.

Thank you for your reply. Its be interesting.

ps Yes Molly is a beautiful cat. She's quite a large tabby. My Darcey is rather small in comparison.

If you right click the picture and peek at the properties, you will see that it is titled her nickname, "Molliphant".

Wow, that's strange. I have had a couple of cats over the years, who, for no reason at all, go into the ceramic-tiled bathroom and howl.
It appears they like the sound of the echoes or the way it amplifies their voices.
Much as I love them, they are very wierd animals at times.

Perhaps he feels threatened by the new surroundings, or needs to stake out his teritory? Is he fixed?

If so, he should quiet down after settling in.

I have seen Siamese do that for no reason at all, sometimes. They are very vocal. Sam has a horrid whining voice, like a spoiled niece.

I know. About ten years ago I was offered a transfer to Carrollton, and nearly took it.



Something must remind him of something that happened in the past. I once had friends who adopted a Maine coon cat because the owner's husband did not like him. When my friend's husband came home from work, if he jingled his car keys, the cat would panic, growl and hide.
Has he survivd a tornado? Give him time.

Here is something outrageous and stupid, that I cannot explain and am hesitant to write about.

My niece's landlady is a wonderful, loving, widowed Cat Lady.
My niece told me something unbelieveable.
First, my niece is not gullible-She WORKED herself through college and got her own scholarships, and graduated with dual majors in Chemistry and Physics and is a researcher at Harvard. So no Bimbo jokes..BUT:

My niece had to take care of the cats when the Cat Lady was on vacation. She was hurried and pressured, and did not always wash the empty bowls before adding food.
The Cat Lady talks to a (My niece and I laughed our heads off ) CAT PSYCHIC weekly.

However.....
The Cat Lady got off the phone, and said to my niece, "Garfield is still mad about the dirty bowls. Oh, and don't worry about Hyram...he was across the street, but intends to come home for supper". Anyway, there have been too many "hits" like that for us to be able to explain it.

I suppose if things become desperate, I could get you the number.
("No warranties express or implied, your mileage may vary, contents may have settled in shipping, send today for the free termite book&etc.")

Since Miles, the alpha queen died, my wife has begged me to play with Sam and Murphy and wear them out during the day so they let us sleep at night. IT WORKS!



Poor Milesy had it bad, and her life with me was spent on Limited Diets Feline, Duck and Green Pea, or the rabbit or venison flavors. Expensicv, and she was not too enthusiastic about them, and spent her waking hours scheming to steal the other cats' Fancy Feasts. A few meals too many and she would break out, lose fur, and have open sores.

Here is what it co$t me a fortune to find out:
Many long-haired black cats are allergic to a protien in wheat gluten, glutamic acid. They cannot metablize or excrete it. Just as all cats need Taurine, because they cannot make it like we can, there are many areas where our metabloisms are different. Cats and dogs are "Obligate carvnivores", and vegans, etc. who insist on trying to feed their carnivourous pets Brown Rice, etc. are NOT helping them; They could kill or blind them.

There might not be anything wrong for your cat using a food with brown rice in it.

The case I had read about was a vegetarian who fed their cats and dogs NOTHING BUT brown rice and NO MEAT. It would serve them right if their pets ate THEM some night.

Humans are omnivores. We are equipped to digest starch and sugars, and even some celluloses..we even have a leftover appendix that was designed for this. Carnivores are not. There are reasons cat food has vegetable proteins. It gives the stool some bulk, and they can use to protiens from vegetable sources, too. Of course, these are cheap proteins, but are OK as long as the Chinese have not poisoned them with Melamine.

When Miles surrendered and got to accept the Limited Diets foods, she got FAT. My wife used to say to me.."Your cat WADDLES! You should be ashamed of yourself!!"

But she NEVER stopped scheming about stealing the other cats' Fancy Feast. She was smart and resolved and very clever. She would sneak into the other ctas' area and then, when caught, she would EAT as fast as she could, continuing to do so even as she was picked up to be carried out with the usual "You PIG!" lecture.

One would think that if a cat were allergic to one type of poultry she would be allergic to all of them, but the difference could be as subtle as chicken vs. turkey. The reason Limited Diets chose duck is that it is a poultry not common on the market, so unlikely that a cat would have had a chance to become sensitized to it. Same thing with rabbit and venison. In Nature, our little cats do not often take down deer, or hunt rabbits.


Disclaimer: I am not a vet.
I am a chemist who worked for some Fortune 500 biomedical companies till I retired. My wife says, "Now you're nothing-Relax!"

If they get allergies in the wiild, they do not live to reproduce, or if so the litters are probably small. Nature does not select for sickly animals.

The raw meat issue bothers me for an indoor pet. Now, our cats are minature lions and tigers, and if they are outside, they will get raw meat sooner or later, or maybe as often as they can. Years ago when we could all have our cats outside, I saw the neighbor's cat trotting away from my little pond, taill up, all proud with a frog in hs mouth. And there were NO chipmunks in the neighborhood when he was around.

The question I have about raw meat for an insider is that it merely adds issues we can do without, such as parasites. I read of a case of tapeworm in a human, from raw hamburger.
Chicken: They are birds. Birds, with their high body temperatures, are a paradise for parasites and bacteria, like e.coli. (If you went through a plucking machine you'd lose control of your bowels, too.)
Chicken on the edge of going bad is a nice introduction to the joys of salmonella. That is why we have to cook poultry to an internal temperature of 170-180° F.

If a cat eats mice, they _will_ have small roundworms. it's just the way it is outside. It's no big deal, but does the cat play with children?


That's clever! No cat would be sensitized to pumpkins, and it would do what the gree pea does in Limited Diets. Except there WAS a story about a cat on here who was hooked on avocados and stole melons! Cats...I love them but they are really eccentric!

Out of curiosity, and for a clue as to if he needs roughage, are you missing many leaves from the houseplants?