It's been a month, yesterday, since I said my final goodbye to my beautiful Hailey-bear. She had such a quite, unassuming presence that there are times when I "forget" she's gone. When I "remember" it's like losing her all over again! Such simple things hit me hard! For example...the snow has begun to melt a bit and I saw the first tuft of backyard grass in months. My first thoughts? That there is still some Hailey poop out there, buried under the snow. I just recently started to pack away my Christmas decorations. They're usually packed by the first week in January but I couldn't bear to pack away her stocking or her ornaments. I still sleep with my black lab stuffed animal, with Hailey's collar around it's neck. The familiar jingle of the tags and the smell of the collar give me melancholly comfort. She was such a huge part of my life for so long. And part of me is scared for this pain to stop.
When Comet died, two years ago, I was a mess. I "heard" his meows and "saw" him everywhere. When we moved to our new house, a few months later, I cried because I was moving somewhere without any memories of him. But it got easier. The pain, not so sharp... the memories, not so clear. I look at his pictures and it's like looking at a childhood scrapbook. I smile, I remember, but I don't feel.
I'm afraid of that happening with Hailey. The pain seems to validate her life. I'm afraid of her becoming only a memory.
I miss her. I want her back. I've been reading about our soulmates finding us again...I want to look in her knowing eyes again. I want a "face bath" (Hailey kisses). I want to see her laying belly up, waiting for someone to notice and give her belly rubs.
I'm sorry for rambling. I just feel like you guys are the only ones who understand me.

Your description of how you are feeling is certainly known by all of us. Certain days or dates often remind me of Goliath. Working through the grief that accompanies the passing of a loved furry kid is very difficult to say the least.

One of the things I do to comfort myself is to remind ME that Goliath is in no pain. I know he would not want me to feel sad and I often feel his presence. I too want him back, but I know that won't happen in the physical sense.

But, I can treasure the many memories of him and all he taught me about love.

The first time I actually was able to smile, after having been reminded of him , without bursting into tears, was not that long ago.

I was cleaning my puter room and I went to polish the wood chest I keep in here. The bottom left corner of the chest is rounded off. When Goliath was an itty bitty puppy he rounded that corner off with his little teeth. I am sooooooo glad he did that.

We have been blessed having had the privilege of that special connection with a furry kid that nobody can ever take away from us. When Goliath was alive he was always at my heels or by my side.......in his death he is always on my mind and forever in my heart.

Peace and comfort to you as you grieve. Know that a time will come when you will be able to remember without hurting so much

Dear Haliey-Comet ,We to know these feelings every second of the day i think about our little boy (from mistaking his brother for him to only counting 5 pups instead of 6 its a reminder all the time i to don't want to forget anything about him i don't know what to say only that you are not alone

Warren and Chris lost without our Freddie

I am so sorry for your pain. My love and prayers go out to you and yours.
I know how lost you are in it all right now. Please remeber that greif has no schedual, and as hard as it may seem, it is ok to let yourself feel it. But please try not to let is consume you, your dear Haily wouldnt want you to suffer. She knows you love her, and she understands, but she also loves you and wants you to find comfort.
I know what a hollow word comfort is. In the depth of our grife, it is even a cruel word. Comfort would feel like a betrayl, comfort would feel like forgetting. Comfort would be a pain worse than the loss. I know that is how I felt. I took the pain ,and I held them to my self beacause I could'nt hold cheddar, I took it and wouldnt let it go. Then one day i relaized I no longer held it, it held me and I couldnt escape. Than I found this place, and I have been slowly learning to break the chains. You need to do what is good for you right now, if your stuffed dog, and haily's collar bring you a little peace, thats ok. Somthing to hold, is important.
I think that greife causes a numbness, but i also know it eases with time. as you let yourself heal, the feelings return. peolpe can have and almost endless abitlyity to feel joy and happyness, but we have a limted ability to feel pain, and sad, as you work thru it the feelings return. It won't rain forever, somday you will see the sun again.
Come, and share. Come and cry, come and laugh, just come. Don't lock your self away with your pain.
Love and prayers,
and a great bug hug,
cheesy

Kelly,

I understand how you feel about your dear sweet Hailey. I think part of the grieving process is struggling to move forward. Hanging on to our pain and not wanting to let go. It has only been a month that you lost Hailey. You have years of precious memories that will pull you through the pain. Your tears will lessen...and you will never forget Hailey. Although she is not physically here I feel our babies remain in our hearts forever. Just be patient with yourself as you grieve.

Soon I will be hitting my 4 month mark without my lab Lizzy. I knew I wanted another white English lab after Liz. I had a deposit down on one due at Christmas time. The breeder led me on to think his female was pregnant....she was not. I was so upset. I kept asking Lizzy to send me a baby to love that had some of her personality. I am happy to say the first of Jan. my precious Mandy came into my life. She is pictured on my avatar with my other lab Elly. She resembles Liz and has alot of the same personality traits. Mind you no dog could ever replace Lizzy. However, I have joy in my heart again and laughter in my house as I watch the dogs play. Elly is so thrilled to have a new sister as she was so lonely when Liz left.

I still have times when I can't believe Liz is gone either. I still wonder why I had to lose her so young. But I remind myself of how much she gave while she was here on earth. She provided so much love, protection and companionship to me. I know she is watching over us, and we keep her with us by sharing her memories.

Thank you for all your kind words. It's amazing to hear how much you understand me. The pain is almost palpable on most days. I am comforted with the knowledge that she's running with the Angels...pain free for the first time. But the selfish part of me just wants to have her with me again.

I just got the book Animals and the Afterlife. It was recommended to me by another member. It is really helping me deal with the grieving. I know what you mean about the pain being palpable. It's so true. The book is really good. Know that you are not alone and that your Hailey Bear is still with you.

Bonny'sMom

Kelly,
I know how you are feeling. It is so hard. so many feelings and thoughts that go through our mind. Some thoughts are good to dwell on, others we need to set aside until we are ready. I know the fear of being afraid of forgetting my Sadie. This is new to me. It's a dark feeling. But don't worry, Kelly...you will never forget Hailey. The feeling of her presence may not be as strong as when she was alive, but then again maybe it's not supposed to be. Maybe if those feelings and thoughts didn't fade a little we would all go insane. One thing I know is that we will never forget them. Ever. No, it's not like being able to see and touch and hold them, but someday we will...and I look forward to that.

Take care
John B

I know what you mean about being afraid of becoming numb and not missing Hailey anymore. I got scared about that too. But, as luck would have it, I am still in pain after 4 and a half months and missing my boy just as much. I don't cry as often but I miss him just as much. I talk to him everyday as if he were still here and I yearn for him to be physically here so I could hug him. You've bonded with that sweet soul and you will yearn for her physical presence as long as you are human. The pain may get a little better, which is a good thing, but when you remember your baby, you will always miss her and love her just as much. I can't believe that love at that magnitude will ever lessen.

I agree with Bonny's Mom regarding Animals and the Afterlife. I have been doing a lot of reading lately and this book truly helped me to understand grief a little bit more. It also gave me a lot of hope.

Wishing you peace and many hugs through your grieving-

Memories are our way of incorporating them into our lives forever. It's ok for the pain to go away. You will always have your furkids in your heart.

Take care,
Ken

What an astonishing and touching statement Ken made in his reply. It hit home when he said that's it's ok for the pain to go away. As time passes the pain is not so raw and gut wrenching.

I have found that as more time passes and as I become able to let go of a little bit more of the pain, I have also opened a door for me to enjoy a few more of my joyous memories of Goliath.

Keep coming and sharing your grief and sorrow and when you are ready come share the joy of your memories as well. I would love to hear more about your Hailey.

We are here to exchange hopes, sorrow, our dreams, and anything else we need and want to share to help provide a way to recover from our broken hearts and lonliness. We want to feel alive again and enjoy ourselves again.

Great bigs hugs to you and open arms from caring people here will help comfort your pain.

Much love to you and may your heart heart be blessed with the comfort you so desperately need.

I don't think the pain ever ends. It is like energy, and we know that energy never ends, BUT it can be changed. So, over time, the pain doesn't end, it changes.
What now feels like a stabbing hole in your heart, will still be a feeling of healing in your heart. It will pain will change from hurting to healing. Still there, but another form. Then there must be some point where it goes from healing to love, and all you will be able to remember is the love for her.

One day, you will be cleaning and will find something, probably something goofy, like a sock she stole or something "forbidden" that you knew she hid, even if she had never done naughty stuff before. And, that pain, instead of stabbing, will come flushing up to your face and pop out, as a smile.

Even with everything she had happen in her life, I'm sure her pleasant being loved times outweighed everything else.

You are in my prayers and I understand your pain. Kirby was quiet too in the later years and even though it's been almost 3 weeks, I come in the house from being gone, and I look at his den half expecting him to be there. I have his collar on my nightstand. I hope it has gotten easier for you in the last couple of months. Hugs.

I hope you come back and post again. There are so many beautiful replies here reaching out to you that I know the words here will help you heal.

I agree with the last poster...that I also hope things have gotten easier for you in the past few months.

Healing always takes time......and the pain will stop being overwhelming so often.

The pain can't disappear because our love for our special ones will never disappear and our wanting them back will never lessen in intensity.

I wish you healing and peace and stop by when you can...we are always listening.