Tomorrow will be 10 months since my babygirl left this earth and changed my life forever.

Lately, I've been having trouble remembering things. Like the way her little meow sounded. The way she looked at me. I have her pictures. I can remember things she did, and things that happened, but I'm having trouble remember her. The way she looked when she walked across the room. The look on her face when she was mad. Its horrible and its breaking my heart. How can this happen?

I love my Riley and I'm around kitties at the shelter every week, but they are not Alley. No other cat will ever be like her. I miss her so much. I'm tired of being without her. I just want her back. or I want to be with her, wherever she is.

I know that is never easy and you don't have to remember every ittle thing about our past fur babies as long as you still feel the love in your heart for them. My first boy, Jacob had been gone since May of 1999 and Smokey has been gone for just over three years this past September and I still talk to them and tell them how much I still love them and miss them. I will always feel this way about them and will be very happy to be reunited with all my fur babies when it is my time.

I will be saying goodbye to my oldest living fur baby today and I am so not looking forward to 5 pm today, as this is the time we will be seeing him off to the bridge. My heart aches so bad and I can't seem to stop crying, but I know with all my love that it is the right choice, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I do know that pain gets easier, but will always be there in my heart, because I love my babies so much, as they are my children and always will be my children wether they are with me on this earth or waiting for me at the bridge.

Please take comfort that when it is your time you will see your baby again and all shall be as it is meant to be.

Take care of yourself and be comforted by the love that your baby had for you and still does as they wait for you at the bridge.

LouAnn

Alleys Mama

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. The memories do fade a bit and it just hard. Then someone will say something or Riley will do something and a memory will come on so strong it will make you cry. Just remember while some things may fade, the love you have between you won't. Alley was your special baby and she will live in your heart forever.

Love

Lori,

I really hope that happens, even if it makes me cry, because right now, I just feel so far away from her.

AlleysMama, I'm sorry your feeling down. I don't think anyone of us here will ever stop loving our precious babies. It is hard sometimes to remember those unique qualities that only each of our babies possessed. With me I can't remember Maxes scent and I know that nothing will ever have his individual scent. I know it's hard and that it hurts that the memories are fading but like others have said the love shared will always remain. Take care AlleysMama I'm sending you a cyber hug. K9pal

I am so sorry about the anniversary and what you have gone through over the last year with Alley's unfair and unexpected loss. I just hit the 10 month mark myself, and my DH and I were have been pretty down about it over the last week.

Like you, I am am going through the same thing, forgetting what he looked like when he hopped up on his chair or ran to the food cabinet, or hit under the table. Everything you said is ditto for me.

Having Magic helps us a lot, but it's not a replacement for Misty by any means. But at least Riley offers you some comfort, and Riley has a great home too!!!!

How long can this grief process go on??? It goes in waves, le yourself feel the down wave right now. We're here for you.

Love and hugs, Misty's Mama

Paula, maybe it's the grief that's making your brain sort of 'memory-shy', especially as you approach Alley's anniversary? I know I can get pretty panicked myself, wondering, out of thousands of moments, which ones will I never remember on a conscious level?!?! It's enough to drive you mad and can make you think you're doing a disservice to your beloved child! I knew this would be extra-hard with Nissa's passing, since it was only NOT hard with Sabin's because they were so much alike and I could look to her to provide me those memory boosts. Now, there is no one daily to do that for me....save for one neighbour's cat, but she reminds me more of Sabin than of Nissa.

I also can imagine how you're feeling..."I'm tired of being without her. I just want her back. or I want to be with her, wherever she is." I feel the same way, every single day now, even after close to 14 months. I have no words of inspiration because I'm in the same kind of space, so all I can say is I understand how it just.....is.

FK's mom

I think you are right about the upcoming 1 year mark. At least it is on a sunday so I won't have to worry about work. I have been dreading the day so much and each day I get closer to it, it just makes everything seem so much more final (as if its not already?)

Sometimes I get upset at Riley because he won't let me rub his belly like Alley used to love and he doesn't come to me when I call him or talk to me. But then he will let me hold him like a baby and kiss on him, which Alley wouldn't have tolerated.

Its wonderful to have him, but I still miss my girl. I haven't spent any time lately, just sitting quietly and talking to her, just being "with" her so I think that is part of my problem. So much going on lately I haven't had any alone time with her and I think I really need that. To just sit and remember her.

Yah, the dread is pretty awful, albeit natural. And yes, it does seem to make it "so much more final", and can take us back to the same shock we first felt at the beginning/end. Unlike most other one year anniversaries I'd gone through, this time, with Nissa's, there was no feeling of 'relief' of that milestone having been crossed, afterwards. Instead, it just continues to feel "more final".....and I hate it, even more than before. It's that much longer since she's been 'gone' and I'm stuck in the "I don't WANNA have it be OVER a year already!!" mode. Let's face it - everything about mourning feels awful!

Yes, that's one of many reasons why I couldn't have taken in another companion yet...those 'comparisons' stirring up even more yearning in my soul. But you're right, too, about acknowledging the more welcome differences/blessings that Riley brings with him to add into your life, bless his sweet soul! But the ambiguous feelings are so hard to contend with. So of course you still miss Alley and her ways of being.

That's definitely a problem with having a too-busy life. I made time to sit and watch most of Nissa's videos on her One Year, just to try and feel like I was having a little (and most welcome) visit with her. It brought up more ambiguity, though, feeling both more 'normal' and like a mom again, but also so darn empty and yearning for more and new interactions between her and I. (it didn't help, either, that my H began to actually look bored after awhile!! I felt even MORE bereft then...and the lack of people who even remembered her and I that day didn't do much for me, either)

But I do agree....if you take some time to sit and remember, and likely bawl your eyes out in the process, you might be pleasantly surprised by just how much you DO really remember. Little snippets of scenes here and there, that all bring you closer to Alley's essence and the feeling of being, once again and still, in a relationship with her. I'm pretty sure we'd do this more often if it wasn't also so painful at the same time.

Ithink we all do the comparison thing. I love Magic very much, she's become more and more part of the family, but I miss how Misty was......

I am still thinking of you paula........I know what you mean about your life changing forever........I know I will never be the same person myself.......

Hi Alley's Momma, long time no talk to....as they say,
I'm sorry you're feeling sad, I know I am dreading the anniversary of my boy's passing...its coming on Christmas, sometimes it feels like he is so far away and a 25 day of the month will pass without my realizing it....but I remember alot of things, I just hate the empty feeling, of where is he?? still, it's a hard place, your feelings of love for Alley will never diminish, hold on to that, since we have a new little pup, although not so little, 6 mos now, we talk frequently of Hrudey boy, in fact alot of times, we call Auggie, Hrudey by accident, in a way its soothing for me, he will never leave us, because he is still so much apart of us, I often compare, of course I make my boy the most perfect compared to the new crazy pup, (not really fair) I say Hrudey never did that, or this...when probably he was worse than our new little buddy, but I say it with a heart full of love for him, don't get me wrong I still cry for him, pain will come back smartly as ever, but many times its fondness, don't be hard on yourself...I do understand though....I just want him back so much, its easy to feel crazed half the time...
Hope you're having a good day today.
Best Wishes, and peace, Tory, Hrudey and Frank's Momma

I'm going through the same thing nowadays, the closer I get to Magic and the more active my beautiful daughter has become, the busier I get, the more I enjoy the present, the more I forget the details of Misty and our times together.......

I hate forgetting!! i don't want to forget, he taught me so much, to love, to live life, he really was my best friend......

Forgetting is painful, but I guess moving on is waht he would want me to do......

Just some thoughts as I continue in the grief process....

Amy