In the midst of all the excitement of graduation, unfortunately one of my in-laws accidentally left a door open and our Shadow cat got out. It's odd, because she's usually not the door bolter, that would be Bear, and he's easy to find, he hangs around. The only way I even know Shadow isn't in the house is that my neighbor saw her - we've recently had her (the cat,not the neighbor) shaved except for her tail, face and legs.

That was 6 days ago, and nothing yet, although we've searched, filed reports, visited shelters, asked neighbors. I'm calling the Post Office tomorrow to see if it's legal to put a flyer in all our neighbors' mailboxes, and maybe get some tips that way.

Is it always like this? I've lost pets before to death, and received incredible support here, but this is different somehow. The not knowing, the constant ache in my heart, the non-stop distraction - how do I do it? Does anyone have any words of advice? I'm not sleeping, not eating real well, I'm nauseaus and irritable and always feeling like I'm passing a chance by (maybe we should have gone down that street instead of this one). I know my family and friends are concerned and praying for me that Shadow comes home, and I know I have to have faith. I'm trying, I really am. If anyone can share any wisdom on how they persevered through this I would really appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like a glass that's about to shatter, and that's scary. Thanks - Barb

I'm so sorry to hear about Shadow. It's so hard not knowing, it is different. If your friend dies you mourn, but what do you do when you just don't know?

My girl kitty Autumn, was lost for just 2 hours one night. I can't imagine feeling like that for a week or more. My heart just goes out to you.

It's only been 6 days (and feels like that many years or more I'm sure) so there is still hope. Thinking of you and Shadow.

Love

Thanks, Moose Mom. This is so much like grief it has taken me by surprise. It's been so long, in spite of all we've done, that I have to wonder how long I hold out hope. How long is one supposed to hold out hope? I hear stories from people who say that their cat came back after 3 weeks, 3 months, 1 month, and I'm just really torn. How long do I personally hold out? I'm one of those people who need a concrete answer, who needs control, which is one of the problems that caused me so much anguish when I lost my cats to death. The lack of control was so unacceptable to me, personally, and this lack of control in losing Shadow and doing so much to find her with no luck so far is throwing my world upside down.

I'm trying to hold it together, I'm trying to put it in God's hands and leave it to God to make sense of it for me. I'm so grateful for my other cats too, they have been a blessing, and the friends who have shown me so much support have been a true blessing also. Thanks again - Barb

Hope Shadow will be found very soon.
Hugs, my prayers go to find Shadow and please let us know how things are going.

5catsmom

I wish I could help you. I wish I knew what was the day to say, it's been long enough. It does feel like grief, it hits you in the stomach that way. It makes you see that although you have come far in acceptance of your first loss, you are still very fragile and not ready for more pain.

I don't know what to say or do, or what more you can do than what you have done. I just want you to know I am thinking of both of you and sending "good vibes" your way. I don't know why and I'm not claiming to be psychic, but I think you are going to find Shadow, soon.

Love

I am truly sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I know you are going through the worst kind of hell the gaurdian of a furbaby ever could. Your remark reference "fragile as glass" saddened me. You must be in great turmoil to feel this. I have felt that before too and I was also scared of it. Please hang on. I know it is extremely difficult. I am sure all the minutes in a day seem like hours, each and every one of them. The only advice I could give is you must endure, you must prevail. I will be praying and thinking of you.

Barb

I'm so very sorry that Shadow is missing. I can't even imagine how that must feel, not knowing where she is, and if she's ever coming home. Have you considered contacting an animal communicator who specialized in lost pets? Not sure I believe much in them, but it couldn't hurt.

I'll be thinking of you and Shadow.


Paula

AlleysMama,
Yes, I had thought of that, and am still considering it. Coincidentally, a day or two before Shadow went missing there was a big article in the Washington Post about a woman who had found a thin sickly tiny kitten in Guam, raised and brought him to this area, and he escaped shortly thereafter. This was in 2003, and she's still searching, sending out fliers, visiting shelters, contacting psychics and animal communicators, using infrared devices, staking out tips, for all this time, to the tune of about $4000, if I recall correctly. The gist of the article, I guess, was the same question I'm so confused about - how much is too much? She says ten years is too much, but in one year, she'll still be looking. She was very pessimistic about communicators, but I'm nearly convinced to try, because now I've heard twice that people feel Shadow is nearby.

xrayspex, moose mom and toonie, thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I've always had my heart just so warmed by how we hold each other up in time of need. It doesn't matter what we do or who we are, on this board we're all animal lovers sharing those feelings and helping during times of need. Thank you seems so insufficient, but - Thank you from my heart.

I just know things need to change, cause I see a nervous breakdown coming fast. This 3 AM - 8 AM sleeping cycle, the shelter every other day (there's a heartbreaking place), the route I take almost all night from front door to back, calling her and calling her, the coons who get so threatening sometimes - it's gotta change. Placing flyers in every mailbox and knowing more than half of them will be tossed and not even read - it gets so discouraging. It helps coming here and venting and knowing so many people are thinking of Shadow and sending her good wishes - I can't thank you enough.

I usually post on the pet death thread, and posted recently that my husband had found a dead cat in the street and I'd taken it to be cremated and for it's pawprints to be done. I thought that was the right thing to do and I didn't know what else to do. I regret that now, in a way. I know now that I should have reported that cat to the Humane Society, that a gray tabby was found dead on our street and would be cremated at my expense and maybe given a few details, such as the whiskers curling on one side, or something. Maybe someone is out there searching and will never know, cause now it's starting to become clear to me, not knowing is going to cause more grief, I think, in the long run, and take more time to come to terms with.

Thank you all for your support and thoughts - they mean so much. Shadow was feral once, before we adopted her, so maybe she'll revert to that lifestyle long enough for me to find her. Long enough for God to help me find her, or someone to lead me to her. Again, thank you. Your words of support mean so much. Take care - Barb

Hoping as you read this that Shadow is back in your lap! And if she is not there with all of her weight and charm be assured she is with you in a different way.

You clearly love that little girl and, through no fault of your own, she went missing. You have run yourself ragged trying to do the right thing. No guilt, get some sleep, you deserve it, she wants that for you.

That being said, there are no two ways about it, not knowing is the worst. I'm wishing you strength. Remember, there is as much chance that something good is happening with her at this moment as something bad. Statistically speaking, right?

Think of this, we found a cat about six months ago. From the location, I can assume with a fair degree of certainty that he had been abandoned, but I don't know for certain. I did call the shelter and check craigslist and newspapers for lost cats for a while but I just happened to have my wits about me that week.
I could have somebody's Shadow. He's happy and funny, very photogenic, sometimes naughty.

(The feral beginnings seem important somehow, I think you're on to something).

We'll hold you in the light, Barb till all is well with Shadow.

S the Zookeeper

Well, no, actually, Shadow isn't back yet, but as each day comes around I have renewed hope that a new day will bring her back. My friends, and most of my family, keep me going, and kind words from them can bring tears to my eyes, and I thank you so much. Many people have told me they feel she's close by, so I'm concentrating my leafleting and neighbor-knocking to this area.

I'm hoping that Shadow has been taken in temporarily. I say temporarily because quite frankly, while Shadow is a pretty cat, and has such a character, she's not really a lapcat, and one of her charms - to us, anyway - is that she hasn't got the usual charm people expect in most cats. We expect she'll be either put back out or escape again if she's been taken in by someone. Meanwhile, we'll just soldier on, and do what we can.

Thank you all, for your support and the strength you offer. It does help, more than you can know. I have good days and bad, good times and bad, but the words from my support system, including you all here at LS, is invaluable. Bless you all - Barb

zookeeper,
Actually, re-reading your post, you gave me a good idea. I went on craigslist and joined and posted Shadow's being lost - it had never occured to me to do that. I don't read it myself and know very little about craigslist personally, but anything that I can do, I'll do, since I know it's popular with a lot of people around my age and in the Washington Metro area. So thank you for that tip - every little thing gives me a burst of strength, and I wanted you to know that - Barb

Dear (((((((Barb)))))))

I am so sorry that I didn't write as soon as I read your post about Shadow .
You and Shadow have most certainly been in my thoughts and in my prayers.

I continue to pray with all of my heart that Shadow finds her way back to you.

If there is anything at all that I can do, even if it's to talk over the phone, please just ask me.

God Bless you and yours,

Denise

Thanks so much, Denise, I appreciate that. I actually did get in touch with the animal communicator mentioned in another thread, Hilary Renaissance, and she gave me the news that Shadow is alive and several good clues about where she is and that she considers herself safe (she would, while I go nuts). I'm combing the woods behind our house where I believe she would be and where she's gone before. I think Shadow's been around the house at times and Hilary said that she has heard us calling her, but cats don't necessarily come when called, because their genetic code is to flee. Well, that doesn't help me, when I've been putting flyers in every mailbox in a 3 block radius, checking the shelter every other day without fail, asking everyone I see if they've seen her (and I always thought I was shy) and praying and praying. I told Hilary that at this point I felt like I'd hit a brick wall, and she said that sometimes you just have to leave it all to a Higher Power, which was very significant to me, and very comforting.

Thank you again, Denise, any and and all prayers and good thoughts are welcome and I have faith will bring Shadow home. You're very kind to do that and if I can ever return the favor, I'm ready. Bless you - Barb

Barb, you may want to relist on Craigslist. On my computer, I can only access the first page of listings, so the older ones are no longer available to view.

Thank you, Paris, I will do that. I had a lot of thoughtful and caring responses from people even though Shadow wasn't found then, and hasn't been found since. I do believe I've seen her racing through my yard late at night, though, making it hard to sleep. I have faith that when the weather closes in - and it will someday although I know it doesn't seem like it now - Shadow will rethink her outdoor life and come home. So I'm always out there to let her know our door is open. The support I've received here is priceless, too, and I thank all of you.

I wanted to let all of you know, and I wish I could find some other way than through the board, that Shadow is back home with us after 1 month and about 10 days! I had honestly come to expect that I might never find her, or any of her remains, and that I might never know what the story was till I met her on the other side, but the animal shelter, bless them, do keep their eye out, and even though her appearance has changed somewhat since she got out of the house, they did call us this afternoon. Needless to say, we dropped everything and raced over there, and I didn't recognize her, she was curled so tightly and she was so flat I thought she was a kitten (and privately I suppose I had some fantasy that she would recognize me and reach out to me, but no). My son had the person who called us come in and identify the cat she'd called us about, and sure enough, when she looked around, very confused, and disoriented, it was Shadow. I think I started crying then and didn't stop till they started the paperwork up front, microchipped her and we had her in the car. We do have to quarantine her from the other cats for several days - I want to have her checked by the vet and dewormed and bathed and she's terribly emaciated, but she's home. There is hope, after the bleak dark days I've been living in and wondering how to get through when you just don't know, there is hope.

Thank you all, for your words, and cyber hugs, and the thoughts and help and suggestions you've sent me. It means a lot to know that people care, they just care, not for any reward or for any advantage, just because. I've always felt that was the strength of this community, we do this for each other just because it's here, we're here, death exists, and we can help comfort each other, even if just a little. Thank you all - you're blessings, each of you.

OH HOORAY!!!!! I'm so excited for you!!!! Yay, a happy ending. I'm sure Hilary will be delighted to hear back about your good news. I don't think my story will end the same way, but after 40 days, that's a thrill to know it happens sometimes. Best to you both,
Kimberly

5catsmom

OMG I almost can't believe it. I've been thinking about Shadow and sending both of you lots of good thoughts. I read your post and as soon as you said she was home I got up and did a dance. Then I had to go tell my husband, he's so happy too. Great, great, positive story.

Wow I can't imagine all the feelings right now. I wish you many years of love.

I'm hoping all the stories of lost pets on the board now end as well.

Love

I am so very happy that your lovely Shadow is home !!!!!!!!

Sharon

5catsmom, that is so wonderful!! I can't imagine losing a cat and not knowing what happened. I'm so happy for you!

5catsmom,

That is WONDERFUL news! You must feel such a sense of relief.

Do you know how she ended up at the shelter?

Hi Barb,
Just had to share my joy with you here too. Tim is also so happy when I told him Shadow was home again. So So happy for you.

Love,
Trish

congrats from the L-S team too

Thank you all, for your good thoughts and prayers and for just being there for me.

Mink & Willows Mom, I truly pray your story has an ending that will bring you peace and happiness, because you and your loved one deserve it. After 40 days, I never thought there would be a good ending either,and I came close to losing hope so many times - you all kept me going. Thank You - Barb

Moose Mom, I know you've been sending good thoughts this way, and I know it helped Shadow survive. You don't often hear happy stories like this, and like you, I hope the stories of the lost kitties on the board end happily as well. And thank your husband for me too. - Batb

Zookeeper, Thank you for your kind words also. You all kept me up when I was so low, and I'll never forget that. I'll try to pass it on one day - Barb

kittylove - Thank you for your good wishes. All that traipsing around and poison oak and ivy are all worth it now! I am a 5catsmom again! Thanks - Barb

Paris - Apparently she was called in by a good Samaritan on the day that my son and I last visited the shelter, arriving about 10 minutes after we left. But they didn't make the connection till night before last because of her funny teeth (she has front teeth that hook over her front lip, like a vampire.) And she was so skinny and little that I didn't even recognize her till they brought her out, and then yep, that's our Shadow. A month and 10 days make such a difference, but now I know better - of course, none of my cats will ever get out again (I hear the exclamations of "Oh yeah, sure, right" all over the country. But really, thanks again - Barb

Toonie - gotcha, down to the very last smiley face and hearts. You all have been rock-solid for me through all of this - bless you!

And to the LS team, thank you for your cangratulations. I know you hear far more sad stories than happy ones, and I am honored to provide you with this little happy story. She's just a nondesript skinny -okay, emaciated - little gray cat who squeaks when she talks, loves her round faux sheepskin bed, whose "boy" will leave for college on Thursday so she'll be really clingy (and that doesn't matter at all).

I thank all of you for helping me through this time, and I pray ths never happens to you. But if it does, I have a suggestion of where to go to gain support and love and caring. Again, thank you. If there's anything I can do fo you, (as long as it's not illegal of course!) I will do whatever I can. Take care - Barb

And Trish, what can I say that I haven't already? To you and Scooter? God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? He certainly did this weekend.

Dear Barb -- I am so thrilled to hear that Shadow is finally home!! Miracles can & do happen......even after 40 long days & nights!

Thank you dear God, Shadow is home!!

I know that there are one or two LS kitties who are still missing at this time, and I sincerely hope and pray to God that their ending will be as beautiful as yours .

Peace & Love to you all,

Denise

Thank you, Denise, I know without doubt that only good thoughts, prayer, and a miracle brought Shadow home to us.

The other kitties that are missing, I pray for every night and day. I hope almost more than anything that they come home too. The feeling that I had, and have, I want everyone to have, because it is indeed a feeling that deserves to be shared. I want them home too, so very badly.

Thank you again, all, for all that you gave and taught me when Shadow was gone. My life will never be the same as before, and it is enhanced immeasurably.

Again, my thanks will never be enough. But I will try. Thank you - Barb

I am happy for you that your Shadow was reunited with you. I am hoping for the same miracle with Toonces. I have a posted topic, " Lost for a week"

oceanpets, you will be in my prayers also. I pray every night for thanks that Shadow is back and pray that all those who are missing their loved ones have their prayers answered too. God bless and take care - Barb

Barb, I'm reading this for the first time just now and I cried with joy when I read that Shadow was returned to you after such a long time. It gives me hope. I don't have a lost cat, but hearing about miracles like this just gives me hope for the future.

Sibilance7,
How sweet of you! Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I had never had something like this happen to me, and I had almost given up, such an abandoned feeling. Then someone cared enough to call about Shadow, and in one morning, my faith in people and hope and miracles all came back in such a rush that all I could do was sit and cry myself, embarrassing my son terribly but oh, what a relief!
Thank you for your message - sometimes it's good to know that miracles do happen and are waiting in the wings for us. Take care - Barb