I knew that today (the one month anniversary of his passing) was going to be hard, but it's hurting more than I thought that it would. I miss my sweetest boy so much today. I'm going to go to the park this evening and spend a little while with him. It will be the first time I've gone there since I buried him.
There will never come a day that I won't wish I could have him back. There will never come a day that I will stop missing him.
-Jenn (Chaos' Mom)
Full Version: Chaos
Dear ((((((((Jenn))))))))
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Jenn, at this very difficult time. It has only been one month now that your handsome, beloved Chaos
has gone to Rainbow's Bridge.... Your precious boy will ALWAYS live on in your very loving heart......
In my experience, it was the earliest "anniversaries" that I felt were very difficult after our girl, Ernestine was put to sleep (on Feb 7, 2004). We shared our lives for 19 years and two months, which I know is considered a long time in kitty years --- I WILL ALWAYS be extremely grateful for all of the time that we had together .
On April 24, 2007, you posted a new thread named "Chaos" . Because it is one of the most beautiful & loving 'poems' I have EVER read....I wanted to copy & paste it here for others to see, if they haven't already.
It is very easy for me to see that the bond you and Chaos shared was so amazingly strong -- A bond such as that will never be broken -- ever.
The following, written by and posted by Jenn on April 24, 2007 - "Chaos"
Jenn, wishing you and yours much comfort and love,
Denise
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Jenn, at this very difficult time. It has only been one month now that your handsome, beloved Chaos
has gone to Rainbow's Bridge.... Your precious boy will ALWAYS live on in your very loving heart...... In my experience, it was the earliest "anniversaries" that I felt were very difficult after our girl, Ernestine
was put to sleep (on Feb 7, 2004). We shared our lives for 19 years and two months, which I know is considered a long time in kitty years --- I WILL ALWAYS be extremely grateful for all of the time that we had together . On April 24, 2007, you posted a new thread named "Chaos"
. Because it is one of the most beautiful & loving 'poems' I have EVER read....I wanted to copy & paste it here for others to see, if they haven't already.It is very easy for me to see that the bond you and Chaos
shared was so amazingly strong -- A bond such as that will never be broken -- ever. The following, written by and posted by Jenn on April 24, 2007 - "Chaos"
QUOTE
Thank you for your love that you so freely gave me, even at the very beginning.
Thank you for the sweet looks you would give me that only you and I would understand.
Thank you for listening to me tirelessly go on about the details of my everyday life, patiently waiting for me to get it all out.
Thank you for always wanting to be with me; whether I was good company or not.
Thank you for always letting me touch you and hug on you, even when you were trying to sleep.
Thank you for endlessly forgiving any transgressions I made-your love was unconditional.
Thank you for waiting patiently for me to end a phone conversation before telling me that you were hungry. Even if it was a long call, you waited without complaint.
Thank you for not being angry when I was away so much due to both school and work. You settled for seeing me only 8 hours of the night for so long (I know that you were miserable when I wasn't home.) I'm happy that the last few years we had much more time together.
Thank you for not complaining too much when I didn't keep up on the cleaning of your things the way I should have.
Thank you for the way that you would sit on the desk next to me while I worked (or played). You always wanted to be near me, which filled my heart.
Thank you for the way that you would tap my shoulder or arm with your paw to get my attention, it got you more than my attention, my little guy. Your intelligent antics touched my soul.
Thank you for the way that you wanted a hug from me SO much that you would stand on your hind legs, and put your two front ones in the air for me to grab you up. I wish I could have frozen one of those moments and kept it with me forever.
Thank you for the way that you curled up with me and helped to keep me warm at night.
Thank you for sharing me with the people that I dated. You were very gracious about having others in Your home, touching Your human being.
Thank you for the way that you would frantically meow (and making me laugh) when I would ask if you were hungry. Sometimes you would get so excited you would run in the opposite direction of the kitchen, lol.
Thank you for allowing Katie to eat first during the past year. You knew she wasn't feeling well, and were very kind to her when it came to meal time.
Thank you for always "asking" to come up and lay on me, even when after 14 years, it was a given that I wanted you touching me just as much.
Thank you for coming back home on your own after "escaping" the apartment to roam the neighborhood.
Thank you for allowing me to dance with you, and for (grudgingly) allowing me to play with you, draping you around my neck and other irritating stuff when I wanted to play "fight" with you.
Thank you for making sure to not break my skin when we wrestled, you knew your teeth were sharp!
Thank you for the way that you would notice my feet sticking out of the covers, and tempted beyond control, biting my foot knowing how sensitive they were (I acted like I didn't like it, but deep down I did, and you knew it).
Thank you for not only allowing me to sleep in, but for lying down with me-when what you really wanted was for me to get up and feed you breakfast.
Thank you for the way that you would "talk" to me. You almost always made it easy for me to understand what you needed.
Thank you for accepting all the kisses I would rain on your face daily, you seemed to like them as much as I did.
Thank you for waiting for me in the hall so that you would be there when I was finished with my daily shower.
Thank you for the way that you would totally surrender while we hugged, and lay your head on my shoulder.
Thank you for always being a constant that I could count on. An endless fountain of love from which I could drink whenever I wanted or needed.
Thank you for sharing your life with me and Katie. We didn't have enough time together-but then again no amount of time would have been enough.
Thank you for trusting me completely, and accepting my decisions that I made for you, even at the very end.
Thank you for helping me to stay connected with Life, Love and God.
I will always carry you in my heart little guy. You were more than an animal or "pet" to me, Chaos. You were Love.
Thank you for the sweet looks you would give me that only you and I would understand.
Thank you for listening to me tirelessly go on about the details of my everyday life, patiently waiting for me to get it all out.
Thank you for always wanting to be with me; whether I was good company or not.
Thank you for always letting me touch you and hug on you, even when you were trying to sleep.
Thank you for endlessly forgiving any transgressions I made-your love was unconditional.
Thank you for waiting patiently for me to end a phone conversation before telling me that you were hungry. Even if it was a long call, you waited without complaint.
Thank you for not being angry when I was away so much due to both school and work. You settled for seeing me only 8 hours of the night for so long (I know that you were miserable when I wasn't home.) I'm happy that the last few years we had much more time together.
Thank you for not complaining too much when I didn't keep up on the cleaning of your things the way I should have.
Thank you for the way that you would sit on the desk next to me while I worked (or played). You always wanted to be near me, which filled my heart.
Thank you for the way that you would tap my shoulder or arm with your paw to get my attention, it got you more than my attention, my little guy. Your intelligent antics touched my soul.
Thank you for the way that you wanted a hug from me SO much that you would stand on your hind legs, and put your two front ones in the air for me to grab you up. I wish I could have frozen one of those moments and kept it with me forever.
Thank you for the way that you curled up with me and helped to keep me warm at night.
Thank you for sharing me with the people that I dated. You were very gracious about having others in Your home, touching Your human being.
Thank you for the way that you would frantically meow (and making me laugh) when I would ask if you were hungry. Sometimes you would get so excited you would run in the opposite direction of the kitchen, lol.
Thank you for allowing Katie to eat first during the past year. You knew she wasn't feeling well, and were very kind to her when it came to meal time.
Thank you for always "asking" to come up and lay on me, even when after 14 years, it was a given that I wanted you touching me just as much.
Thank you for coming back home on your own after "escaping" the apartment to roam the neighborhood.
Thank you for allowing me to dance with you, and for (grudgingly) allowing me to play with you, draping you around my neck and other irritating stuff when I wanted to play "fight" with you.
Thank you for making sure to not break my skin when we wrestled, you knew your teeth were sharp!
Thank you for the way that you would notice my feet sticking out of the covers, and tempted beyond control, biting my foot knowing how sensitive they were (I acted like I didn't like it, but deep down I did, and you knew it).
Thank you for not only allowing me to sleep in, but for lying down with me-when what you really wanted was for me to get up and feed you breakfast.
Thank you for the way that you would "talk" to me. You almost always made it easy for me to understand what you needed.
Thank you for accepting all the kisses I would rain on your face daily, you seemed to like them as much as I did.
Thank you for waiting for me in the hall so that you would be there when I was finished with my daily shower.
Thank you for the way that you would totally surrender while we hugged, and lay your head on my shoulder.
Thank you for always being a constant that I could count on. An endless fountain of love from which I could drink whenever I wanted or needed.
Thank you for sharing your life with me and Katie. We didn't have enough time together-but then again no amount of time would have been enough.
Thank you for trusting me completely, and accepting my decisions that I made for you, even at the very end.
Thank you for helping me to stay connected with Life, Love and God.
I will always carry you in my heart little guy. You were more than an animal or "pet" to me, Chaos. You were Love.
Jenn, wishing you and yours much comfort and love,
Denise
QUOTE
There will never come a day that I won't wish I could have him back. There will never come a day that I will stop missing him.
You and Chaos were real soulmates,are linked forever through your love. I hope you will have each other again and that Chaos is sending you loving thoughts at this very moment.
You're right, there will never come a time you don't miss him. Hopefully there will come a time when the pain will not be quite as sharp. That's what has happened for me. Sometimes the pain is still sharp, sometimes it is more of a dull ache. But it is always there.
Magdalene
Magdalene
I am so sorry you are feeling so sad, these anniversaries really play hard on our emotions.
I wish I could say it gets easier and it does in some ways, but the invisible bonds of love keep tugging at our heart strings forver.
Thinking of you today. Cleo 1
I wish I could say it gets easier and it does in some ways, but the invisible bonds of love keep tugging at our heart strings forver.
Thinking of you today. Cleo 1
Jenn (Chaos' Mom)
The one month, it's just so hard, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you.
Love
The one month, it's just so hard, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you.
Love
Oh, I'm so sorry. This is such a hard day. We want them back so desperately, and at one month the pain is still so fresh. Reading your poem again (thanks to Denise), I see how much you have to be thankful for. So many amazing little things that you were given that filled your heart so much..and he has a mom who loves him so dearly.
My thoughts are with you and I'm saying a prayer for Chaos tonight..
Jen
My thoughts are with you and I'm saying a prayer for Chaos tonight..
Jen
Thank you to everyone that wrote, your thoughts and sentiments are very appreciated. I didn't go to see Chaos yesterday, I decided to wait for my sister to return to town so that she could go with me (she helped me to bury him). So I will most likely go with her in the next few days. It was just too painful, going by myself. I felt pretty badly though, not going to see him on the one month anniversary. It's still extremely hard to accept that he's gone. He's been in my thoughts CONSTANTLY for the past two days. I miss him so much, it's unreal.
Please try not to feel so badly about not visiting him on the anniversary...I think you've done so much more than that: you haven't stopped visiting him for one moment. You're carrying him with you in your heart and soul...
Just wanted to say that you and Chaos are in my thoughts and prayers.
Steve
Steve
Only one month is still really early in the grieving process, no wonder you still feel such great pain. I feel fear grip my very core when you speak of going to "that place of eternal rest"....and especially for the first time since Chaos was buried there. My similar experience with Chase was not good and now because of that I am afraid to spend to much time there. We are a slightly different lot here aren't we? I always thought I was strange or suffered from some bizzare emotional disfunction because of my intense feelings for my furry freinds. Then I came here and realized there were more of us. I was not alone....and neither are you. I will be thinking of you.
I went to see Chaos today. I needed to check his spot and make sure that no animals had tried to dig him up (which I was fearful of). Everything was untouched. Thank goodness. I spent a few minutes talking to him, cried a little, and told him I would be back soon with plants to pretty up his area. I miss him so much, and seeing his resting place again made his death really real to me...there is a feeling of permanence now-I will never see or hold him again until I too pass away.
My heart has been heavy all day.
Thank you to everyone that has been reading and replying to my posts. This forum is truly remarkable, and I'm thankful that I've been able to come here and share about this very sad and heartbreaking time in my life.
Thank you again.
-Jenn
My heart has been heavy all day.
Thank you to everyone that has been reading and replying to my posts. This forum is truly remarkable, and I'm thankful that I've been able to come here and share about this very sad and heartbreaking time in my life.
Thank you again.
-Jenn
Jenn, these first weeks are really tough times to go through, I'm glad that this forum is of some help to you, we are all in the same boat. I am sure that no matter how hard, you must have felt a little bit of relief to see that Chaos's grave was as you had last seen it, that it had not been disturbed. My cats grave is in a secluded spot and I forever go check that no wild animals have disturbed them, all is well here too.
I had spread seeds of forget-me-nots on the grave, I think they are growing there now.
I planted two bleeding hearts on each side of the grave. I also had tiny straw angels from my Christmas decorations ;I hung up a few in the trees around the grave, they are small decorations and hard to spot, so it fits the place. Chaos is there, in body but he is with you in spirit. Hope he finds a way to let you feel this. Take care. Sending you and Chaos our love,
Toonie, Yukon and Felix.
I had spread seeds of forget-me-nots on the grave, I think they are growing there now.
I planted two bleeding hearts on each side of the grave. I also had tiny straw angels from my Christmas decorations ;I hung up a few in the trees around the grave, they are small decorations and hard to spot, so it fits the place. Chaos is there, in body but he is with you in spirit. Hope he finds a way to let you feel this. Take care. Sending you and Chaos our love,
Toonie, Yukon and Felix.
Jenn - I just read about your going to visit your little guy. I'm glad it was peaceful there for you. I woke up in the middle of the night last night (something I do very often) thinking of all of you, remembering all the posts that I have read. This site has made me realize how much I am not alone. I hope you feel the same way.
Peace to you.
Lisa
Peace to you.
Lisa
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