Hi everyone,

I'm here because I just lost one of my precious animals two days ago on January 16th. I have many animals; a boxer, two cats, a ferret, some lizards and frogs, two tiny mice, and now 19 precious pet rats.

I lost my beautiful little rattie girl, Marley (whom I always affectionately called Marley-Barley) on Tuesday evening. She was 33 months old.

Many people either don't like rats or can't understand why anyone would have a rat as a pet, which makes it all the harder when you love yours so much and you lose them. I started with pet rats about six years ago when my daughter wanted one. I'd rescued a little rat when I'd been 19 and some friends of mine had taken care of her, so I knew how friendly, smart, and enjoyable they could be. One rattie led to two (so that Buster could have company with his friend Bart) and then over the years, as they passed on (because rats only live two to three years on average), we got more.

Marley came to me in May, 2004, with her sister, Oreo Cookie. Cookie was a black and white hooded rat, and Marley was pure white with red eyes.

These two little girls were the neatest, most special little sweeties. They couldn't tumble out of bed fast enough to come and greet you at their cage door, their eyes always bright and their tiny pink hands grasping for your fingers.

I lost my sweetheart, Cookie on August 1st, 2006 at 27 months and that hurt and still does. The only problem with little animals is that they are only with you a few years but you learn to love them and attach to them as much as you would a dog or a cat.

Marley was my longest living rattie; she'd begun to lose weight about four months ago and became a very thin little girl whose spine and bones protruded somewhat, even though she still ate quite a bit. She wanted to be held all the time and I spent a lot of time with her; her favorite spot was on a fleece blanket and my husband's big cushion on the sofa. She'd snuggle up on my neck and brux her teeth, something they do when they're very happy; it's a light, chattering sound.

I knew that her time was coming close, and every morning, when I'd go down to check on her and her cage-mate, a neutered rattie boy named Stanley, I'd be afraid to look in in case she'd passed during the night.

This past weekend she became even more weak and began experiencing some breathing problems; she'd been on heart medication, as well as some prednisone for respiratory and heart issues, but eventually, as my husband said too, no medicine is going to help when it's just your time.

She died in my arms on Tuesday night, and I'm having a very hard time with this. I'm crying as I type this. Like many of the posts I've read here, I feel a great weight in my chest. I cried all Tuesday night. Yesterday I had to get out of the house and went driving because otherwise I kept looking at the sofa where her favorite spot was and going over there to touch the spot, or looking in her cage. You know they aren't there, but your heart doesn't want to believe it. I kept her favorite blanket that has some of her hairs on it, and like a little kid, I find myself sleeping with it close to me because it smells a bit like her and because it belonged to her.

Sometimes I think I can't stand to keep going through this kind of pain with the little animals and their short lives, but then I see how happy they are and know that many of them in the pet stores don't go to good homes, so I keep trying to console myself by thinking that, no matter how much it hurts, at least I gave my babies' happy lives.

I'm here because I needed to find a place where I could say it hurts and not feel like I'm being over-reactive or stupid about it, or have someone give me the strangest look when, sensing I'm sad, they ask what's wrong and not only do you not want to tell them that you've lost a pet because sometimes that gets undermined, but when they ask if it was a cat or a dog, and you say 'no, it was a pet rat', they look at you like you're nuts, which only makes the grief that much worse.

I know that eventually the pain will subside, but the truth is, you never stop missing them entirely. We have a pet cemetery in our back yard where we can bury our little angels when they pass (including the loss of my precious cat Boo in 2003; I still have moments when I cry thinking about him - I cried for months after he died) where I can place flowers and other mementos and that can help somewhat.

Like a lot of others here, I hold faith that we'll reunite with our beautiful animals when we pass on. There's a book I'd like to order called 'Animals and the Afterlife' by a girl named Kim Sheridan which is supposed to be very comforting for all animal lovers, but also for those who have shared their life with rats. I'm going to be ordering it because this hurts so much, I need all the help I can get every time I go through this with one of my babies.

I empathize with everyone over the loss of any pet; it hurts so much, you feel numb. I feel numb right now, and I can't stop looking for her in all of her spots. That's the hardest part; it feels like a bad dream that you can't wake up from.

Thank you for listening. I've tried to post a picture of Marley; I hope it comes through.

Mommy loves you Marley-Barley, and all my babies. I miss you so much.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have never owned rats or known anyone personally who did, but no matter the species, our babies are part of our families and losing them hurts as much as anything.

Rest in peace little Marley.

Ratlover,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Marley sounds like a great guy. I love his big rat whiskers. Such a face!

I've never had a rat myself, but I've had hamsters and mice. I've met some great rat-babies that I wouldn't have minded taking home but their moms and dads would have never parted with them. I'll never forget the one I met in a pet store who rode around in a pouch around her mom's neck. She was so well behaved and sweet. She made that chatty sound too. Rodents are great.
Right now we have a little girl mouse. We lost her sister a few months back in a terrible accident. They were living in a glass tank and one of the cats managed to knock it off the desk it was on. Usually they aren't allowed in that room. Rosie was badly injured and passed away soon after. Daffy was shaken up, but is fine now. I miss Rosie still. When my son would clean their cage, I got to be the rodent-sitter. Rosie always liked to sit on the back of my neck and played with my hair.

Hey, if anyone asks whats wrong just tell them, "My Marley died and he was the sweetest pet rat in the world!" Don't hide that you're upset. If they say something heartless, say, "Can't you see how upset I am? How could you be so heartless?" If that doesn't shut them up, they are obviously an idiot!

You're not over-reacting or being stupid. You loved that little guy. Good Lord! I've seen a grown woman cry because she broke a heel on her $100 shoes. The love of a living being is worth way more than that!

Take care of yourself.
Love,
V

Hi Visla-Angel and Alley's Mama,

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm sorry to hear about your little mouse, Rosie. They really are such cute little animals with the tinest, but most perfect features, right down to the tiny tails, the little toes, and the sweet faces.

Truthfully, I tend not to talk to people 'in general' about pet loss, especially concerning rats, because most people don't want to hear about your sadness, making you bottle it all up inside even more, or as someone else on the forum wrote, you're expected to just 'deal with it' and cast the grief aside because you're viewed as over-reacting if your grief doesn't just dissipate in a matter of a day or minutes. That's why a place like this helps; grief is bad enough, but feeling all alone in it makes it much worse.

I'm at the point today where, every time I start to feel close to crying, I keep thinking 'But remember how happy she was with you; all of them' and although it can't make up for her not being here, it at least helps me feel somewhat better, although I've had some tears again; she was so cute, and the thing that made it hard was that, over the last few weeks (maybe because she sensed her time was drawing near) she wanted to be with me all the time; if I put her in her cage, she'd leap at the door and thrust her tiny hands out. It made me feel guilty just walking away to go to bed; the last few nights I kept her and Stanley in a big cat carrier with blankets in it, beside the bed so that I could hold Marley on my chest until I was ready to fall asleep; then I put her back in the carrier because I didn't want to feel afraid to either roll over and crush her, or have her fall from the bed while I slept. As much as this bonding and time together was beautiful, it is also what makes it so hard to do without now; my hand keeps going subconsciously to my shoulder for the feel of the 'little bundle' who usually slept there.

Thank you for caring; it is nice to be here, a haven for people who really do need others who understand how much it hurts to lose one of our animal babies.

I haven't even finished reading everything in your thread here, but I just HAD to say right away that you will LOVE Kim's book. Her touching and ever-so-sensitive and endearing accounts of her own ratties are marvelous and I know you'll be struck by her kindred spirit. I know I was. She does nothing to harm ANY living creature and her book is also a good start to a re-education about what the world does to animals. It was also her last chapter, about the passing of one of her other most special rat-babies that broke me out of the deadening numbness I'd been stuck in after our Nissa left....too touching for words, but she definitely has a way with them! I look forward to hearing your impressions about her book once you're done. She's just about ready to publish her second book, btw and I'm sure it'll be at least as good as her first. She's remarkable, and so are her animal children and her husband. It may help you to know that the babies who inspired her to write her book have helped her still, even though they've crossed over....that's part of the point of the book.

And of course, I'm so very sorry about Marley....such a sweet and loving guy....and for your aching heart, which is NO different than any of ours, no matter what our beloveds looked like. Love is love, pure and simple, as it was meant to be. And when we feel like that's missing in our lives now, it can be sheer torture to our souls. You ARE understood and most welcome here....never doubt that!

Those habitual and loving patterns of existence with our babies are very slow to change and you may not even really want them to for quite awhile, because even though it's painful, it's an emotional tie to them that can somehow also ease the grief...just because it's a remembrance of a very important part of our lives with them. Me, I haven't yet put almost anything away (5 months in 2 days) and still, my H and I both look to check the litterbox every time we pass that spot in the house(which is a LOT)....and I wouldn't have it any other way right now. It hurts like stink, but it's sort of a 'warm' hurt, if you can imagine.

And I don't blame you one bit for avoiding talking to many about your loss(es). I've had it up to HERE with those who refuse to understand. It IS a choice, and I think they're making a very POOR choice. Unfortunately, you'll find this is so even with many human losses....it's just a bit worse with animal loss because of the disparaging and sometimes outright insulting and cruel comments that you can get about animals. (of course, I ALSO got some of those for the death of my Mother....) So if I could, I'd personally sit on this board every day, all day....if that was practical. As it is, I sometimes spend hours anyway....still in my nightclothes, so far today!

Welcome, ratlover, and use us as a sounding board as much as you want!

Thank you, Furkidlet's Mom, for your kind and thoughtful comments and insight.
Some people might think five months is a long time, but when you miss one you love, it's nothing. The truth that I've found is that, even though we may reach a point or plateau in our feelings where we learn to cope and carry on with our lives, you never stop missing all of your pets; your heart aches to see them, you think of them always.

I didn't always have a digital camera, and so took many pictures of my pets; now, with the digital camera, we can also take short movies as well as the photos, and it is a godsend.

As much as it hurts me, I have a picture of Marley and her sister, Cookie, on my computer; it hurts, but having a photo of them in detail is better than not having any pictures at all; it allows me to see them in detail; it's kind of an oxymoron in that it both hurts and helps at the same time.


Of course, you're right about how maintaining patterns of familiarity can be comforting. Do you have photos or anything from your sweet little cat? I'm sorry for your loss.

I haven't had the chance to order Kim's book yet; the book store here told me that they couldn't bring it in because their computer wasn't finding the publisher, so I'm just going to have to order it from the publisher directly. I've heard a lot of good things about it and the website seems very comforting. Although I love all animals, I have a real soft spot for rodents, probably because they are so misunderstood, used so often in research where their little lives are not happy, and are truly loving, clean, intelligent little animals. The fact that Kim's book did focus on rats was what caught my interest first; the fact also that she seems to give people faith into the prospect of an afterlife so that people can look forward to seeing their beloved pets again (and I realize that this is a matter of faith and subjectivity that varies from person to person), intrigues me about the book.

Yes, I plan on ordering it soon and will post my comments. I'm glad that you found the book to be comforting.

A few weeks before Marley passed on, I'd brought home a tiny, 4 week old baby girl rat from a local pet store who doesn't treat their animals all that well; I'd gone in to show a friend the rats and how nice they are and saw this tiny rat, her sides sunken in, her breathing shallow, and my heart broke. I bought her and brought her home; tried to medicate her and feed her good foods. She was so terrified at first that she bit me, but with some gentle pats and love, the look in her eyes changed quickly; they went from stark and frightened, to hopeful, to grateful; I kid you not. You can see the sense of trust and hope in their little faces.

I only had her for two days before she passed on; I was heart-broken but grateful that she at least knew what it was like to be loved and held gently, to have good food and a warm blanket for those two days. I'd called her Angel.

I know it hurts to lose pets; yes, but I'll keep taking care of as many animals as possible, no matter how much it hurts because the joy outweighs the pain. It's just that it helps to be able to say 'this hurts' with people who understand, when a loss does occur, rather than having to keep it all bottled up inside which makes you feel as if you're going through your grief alone.

I think that the people who come to a place like this are the people who really bond with animals, much more than other folks; that's why we grieve the way we do, because we love our animals so deeply, and we feel their love for us in return; when they have to go home, our hearts break.

Thanks for your kind words and I hope that your ache over your loss heals soon, and that only good memories take over for you. Always remember that you made a difference in your cat's life; you made it wonderful.

Ratlover,I don't think it's dumb at all to grief over losing a pet rat.A pet is a pet and it doesn't matter what kind it is.You loved your Marley Barley and you had a connection with him.From what you write it's clear that you are an animal lover and that you have a kind and tender heart.I am so sorry that you lost your special boy.It hurts right now because the loss is so fresh.You need to give yourself some time to grief and don't you worry if other people don't understand why your sad.When my boy Sox died I didn't share it with very many people for fear that they would think I was stupid for grieving so much for a cat.I didn't care what they thought...It hurt to lose him like nothing has ever hurt before.He was a family member just like your Marley was and he deserves to be reconized as such.My heart goes out to you in your loss and I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your feelings.We all know what your going thur and it is very painful.My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.May you find comfort in knowing we are thinking of you and your family.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Ratlover,

I'm so glad we could all be here for you to help. That is the whole problem with loving rodents, their life spans are just too short. But then again, my vizsla boy Copper could have lived to be 60 and that would have been to short for me.

I was thinking of you and your Marley. Besides being a fellow rodent-lover, my new dog's name is Marley. So you're really sticking with me! Anyhow, I was thinking of any extra special hamster my son had about 7 years ago. Her name was Ruby. She was a long haired cream color with dark brown (not black) eyes. She was so sweet and tame. One year, the local pet store had a halloween costume contest for the pets. My son fixed up her travel carrier to look like a grave yard. Then he dressed her up as "Count Rubula The Hampire". To finish it off, he dressed himself up as her undead minion, bite marks on the neck and all. He put a little dab of red food coloring paste on one of her cheeks and she did her own make up. So at least 50 dogs and a few cats so up for this event and in comes Ruby. In however many years they'd been having that contest, she was the first rodent ever. The judges couldn't believe their eyes! The compet1tion was fierce, but when it was all over, she won 2nd place and a $25 gift certificate.

Thought I'd share a photo with you. Maybe it will give you a smile. Oh and look who's in the background!

Hi Vizsla-angel and Ryancat (Renee),

Thank you for your thoughts, your prayers, and your good wishes. My 2nd night without her and its tough; Marley was such a sweet little girl and I think she could have stolen anyone's heart. I put two of my youngest girl rats, Biscuit and Hershey, in with Stanley because Stanley is quiet and depressed too with the loss of Marley, given he was her house mate for the last eight months and helped Marley overcome the passing of her sister, Cookie, in August. I hope that Biscuit and Hershey, who are two sweet little girl ratties, can help make Stanley feel better.

I'm glad to know, Renee, that you've named your new dog Marley. It's a wonderful, pretty name. You'll have to post a picture of your new dog so that we can see who is helping to heal your heart and create many more new memories for you.

I think the picture of your son and your little hammie, Ruby, is adorable. No small wonder they won the contest. These are the kinds of pictures that you cherish forever. Thank you for sharing; it did make me smile, a lot.

Yes, you're right about rodents' lives being so short, but they're so darned cute that you bond with them right away. I wish they could live a lot longer too.

Your words will help me to sleep easier tonight. Thank you.

Hey Ratlover,
Marley the Dog is with me too. Here's his photo for you.
By the way, I also had a dog named Cookie!

Ratlover

Oh your Marley was so beautiful! I'm so sorry you lost her. What does it matter what the baby is? It's still our baby, and love is the key. If you love someone, it hurts when they go.

I never had a rat, but my little brother did. He looked a lot like Marley, I loved to play with the little guy. It was so long ago I'm ashamed to say I have forgotten his name, but I'll never forget him. Their little feet are so cute.

You took great care of Marley, and loved her. She knew it and loved you back. Poor little Angel, which she is now. I'm sure she is grateful for the days you gave her of love, and warmth and good food. It's so hard to lose them, but in the end, the sadness is small and the joy of love is huge.

Thinking of you and your Marley
Lori

Hi all,

Sorry if I don't get online very often; I'm a college teacher and loaded down with classes and homework.

Thanks so much for your kind words; they have truly helped. Day 3 without her and I still feel myself getting wet in the eyes whenever I look at her pictures; keeping busy helps.

That is one beautiful dog, Renee, (no small wonder, with a gorgeous name like Marley (wink)) and I just love the way your Marley looks like he's smiling; he's actually smiling in that photo. What a happy little sweetheart! Adorable face; I'd just love to kiss that little face.

I took a nice drive home from work today; drove through the woods and admired the snow on the ground, the bare branches of the trees, the way the dry grasses poke up through the snow and I always think that, once your animals become angels, they are in everything beautiful; every splash of sun, every sparkle of light upon snow, everything wonderful about nature; not the same as having them here to hug and kiss, but like Moose Mom said, the pain is small compared to the joy they gave us while they were here - we have to find comfort in that. If we made their lives loving and special, and got to share that mutual joy called love, then it is worth the grief. Grief is the price we pay for love; not easy, but the only way to avoid grief is never to love and I can honestly say that would be much worse; it would be so empty. Better to love.

Thank you.

I'll be online here for others as regularly as possible.

Hey,ratlover, it's V. angel who has the dogs,just so you know.I am the mom of Sox the wonder cat. I'm glad we could help you feel better.That drive in the country sounds beautiful.Wish we had snow where I live.I also believe that when our loved ones die they become a part of everything.I think that is a wonderful way to remember them.If you've never seen the movie Powder you should rent it if you get the chance,it's about that (well,kind of) It's a powerful movie that every time I watch I always cry (sometimes twice) It has a lovely message about life and it always makes me feel better after watching it.Just thought I would share that with you.I hope to see you on this forum in the future.We can always use someone like yourself to help others as they go thur trying times.Take care and I'll keep you in my thoughts.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

RL'
I had a pet rat when I was an undergrad that I hid in my dorm room for a whole semester. He had been my subject in a experimental psych. class. When I learned that he was scheduled to be euthanised on the last day of class, my lab partner and I reported to the t.a. that he had mysteriously died, and we snuggled him out in my backpack.
We called him Dev, which was coincidentally the name of the prof. He was gentle, he was fun, and he tended to discourage some of the other denizens of the dorm from snooping through my closet. I loved him very much. My Mom wouldn't let me bring him home that summer so he went to live with my roomates kid brother who took good care of him until he died, some years later.
To the "just a rat" or "just a fish" or " just a dog" etc. crowd, when I care to notice them I say. all life has the same source. And that spark of the divine that comes from the creator cannot be diluted, it cannot be diminished, and it cannot be divided according to the shape of the vessel that contains it.
I'm so sorry about Marley, perhaps she and my Dev are together.

All the best,
Dayna

RL,

And they are ever so much more than this, too, as you will see in Kim S.'s book. She also has a story where she rescued a rattie from someone who had left the little guy in their snake's tank, to be used as the snake's food, so I think you'll really appreciate her views, as I do. Most people never think about what mankind does to animals, every single day, all in the name of selfish desires. So I'm so glad you were at the right place, at the right time, to provide a safe haven and love to Angel, who would have died anyway, but in a terrible atmosphere and w/o that love. I cried for her life up 'til then, when I read your story.

I try never to give merchants any funds to keep their businesses going if they sell animals, fish, or whathaveyou, and try to stick to the places that only sell supplies for them.

I have about a thousand pics, mainly of Nissa or her and I. I didn't learn the importance of taking more than you think you'll ever need until after Sabin, her brother, passed. He was MUCH harder to photograph, being all black, and his face would often 'disappear' when the exposure setting was actually right to pick up his dark colour....so I didn't try hard enough to get enough pics. However, we have quite a bit of video footage of Nissa, too, although I haven't had the strength yet to review most of that. We couldn't afford to buy a camcorder until much later in her life, and that hurts now. It would have been so wonderful to have had it when they were both alive, to catch all their hi-jinks together. And since you asked (and thank-you for being interested), here's an oldie but goodie of both of them when young, with Sabin playing the "pesky brother" 'terrorizing' his sister.

FK's Mom

What an adorable picture of Nissa and Sabin together! Thank you for sharing it with us.

ratlover -

If you have a pet, that you love, then that is all that matters whether its a mouse or a giraffe. Loss hurts no matter who or what. Love is what makes something special and that is what remains when they are gone.

Ignore anyone who tells you they were "just rats" or some other insensitive thing. People like that should be whipped.

Furkidlets' Mom

Wow great picture of your kids! Good memories are so precious. I thought, and in fact told my husband that the thousands of pictures of Moose were really not necessary. Now I wish I had a lot more. Your guys look so happy!

Love
Lori

Hi Furkidlet's Mom,

Your cats are beautiful! I love their little faces and their big eyes; at least the pictures of our babies keeps every detail of them near to us after they pass; I couldn't imagine not having pictures, even if it hurts to look at the pictures at first.

Almost one week without my Marley now; it still hurts but I'm managing to get through the days. I still find my hand going to the blanket that she laid on whenever I sit to watch tv; I still look for her profile or the shape of her little head poking out through her blankets whenever I go near the cages where she'd lived over the last few months. It's hard; but all we can do is go forward and remember all the good times. What else can you do?

Thanks all, for your kind and gentle thoughts over what has been a very difficult time. This place really does help.