It was one month ago today that my Alley crossed the bridge. The tears never seem to be far off.

I'll never forget you Alley. You were such a tiny little fuzzball when you first came into my life. I'll never forget the way you slept with me that first night, burrowing up under my chin and into my heart. I'll never forget when you were just 3 months old and decided the fishing pole was a great toy.. until you got the fish hook through your little paw and had to go to the vet for the first time! You were so tiny and precious.

I'll never forget the way you used to try to catch mice, but never seemed to get the hang of it, until you were nearly six years old. You tried and tried but they always seemed to get away. How proud you were the day you finally figured it out, and brought mama home a chipmunk!

I'll never forget the way you used to pout when you would get mad at me for not petting you quite right. You'd storm off in a huff to the bathroom, moments later I'd hear the cabinet door under the sink slam shut behind you, like a little kid running to their room and slamming the door when they didn't get their way!

I'll never forget the way you used to get "stuck" on the roof. You climbed up the ladder just like a squirrel up a tree. When it was time to come down however, the ladder wasn't so easy. How many times did I climb up after you, trying to get down the ladder one handed, with your 13 pound body in the other hand!

I'll never forget the way you could curl up against me at night, your chin resting on my arm, yoru long fluffy tail swishing softly against me, purring loudly, well, lets face it, you snored more then you purred!

I'll never forget, the day I found out you were leaving me, and having to hear your sweet little voice for the last time over the phone. I'll never forget, not being able to be there with you at the end. I'll never forget, telling you goodbye.

Mama loves you Alley and my heart is broken and empty without you. Rest in Peace my angel. Someday, we will be together again.

Alleys Mom,

What a sad anniversary for you. For Alley it marks one whole month of perfect safety, perfect health, and peaceful dreams of Mom. I know that sounds so trite, but I believe it with everything that is in me , not only my wounded, scarified heart, but my scientifically trained, rational mind as well.

Thank you for your kind words about my Mack. Funny, I hadn't just broken down and boo-hooed for him in quiet some time until I saw his picture posted under "death and dying". It gets easier, none of us would wish it to be easy.

Thinking of you and your Baby,
Dayna

Oh a month is so hard! I'm so sorry for you and for Alley. This is a wonderful tribute to your baby. I can feel the love in every line.

Love
Lori

I've been feeding a stray that that has taken shelter from the bitter winter in my Mothers outbuildings.I'd rather not encourage a feral cat to hang out there,but I don't want a feral cat to die out there either. Meanwhile, I've been trying to maintain a sanitary barrier between yard-cat and Mother's 22 year old house-cat. BK. is a house-cat by his own choice, indeed, I believe he would have spent his whiole life wrapped around someone's neck if he could. He is afraid of bugs, and I think he'd faint if he ever saw a chipmunk. Despite his great age , with the help of a litttle medication, he is enjoying splendid, but unvaccinated, good health.
Anyway, I've been thinking about cytauxzoonosis. And I think I'll try and take some vet-grade flea and tick repellant, and put it on surfaces that I have observed the cat to rub her whiskers on. I don't know about bobcats, but someone sighted a cougar in a nearby neighborhood over Christmas. I wonder if they are potential carriers, our vet doesn't know.
This spring the feral-cat people will come out and capture yard-cat and neuter, vaccinate, and return (her?). Assuming she and I are not buds by then.
Alleys death from this stuff is one too many, thank you for alerting us to this danger.

NO MORE SICK KITTIES.
BE WELL,
DAYNA

Alley's Mom,
My heart goes out to you on this sad anniversary. What a sweet tribute to your wonderful girl.

V

Dayna,

Thank you for your words about Alley. I am trying to look at today as one month of pain free happiness for her, rather than one month of tears and sorrow for me like you said, but it is hard.

I had never heard of cytauxzoonosis before Alley got it but have done a lot of reading on the subject and telling everyone I know online and off about it in the hopes that I can help prevent some other poor kitty from dying. I don't know if any other "wild" cats besides the bobcats carry it, but bobcats seem to be everywhere. The disease is mostly in the south and southeast but spreading, slowly but surely. I fear this crazy non-cold winter is only going to add to the problem

Lori - Thank you for your words and thoughts. I only hope Alley knows how much she was and is, loved.


Paula

I'm going to light a candle for Alley tonight and let it burn all evening. While I'm remembering Alley, I'm also going to think of Sox and Hrudey, Moustache and Caesar, Simba, Mack, Nicky, Copper, Nissa and Sabin, Bobby, Larry, Shep and all the other souls who have left our lives to become the angels watching over us. I will be thinking of you all.

Paula, what a beautiful tribute to your your girl Alley.You can feel the love you have for her in every word.Trust me when I say that she does indeed know you are thinking of her and missing her.I really do believe that cats know these things in heaven.She had a wonderful life with you and your family and she was loved and cared for so well.We are approaching the 3 month anniversary of Sox passing away and I am dreading it.I can't believe it's already been 3 months.....I loved all the stories of your girl,what a trip she was....so funny but yet so sweet too.It doesn't take long for them to get into our hearts,does it? My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.Please be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone in your grief.I'm right there with you,my friend.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Alley's Mom, that was such a beautifully written tribute... my heart goes out to you tonight, I have a candle burning as we speak for the boy...I will say a special prayer for all our furry buddies as well...take care of yourself...and hold those blessings in your heart....
Tory, Hrudey's momma

Yesterday was very hard, but I got through it, will all your help. I kept the candle burning from the minute I got home until I went to bed and put pictures of her all around it.

I did think of all your cats and dogs that have passed as well, and I could almost feel them all watching me. I hope I didn't forget to name any of them.

My mom took pictures of Alley that last morning before the vet and has finally gotten them developed. She will be sending those to me this week along with a lock of Alley's fur that I plan to buy some kind of locket to hold it. I know it will make me cry to see the pictures of her, so small and sick, but I'm hoping if I see them and she truly does look bad and ill, then it will help me to know that I did the right thing in having her put down, if that makes sense.

I'm going to light the candle every month on the 9th for Alley. Sometimes I think I am doing better, such as when I found the picture of a kitten on the shelter site and wanted him so badly. Then all I have to do is think of my last phone call to Alley, hearing her little meow. I think about her lying in her little box under the flower bush and wonder if she's cold or lonely. I wonder most of all, if she blames me, for leaving her.

Paula

Thank you for thinking of my Moustache when you did your candle. I hope it helped you. I remember how hard one month was for us. It was also Thanksgiving day. We gave up the holiday and were just sad together. The good news is things seemed to get a tiny bit better after, so here is hoping it works the same for you.


Oh honey, I know that feeling. Her body is there, but she isn't. She is all the universe and in your heart so no she is not cold or lonely. I don't think they blame us, as long as we love them, they love us. I think she just loves you, and knows you love her. I so wish things could have been different for you.

Love
Lori

Dear Paula,
Like you I try to light a candle on Furry's grave every Sunday at the time she died - 4.15 p.m. but recently it has been too wet & windy. My OH says she isn't there, but somehow it makes me think she knows I haven't forgotten her. Over Xmas the candle I'd bought burnt for 48 hours & it did give me comfort to look out & see it - as if she wasn't alone & cold. I think we all need to do whatever helps us with the grief of losing our best beloveds.
Judith

Dear Paula, I know she doesn't blame you for anything...I also agree she is not there anymore se is all around you, forever...she couldn't be any place else. I am so sorry for your pain...Tory, Hrudey's Momma

That's the one thought that consumes me through all this. Does she blame me, for not being there? Does she blame me, for leaving her? Does she blame me, for her getting sick? I just wish I knew. That she would send me some kind of sign, to let me know she's ok and doesn't hate me.

Blame and hatred are human emotions, both involve a kind of pettiness and self-destructiveness that doesn't trouble animals, who are pure in spirit. At least that is my belief.
Alley was a risk taker, an adventuress, I'm sure at the end of every hunt she missed being able to bring you her kill, for an instant, until a marauding chipmunk caught her eye. Obviously your tender care of her contributed to her confidence and courage. You know that her own valor, and the loving hands you left her in, didn't fail her in her last hours.
I have another long-winded story about signs from lost pets... more later.

Mack and I thank you for the candle.

Take care,
Dayna

YES! Dayna nailed it!
Knowing and loving cats the way I do, my thoughts are Alley was probably thinking, "This vacation rules! I'll see Mom soon and she'll be proud of how well I've improved my hunting skills!"
Do you think she's in Heaven thinking the same thing? May I get really philisophical and ask if Cat Heaven is Mouse Hell?

Thank you for thinking of Copper when you lit her candle. I hope he brought you some of his famous vizs-love to comfort you.

Love,
V

I hope you guys are right. I mentioned in another thread how I hadn't been getting "signs" or anything from Alley and I wondered if she didn't visit because she was mad at me.

I hope it is just because she is somewhere so wonderful that she's too happy and too busy doing things that bring her joy.

Even now, I sometimes forget for a second that she is gone. My mom told me about the terrible ice storm they had over the weekend and I almost asked her if Alley was inside and not trapped somewhere out in the frozen woods. When it hit me what I had almost said, it just brought it all back with a crash and I started crying so hard I couldn't talk and had to hang up.

I miss her so much and worry about her so much still.

This ice storm really has been ugly!

I don't think that what you almost said about Alley was a slip. I believe that speaks to a love so strong that it transcends death. Where Alley is she feels it too.

Take care,
Dayna

Paula

My husband was so upset that he didn't get 'signs' from Moose right away. They truly were best buddies. I think that it's our upset that keeps them from coming through at first. Of course there are things they need to do, and fun to be had, of that I have no doubt.

Since we have calmed down a bit, we have had signs from him. So like I said, maybe when you can be a bit calmer, it will happen for you too. I hope so, and I hope it's soon.

Love
Lori

Alley's story brings tears to my eyes. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard this time is. I am only less then 48 hours into the process. It is so hard. I know Alley is in your heart as my Olivia says.

The first time I called Copper for dinner after he was gone was pretty rough. It still happens. Or the dogs will be outside and I'll call him in too. I just decided to take it easy on myself when it happens and follow up with, "Nevermind Copper, go back to what you were doing."


I haven't felt Copper's presence or had any signs from him since shortly after he passed. I believe he crossed over. Now I'm not trying to criticize what anyone else is doing, the following is just my way of thinking..... I believe Copper's got a lot going on on the other side and would hate to interupt him just because I needed a sign, so I just don't ask for one.

I find a lot of comfort in our crazy stories. When I miss Copper, I think of him with all my other cats and dogs from days gone by along with everyone here who I now also know doing all sorts of wacky things. Sometimes I even have dreams about them. I had this wild dream just the other night about a black cat mafia and Copper was their driver. They had one of those 1930 black cars like in the times of prohibition and the cats were bootleggers. They all had little hats trench coats on and Copper was smoking a cigar. Pretty much all they were doing was driving around with a briefcase full of cash and bacon. Obviously Denis was there! But so was Alley! And I think Molly too.

Does that count as a sign?

Love,
V

V

what a wonderful dream! I haven't really had any dreams of Alley, except one or two where I'm trying to find her and can't. I wake up crying from those. I've been taking sleeping pills almost every night though, so that probably interferes with my dreaming. But if I don't take them, I just lay there and cry half the night and I can't keep doing that, I need sleep.

I just wish I could pet her little head one more time. I miss her so much.