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Today I spoke to the vet and told her I have decided to put my baby to sleep.
Oscar has a fast growing tumor in his mouth, jaw, and neck. He's had two surgeries and she has done what she can for him. He could have advanced surgery removing chunks of his jaw bones. At 15yrs of age and how aggressive the tumor is we all decided not to put him through it.
I'm not rushing into anything. He can still get around, eat, and enjoy most things. The tumor is distorting his mouth making eating a chore. I just hope and pray I will know when it's time. I have had him since he was 6wks old, and he is my little love. I don't want him to suffer in any way. I keep trying to prepare myself, but I don't think it's possible. I am scared! I have decided to be in the room with him. Since he picks up on my feeling I have been trying to be calm and and joyful with him.
I feel I have made the right choice, but know I will probly always second guess myself.

I am so sorry to hear that Oscar is sick. I lost a cat to cancer in January when we had to have him put to sleep.
It was the right thing to do because he was suffering in the last week and we knew it was time.
The decision was very hard for us, but it was the kindest thing to do for him.
The time you have left is very precious so just give him all the love you can.
Good Luck.

Cleo 1

There is no question but that you are making the right choice. After giving Oscar a wonderful life filled with love, you are going to help him leave this earth without pain. Being in the room will be difficult, I know, but you will be happy later that you were able to comfort Oscar as he left. The grief you will feel will be terrible, but not too great price for your beloved friend.


I understand because I went through the same thing with my best friend and baby, Daisy.


Daisy's Mommy

Euthanasia isn't as bad as many people think. It is just an overdose of anesthetic - they go to sleep and then their heart stops. Most vets try to make you as comfortable as possible. They often will place an IV catheter so they don't have to worry about missing the vein.
When is does come time, don't worry about crying before, during and after. Don't be embarassed. We, in the vet industry, see people cry every day. Often times we cry too (but usually after you leave.) Just remember that those last few moments are you and Oscar - try to forget that third person in the room. Often one of the worst parts of euthanasia is being too embarassed to cry in front of someone you don't know. Cry as hard as you feel.
I am so sorry about Oscar's diagnosis. I just lost my 6 year old to a brain tumor. It's not easy no matter what age they are.
Good luck and visit us again, it really does help.
Emily

I know you must being feeling so scared. I was also when i had to pts my Pumpkin. I had to be there with him, I just couldnt leave him alone when I felt he needed me the most. You have to prepare yourself. It will be hard but its okay to cry. My vet cried with me (actually the whole office did). Its okay.
Come back and talk it truely does help.

Hi,
I am so very sorry that you are facing the same heartwrenching decision so many of us have made. My dog Spike was about the same age as your Oscar and also suffered from oral cancer which, after two surgeries, showed up on his muzzle and was heading toward the nasal passages. Spike also had cardio-pulmonary issues, arthritis and symptoms of "doggie Alzheimers" that severely affected his ability to navigate. He walked in circles much of the time and lost his balance. Although watching him broke my heart, he was always able to scramble back to his feet and try again.

Like you, my criterion for making the final decision was pain. In the middle of the night of May 23rd Spike woke me from a sound sleep with cries of pain. I found him with both front legs splayed out in either direction, and he couldn't right himself. It must have been very painful, and I don't know how long he'd been in that position before I heard him. That was the moment I knew "it was time". My husband and I work, and I had a pet sitting service come in mid-day to check on Spike. When I saw him like that, and he seemed to be looking up at me asking me to please help, I knew I could not risk leaving him alone for any length of time. Just the idea of Spike being in pain and crying with no one to hear him made me cry.

I called our vet at 9 am and made arrangements to bring Spike in at noon. Our vet had known Spike all his life and confirmed that he also thought the time had come. The tumor had grown since our last vet visit about three weeks before, and it was only a matter of time before it would invade the nasal passage, and that would have meant the end. My husband held Spike while I knelt in front of him, stroking his head and talking to him. It was over in seconds. Spike had a moment of discomfort when the IV drug was administered, and that broke my heart, but it was minor compared to what he'd suffered during the night and would have suffered if the cancer had broken through.

If you read other postings in these forums, you will hear over and over that you will know when it's time. It might hit you in a fleeting moment, and you might doubt yourself five minutes later, but you WILL know. If you are anything like me, everything that came after the moment of decision was surreal. I sort of went on auto-pilot, making calls, feeding Spike his breakfast, showering, getting dressed. Several times I thought "this isn't happening" but continued to get ready. As I said, when you know, you know.

I hope you can manage to be with Oscar at the end, but there is no shame if you can't. This is a very personal thing. If you are there, don't be afraid to cry or express emotion. Once Oscar has crossed, please be gentle with yourself. We each grieve in our own way and in our own time. For me, not a day has passed that I haven't cried over losing Spike. Other people find that they can move on more quickly. Don't force the process. Try not to make any big decisions right away....what to do with Oscars toys, blankets, even meds. If you need them out of sight, put them all away until you can better deal with their disposition.

I'm sorry no one had advised me about this beforehand because I came home from the vet after saying good-bye to Spike and purged my home of almost everything that would bring back sad memories. I am especially sorry that I laundered everything that held his scent. I still have his favorite "blankie" but it smells like fabric softener, not my baby. Some people make photo collages, some plant memorial gardens and others do nothing but remember. Whatever your heart tells you to do is right.

Most important, please don't impose some arbitrary timetable on mourning, and don't be pressured by others who feel "you should be over it by now". That's what these forums are for. Come every day....come several times a day....whatever you need, especially in the beginning when you may not feel like making the effort. While no one can take away your pain, there is something very comforting to know that others are going through exactly the same thing.

I am sorry to have gone on so long, but certain messages just tug at my heart and make me want to pour the contents out. I pray for Oscar's wellbeing and for your safe journey through this difficult time.
Juanita

nyna,
You have no doubt done what is best for your friend. It just wouldn't be fair to keep putting him through future surgeries with little to no chance for a recovery. I know it is a difficult decision for you, as I have been in your shoes, and it is no doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. My rational side knows it is what I had to do, but my emotional side still feels like a murderer. It isn't easy to decide when it is time when our friends can't verbalize it to us, but I do believe we all know when it is time in our heart whether it is a clear sign from our friend or just our love driven intuition. You made the decision out of love, and that means it was the right one...

Juanita,
Wow! You outdid yourself on this reply ! There were so many things in it that rang very true for me. My experience was exactly like that. Although my girl was just weeks from her 16th birthday, she was in *great health*. By this I mean all of her organ function was great, she wasn't deaf or blind. I had always brushed her teeth and they were in perfect condition allowing her to still eat with no problem, etc...Yet, she was crippled with severe arthritis that was only made worse by a condition called degenerative myelopothy...a condition that causes a slow paraylasis. I had known for some time that my Sasha's time was coming, but one particular morning the reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks. After several failed attempts to try to lay down (each time she would look like she was going to lie down she just started circling again), she gave up and just stood there. After just seconds passed, her back end was just too weak to hold her and she began to sink to the floor which forced her to lie down, and then she began to pant...a sure sign of discomfort in that situation. For the first time I couldn't deny the fact that she was starting to suffer and it was time. I called the vet to tell them we were coming, and then went on the same auto-pilot that you speak of. It is actually good for me to write this out because it reminds me of just how bad things were getting for her...a reminder that I did do the kindest thing for her...details I seem to somehow allow myself to forget. All I seem to let myself think about is that if she was still eating, and going outside to the bathroom, that I must have reacted too quickly. Thankfully I have my husband to remind me that just because she was functioning to survive doesn't mean she wasn't suffering. All I can do is 'trust the moment' that I decided she had enough and hold onto that...as I said before...if it was a decision I made out of my love for her, then I have to trust it was a right one. Again, this is my experience exactly! I thought that it would be easier to not have all those reminders...boy do I regret that now! It is so strange to hear certain 'issues' that I have being echoed by another....just more proof that I'm not alone in my grief, and, unfortunately, that others know my pain much more than I seem to think is possible..
Your friend in grief,
Kim

And remember that you WILL see your beloved pet again one day soon. It is just a temporary goodbye for a little while.