In 1993, we took in a ##atiel, renamed Jezebel, from someone who didn't have time to pay any attention to her. Since that time, her life was good. In 1995, she lived in a house where we could let her fly free in the basement and only caged her when we got dogs in 2002. I've worried that she wasn't getting enough attention since the dogs came into the picture and I really couldn't let her out of the cage unless they were outside, so tried to make time every day to do that.

A couple of days ago, she died. The cir%%stances are messing me up so much. Last Thursday night, we decided to take a trip for the holiday weekend. Worrying that her normal food and water bowls wouldn't be enough to hold her over, I put down a small Tupperware of each on the cage floor. We ended up not going, but I didn't take the bowls away.

This past Wednesday night, I went to check her food supply and found her face-down drowned in the bowl of water.

So, I think, the water level was so low and the bowl so small, how could she not just flap her wings and be out of it? Earlier, I let our Min Pin into the house and she promptly went into the bathroom and did #2 on the rug. I cleaned it up and then sprayed some Axe Effect aerosol on the rug to get rid of the smell. The bathroom is next to the bedroom she stays in. It's hard to believe that it was enough to affect her from such a distance, but I've since read of how sensitive ##atiels are to aerosols and who knows what's in that stuff.

So, I'm faced with either I killed her with the aerosol or she fell off her perch and landed in the water bowl and couldn't get out of it. Either way, my fault. I was thinking I never want a companion again that is so fragile, but she lived 13 years without the need for a single vet visit, so that's not valid. She wasn't fragile at all. She was as healthy as could be and should have continued on this earth for at least that many years again. My fault.

I guess this is just an attempt at catharsis and I don't want to dump all this on the other person who's grieving as much as I am and who didn't do anything to cause the loss of our bird. Jezebel, I miss you very much and I am so very sorry.

Thanks for giving me a place to express this.

Shy of having a necropsy done, there is no way to know how your bird died. Birds are funny, they often die abruptly. She could have been taking a drink of water and died. You can't be even 25% sure something you did contributed to her death. Birds don't normally waste away like other animals - it's part of their survival instinct. Something could have been going on for a some time or she could have had a heart attack.
I am so sorry for your loss, and it's not your fault.

I am so sorry for the loss of Jezebel.
We are all human.
We all make mistakes and accidents happen.
Unfortunately, sometimes, one of our beloved pets dies and we berate ourselves... I should have done this, I didn;t do that.
Try and remember that you gave her a wonderful life and that is all our pets ask for.
Try not to beat yourself up over this, and my thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry for you loss. What a long life your companion had! To reiterate what megsmom stated, birds are so sensitive and hard to diagnose it may have been a heart attack, stroke, or whatever. Having grown up with birds all of my life I know what sensitive creatures they are. You've given your bird a wonderful life and now try to enjoy the memories. To beat yourself up for his death is fruitless and will just hold you down from recovering.

Take care -

Chris

I'm so sorry!

Jezebel was lucky to have you---he really was. Whatever happened at the end of his earthly life, he knew (and knows) that you love him.

You and he will be reunited when it's your time to pass. In the meantime, he's in the realm where there's no emotional or physical distress of any kind. He's in bliss. And if the cir%%stances had been reversed, you'd want him to be able to go on (and maybe give more love, in his honor, to other needy fur/fin/feather kidz).

Take care of yourself. Do you have other supportive people in your life you can talk to about this grief? Always feel free to share more here!!

Love and understanding,

Kathy

Thank you so much, all of you, for your kind words and helping me get perspective on this.

If I wanted to avoid what I've been feeling these past days, the answer would have been to never have taken Jez into our lives and the same would go for our pups. When I think of how much joy she and they have brought, the sadness at the end has been a very small price to pay.

Again, thank you.

I had another thought. You might want to have your house tested for carbon monoxide and radon. Probably not the case, but birds, as we know, can be the first indication of a gas problem.