As crazy as this sounds......
I had a dream about my baby Emily last night. In reality she was in the end stages of kidney failure and I know that blindness is one of the final stages of kidney failure.My question is she wasn't blind when I had to put her down but in my dream she was healthy except for being blind.

Can anybody tell me what this means. Also in my dream we lived in the house that we were living in when she was a puppy and not the house we live in now.

I do believe that loved ones come and visit us in our dreams but this one has me really confused.

Is this her way of telling me something or am I offically going crazy?

Thank you for any response.

Perhaps it was her way of telling you that she knows that she was very ill and would have gone blind and understands why you put her down. Being back in the house of her puppyhood probably means that she wants you to know that she remembers the happy days most and would like you to remember them rather than the sad end. The end is just a tiny part of the entire life. She would probably like you to remember the joy and love, as she does in Heaven.

It seems clear to me that this is her way of telling you these things and that you are completely sane.


Daisy's Mommy

Thank you, thank you so much for your response. As much as it hurts, it all makes sense to me now. You are right about the end being the sad part. We were together for 11 years and she was with me thru the good and the bad times.
Losing her has hurt so much. I can still remember when I would take her for rides around our street just because she liked to go bye bye. I look at pictures of her when she was a puppy and remember the fun times we had. She was so tiny when my boyfriend brought her home that she used to get under the couch and bark.Not alot maybe one bark every few minutes but it was so funny. Then as she got bigger she was too big to fit under the couch so she would stick her head under the couch and her behind would be sticking out and then she would bark every now and then.
Anyway , thank you again for taking the time to reply. It has helped me so much just remembering her and talking about it.

This site has helped me a lot. Posting my own thoughts and responding to others has helped me to survive the death of my dearest friend.

Your description of Emily putting her head under the couch made me smile. Many larger dogs never really realize that they are not as small as they were when they were puppies.

It sounds like you gave Emily a wonderful life. That she got old and passed away is completely beyond your control. The only thing within our control is that our beloved animals have happy lives, full of love. Emily certainly had that with you!!!


Daisy's Mommy,

Anne

I just had to say that everytime I see little Emily's picture, it makes my heart smile . She looks like such a precious little furangel, and I can see why your grief runs so deep. As sad as it is that Emily has gone to the bridge, I'm glad that Sasha is in the wonderful company of your beautiful girl....
Love,
Kim

I honestly think our loved ones come back to us in dreams when they know we are grieving so deeply for them. Magic came to me in a dream and I was following her in a garden of a strange house and she kept looking behind her as if to say "You don't need to find me or look for me - I'm fine here". I think that was the dream where I woke myself by saying "Magic I love you, I love you."

It was incredibly comforting to me, and I really feel it was a stepping-stone on the path to my healing.

Take care - Barbara

PS - No one here is crazy - we just have questions that others will answer for us!

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. I must admit that this week has been really hard on me. I can't stop the tears,I really do try to move on but sometimes the grief is just so overwhelming. I talk to her ashes,I cry , I still play the should've, would've and could've over in my head.I try to understand but in all honesty I don't. All I know is that it hurts, it hurts like hell and I just want Emily back, but I know that's not going to happen.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. I've said this before but I swear it honestly feels like my heart has been ripped out. There is such a hole, an emptiness that goes so deep into my soul that I know I'll never be the same person I was before I lost Emily.
All I can remember right now is that my baby died in my arms and I killed her. I know that deep down she was getting worse. I even asked the vet if it was to soon.
She had ulcers from not eating, had diarrhea with blood in it, she was actually dropping drops of blood on the kitchen floor as she would walk,was dehydrated, her kidney's were shutting down and I couldn't save her, much as I tried this time it was beyond my control .
I swear I've cried so much I could flood a country in a drought. The tears come with the slightest thought of her. This is week 7 of losing her so maybe in time the tears do stop coming everyday. I am so grateful for everyone here because I know my feeling's are normal and that unfortunately everyone here has been thru or is going thru the same thing.
Thanks to everyone for the kind words in my time of grief.

I just wanted to add that I had to give up my Cosmo for the same reason, kidney failure. I went through the guilt and regret, and the what-ifs, until 2 months and 1 day after he passed. That is when I read a similiar story of someone trying to save her baby using sub-q fluids, and the horror of it. I knew at that moment, that if I had done that with Mo, I would've stripped him of all his dignity while I watched him waste away. That was the day that the guilt left me, and I am thankful for that. I was still left with an empty place in my heart and soul, but I felt forgiven by my Mo.
As for your dream, I believe she is now "blind" to the heartbreak of our world, and she was at her first home because that is where she was most vibrant and healthy, she just wanted to let you know, hence, your dream. Try to find comfort in her "visit" to you, she really is in a better place, waiting to see you again someday, when it is your time. Until then, time ceases to exist for them, and they stay in the realm of when they were happiest- so I guess she isn't "waiting", just expecting. Know that she is happy, healthy and safe.
I send you comfort from my heart, I remember when I was where you are at 7 weeks with my Mo, and it really does get better, mostly because of the hearts and souls of this forum.
Hang in there.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Emily had just gotten out of the hospital for the 2nd time about 1 week before having to make the dreaded decision. She wouldn't respond the 2nd time to fluid therapy and when she came home she wouldn't eat for a week which made her lose even more weight.
I, like you wouldn't have gone the sub-q either. I feel the same way. I don't think Emily wanted to be kept alive having to take shots and meds that were only buying time and not helping or healing her illness.She also had a heart murmur which was diagnosed before her kidney failure.
Sad thing about the kidney failure was they had done blood work on her April 22nd and it came back ok.She was diagnosed with a bladder infection .Within 1 week she was in the hospital the first time for fulid therapy and she didn't respond until Friday and she had went in on Monday.By the time her kidney failure was diagnosed it was over 75% damaged and too late.
Everyone here has been just great with the kind words and support. I am forever greatful to finding this site and my new friends.

thank you for your time.

I had a cat who eventually left because of renal failure, so I don't know how different it is with a dog but if Emily was in that bad of shape, she wouldn't have wanted you or her to suffer that way. I did go the sub-q route and I do believe it gave Heidi several more months, but even though I'm the nurse, my husband would do the infusions, and the looks she'd give him when the treatments were over - well, if looks could scratch . . . I knew when the time had come and I thank God that I was able to be there at the end, but it was painful and agonizing, and if I weren't given the gift of Kimi, my female Norwegian, several weeks later, I don't know how I'd have made it.

Hang in there. The pain is beyond words sometimes, but Emily's soul is with you - you are not alone.

Take care - Barbara

Hi there,

I think you had a wonderful dream. The first thing I thought when I read your item is that she indeed is trying to tell you that she is ok, in a place where she was young and healthy and happy. The fact that she is blind may point to the fact that you can not see her (and therefor vice versa), but from what you write I get the feeling that this does not change the fact that she is good now.

It is a thought to cherish!!

Ï know how bad it can feel when you have to decide the worst, I've been there (thoughts like "I murdered my dog and he trusted me and I betrayed him"). But after a while I could see that I had no other choice, unless I wanted him to suffer. If I am old and in pain and there is no saving me, I would also wish for someone I love to help me go to the other side, rather then see them sad and hurt for having to see me suffer. What I learned from this experience and all the things I read here, is that we do a very courages thing: we put the love we feel aside and make our choices for the good of our furbabies, we are not selfish. And this is a very hard thing to do. It is something to be proud of, for it is an act of love.
And I am sure your Emily knows this, and that she is proud of you too!

Knowing this did not make my grief any less, but at least I can now focus on the good memories of 11 years, instead of focusing on the last 5 minutes all the time and lying awake half the night. I'm sure Guinny would not want that, he always felt it when I got sad and came to comfort me.

I wish you a lot of strenght and lots of happy memories from her to make you smile (I loved your story about Emily sticking her head under the couch).

Essy

"Quote"
What I learned from this experience and all the things I read here, is that we do a very courages thing: we put the love we feel aside and make our choices for the good of our furbabies, we are not selfish. And this is a very hard thing to do. It is something to be proud of, for it is an act of love.

Knowing this did not make my grief any less, but at least I can now focus on the good memories of 11 years, instead of focusing on the last 5 minutes all the time and lying awake half the night. "Unquote"


Emily gave me so much unconditional love, she was always happy to see me.I could come home from work after having a really bad day and there would be Emily...her tail wagging like I had been gone forever.

She used to love to get into her cabinet where I kept her treats...I used to buy her jerky treats, we called them chewys and she knew that word...all you had to say was chewy and she would be there.She would scratch at the cabinet door wanting her chewys.

Your words are so true.I hope in time that the tears will be replaced with smiles, and the memories will be of the good times and not the last 5 minutes of her life.

Thank you to everyone for being here for me in my time of need.