Today we had to put my dog down of 10 years. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to do in my life. His name was Bronte a beautiful rottweiler/German Shepard cross bread.
Bronte was the most amazing dog in the world, he was so intelligent simply memorizing a long list of tricks just to get a "treatie". As soon as the word treatie was mentioned his ears would perk up... and the routine would begin sit, speak, shake a paw, the other, lay down, roll over, and play dead. This would happen everytime we sad the word and was simply memorized without even having to say anything. Everything about him was amazing, the love he brought to the room and the happiness he brought to everyone around him.
It was the little things that made him who he was. The way his tail would wiggle at the slight mention of "you're such a good boy" or how he would bark as soon as any of us would come home so we knew he was home too, the way he would attempt to sit on laps EVEN THOUGH he was 150lbs+ (he always thought he was a little dog, and prefered to play with the little dogs even though they were the size of his head).
Bronte never had any problems with his health until shortly after removing a tumor from his shoulder, ever since it had been a downward spiral. Shortly before his final vet visit he began vomiting a bloody substance, and his abdomin was swollen as well as his feet. Bronte was soon unable to walk eat, or even get up the stairs to lay on his "couchie" (which is what he lived for!!) At this point we knew it was time.
We all knew it would be best if the whole family was in the vets room with him as it was how he would have wanted to go. He loved being the center of attention and if we were all in the room patting him and telling him he was a good boy he would be a very happy boy. So that is what happened.
Unfortunately I can not stop thinking about him, his scent, his personality, his walk, his bark(which we considered a voice and would often talk for him) and his little orphan eyes (which we entitled as he would give us "the little orphan eyes" when he was begging for food scraps). I miss him so much and can't help but wonder if he is mad at what we did. That thought alone is tearing me up inside.
I have been drenched in tears for hours in both sadness as well as guilt. I don't know what I hope to recieve from this forum, I suppose I just want someone else to say they understand.

I miss you Bronte and I will love you forever xoxo.

And we do, all too well. My heart just breaks for you. So many things that you said to describe your Bronte rang true for my Sasha as well. She was such a character when she would go through her whole routine of tricks from the word 'sit'! It kinda took the fun out of it when she didn't even wait to be told ...I just love those memories that actually make me smile...nevermind, here come the tears. Bronte was no doubt a very special boy. It is obvious from your post that he had personality galore and I know that he will be truly missed. It is very late and I need to go to bed now, but I will write more later when it will actually make sense....I just wanted you to know that there are people here that know exactly what you are going through....my girl has ben gone for almost 2 years and this site remains my crutch to this day,,,,
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Dear missyoubronte,

Do not worry, all people here have felt the same as you at one moment or other.
I felt a murderer after having Guinness put down by the vet. Even though he was in the same state as your Bronte. I knew rationally it was the right thing, but emotionally it was devastating. The catch is that animals always go on. They have so much strenght, so much courage, so much will to live, even when they are so ill it is unbearable to watch, they will still be happy to have your attention, will still make you smile as your eyes fill with tears from watching them like that.
An animal never gives up. And so it is us who sometimes have to do the right thing. And we are not prepared for this.
But although all this is true, your animal can be in a lot of pain, much more than you think they will show. (I remember turning to my boyfriend for advise, who kept saying, we'll wait untill we see he is suffering, at which point I got furious, because at the moment you see it, it is already to late!). Imagine how wonderful it must be to be relieved from all that, to finally be able to rest.
Bronte surely knew how much you loved her, so she will surely know why you did what you did and that you did it for the right reasons. Your dog loves you more than anything!! Do not be afraid that he might be mad. He is at a better place now.
Cherish the love between you and Bronte, it is a special thing that will never fade.

Lots of courage

Essy

I think we all feel like murderers after having to make the decision. I still can't even say the E word. Bronte knew that you loved him and although it hurt having to make the decision I think your being there was best for everybody.
When I lost Emily it hurt so bad but I couldn't imagine not being there with her. She had been such a huge part of my life I couldn't let her go alone not knowing how she went or anything. As strange as it sounds in the long run you will be at peace having been there with him. Please know that you are not alone and you are among friends here.