Every night as I lay down in bed, I am filled with grief. She died on April 1st of this year and the pain is just as bad. I wonder if I will ever be able to sleep without crying for her - knowing that I will never get to see her, pet her or kiss her again on this earth.

What makes me feel particularly bad is that she would always lick my face when I was unhappy - and she cannot do that now and that would make her feel bad.

Daisy's Mommy,

Anne

I am sorry for your pain. I lost my cat on May 13th and the pain is very much still the same as the first day. I got Meiko's ashes yesterday so it has been particularly hard, almost as if I just found out for the first time. I am sure with time you will be able to accept that your pet is in a better place and that you will be together again one day. Try to do something different before bed and maybe that would help with the pain. I am probably the last person that should be giving you advice since I still cry all of the time, especially in the early afternoon and evenings. I just feel so sorry for people that have lost a loved pet and are in as much pain as I am. I hope that one day you will be able to smile instead of cry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost Emily on May 6th of this year and I know the emotional roller coaster that you are going thru. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and other times I feel like I can't go on.I have been searching the web for support groups where you can call or go to meetings and I found a phone number from University of Illinois for phone consultation.It is a toll free number so if you're interested it's:

University of Illinois
Grief Counseling
Sunday- Tuesday- Thursday 7-9 pm Central Time
1-877-394-2273

Personally I haven't used it yet but I am going to call this evening.This is just a suggestion, but I hope it helps you.

My thought and prayers are with you.

They have free "pet loss" meetings in most places. I think that might be a good idea for you. It will probably help a lot to get counseling and be able to talk in a group with people who feel the same way you do.

As hard as this is to believe, you will be able to sleep without her there again. At some point, the grief changes from "Life CAN'T be without her." to "Life continues without her."

You will miss her forever, and, if you are like me, a light will be forver dimmed. But there is still much to be experienced in this life even without your friend.

My Luba used to lick the tears off my face too. She passed suddenly and unexpectedly June 5th 2004. I've been where you are, and will will be there again with my old golden retriever within the next year or so.

You are not alone

Night time is the worst for me. My Abbie slept with me every night. We had a "routine" where she would crawl up on my chest and I'd rub under her chin. She would purr and purr and nuzzle my hand. She would then move to a spot next to my head and continue to purr until one of us was fast asleep.
I think I'm doing OK and then "it" comes over me again without warning. I will be three weeks tomorrow evening and I still miss her so much, the pain can be unbearable.
She was just so special to me and such a wonderful companion, sometimes I feel I just can't accept life without her. She was a constant for almost 18 years...longer than I was married and a lot more joy from her than I ever expected.
I did go to a Hospice, grief counselor Friday. We met for almost 2 hours and at the time, it seemed to help. She helped validate my feelings and stressed the pain was understandable; it didn't matter she was not a human, she was a dear companion and at least helped me feel somewhat normal to be feeling this deep pain. She also helped me look at the fact this is really a life altering event for me.
I am still amazed that after this length of time, the pain is still so deep and I long to just hug her and kiss her so much. She was my little sweetie and I miss her with all my heart. I was able to attend a family function yesterday for a few hours and it helped take my mind off missing her so much. But, then when I'm home, it starts all over again.
This site helps me get it all out and realize there are others feeling the same sorrow and understanding the love I felt for Abbie.
My hope is that we all can find joy again in another little furbaby that won't replace our lost ones, but at least help us move beyond the sorrow. Yet, I am scared to death to become this attached again to a kitty. I think of all the things that can happen and it worries me to lose one again. I was very, very lucky to have Abbie so long. She was a house kitty, so I felt she was more protected, but there are so many things that can go wrong with cats, if I got another kitty and it didn't live as long as Abbie, I'd be devastated. I don't even know if I will be able to do it again knowing the intense pain I am feeling now. My dog is 14 and I don't think he'll make it much more than another year or so and I'm concerned how I'll react then. I would have gone from 3 furbabies, to two to none and not sure I how I'd react. Do we ever really get over this?

It is definitely hard to get back in the saddle. I will always miss my Sidney dearly.

My life, though, would be completely hollow without pets. In my opinion, the horrible pain is very much worth all of those years of pleasure.

I'm sure that most of us will come to the same conclusion given a little time. It's just a little tough to see this fact through all of the initial tears and almost unbearable pain.

I feel exactly the same way. I haven't been able to sleep much since my baby died. Sometimes I can doze off on the couch, but I can't go to bed at night because she was always there with me. One of the other cats will sometimes jump on the bed and I think it's her but of course it's not.

And I worry about where she is and if she's lonely at night too.

Magdalene

I don't think our pets are lonely where they are. They are with God, whose love is greater than any humans. What greater company and comfort could they possibly have? I think their only concern is our grief and unhappiness.

I try to remember that - being happy now is one more gift I can give to Daisy. But, that is a hard one.


Daisy's Mommy

You are absolutely right, Daisy's Mommy. I agree with you. One thing that always makes me feel a little better is to remind myself that even though I miss Stoke so much, I know that now he's in no pain and he's happy. And I know he would want me to be happy, too. That's what all our beloved pets want for us.

Daisy's Mom,
Mornings and evenings are the worst for me...not as many activities to distract. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better but, if it's any consolation, I helped my dear Spike cross on May 23, and the pain is sometimes unbearable. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him terribly and cry. I know that the level of grief is equal to the depth of our love for them...and we have them good lives...and saved them from pain...and all the other things that are "supposed" to help us recover from our loss. But when all is said and done, I just want my baby back.
Juanita

Juanita,

You hit it right on the mark. When all is said and done - I just want Daisy back.


Daisy's Mommy, Anne

My grief is closely tied to the fact that I had no - not one bit - of control over what happened, and that was so hard for a control freak like me to "get". I'm still not sure that I have. I can control what my kids do (to a certain degree), I can control where I go and what I do, and I can control - I like to think - my husband in most cir%%stances (though that's definitely questionable at this time). I can control what my cats eat, when they eat, where they go (they're all house cats), when they're groomed - almost anything associated with them - but I can't control when or how they leave this world, and it adds to the grief and yes, anger, about what has happened.

I've started to understand, I think, that only the Lord can really be in charge, and I know He's making sure my pets are safe and sound, and I'm convinced that even though I wasn't physically with the last 2 cats who passed, they were not alone in the end. I know there are people out there who don't share my belief, and I respect that, but right now it's the only comfort I have sometimes.

I know it isn't feasible or desirable for some people to have other pets after they lose their loved ones. For me, it's mixed - sometimes my other pets are the only thing that keeps me from losing it altogether, but it breaks my heart to know they'll have to leave one day. I look at them and know I can't go through this again - just know it, and wonder why I ever wanted any of them after I lost my old Heidi cat in 2001. But in a way, I know in the back of my mind that all of them were brought to me for a reason. I may not understand why till I leave this world, but they needed me for some reason at the same time I needed them.

Grief counseling is a great idea, I think, and if I hadn't been on anti-depressants when I lost Groucho so recently, I would seek it out. I think sharing our pain is maybe one of the only ways for some people to make it through this agony. And I have to believe we'll make through - because there really is no alternative to accept and go on. Someone said that in an earlier post, and it's absolutely true. My sense of "control" be darned, in the end God makes the decision, and while we may not want to face that, it brings us to each other, and we have brought comfort to others.

Thanks - Barbara