Hi Everyone:

My name is Tracy, and on Wednesday night (May 17th), my best friend I've ever had passed away from cancer. His name was Sid and he was a 130-lb. Yellow Lab with the biggest smile I've ever seen in my life. I live in a very small town in the mountains and I don't seem to fit in very well. I've been here 16 years. Well, 11 years ago, my husband brought home this chubby little ball of mischief and joy and it's been love ever since. Now he's gone and once again, it's just me.

I loved him and miss him so much it physically hurts. It's just been discovered a few months ago that I have Epilepsy and sometimes I start to get that feeling that comes on before I'm going to have a seizure. That's how much it's affecting me. People have been so insensitive and judgmental. "God, Tracy get over it. It was a DOG, ok??" or "Ya know Tracy....you being all mopey and bummed out is SO what Sid would NOT have wanted to see you doing." Jesus people, it's only been 3 and 1/2 days. It's so hard to wake up because he slept with me and we did my a.m chores together. It kills me that he isn't there.

The other tough thing is that prior to my Epilepsy being diagnosed, I had a Grand Mal Seizure at Long's Drugs right on the floor. The DMV was notified and I have no license now. I can't go anywhere. It was just Sid and me walking everywhere. There are just no words to say what a good dog and an even greater friend he was. Therefore, when I was told how sick he was, everything in my life stopped and I became a dog. I lived his life and did whatever he wanted to do. I was holding his head in my hands and telling how much I loved him and that it was ok to go now when he died. He tried to fight it, but death came strong and swiftly. So fast that we were left in shock.

I'm sorry guys for rambling. I've literally had nobody to talk to about it. When Sid passed away, everyone stopped calling. EVERYONE. The only time I heard from anyone was yesterday and it was to hear the above things, basically to suck it up and get over it.

I'm seriously thinking about running away for a few days just to grieve without feeling guilty and figure out who I am and where I'm going. I feel like there's a huge hole that's been blown through my stomach, like on those Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

Well, thank you for being here. I don't feel like I've adequately put my pain into words, but I'm so messed up, I don't really know what's up and what's down.

love,

Tracy

Sid's Lucky and Proud Mom

I am SOOOOO sorry for your loss. All I can tell you is that it WILL get better later on. It's just so hard to go through the agony of the grief, but the only way to become normal again is to go through it. There are many pet loss support groups around. If you call your Humane Society, they will be able to direct you. It would really help to talk to others who feel the same way you do.
Again, my sincere sympathy. Everyone on this forum totally understands what you are going through. You are not alone.

I know exactly what you are going thru right now and people do have the attitude that it's just a "pet" what's the big deal. For me finding this site was a God send .It helped so much to know that I was not alone in my emotional roller coaster. There really are no magic words to say right now only that we are here for you.
Sometimes it can feel like you are going crazy trying to deal with the loss but just try and remember that Sid loves you unconditionally and you two will be reunited again someday at the Rainbow Bridge.

Tracy,

I am thinking of you and praying for you. I know only too well the physical pain you are going through, because I lost my beloved dog of 12 years just last Sunday. People stopped calling me too. Nobody in my life understood and if it hadn't been for this site, I don't know what I would have done. I'm so glad to know that there are others out there who have these deep feelings of love and companionship for their animals.

The pain for me was excruciating. I was afraid to express how deep my grief was (and is) to people around me - I feel like I did when I lost my dad whom I adored. People on this board really get it.

Please take care of yourself and like everybody told me, don't try to rush yourself through the grief.

Erin

I'm so sorry, as well. You will find a lot of support and comfort here. There are some wonderful people who post on this site.

Seeing how you can't go for a drive to try to clear your mind a little, maybe it might be good to get away for a little bit, like you said.

Sid was not "just a dog" and anyone who says that is ignorant and has no empathy for animals. He was your beloved furkid and everyone here understands and respects that. I feel for your loss and hope that the grief lessens with time. You have been very brave to deal with your feelings openly. That is the beginning of the healing process. Be good to yourself and allow time to work through this.

Take care,
Ken Albin

Thanks you guys. Mornings are the absolute hardest and it was such a nice surprise to find that people actually replied to and validated how I feel. The neighbor's dog (who was Sid's best friend) came over this morning and that helped a little. I did something stupid and offered Patches one of Sid's toys. Not ready for that yet. Neither was Patches. She smelled them in the basket, (as did I) and put her ears and her head down (as did I). I guess she misses him too. That's why she keeps coming over and looking around. He was a very popular guy around here.

I'm sorry for everyone elses pain and I'm glad for us all that this place is here. There is so much pain but also so much healing and hope. The human ego-dominated world doesn't seem to be ready for this yet, for some reason.

Anyways, I hope we all have a better day today, and the rawness gets a little less raw. That's all I can hope for. I refuse to stuff my feelings and not grieve because it will only come back and bite me in the ass later. I don't want to be a "lost girl" forever.

This is just a suggestion but it might help if you just put Sid's toys in a box or container until you're ready to decide to keep them or donate them.I put all of Emily's things in a container the day I lost her but that's what worked for me. I couldn't handle seeing her things and not her not being there.
Hope this helps you.

Hello and really sorry for your loss.

I wish I didn't know how you feel, but I do. My Sid was also super special and he was such a joy to have around. I miss him so.

I'm sure that you are not going to pay any attention to the people who tell you to get over it. We all have those sorts of people in our lives as well. The problem is with them and not with you. Now I pity them because they obviously do not have the sort of empathy that makes us all truly human.

Things don't get better but a little easier with time. I still miss my little guy so much but the pain of missing him is a little more manageable now. I hope that you are able to make this type of transition soon.

Good luck and best wishes.