Last Saturday night I came home from work and found my beloved black cat, Spike, lying dead on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. He was only 3, and far too young to die. I had only had him for a year and a half. That in itself was a shock, but doubly upsetting because I live on my own and there was nobody really on hand to help. I had to pick him up myself, bundle him up in a litter tray , a quilt and a bin-liner, and leave him in the shed until I could get to the vet's on Monday. That day was one of the most upsetting days of my life. I sobbed for two days, and although by now the sadness is not coming right from my toes anymore, I have an constant yearning feeling and a big, black hole where Spike was. The house is so quiet, and at the same time still so full of him. Apparently he had been hit by a car, and dragged himself back home.

I still can't quite get my head around the fact that he's gone. We had such a special relationship. Right from day one I fell in love with him at the rescue centre, and he fell in love with me. From the time I got him home up until the last day, he literally followed me everywhere. Everyone who met him said how sweet and pretty he was. That cat was meant to be for me.

Now I feel angry and that the pain won't ever go away. I'm smoking 20 a day, and I gave up over 4 years ago! It's not fair. Why does God/the Universe/whoever give me such a perfect creature only to take it away just a year and a half later? Nothing ever lasts. I don't feel I'll ever find a cat as nice and as suitable for me as he was.

Lots of people are telling me that this "love at 1st sight" experience is a once in a lifetime one. Does anyone think it can happen again? How long does it take for the pain to go away?

I am sorry to go on and on in this way, but that's how I feel right now, and any support would be greatly appreciated.

marion

Oh {{{{Marion}}}}! When I read your post it was as though I was kicked in the stomach. I can't even quite imagine your horror at discovering the body of your precious {{{{Spike}}}} on the floor in a pool of blood! My heart goes out to you for what you've been enduring since that awful night. And I wish you hadn't had to deal with it alone--the sight of Spike in the kitchen, the aftermath with the terrible emptiness and disabling grief.

I do believe the "love at first sight" phenomenon can happen more than once--probably many times. And in the meantime, I believe that Spike will never be gone (except physically) because he is actually surrounding your heart. And his soul is enjoying the bliss that only those who have transcended earth are able to experience. I compare it to having a really awesome dream where you aren't aware of the passage of time or the existence of space---so, he's not aware of "missing you" or of any other painful emotions. It's those of us who are left behind who have the hard time, I think. I believe that because we're still in our physical bodies on this earth, we are prone to pain of all kinds--including the pain of grief.

I am glad you are here at this group. When I first lost my kitty Little Girl, 10 days ago, I spent hours every day here. I still spend some time each day here, staying connected to others experiencing this awful grief.

My heart is there with you. Write any time!! We are here for you (even in the middle of the night, quite often someone is on.....I know this because I'm on in the middle of the night quite often!).

And take care of yourself---for Spike. He wants you to be ok with your life here until the day you join him fully.
He loves you as much as you love him (when I don't think I can face my life without Little Girl's physical presence, I remind myself of this, that she realizes I'm stuck here in this body for awhile longer and that she wants me to be fine here for now). Spike wants you to always be ok.

Sending comfort and love,
Kathy
ekleigh@yahoo.com

Marion, you said "Why does God/the Universe/whoever give me such a perfect creature only to take it away just a year and a half later? Nothing ever lasts."

Perhaps God/the Universe didn't give Spike to YOU, perhaps YOU were given to Spike. Perhaps his destiny was to only be here a short time - and YOU were the one chosen to give him the family he didn't have. Perhaps your loss was necessary so that he could experience the love and contentment of having someone of his own.

He crawled home so that he could say goodbye. And although I know the horror and terrible heart breaking feeling you must have at having seen him lying there in your kitchen - he came home to YOU. He came back to his family. As empty as your heart may feel, the tribute he gave you in coming home is a gift that few of us ever get.

As for love at first sight - I had it with Edgar. I had love at first sight with Jesse too. And when they passed away and my heart was broken and the healing was only half done, I had love at second sight with Oscar (when he was two wks old he was a little unformed to fall in love with )

The pain fades - the LOSS never goes away completely. I think the pain stays too, but you will learn to deal with it and it won't seem so urgent and all consuming.

I am so sorry that Spike is no longer in your home in body. But he will always be in your home in spirit. And someday, I truly believe, you will find him waiting for you with a big Cheshire cat grin on his face.

Dear Marion:

I am very sorry for the loss of your furbaby, Spike..

I too, would have been very upset at finding poor Spike in
that condition, but, after reading DJ's post, with all the
strength Spike had left, he wanted to be at home, he wanted
to at least let his mom know...

I really am sorry...I am sad that you had to face that alone.

The pain, it does lesson with time....I never ever thought
it EVER WOULD!!!!!

I know that my girl Ernestine LIVES ON IN MY HEART... Her beautiful
spirit lives on!!! And, she is over Rainbow's Bridge, where there
is no more pain and suffering...

I believe that "love at first sight" can happen SEVERAL TIMES TO ONE PERSON.

Our hearts have the ability to love very strongly, and, when it is time for
our beloved furbabies to be called home, the love that you both felt for
one another is still there, very much alive in your heart!!!

That's why we have memories..... And, NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE OUR MEMORIES
AWAY!!! Those that you made with Spike, are yours to keep.

If ever you do decide to open your heart to another furbaby, (when that
time comes - if it does come), your heart will EXPAND....

You & Spike will be reunited again!!!!

God Bless You,
Love, Denise (Lucy & Yo-Yo)...adopted 2 months after our Ernie was put to sleep....

Marion,

I do not know about the love thing. I try not to think about it. I had the most special bond with my cat Saki (the avatar). And even though I love my new furbabies, and I loved the ones that passed, I dunno if I will ever have anything like I had with Saki again. I just don't know...

I do know that a lot of people, and a lot of people on the board feel this way. They try to explain that they love their other pets, but the one that is gone is... special...

My husband has that kind of bond with our (new) puppy Hathor now. He feels guilty about it. I tell him its nonsense and he should relish what he has...

Saki died in my arms. She was very sick with cancer and we had made the appt to pts the next day. We had just put Frey to sleep the month before, and I couldn't bear it. I REALLY could NOT bear it. And she knew that. So we took a nap and she died during it... She was only 12. Which is much older than 3, but it is always too short...

And I do believe that DJ is right. However horrible it was to find your dear sweet Spike that way, it was a tribute to you. And Spike knew that the alternative was worse -- if you or somebody else had found him in the road, or had he not been found at all -- that would have been worse for you. I really believe that...

We had to put Freyja to sleep and she fought that and that was so horrible. But I had also asked God/the universe/whoever to give me a sign when it was time, and that happened. Saki died in my arms, the only way she could. And Electra TOLD me it was time for her last vet appt. She went easy... I really do believe that our furbabies choose these things-- or at least it makes some sort of sense... so don't torture yourself with the memory of Spike on the floor... just know that he came home to you for good reason.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Love,
Jennifer

Dear Marion,
I am so very sorry at what you had to go through finding your beloved Spike on your kitchen floor. How terrible. How he must have wanted to get back home to you to have struggle so hard to get there. I wish I could give you a hug. I am so sorry.
Keep coming here, keep posting here...all understand what you are going through, the grief. We feel our own and for you too.
This is a great site, please keep coming here.
I lost my Mittens in November and I don't know if or when I will get another cat. We still have her sister, but she is my husband's buddy, not mine. Mittens was my golden eyed beauty. I miss her.
I cry every time I come here. I cry for new people just posting for the first time, for those that have been here and for myself.
Hugs to all
love, Janice