Hi I was searching the net trying to find some guidance and support and stumbled across this wonderful site. Im heartbroken, I had to have my 14 year old german shepherd put to sleep yesterday. I cant stop crying the worst part is all I can remember when I close my eyes is her lying there on the vets floor and me leaving her behind after she had passed away. It was awful to make the decision to end her life, and I do understand that she couldnt have carried on as she was, so why do I feel like Ive let her down. Sasha was a wonderful, loyal friend and I miss her terribly. I want to hug her one more time and tell her that I love her, and to thank her for all the times she let me snuggle up to her and cry on her shoulder. I forget this morning when I got up for work, she wasnt there anymore, I feel so empty.
Im a nurse so I have to try to keep smiling at work and behave like everything is okay. Well its not okay, I dont feel like I want to carry on, all I want to do is share my grief, to let someone know im hurting really badly inside.
Can anyone offer me any support, how do you get through this. Am I being selfish.
Thanks for listening. God bless to you all, and I hope the pain you are all feeling starts to disapear and is replaced by happy memories.
Tracy

Dear Tracy,

We are here with you in your time of sorrow. There has never been one message ever posted on here that didn't offer loving thoughts and prayers to those people who have recently suffered the loss of their loved one, or for those who still mourn or miss their pet even after many months have gone by.

I had to put down my baby, Kemo, this past Thursday, and it is heart-wrenching. I truly believe that I and everyone else in here understands the pain that you're going through.

Your post struck a chord with my wife and I, because when I was 19, my German Sheppard, Tara, died in my arms. And just before I met my wife, she had to give up her Sheltie that had been with her for many years, and her name was also Sasha. Ten years later and my wife, Holly, will now and then remember Sasha, and the unconditional bond of love they shared together.

I have only been a member of this board for a few days, and already I have learned that each of us deals with the death of our pet in similar, yet uniquely different ways. Some people like to keep a memorial to their pet, some just keep their memories. No matter how you choose to deal with your emotions, all of us here will be listening, and offering as much support as we can give you.

The other thing I've learned, is that we are not alone. YOU, are not alone! We share your sorrow, and if we could all get together in one place at the same time, I think we'd have one huge group hug, and our tears would eventually dry up and be replaced by smiles as we recanted the memories of our loved, but now gone pets.

You are in our hearts and prayers Tracy, especially mine. Did you feel that? I just said a prayer for you. Hearts take a long time to mend, just ask Steph. You should read his journey, because it gives the rest of us an idea of what might be in store for us.

God bless you and keep you safe. The love and support you'll find in here will give you the strength to keep going. It's a hard rocky road ahead, and many tears are yet to fall, but as time passes, your heart will grow strong again, strong enough to love another pet, while retaining your memories of happy times with Sasha.

Darrell

Dear Tracy, my heart goes out to you. When my furry loved ones died, I thought how wonderful it would be if they could live as long as we do. When there is so much love between two beings it shouldn't just be wrenched away. I know your pain and I also know that no words can make it go away. Just know that there are many on this board who feel your pain of loss.
Try to focus on all the happy years you spent together instead of those final moments at the end. A lifetime of love and happiness is what matters and even though I'm sure you would have wanted many more years, you were fortunate compared to a lot of others in having Sasha for 14 years.
When you feel you can you might want to post a tribute to Sasha on the tribute page and share all your happy memories.
Every so often I feel like my lost furry loved ones are close by. Light a candle for Sasha and tell her how much you love and miss her. The love doesn't die it's always there with you.

Thank you for your lovely words and prayers. I wish to say my own prayer to help guide you also through your grief. Thank you again for your kindness.
Tracy

Tracy

I really can't say more than what has been said I just want to tell you I also know you hurt and I am sorry. I guess it's the one terrible thing we have in common here but I know in my heart it will get better just takes some time please remember to take care of yourself now I know for me I did not do so good at that and we need to be more aware than ever to eat sleep and rest. I know it is hard to do. Take care

Tillie

I guess it is pretty obvious why your post brought me to tears. I'm a tearful mess right now so I can't say much....the memories of my girl's last day have just hit me like a brick....but check out the links at the bottom of this post, they may help.....
Your friend in grief,
Kim

The worst thought to enter your mind......you're right, is the one when you have to leave them on the floor in the vet's office and walk out. I literally push any thought of that day out of my head. Seriously, each time it tries to enter I fight and fight to get another thought in there until it works. It has been 5 1/2 months for me since my Lab/Shep mix left me, and they have been the worst of my life. I wish I could say that the hurt will end.....it will not. I wish I could say that you will stop crying....you won't. But I can tell you that at this stage, I can smile a little more when thinking of him and my crying bouts last not quite as long. I also have a longer time in between serious break down, crying fits of rage. So, just know that we are all here......and although I am sure you have lots of support around you now, you may start to feel like everyone else is moving on and forgetting, but you can't. We all can't either......so you always have somewhere to come for support and where no one will judge you 2 years down the road if you still feel devastated. They don't just enter in your life and leave, they are there forever and their memories are there forever. Let them be.....let yourself cry, get mad, scream, and laugh. All of it, and whatever you do, push any guilt you might have about your decision or that day out of your mind. It will only eat you alive. My thoughts are with you.

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

Dear Tracy:

As with everyone else, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am also sorry for the lasting picture you have of Sasha's passing and for the very difficult decision you had to make.

As a nurse, I know you are familiar with pain and suffering, and that tells me that the decision you made did not come lightly or easily, but was a well-considered one. I wrote an article entitled "Making the BIG Decision", but it is too long to copy from my website to here. I am sure it will help you frame your feelings better and rid you of the guilt you are feeling. Let me try to recount it here breifly - which is a very hard thing for an author to do - but I will try.

When you made the decision for Sasha, it was because she looks to you for all in her life, her food, her shelter, her care, and yes, even the tough decisions. I know you did not want to let her go. I know you did not want to make the decision. If you had your way, you would have kept her, despite her suffering. But, because you loved her, because her needs outweighed yours, you put self aside and did something to help her pain and suffering stop. In love, you put aside all of your own wants and needs and stepped up to the responsibility that was yours.

In that one moment, you made a decision based upon one thing - love. There was no selfishness involved, no doubt of what was needed to bring her the peace she needed. In that moment you paid the ultimate price for love, you sacrificed yourself for the one you loved.

Now, after the fact, you are second-guessing and doubting. That is normal. That is human nature. But stop yourself when you do that and remember the moment. Remember that at that time, in that one moment when you had to make a decision that ripped at your heart, you did so from a position of love and that can never be second-guessed. Where love has prevailed, guilt cannot live.

As an aside, I can assure she is in a better place and well. I do not say things like this flippantly to make people feel better. I know. I hope these words comfort you.

Thankyou all for your kindness and words of comfort. Its wonderful that so many people understand my pain and I feel priveledged that you want to share you own stories with me.
Thank you from my heart
Tracy

God bless Sasha , I hope that you are happy and are now with your best friend Cassie and Ben. I will always love you all and will never forget.

Thanks so much for this PETLOSSAUTHOR. This really helped me. I along with most everyone else here are devasted by having to make that decision. I'm so haunted by those last moments. Though I am in pain I do feel it was my duty to be there during the procedure. If I make that kind of decision the least I can do is be there to see him through it. As well, I wanted the last thing for Rocky to see/feel was me. Not some wall or some stranger. I just don't know if through the fog of the sedation he knew I was there.
But in the end you're right. It's all about love and responsibility.

Best to all.