I've just been listening to some words by Joyce Meyer on how God wants to bring us comfort and encouragement in our loss; and they're really helping me.

The whole issue of how and why a 'loving' God could allow all the horrible pain that we're experiencing is very hard, but if anyone would like a copy of the stuff that's helping me right now, I'd love to send it on.....

Thinking of you all,

Marlene

More words that are a huge comfort to me right now:

Forgiveness is not some abstract religious concept. It is a rock-bottom necessity in any relationship. Think about it. Could you have had a relationship with your pet, if you couldn't not "forgive" the puddles, the torn drapes, the gnawed belongings, the broken heirlooms? Pet owners who can't forgive don't remain pet owners for very long. And it worked the other way as well: How often did your pet "forgive" you for coming home late, or ignoring it, or yelling at it? Forgiveness has always been at the foundation of your relationship with your pet, and now you need to make it the foundation of your healing. Each time guilt tries to remind you of some past mistake, acknowledge that mistake -- and forgive it. If you did wrong, fine. It's done, it's over, and it's time to move forward. Treat yourself with the same degree of love and acceptance that your pet gave you. Only then will you be able to heal and love again.

An extract from www.pet-loss.net

I was at the mall doing my Christmas shopping a few days before xmas. Stopped by a store and they had a large box full of pewter tokens with engraved messages on them. These tokens covered a wide range of "inspirational messages"and without looking I pulled one out.

On my token was written:

"In loving Memory:
Gone yet not forgotten.
Although we are apart,
your spirit lives within me.
Forever in my heart."

I pawed through the rest of the box and only found one other token with the same message. What are the odds I'd get that token on the first try? Likely, unlikely? Who cares. I bought it and now refer to it as my "Tig Token" in honour of my siamese cat Tiggy whom I lost about a month before Christmas. I choose to believe it was a special message meant for me. I keep it in a memory box but sometimes take it out to handle it, look at it, and remember. Despite it's inanimate status, it brings some small, strange, slice of comfort with it's unexpected message of hope.

My dad told me that even though it's sad that I had to put my Snowball down, she's in a better place and she'll be waiting for me at the end of my life. It's odd cause he doesn't believe animals go to Heaven, but the only thing bringing me comfort is believeing this. I also like to think that Snowball understood that it was time. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a furbaby guardian angel...but we are!

Shauna,
3 weeks ago today my Magic cat, a former feral cat, left me. About a week later I received a holiday card from Alley Cat Allies with a picture on it of a cat who looked almost exactly like Magic. I thought at the time, when I was at the depths of my misery about her loss, that it was some kind of sign, and another forum member, when I posted about this experience, agreed that it was. It's strange how these things happen, and when they do, it can be a source of great comfort, and can help get us through such heartbreaking times. I have the card up by my mirror where I see it dozens of times a day, and it has helped me so much, as I know that your token helps you. I absolutely believe that once our pets go on, they have a way of sending messages to us, to encourage us and help us go on.

Puppy_girl_snowballini,
I've thought about it a lot, and I do believe that our pets are waiting for us in Heaven, and until we meet them again, they do guard us and care for us. It's a belief that can comfort us and help us through the darkest times. I think our pets have abilities far beyond our own, and I'm sure, as you are, that Snowball knew it was her time. We are indeed blessed in our furry angels.

A man and his dog were walking along a road.

The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was
dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It
was of finest marble and stretched to the top of a long hill, where it was broken by
a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When the man reached the arch, he stood before a magnificent gate, in the arch
that shone with mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate reflected pure
gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate and, as he got closer, he saw
another man, sitting at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, the
traveller called out,
"Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the sitting man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the traveller asked.
"Certainly, sir; please, come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The sitting man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveller asked.
"I'm afraid not, sir, as we don't accept pets."
The traveller thought for a moment, turned back toward the road and continued
the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road
leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was
no wall or fence or other boundary marker. As he approached the gate, the
traveller saw another man inside the gate, leaning against a tree and reading a
book.

"Excuse me!" the traveller called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand
pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink; then he gave some water
to the dog. When they were full, the traveller and the dog walked back toward the
man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was
Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the golden street and pearly gates? Nope. That's
Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best
friends behind."

Hugs and prayers from Marlene

Marlene,
I am so sorry about your little Toty. I don't come on the site often these days, but I do check in once and awhile. I am bringing back an old post I started and hope you find some words there that will help you on your lonely, sad journey without your baby.

The words and stories you posted here helped me today. Thank you.

Thank you so much Marcia,

I was feeling really low and so lonely in my Totyless flat today, when I came across your note and the many beautiful and poignant words that you posted up for us all to read and gain comfort from.

You've helped me so much today, you don't know how much! I feel loads better (and lots more 'cried out' now) for having read them. I hope that everyone can take the time to read and experience some of the healing that's in them.

The two poems that have really touched me are:

Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you...
I loved you so -----
'twas Heaven here with you.

Isla Paschal Richardson

Farewell
Tears coursing down my cheeks
the pain is raw and deep.
His memories are fresh and haunting
memories I'll always keep.
He was never just an animal
He was pet, relative, and friend.
I am left with a broken heart
that I hope in time will mend.
He was so very sweet and precious
it was so hard to say goodbye.
His heart was filled with love for me
I can only think of him and cry.
The life we shared is over now
I will miss his sweet and loving face.
I have loved him so completely
none could ever take his place.
I firmly wipe the tears away
trying not to dwell upon this pain.
But he was so much a part of me
my life will never be the same.
Toty, you've left an empty place
if only you didn't have to die.
But someday I will think of you
and no longer hurt and cry.
Your memory will never fade
My love for you will never cease.
You will always be in my heart
Until we meet again - be at peace.

By: Michelle L. Hope

With hugs and appreciation,

Marlene

Ps Any excuse to post another photo of my gorgeous!! - Toty with spring coat!

I love those two poems too. Your Toty was just precious -- such a cute, sweet little face. I am glad that my post helped, really glad. Take care.
Marcia

Also, if you haven't read this article, please do read it.
http://www.petloss.com/dealing.htm

Thanks Marcia

I've just been lent an (old) book by a friend who's a Christian. Here's an extract which is bringing me some comfort right now ....

No human being - no other human being on earth - can understand the weight of your burden. But here is the key:God does understand the exact extent and pain of your grief because He created you in the first place- as you are. He didn't create you as someone else is; He created you as you are. 'Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, Thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.'

And remember that this Creator God says of Himself where you are concerned: 'I am understanding.'

To understand you and your suffering is God's very nature.......

'Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.' (Ps 30.5b)

God does understand our nights, but His intentions for us in the long run have to do with the morning. With the 'joy (that) cometh in the morning.' Does joy seem out of reach to you now? If it does, God knows all about it, but think this: Isn't freedom from this pain what you want more than anything? Don't you cry out for the pain to end? Isn't this what you really want? Then, can you grasp, however weakly, the tip end of the truth that God can bring about your relief? Your morning most certainly is God's will. If it isn't, then Jesus was confused when He said that He came to earth to get into the weeping with us so that we could have 'a more abundant life.'

Do you think He was confused? Or lying? Or holding out something that you alone can never reach? Does the thought of an abundant life again - ever - for you seem impossible? No one understands better than God if it does. After all, Jesus did come to earth as one of us. Even when He knew He would raise His beloved friend Lazarus from the dead in minutes, He wept. 'Jesus wept.' To you, right now, that short sentence could be the most important verse in the entire Bible.

God is not disappointed in you for weeping, for feeling that you can never be whole again. He knows you. He knows exactly how that stretch of empty time up ahead appears to you now. Jesus was weeping for His lost friend, but He was also weeping because of pain in His own heart at the sight of such grief in the eyes of Lazarus' two sisters. Jesus is weeping over you now - even though He knows of your morning to come. He is weeping even though He has that morning ready for you at this minute. God understands. He understands the way in which a little more time can give you a chance to make your way thru the early shock. He has your morning ready, He could lead you right into it, but He knows you can't follow -quite yet.

He lives right now in eternity, where time does not exist, but all that could be contained of God in a human being did visit our planet and was trapped in time - for 33 years, as we reckon it. He knows what it's like for you, trapped also in time, facing years ahead without your loved one. He understands how endless it seems to you this minute to have to wait for some nebulous 'morning' to come. I don't believe for an instant that He had to enter human time in order to find out what it was like. I believe with all my heart that He did it so that we would know that He knows. We do not cry out to some remote, half-attentive deity when we cry out to Christ. Everything He did - from His birth in a stable to His ugly death on a cross - He did so that we would know that He knows.

From 'Getting thru the night' by Eugenia Price

"When our hearts are broken with grief, God is often the victim ... how can he be a God of love and allow all this suffering? If you are in the darkest part of your night now and still unable - or unwilling - to open to the smallest sign of consolation, when all you want is ...'the happy past restored' - your rebellion at much that I have written here is expected. When all yoiu want is the old, happy times back again, you cannot open to any thought of morning.

Time is a trap for us on earth, but it is also our only means of measuring the way out. We would have no idea at all how to live without time. ...God IS understanding - and now, so is your loved one. God and your loved one can also remember what it is like to be time-bound. They and everyone who has ever entered the eternal presence are with you in this. Coping with time today - tonight - isn't your work alone. There is 'a cloud of witnesses'."

If you loved, if you truly loved the one you miss so now, you can find comfort in the wonder he or she is experiencing. Love, you know, always moves toward the loved one, never away. Love always concerns itself first with what is making the loved one glad - not what makes the lover feel safe. If we love, we can find solace in our loved one's present and eternal joy.

Eugenia Price

Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you...
I loved you so -----
'twas Heaven here with you.

Isla Paschal Richardson

What is this grief thing?!! What on earth's happening to me??? Toty died weeks ago, and I'm still crying BIG tears over my precious one!

I keep being advised to 'allow the process' etc, but it's so, so, so, so hard to do.... I thought I'd share a few words which are helping me to get a bit of a handle on this 'weird' new me!

Understanding Your Grief Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human. Grief is the cost of loving someone.

Since grief comes to everyone, why do some people seem to work through it better than others?

"Some people think that going through the losses or crises of life are the exceptional times," says Dr. H. Norman Wright.

"I see it differently. I see the times of calm as the exceptions. Life really is going through one loss after another, one crisis after another.

Grief Is a Unique Experience You may feel it is useless to talk about your grief because no one truly understands what you are going through.

"You sometimes feel after an experience like this that you're talking a foreign language," says Dora, whose daughter died. "You feel like there's no way anybody can know what you're feeling. There is absolutely no way anyone can know the depth of your pain. So you feel like it's futile to talk about it because words can't express the pain."

Although countless people have experienced grief before you, each person's response to grief is different. Your path of grief will be uniquely your own.

Grief Lasts Longer Than Expected Grief's unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back. The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined.

Please don't rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal; it is necessary.

Unpredictable Emotions The unpredictable timing and odd combinations of emotions that hit you during grief can leave you confused and despairing.

"My life was totally flipped upside down emotionally, in every way you could think of," says Sue, whose husband died.

"My emotions occurred spontaneously, and sometimes two or three at the same time," says Cindy, whose daughter passed away.

Although there are stages that are common to the process of grief, they do not occur in a predictable order. Your emotions will be random, sometimes overwhelming, and completely unique.

"Whatever your emotions lead you to feel, it's okay to feel how you're feeling," says Randy, whose sister died. "I think there are several emotions people are going to go through that are beyond their control."

Your emotions not only hit hard, but they can also occur at unexpected moments, which makes the impact seem even worse. Being aware of the unpredictable nature of your emotions will help you stand firm during each new barrage.

Grief Is Disruptive Grief affects everything you do. It can disrupt every aspect of your life in ways you might not expect.

"I don't think I had time to think because psychologically I wasn't with it," says Nancy, whose husband passed away. "I would do stupid things. I would be coming home thinking I was on X Street, and then I'd realize, 'Well, I'm on the wrong street.' It was dumb things like that."

Identify Your Losses One reason grief disrupts so many aspects of your life is because your loss is not one isolated loss. You will miss so many qualities and facets of the person you lost that each will become an opportunity to experience grief.

The range of things you need to grieve for may surprise you. Identify your losses and be prepared to grieve for each one.


Use the list below as a starting point.
• your companion
• your encourager
• your "entertainer"
• your source of delight
• the one who shares your private jokes
• the one who knows you so well
• the shoulder on which you cry
• the arms that embrace and comfort you
• the one who always cheers you
• your friend
• your pride and joy
your baby / child

Losing a Part of Yourself The loss of a close family member creates extra depth and complexity to your grief. You shared a special and intimate connection with your loved one, and this relationship helped you define who you were. Losing this person has literally ripped you apart on the inside, leaving you unsure of your own identity.

Dr. Jim Conway, speaking of the death of his wife, says, "When Sally died, it was as if someone took a giant samurai sword and just cut me right down the middle. I kept asking myself and God, 'How am I supposed to go on with one leg, with one arm, with half a brain? How am I supposed to do all of this?"

Take care,

Marlene

I wanted to share a few words that I've just read, of someone's experience when her husband died.

"When my husband passed away I saw him enter into a bright light. With him was my brother and a lot of other people that I didn't know. Also with him was this white cat. My husband never mentioned a cat in the time we were married, so I asked his parents. Sure enough, when he was a child he had a white cat that he loved very much. That cat was with him in Heaven. I have all the confidence in this world that if my pet ever dies I will see them again one day in heaven."


Talk about comforting words !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody else have any similar experiences they'd like to share?

Very comforting post. It made me cry - but they were happy tears. My Alexis was a white cat. The past couple of days I have been thinking about if our pets go to heaven or not. Its been bothering me so much. I love reading your posts. What are you reading to get you through all this? I think I might need some help to get through this. Its just so hard. Keeping busy at work does not help one single bit.

Any info will help. And keep your posts going, its helping....

Annette

Did you know that if we have very intense grief, it's very likely that we're grieving for a combination of losses in our life, not just the departure of our beloved beasties ...

Understanding this has been quite helpful to me

"Life is a series of losses, and multiple losses will extend your grief journey. Past losses can include the deaths of loved ones and pets, job displacement, the loss of a home, and friends and family moving away. Less tangible losses include not being chosen for a particular project or committee and missing out on special events. If you have not dealt with these losses, you may have feelings of regret or sadness that will affect how you grieve your current loss.

"The old losses actually contaminate, intensify, and complicate this new loss," says Dr. H. Norman Wright.

Once you understand that you are experiencing multiple losses, you will be better prepared for the depth and the different facets of grief that may have been confusing at first."

What a beautiful thread!

And what a cute litte guy your Toty was.

I had three hamsters a about six years ago, such wonderful little pets.
Started off with two that my partner bought as a surprise for me, he was told they were both female and had been together since birth.
Not true as one day they started to fight so we bought another cage and separated them and lo and behold about a week later there was a little nest with six little babies inside

One of the babies was so small and skinny, the runt of the litter and so we decided to keep him. It was lovely watching them grow and very sad when we had to part with them.

The baby and the mother both passed away naturally, the father grew skinny and obviously wasn't going to pass easily, he just lay at the bottom of his cage, so I took him to be put to sleep

It's a good thing I did because that little guy's heart was VERY strong, the vet adminstered the dosage and he still kept going. The vet said his heart was so strong he would have taken weeks to die and of course he would have starved to death. He administered another dose and he still kept going, so the vet told me to take him home and he would pass in the next half hour. He did bless him but what a tough little guy he was.
I did enjoy having them all, they are so funny to watch and very loving too, each with their own little personalities.

I'm sorry you lost Toty

Thank you for your kind words Mhsb I'm so glad that you've found some of my ramblings helpful.

It's lovely to hear from someone who has been likewise smitten by the charms of these gorgeous hammies, with all their very individual, endearing little ways and foibles. Toty has just the cutest face, as you say and people were constantly oohing and aahing over its sweet little expression. I have been consoling myself with the thought that his face looks so happy, cos he knew how adored to bits he is

Thanks for sharing some of your hammie story; how amazing to read that the father had such a strong heart and needed to be injected twice. It's a pity his strong heart couldn't have helped him to live longer than his 'wife'. It's sad too that the baby didn't outlive its parents. Have you had any more hamsters since? I think it'll be a long time before I'm even remotely ready to take on another babe!

I'm sorry that you have lost a precious loved one too , please feel free to write a post or pm to tell me about her.

Take care,

Marlene

Ps I'll take a look at some of your posts to find out about your sorely missed girl.

I Remember

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning
and say "Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

Author unknown