I am so glad that I found this site. It is comforting to know that you all out there are experiencing the same things that I am.

On Friday night after our walk, my English Springer Spaniel dropped on the kitchen floor and went into a violent seizure. It lasted for about 5 minutes (seemed longer). My husband tried to comfort him and keep him safe. I got my other dog Shelby outside and just looked in with horror. We've never seen anything like that in our lives. After the convulsions stopped, Duke ran through the house, lost control of his bowels and was scared to death of everything. He did not recognize us and we couldn't get near him for at least an hour because he was showing signs of aggression. Once he calmed down, I was able to pet and try to comfort him. But, he wasn't the same. He felt horrible and drool was just pouring out of him. He couldn't even stand up. We then loaded him up in the car and drove the vet.

To make a long story short, we had to make that horrible decision. We could try to fix him, put him on medication and hope it never happened again - but neither I nor my husband could ever see him go through that again and the chances of it not happening again were very slim. Not only that, but he was so incredibly sick and miserable. All I can think about was the way he looked at me. I'm trying so hard to not feel such intense guilt over the decision we made. The what if's are overwhelming and I miss him so much. We just couldn't see him suffer.

I am now at home, my second day of missing work. My husband was home with me yesterday, but today he is working. I tried to work this morning, but lasted about 10 minutes. I work in a call center - there was no way I could be on the phone all day. I am so depressed and cannot stop crying. He was the first dog I've ever had that I got so completely attached to. He was with me all the time. When I came home this morning (from my 10 minute work day), he wasn't there to greet me with his adorable howls. Everywhere I look in my house, I think of and know what he would be doing at that exact moment. I feel so lost and empty with him.

I waited my whole life to have a dog like him. I waited for his mother to conceive, for him to be born, and waited for him to be ready to come to me. I fell in love with him instantly. Even through the potty training and him chewing up my shoes, I never scolded him or made him feel bad. It would have broken his heart. He had just turned a year-old and already, he was my perfect dog. I was just telling my husband the other day how amazing it was that Duke was only a year-old and already trained - in every way. He was so affectionate and loved to be hugged. He even liked to have his ears brushed every night before we went to bed. There wasn't a single day that went by when I didn't tell him how much I loved him or how adorable he was - at least 100 times. I miss him so bad. I can't even eat or sleep. I just don't know how to move on and function like a normal human being. My husband cried with me the night we left him at the vet - he loved him just as much. He (my husband) has been able to deal with it, but I am just a mess. I feel bad because now he is worried about me. I don't want to hide how I'm feeling because I know that could be more damaging in the long run - but I just wish that I could feel comfort in knowing we did the right thing and I wish that I could be a stronger person. This has all been so devastating.

My other dog Shelby (a Blue Merle Collie) is 8 yrs. old. She took care of Duke, even though he harrassed her all the time : ). She is a sweet girl, but has never been very affectionate. She is more independent. Right now, I know that she is confused and sad. Every little noise makes her ears perk up and it kills me to think of her waiting for Duke to come around the corner. This morning I let her outside in the backyard. She was smelling every square inch of the grass where her and Duke played everyday. Of course, I think of her in a human sense, wondering if she was smelling where he was. I've tried to comfort her, but she just gets up and walks away. That makes me even more sad.

I know this is a very long post and I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read it. I just really needed a way to express this loss I feel. It's the most horrible thing I have ever gone through and don't know what to do next. Any advice would be so much appreciated.

Thanks,
Terri

Honey im so sorry for you guys, Duke sure is a handsome looking fella.

Believe me everything single thing you are thinking, feeling, going through is normal.

It feels like hell i know. just take some deep breaths and dont look further ahead than the next minute.

For now that is all you can do eventually it will be an hour then a day.

Post up here tell your story cry with us - we love you and are here for you.

Take care of yourself and give your husband and Shelby a hug from me.

Love Sue

Dear (((((Terri, Husband & Shelby))))):

I am so sorry to hear about your precious Duke What a beautiful baby he was ......
And, I'm sorry for the pain and the heartache that you and your husband and Shelby are feeling.

It is the worst feeling, I remember the pain....



You did what you did out of extreme love.... Our furkids are precious, loyal family members, and we love them -- we don't want them to be sick, or hurt or in pain.

I know that I must sound like a broken record, but after our girl Ernestine was put to sleep (2/7/2004), someone once wrote to me, "Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain so that she could finally be without pain."

She was in pain, and she was ill.... And, I knew way back then that it was the right thing to do --- she deserved to be at peace, her body needed to be at rest.

You ARE a strong person --- you have just suffered an extreme loss...

You were strong enough to let your sweet Duke have peace so that he didn't have to suffer..... That's the greatest gift of love that someone can give.



Please don't try and hide how you are feeling from your husband..... I am sure that on the inside he is hurting quite badly, too --- we all show our emotions differently, and sometimes men feel that they "have to be stronger", so on the outside they may seem okay.
Together, you and your husband need to be your at home support team, and also to shower your girl Shelby with extra love & hugs --- she will surely be feeling very sad too. She is grieving in her own way.

I remember all too well the pain, the sadness, the devastation of having to put our sweet Ernie-Bird to sleep.........and today, I went back and read the first month of my posts here.
I posted here constantly, rambling on & on, not sure if I was making sense to anyone --- I just know that I needed to get all of those horrible feelings off of my chest. And, everyone here comforted me, and told me that it was okay to cry, okay to be mad......It's the worst when your heart breaks!!!
The heartache was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I cried for what seemed like an eternity. My face was puffy, my eyes swollen shut.
I didn't know where to go or what I was supposed to do... I was lost.

The only advice that I can give is right now......you just have to "be".... Do whatever it is that you need to do. Your life as you knew it is very different right now -- and it hurts like hell. It's a very, very real sadness, and you have a broken heart.
I slept with Ernie's favorite beanie babies for awhile, and kept things close to me that smelled like her. I kept her brush that had her beautiful fur in it.

We are all here for you, and I am here for you if you want to PM/e-mail me. It has been awhile since my sweet girl has been gone from this earth, but she is always in my heart.

We rescued two kitties (Ms. Lucy - she has diabetes & asthma (8) & Mr. Yoster (9) ) one month after Ernestine went to Rainbow's Bridge.....and, when I come here to LS....I love & hug our kids more....I know that God has entrusted their lives to us -- that "here on earth", isn't forever....


The one thing that we will ALWAYS HAVE are MEMORIES.....
And, they can never, ever be taken away!!!

Duke will always live on in your heart ......Always, always....

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers......

Love, Denise

Sue and Denise - thank you so much for your kind and loving words. I cannot even begin to tell you how much they mean to me.

When I go back to work tomorrow I will take with me your support and understanding. I know that it will help me get through the day.

Terri,
So sorry for your loss. Duke was a beautiful animal. And what he lost in years, he made up for with all of the love, affection, and attention you both gave to him. Right now you are in shock, and by coming here and posting your story, you are beginning the healing process, even though I am sure you are devastated. You gave Duke the best possible love by making that final, agonizing decision. Please come back here and tell some of the happier tales of Duke's life when you feel up to it. And don't neglect yourself. Take care of your other furry friend. Remember. you have friends here--day or night-- when you need them. God bless.
Pat

The one thing that jumped out at me aside from the tragedy of losing him so young, was the incredible amount of love he had in his life. Not many animals are lucky enough to be loved so much. What a beautiful dog and such a sweet face.
I'm so sorry it hurts so much, you came to the right place, most of us here understand the pain of losing a much loved companion.
Try and focus on the happy times, and all the love.